Is it Wednesday? No?

It takes me a bit of time to figure out what day it is - so asking if it's Wednesday was in seriousness, sarcasm aside. I realize it's not, but I also realize its probably been 2 months since I wrote a William Wednesday so I better just go ahead and do Timothy Thursday before I lose another week.

How is William. Well. He's BIG. I can't figure out if he grew over night, if it's a trick of the mind because he just seems so big with an itty bitty boy around, or if he became big just by becoming a big brother. In any case - he's a big kid now. 

The month of may (and April and maybe march) proved to be a challenge for william. He had some behavior issues at school that spiraled down and it got to the point where Austin and I cringed taking him to school for fear of what report we would hear back. We still have no clue what started it all or what happened to spur the spiral, but it went fast and by the time I was on bed rest I was ready to find a new school. I had already started looking and getting recommendations from people but then bed rest kind of put a hold on that. The day before Charles was born William and I actually visited a place and I told her 'I'll talk to my husband and give you a call Monday'.

That didn't happen! But I did call later that week and in early June William started at a new preschool. It is a lot smaller, the environment and structure are both very different, and so far he really seems to be loving it. I wouldn't expect any big behavior problems this early, but with each passing day I grow more confident that the issue was either environmental or just dealt with a person/persons and we have hopefully removed all of that.

I struggled with the idea of moving him back in April when we first debated it. I didn't want him to think it was ok to just run away from problems and felt like we should work through it. But - he's 4, and that just wasn't going to happen.

In the end I am SO happy with the move. He's back to his happy, confident, secure self who loves going to school and is excited to play and see friends. wish I'd done it months ago, honestly.

As for being a big brother, he's better than I ever could have imagined. I knew he'd be helpful because he loves jobs and responsibilities, but I didn't know just how much he would adore Charles. He loves to give him kisses (nonstop!) and loves talking to him. His pride radiates when we go places - he constantly asks strangers, 'do you want to see my baby?'. I always wondered if he would get tired of people always wanting to talk about his baby brother but 9 times out of 10 he beats them to the punch. When people come over he is quick to say 'oh! Let me show you Charles!' And he always wants to be in on whatever we are doing with him.

He's still his quirky funny self, and the words that come out of his mouth still crack me up! Yesterday he weighed himself (like he does almost daily) then asked me if I could weigh myself. Before I could answer (with what would have been a resounding NO anyway) he said 'oh noooooo you can't! You'd break it!'

He is still working on the art of manipulation. Most of the time I can catch it, like the day he tried to tell me that we needed to read Charles bedtime books after he realized he had lost all of his due to behavior earlier in the day. But sometimes he gets one by me, like the day we picked Cici up from the airport. He asked me a few times if he could play octonauts on my phone and I kept saying no. 10 minutes later he said, 'mommy can I show Cici the Jesus loves me song I made on your phone?' 

Why OF COURSE you can, my little sweet child who melts my heart each time he sings that song. Here, take the phone I repeatedly said you couldn't have and you show Cici that precious song.  He did play the song for her and I grinned ear to ear. Then suddenly I realized I heard the theme song to octonauts. Oh, my child.

He's a ball-playing, bike riding, almost-reading 4 year old...it's like I blinked and he developed all of these skills. I can only imagine it goes even faster from here, so I better hang on tight!

Everyone Warns You

When you're young and in love for the first time people warn you that puppy love doesn't last and that when it ends the heartache will feel like nothing you can imagine.

And you scoff at the idea. Because of COURSE yours won't end. Yours is REAL! You won't experience that heartache.

Until you do. (98% of the time) and then you say to yourself, 'wow! They weren't kidding!'

Then when you graduate from high school and everyone tells you to cherish the memories because the friendships won't last you, again, scoff at them because your friendships are stronger than anyone else's and you won't let time or distance or life get in the way. Your friendships WILL last.

Until you find out that only one or two out of 10 strong friendships stand the test of college. No real fight or falling out, just life happens - and you miss your old friends, despite how much you love your new ones. You may even long for a time when life was simpler - back when you had your 'gang' and your favorite hang outs. Then you think to yourself, 'man, they were right! Friendship is hard to maintain sometimes'

And just FYI: 'They' are also right about how much fun and challenging and trying and rewarding college can be. And how quickly it will fly by. 'They' are also right about how much work marriage will be. And that no matter how dreamy he looks at the altar there will be hard days and days when you can only cry. 'They' are also right about how rewarding and draining parenthood will be.

And you know what? 'They' are absolutely right about how much harder it is to be a parent of 2.

'Its exponentially harder' they said. 'Its more than double the work' they promised. And yet, I was just sure it was all a dramatization. How can it be more than double the work? It's simple math. You double the kids, you double the work. And while it may be harder than just with one, I was also sure that I (being super mom, naturally) would take it all in stride and prove that it really isn't exponentially harder. 

But then I found out that 'they' actually weren't lying at all. It just is that much harder.

Would I change it for anything in the world? No. Absolutely not. Am I head over heels in love with my boys? Absolutely. But would I love for there to be a magic formula for how to juggle showers and exercise and chores and meals and sleep (and work and relay, mind you) all while maintaining friendships and this lovely little blog of mine? Why yes, yes I would.

If you have that formula, send it on over my way. But if that formula in fact just doesn't exist, just like 'they' always said, then please excuse my discombobulated communication. I'll catch up in a decade or so. 

Cause by then I'll have it all figured out...even if 'they' insist I won't.

Birthday party!

William is planning a birthday party for me. A month in advance! The thoughtfulness is overwhelming.

My birthday is July 19. Disney happens to be releasing a sequel to the beloved planes on July 18.

So, for my birthday we are going to see it. But the fun doesn't stop there! We need to take a cake (duh it's a birthday) and naturally I need to make it. I said I'd make a yellow cake with chocolate icing but was quickly reminded that the sky is blue, not chocolate, so I'll need to reconsider that plan.

When asked who would come I said 'probably just our family' and he said:

Yeah my friends won't come. Well they can. Cause I'm part of you, and they're my friends, so they should come and eat your cake.

It's sounding more and more like this is a half-birthday party for someone else, no?

Saddest part: I'm 99% sure it'll happen.

Living Up to His Name

Well, I'm not 2 weeks behind so that's a good start I think. Charles Archer Wallis made his debut 12 days ago and in the best fashion he knows how: as Archie the scare pig. I guess it was foreshadowing or just pre-ordained that we gave in to William and gave him Archer as his middle name. So, better late than never, here is how a scare pig marks his entrance into the world.

Two Saturdays ago, thrilled to be officially off bed rest, I had a list of errands William and I needed to run. Austin had to go into work to make life less enjoyable for a soldier who chose to stay out too late and get arrested the night before, so it was going to be a mommy-bear kind of day. We went to target, kohls (where our poor second child had some clothes returned and exchanged for clothes for our first), and party city. We had planned to go to Michael's but I told William we needed to go home and nap first then we'd go back later. We needed to nap because I noticed I hadn't felt Charles move in 4 hours and wanted to see if slowing down my pace a bit would wake him up.

After an hour of laying in bed and drinking cold water and sugary juice he did not stir. Scare #1.

The doctor asked me to go to the hospital for a non-stress test where they'd just monitor him for a short while and make sure he's moving. Most likely he is, the doctor said, and I just can't feel it. But better to be sure. So, I Called Austin and told him he needed to cut his soldier-smoking session short (that boy better have been singing amazing grace) and meet us at the hospital. 

The nurse told me we would probably be there 30 minutes or an hour, and that she'd call the doctor to report the news before he'd approve of me going home. So we got comfortable, played games with William and watched some tv. However, an hour went by and the nurse came in without discharge instructions. Instead she came in with a saline bag and began opening the secure supplies unit to pull out needles and other IV items. All she said was 'doctor Keith wants us to give you some fluids to hydrate you'. Scare #2. Why is this scary? Because I'm always hydrated. So whatever issue was being blamed on dehydration must have an alternate, and likely worse, explanation. But - I just said ok and reluctantly gave up my hand for needle insertion.

Side note: the most painful moment of the entire day was getting the IV. I'm not even slightly exaggerating.

I had Austin take William to get a snack from the food court when I heard I'd be getting an IV. I knew I'd cry and very likely blurt out curse words (I have brought life into this world- no judgment on my pain tolerance is allowed) and I didn't want to scare William. I've learned that's what mom of multiple kids do - they just always worry about their first born first. 

After about 2 hours of the slow drop of the IV my doctor stopped by. I was surprised and disappointed to see him. He wasn't already making rounds at the hospital, he made a special trip in for me. For me and my silly little non stress test.

I should mention that the monitors did indicate Charles was moving fairly often, which was good news. The movements were just too small for me to feel. However, doctor Keith had news to share which I didn't expect. He said 'we are going to bring the ultrasound machine in and look at a few things, then we will have a conversation about some options'

Options. I thought my options were when to go home and what to eat for dinner. Didn't need an ultrasound for that. But, he explained (after looking at the ultrasound) that Charles had a couple episodes early in the monitoring which indicated his heart rate dropped down into the 90's during contractions. (Remember, if been contracting for what felt like months at that point and they were just far enough apart to not be true labor) scare #3. 

Doctor Keith explained that the variable heart rate indicated possible cord issues which is why he did an ultrasound. Then the ultrasound confirmed his cord was wrapped around his neck. Scare #4. It was impossible to determine how tight the cord was, how dangerous it was, if it would move on its own or if it would even impeded a successful delivery, but his heart rate was indicating that it may be an issue. He explained that babies are delivered every day with a cord around their neck and while it adds a complication it isn't always a life threat. However, his reaction to minor contractions led the doctor to believe it may be an issue for him.

So - our options: the first option we were offered was to continue monitoring for 3 more hours (ending at 8pm) and, assuming no more issues, we could go home. He would then have me return every morning at 8am for an hour of monitoring. And, assuming every day showed no signs for alarm, I'd go about my normal days after the morning appointment. The second option he offered was to induce labor. He said being 37 weeks and based on Charles's size it would likely be a safe, healthy delivery with no health problems - but that obviously isn't a promise. The argument to induce would be 'the baby is big enough, we are ready, and we would rather take the risks associated with a 3 week early baby than those associated with a cord we can't predict'

I looked at Austin and he started to say he was inclined to take option 1. However, I started to say maybe we should take option 2. But, I was a little hesitant and fearful that maybe my inclination was based solely on just wanting to be done with the pain and worry of pregnancy, and to avoid having another IV In 2-3 weeks :) so we asked what the doctor would do. He said his bias is always to deliver healthy babies so he'd probably say induce, but he would fully support either choice and really needed it to be our choice. He needed us to fully accept whatever risks we were taking on. 

So - with a deadlock in the room I decided we should each call our moms and ask their opinions. Neither of them had a strong urge one way or the other and were mostly supportive of whatever we would pick. My mom and I were just about To hang up when she started saying a prayer. She prayed God would be in the room with us and have his hand on Charles; she prayed that we would have clarity and a sure sign on what God's best plan would be.

I felt like a person of little faith when my initial thought was 'ok and what sort of clear sign am I really going to get?'. But then within 10 minutes I had 2 contractions and his heart rate went into the 80's for each one. Scare #...??? Austin and I felt like that was enough of a message from God for us, so we paged the nurse to let her know our decision.

We still had William, and our go-bag was neatly packed and placed in a corner of our bedroom. So, we needed to make some arrangements before we would induce. The nurse said she'd plan to start inducing at 7:30 but we would just wait on Austin to get back. I asked if we could just start at 7:30 no matter what since it'll take hours anyway and Austin would get back soon enough but her answer was in itself a bit of foreshadowing. She said 'we never know how this will go and what direction we will need to go, so it's better to just have him here and settled before we do anything.'

At 7:45 he got back and around 8:00 the nurse started the pitocin drip. I instantly felt very strong contractions with what felt like no break in between. The nurse came in during the second contraction and said 'wow your body responds fast! If you want an epidural we better order that now because I think you're going to deliver before midnight'. I said ok and she left, but on the next contraction I began to wonder if she took 'ok' to mean let's do it or 'ok I'll let you know'. So I paged her and when she came in I started to ask 'were you going to order the epidural or do you need me to verbally say so?' 

But before I finished my question it was clear she wasn't really listening. She silently walked over to my IV pole and turned off the pitocin. Then in the absolute most calm voice I've ever heard she began talking to me. Scare # oh crap.

'Amanda I turned off your pitocin. You are contracting a lot and the baby is not responding well.' -- pauses to push a pager and says: bring all hands in 8 -- then continues, 'I am going to turn you onto your left side now...ok let's try the right...ok back to the left, that's good let's stay here' I interrupted to ask who exactly 'all hands' was referring to and she said 'any available hands on the nursing floor.' As she said that 5-6 nurses swooped in and everyone began doing something different without speaking. Then my nurse said, 'ok Amanda now we are going to take you to the OR where we will meet doctor Keith and we are going to get this baby out as quickly as we need to'.

It felt like half an hour had passed but we were in the OR before 8:15 and I was in an utter state of shock. I heard every word the nurses were saying and they were asking me a lot of routine questions, but I couldn't answer. I knew the answers I just couldn't speak. Finally the doctor said 'someone needs to get her husband' and nurses began asking me for his name. I remember staring at the big, round operating lamps and thinking to myself, 'Austin! His name is Austin! You know his name just say it! Just say Austin!!!' But no words came out. I just kept staring at all of the little bulbs built into the light. Eventually a nurse just went and got him without knowing his name and he came in. I was instantly calmer having him there and was able to talk, although I didn't really think clearly or quickly. 

The nurse explained that Charles's heart rate was back up now that the pitocin had stopped and contractions had slowed back down, but she said it proved that he wasn't going to make it through natural child birth. How surreal to hear that your baby would likely not survive being born if if weren't for medical intervention. She said that because his heart rate was stable the c section was no longer an emergency and they could therefore wait for the pediatrician and operating assistant and get things more ideal before operating. Ideal sounded good to me - whatever ideal was at that point.

The anesthesiologist came and did the spinal block then stood by my head talking to me the majority of the surgery. I felt the most bizarre tugging and pulling on my mid section and I was so sure they had actually cut a basketball sized hole in my belly. It felt like they were pulling my stomach from one end of the room to the other. I told Austin repeatedly that I should never hve called the doctor that day, I should have just gone to michaels and went about my day.

Then I heard it - the sweet piercing sound of a newborn cry. And without seeing him my heart burst with love. Austin went to cut his cord and watch while they got him ready for us while I laid there enjoying the sound of his vocals. 

While I was waiting doctor Keith told me Charles's cord was wrapped around his neck and his midsection, and his head was bent backwards so his nose would have been the first thing out in a natural delivery -- which apparently is very difficult in mom and baby. He finished his explanation with 'you had a great intuition today and I'm so glad you called and we made these choices'. For the first time in 8 months I thought to myself, 'I like my doctor'

That's not the end of Archie's scares but that's all ill dive into today. Gotta save something for another day. So tune in later for updates on how much I adore my husband, how archie continued to scare us, and how excellent William is in his new role of big brother. (Next time being in what -- a week? A month?)

For now, let me introduce Charles Archer Wallis, born 5/24/14 6 pounds, 14 ounces and 20 inches long.

P.S. Apparently God laughs when we tell him we want to avoid one specific day for

The birth of our children, cause we are 0 for 2 on avoiding those days. If we have a third we will think that through more carefully.

Day 8

Well, 3 days down, 7 more to go. 7 sounds like a lot more than 9 did when I last wrote. I am such a weenie! I gotta say, bed rest is just not for me. It makes me angry and lazy and lots of other adjectives I don't like.

Or maybe that's pregnancy? Gosh, hard to tell at this point.

We had a doctor appointment this morning and I would be making a mistake if I didn't ask for all of your prayers in my approach with my doctor over the next 5 weeks (or less!). Lesson learned: when you don't have a good introduction and vibe from prenatal appt #1, go ahead and count your losses and try someone else. Sticking it out to try and be ... Well I don't even know what I was trying to be ... Just not the best idea. If he rubbed you the wrong way that first time, it's just not worth it to try and make up for it over 32 more weeks. 

My doctor came with LOTS of rave reviews for doctors and friends, so I assumed that first meeting was just a fluke. Apparently he and I just go together like oil and water, and I'm afraid that in my moment of sheet agony and pain I will finally blurt out the things I've held in this whole time. So pray I don't do that :)

He did tell me that I can stop taking my medication next Wednesday. Does that mean my bed rest can end that day too and I can resume work 2 days sooner? Now I'm getting hopeful that maybe I really only have 5 more lonely days at home.

I know what you're all thinking (and a lot of you are saying) : enjoy the peace now, for soon you won't have a moment to yourself. Yeah yeah, I know I know. It's just not my greatest strength.

Guess it's time I practice being still and knowing He is God. 

Day 10

Counting down, today is day 10 of bed rest. Yep - that's right - bed rest again. And I should clarify - day 10 is only counting work days, cause those are the worst days. Only 10 this time - not too bad and I'm sure it'll be over before I know it!

Ah, bed rest again. Here we are. On Friday I woke up having fairly regular and somewhat painful contractions. I tried convincing myself I didn't need to call the doctor, but I think that's because I was pretty sure I knew what was happening and I didn't want to face it. 

We went to the doctor and I have to say, I probably liked him more than I have at any other appointment. I haven't been crazy about him but all along I've said 'he comes with rave reviews and was described as the best in my area by 2 doctors in San Jose, so even if I don't like him I know I can trust that when I need him to do a great job he will' -- and I think he has. One day when I needed to see him on a day his office was closed he met me there to be sure everything was ok, and made plenty of time to talk to me on his day off. Then Friday he was the perfect blend of calm, thorough, and clear. 

He did a swab to detect the likelihood of labor within 2 weeks. It tests for a protein which I believe comes at the onset of labor. He said if it came back negative there's a 99% chance that my contractions would not lead to labor within 2 weeks. 2 weeks was a magic number because that would get me to 37 which is full term. So all we needed was a negative.

An hour later we found out it was positive. Bummer.

Positive doesn't guarantee labor is imminent, but it is 'very reliable' (he didn't give me the statistic on that one). So he told me to go to the hospital and they'd track Charles on fetal monitors while administering medicine to calm the muscles and slow it down. It took longer to slow them down than he or the nurse anticipated but eventually they got it down to 2 an hour, and the 2 were very minimal. So I was then instructed to go home on 'partial bed rest'. 

I have medicine to take every 4 hours (same as with William) and I am to be as restful as possible. I told him I'd be goin to church and he didn't argue, but beyond that he said I shouldn't go anywhere unless necessary. I can move around the house if needed, and don't have to be laying all day long, but I need to be as still and calm as possible. 

Wanna know what's torture? Having 10 days all alone in a house that I'm not even allowed to clean! Can you imagine the cleaning and organizing that could happen over the next 2 weeks??? The options are endless. Closets, pantries, cupboards, bedrooms -- I'm almost salivating. Instead it's just torture.

So, as I lay here at 4:30 watching Ellen (the absolute best part of bed rest!!!) I am closing down day 10 of my 10 day countdown. 1 down, 9 more to go. I can do this!!!

Oh - and does anyone think the monster truck show qualifies as necessary? Anyone at all?

What a wonderful William weekend

William and I had a very special  trip to Denver last weekend. It was intended to be a girls weekend for me - a delayed 29th birthday present from last july - but the army has dictated my schedule and broken plans 4 times now. We thought we finally had a weekend picked out, only to find out Austin had to go to the range (translation: play army) 

So - I could either cancel yet again and potentially never go, or I could take William. At the time of the news I was so upset, but it really ended up being one of the best things for both of us.

Friday we headed up to San Jose early in the morning for some chick fil a before our flight.

Why? Well, because 

We had a quick breakfast, found our parking lot and rode the airport bus over to the airport. William behaved like an angel the entire time which was perfect because I was just about maxed out on energy use with the bags and such. Our flight was only 2 hours which was a nice break from our usual 6+ hours of travel to Texas. We didn't even get to finish our movie!

When we landed in Denver I had a lot of bittersweet emotions. I love Denver. Can't deny it. I loved just about everything about our 6 years there and I honestly don't know if I will ever miss a place like I miss Denver. I even got emotional when we passed "the gas station I never had" 

We always wanted a gas station by our neighborhood, and I was so sad when I saw they had built one. (Ok. Maybe we'll chalk that one up to hormones. regardless, it was hard)

I was quite the little tourist on our ride down to castle rock. Taking pictures of gas stations, mountains, and William's birth place.

William determined he loves Colorado and wants to move there. I'm not sure if he's prone to love the mountains, was feeding off the love and energy I had by being back, or if it was just Ms Dusti's backyard - but I kind of think it was the latter. They have a huge backyard with chickens, a basketball court, playground, and plenty of construction vehicles and toys for a boy. He would have been happy staying back there the whole weekend!

Saturday we planned to go to the zoo. However, we failed to plan for crowds and i nearly had an anxiety attack just in the parking lot. So, the aquarium was the runner up and it turned out to be great. It's no Monterey Bay Aquarium, but what do you expect from a land locked state? :)

They also have a train, so you can't lose when you're with a little boy. (Although I was concerned I'd never be able to climb out!)

That night we slept at ms Jodi's house which William loved. Another big backyard AND a giant jacuzzi tub. He has only asked for one about 10 times since then, so I think it was a hit.

Sunday he and I took a drive up to the mountains. He was insistent on seeing snow, but unfortunately we drove about 30 minutes into the mountains and found none. We did find a tunnel and a river, and I agreed to take him to the bass pro shop to make up for the lack of snow, so he was happy.

He doesn't remember, but one of his faaaaaaavorite things to do with oh gosh was to go see the 'fish in wawee'. Time flies, but some things never change.

The rest of Sunday I spent shopping while he played in ms Dusti's amazing backyard again (despite 40 degree temps) and we had dinner with some amazing friends. 

Monday morning William woke me up saying two things:

Hey bed hog!

I miss dada

So, our trip was perfectly timed as my Colorado loving bear was ready to go home. He proudly clung to dada doll the entire day in the airports and on the plane, and took every opportunity to show it to anyone who looked our way.

We had a great time and I think it was a much needed trip for him. And for me. It wasn't what I had wanted, but it was more than I could have ever asked for.  

Until next time Denver, I'll be seeing you in my dreams.