I didn't forget! I didn't forget!

I promise I didn't forget! I started writing this on Tuesday, the day it should have been posted, then yesterday...well...I thought of finishing it. I didn't though, so here I am 2 days late sending a happy birthday wish to someone who definitely didn't deserve for it to be late. My only saving grace is knowing that she, too, was on vacation and had far better things to do than check my blog!

So, after my much needed excuses, here's to Brittany!

I still remember the first day I met Brittany. I had worked for Rowan twice before, and was returning for the summer after my freshman year of college. I thought I would be working for someone named Shannon, but when I got to work on my first day a younger, cuter girl greeted me. She was wearing the cutest brown pencil skirt and a blue button up military style shirt that I owned too, but in maroon. She had a cute scarf around her neck and long pretty hair. Most stylish business professional I had met to date at Rowan, and I decided that day that if I ever became a businesswoman I would dress equally cute as this girl.

I had no idea that years later I'd be shopping on weekends with that same girl, sharing shoes and purses and griping about the expansion of our hips. Over the course of the last 8 years she has become one of my closest friends. Other than my mom and other role models growing up, she was the only person I had to look to as an example of how a wife should be. So, when I got married I made sure to take note and learn from her. She was the only mother of young children that I knew, so again I took note and learned from her because I knew one day I'd have a munchkin tugging on my heels too. She was able to balance her far-too heavy work load, her obligations and desires as a mother and a wife, and was still able to find time to be an incredible friend.

I'd like to say that I'm one of the lucky few, but Brittany is a good friend to more people than anyone I've known I think. She's always willing to pause and take time to help a friend in need, even if that friend hasn't always been a friend in return. She's so giving of herself and her time, and she opens her heart and her life to her friends. I'd like to think I was an exception, but I know that what she did for me she would do for any other friend in a heart beat - because that's the kind of person she is. So, while I can't brag that I'm among the elite, I can still be grateful and thankful that I am among the many. Whether there are lots of others in line with me or I'm the only one, I'm still extremely fortunate to have her to call my friend. I can only hope that someday she will need help; someday she'll need something from someone else and she'll call on me.

So to my boss, my mentor, and mostly my friend: Happy Birthday Brittany. I am working on a birthday present, but it won't be complete for...well...maybe awhile. So I'll just let you have something to open on William's birthday. We're so excited to see you! Hope you had a fantastic birthday and are still celebrating 2 days later :)

Whoa is it Wednesday?

I'm lost on my days. My brain is just twisted and stretched and I don't know what time it is or what day it is, but every day I see my advent calendar tell me how many days I don't have before Christmas. That's all I know! This time of year is just ridiculous - I need to have a serious discussion with whoever designed the calendar. Really? 3 holidays within 35 days? That's just poor planning. And then the stupid accounting world who decided that books should close right after these insanely timed holidays? Now that was just someone who enjoyed self mutilation.

In any case, I realized it was wednesday before it was too late so that's a success. I didn't write about William last week because of the things that were more pressing - like needing prozac on our anniversary, then realizing I didn't need prozac because our anniversary was great, then finally realizing that inheritances suck. It was a busy 3 days. But I'm not talking about me am I? Or I'm not supposed to be. So, without further rambling, onto William!

Would you roll your eyes and get annoyed if I reiterated that William gets more and more fun every day? Some days he literally has me laughing until my stomach hurts. He's just hilarious! We miss daddy tremendously, please don't misunderstand, but we have so much fun in the evenings that my weeks really do breeze by. He makes it go by faster - whether that's what I want or not. (still torn on that)

His walking skills are getting better every day - literally! Every day he is better than the day before. He now takes 5-10 steps then when he feels his body start to get ahead of his feet he can stop, stand still to regain his balance, and begin walking again. Yesterday he walked to layla, leaned to give her a hug, then stood back up and walked to Austin. Once he gets to his final destination he still chooses to just fall over - so he fell onto austin's stomach - but he doesn't fall en route. He is enjoying being able to arrive next to Layla and almost be at her height. He can reach her collar tag perfectly at eye level, which is also a source of amusement for him.

A couple of weeks ago he altered his bedtime routine - did I already write about this? He used to sit in our laps right after bathtime, drink his bottle and go to sleep. Now he wants to play right after bath time. It usually only lasts 15-20 minutes but he crawls or walks around the room, pulling things off shelves, playing with his night light (not plugged into a wall, FYI), listens to his sound machine, laughs, rolls on Nancy...repeats all of the above then he crawls over to me as if to say "ok mom, now I'm ready". Then he is just as cuddly as ever, which melts my heart.

The past week or so has been a challenge trying to get him to eat. He's getting to the stage where he wants to feed himself but there are only so many things that are finger-foods. He can have snacks, or bananas, or mac-n-cheese...but there's just really not a lot to choose from. He doesn't want me to feed him from a spoon and gets mad when I try, so I'm getting creative with what he eats for dinner.

And - another thing that will make you roll your eyes due to repetition - William LOVES nancy. He loves her more and more as he grows and it just cracks me up sometimes. Nancy will hiss if Layla even THINKS of invading her personal space, or any dog for that matter, but she will allow William to do anything to her. We try to control it and teach him how to be nice, but its not always successful. That is to say, it is never successful and the only times he pets "soft" are when we take his hand and make him. He just laughs and laughs and laughs as he rolls all over her, and she just lays there staring at us as if we can help her. But she never budges, never hisses, and never scratches. She is the perfect pet, and I'm so thankful because I never would have thought William would love her like he does. This morning William and Austin were laying on our bed when Nancy jumped up there. William got really loud and excited, sat up, and started to go towards her. She just snuck around him and laid in austin's arm where William had been laying, then purred to her heart's content while William pulled on her fur. They are the cutest of buddies!

I was out of town this weekend so I missed William tremendously. Austin called me on Sunday afternoon to let me hear them playing and I almost burst into tears. I was so happy to hear how much fun they were having, but I missed them both like crazy. I asked Austin who he thought had it worse/harder in these separations - me or him. (neither of us even thinking William has it the hardest, of course) He said he thinks it's about the same(I received a text from him one day saying "I had no idea how hard it is to do this by yourself, I don't know how you do it), but I think the person who is gone has it harder. But then, Austin shared with me the one thing that makes being away a little more bearable: picking William up from day care. When we got there on Monday afternoon William took a quick look at Austin, then saw me, and AUSTIN was chopped liver. WHOA! He was SO happy to see me. My heart was overflowing.

Other than when William will learn to talk (which I have heard is roughly around 12 months???) we are past the point of constant milestones. Now its all about the little things. Watching him climb all over things, appearing to be taking a nosedive in the carpet only to find that he lifts his head just enough to keep crawling past the obstacle. Watching him get more coordinated with walking while playing with toys, or seeing the reasoning going on in his brain as he chooses to play with a hammer or a wrench. The time of "firsts" is almost done, but the learning and growing is endless! It's incredible! I wish I could write every little thing he does; I wish I could explain how and why he makes me laugh until I cry or makes me forget that there is anything else in this world. But, instead, all I can ever come up with is how incredible he is and how utterly blessed I am to have him in my life. I guess this is why parents always tell their kids that they have no idea how loved they are...because the love is so great that there are no words.

So, William...if and when you're reading this...just know that you can never know how much I love you, as much as it kills me to say those words. While I'm at it, I can tell you all about walking to school uphill in the snow. if you're ever wondering.

Inheritances Suck.

Any Grey’s Anatomy fans out there? Raise your hands, anyone?

I’m not really a Grey’s fan at this point – TV shows don’t last long with me. I’ll start out dedicated, then miss a week and watch it later on my DVR, then miss another week but forget to watch it before the next week so then I’m 2 weeks behind, and eventually Austin says “you have 10 grey’s episodes on the DVR, do you still need them?” To which I always reply, “Nah, I don’t watch that anymore. Go ahead and delete them.” That’s how I’ve lost touch with so many TV shows over the last few years. In fact, the only shows that hasn’t happened with are Private Practice and American Idol. I’m sure they are both doomed too, but for now they’re holding strong.

I was a Grey’s fan at one point though, and I want you to remember an episode with me. Izzy, one of the interns at Seattle Grace Hospital, had fallen in love and gotten engaged (did they get married???) to one of her patients, Denny Duket. She even risked her job and the jobs of her friends in order to nearly kill him so that he could then get a heart transplant. This is real-life stuff, ABC! After all of this, Denny ended up passing away and the guilt overtook Izzy’s body.

Then came the inheritance check.

Izzy wasn’t aware, but Denny was a millionaire and left her somewhere near $8.5 million (if my number-brain serves me well here). In her grief, she was unable to cash the check (HA who “cashes” that large of a check?) She held it in her hands, hung it on her fridge, and stared at it in near disgust. I never understood why she couldn’t just go deposit the check. She didn’t have to SPEND the money right away, she didn’t even have to spend a dime of it. She could invest it or let it sit in a savings account or donate it to charities or SOMETHING OTHER THAN STARE AT IT ON THE FRIDGE. This side of Izzy irritated me and the longer she let a multi-million dollar check be held up by a dime store magnet on a community refrigerator, the more frustrated I got.

Because I didn’t get it.

Never in my life have I thought about the concept of an inheritance. I’ve never dreamt of what I’d do or thought of what long-lost rich relative I may have lurking, just waiting to give me that break to financial freedom. I’ve never even thought about the how’s or why’s of inheriting anything. I was raised in a home that believed in Jesus Christ as our Savior. I was taught not to store up my wealth here on earth, where moth and rust can destroy, but to store up my life in Heaven. Money keeps the world spinning, sure, and we all need it to get by. But we were not raised in a greedy home or where monetary or materialistic values had any room to grow. So I’ve never put two thoughts into the idea of an inheritance.

Until now. Until I sit here, staring at my copy Mimi’s will while reflecting on the conversation I had with the attorney today. It doesn’t matter if I’ve inherited $10 or $10,000,000 (I can guarantee you, though, it was not the latter) – I’m still staring at it in the same manner. In disgust.

This is it? This is what her wonderful lifetime has come to? This is what is left to define our relationship? She could have left me with everything or she could have left me with nothing, and none of that changes the fact that inheritances just suck. In order to inherit something, someone has to die. There’s a hole in my heart, and this is supposed to fill it?

They want to sell her house, and the attorney asked me, “Does receiving a check by ____ sound good? That sounds good right?” I was shocked. Does it sound good? No, it doesn’t. Having my grandmother alive and well sounds good lady, a check sounds cheap. So I’m sorry that I’m not bouncing off the walls with excitement, but a check sounds far from good. It sounds disappointing, if you’re asking. There is no amount of money in the world that could equal the intrinsic value Mimi added to my life. There are no diamonds or yachts or deserted islands or any other item that could possibly be left in a will that could make me think “Ahh, good trade Amanda. Good trade”. When it comes to Mimi, there is no substitute for me. There is no trade.

I do realize that the house has to be sold and that our lives must go on. But I’m not ready to “cash in my inheritance”. I’m not ready to “claim my prize”. I’m not ready, because I’m not ready to accept that this is it. That I don’t have a choice between Mimi and a “yacht” – I just have a “yacht” (or whatever fills the blank there). Not for the first time in my life, I’m eating my words as I am no longer irritated by Izzy’s character and in fact I can sympathize.

Maybe I’ll hang it on my fridge for awhile.

I was Wro..Wro...I was Wro...

Wrong.

It's hard to admit, and it doesn't happen often. But yes, I was wrong.

My least favorite anniversary? Hardly. Possibly my favorite!!!

Yesterday slowly got better as the day progressed. Things calmed down, everyone was chipper at work, and by mid afternoon I was feeling pretty normal. Then at 4:20 Austin called and told me that he was at Goddard picking up William and would be home for dinner!!!

He said he had thought of coming home all week but never told me, then after the alarm incident he decided he definitely needed to come home. So when his class ended at 2:45 he quickly got changed, threw some stuff in his truck and headed up to Denver. When I found out he was on his way home with William I quickly finished up what I was doing and left too. When I got home I saw the most beautiful sight: his truck in our driveway, beautiful flowers on the table, and he and William playing in the living room.

We just had leftover enchiladas and rice for dinner, played with William until he was ready for his bath, and put him to bed. Then we unpacked the plethora of crap that the army issued him (AGAIN.), watched some TV, and it was time for him to leave. He didn't have long, but that's ok. It was the best anniversary we've had yet and all it required was a couple hours of driving :)

A Window into my World

Let me just put this out there: Today isn't my favorite of my 3 anniversaries. First and foremost, we are apart. So, that's enough right? Then beyond that I just have had a crazy morning.

I woke up late, then instead of rushing to get ready I spent 20 minutes on facebook. Why? No one else was on faecbook, so no one was updating anything. Literally, from the time I logged in to the time I finally slapped myself hard enough to make myself quit not one new thing had been posted. I don't know what I was doing! So, at that point it was too late to wash my hair. I have a point in my morning when it becomes too late to wash and do my hair, and I had passed that point purely by sitting on facebook.

So, I quickly got ready and then it occurred to me that it is trash day. I hate trash day. I don't know why, I just do. If there were a neighborhood kid who was willing to take my trash down to the curb every Wednesday I'd probably waste $10 just to not do it myself. I know it seems silly - it takes about 15 seconds, but it is Austin's job. I don't do the trash. Plus, my trailblazer blocks the trash can in the garage so to get the trash out I have to pull the truck out. You could also say that the boxes of stuff for goodwill and for soldiers' care packages are blocking the trash, but those aren't so easy to move. All around, just a pain. So, not only was I grumpy over having to roll the trash can to the curb, but that also meant I needed to empty the trash out of the bathrooms, the kitchen, put the cat litter trash that was sitting in the garage INTO the trash can...I just added 5 more minutes. What a pain! (**completely aware that I'm being a baby**)

Then, as I'm taking the trash out of the laundry room I realize I had put clothes in the wash last night, so I need to move those to the dryer. Why didn't I just stay up late enough last night? That would have been a far better plan. What is it that they say about hindsight again?

So, I was just a bit scatterbrained all morning. Couldn't think of what I needed to do or get, never felt like I had my day organized - I HATE that disheveled feeling. Hats off to those people who function under that sort of feeling on a normal basis - I can't stand it for just one hour! I finally got everything together, which turned out just to be my purse and William's bottles so really wasn't all that much, got the pets fed, the tree watered, Layla went potty and William was up and dressed - out the door we go.

Then, on the way to Goddard I decided I'd multitask and make a phone call. SO glad that I did. I called the house cleaners to see when they'd be coming again as I knew it was soon only to find out I was on the schedule for today. Today? But I didn't know! She told me it was on my November invoice, but I just assumed that was all NOVEMBER info so I didn't look for a future cleaning date. So, I'm flustered on the phone trying to give instructions...layla is inside rather than in the garage, the alarm is set for no-entry allowed so it would immediately go off and only allow 30 seconds to disarm, there was a row of loads of laundry to be washed, crafts spread out across my craft table...all around just not ready for a house cleaner. So, the owner was very kind and emailed all of my notes to the woman who would be cleaning the house. The all around kicker here - I didn't have to take any of that trash out to begin with! Slightly frustrating. But I got William to Goddard, got myself to starbucks, got to talk to my husband on our 3rd anniversary - things were calming down.

UNTIL...Austin called me 5 times in a row while I was away from my desk to let me know that the alarm company had called him and they were dispatching the police to our house. Holy mother of everything. I run down to my trailblazer, pull out of my parking spot to go 95mph all the way home, then my phone rings again. It was the owner of the company saying she had spoken to the police, provided her info and the company info, explained the situation and because they had a house key and a registered business the police officer left with his notes. So, I didn't have to go back home.

At this point, that starbucks was a big mistake (big. HUGE. I have to go shopping now). Big mistake because my heart is just racing. The only thing that could get me back to a normal level right now would be a margarita, or maybe some prozac :) And by how scatterbrained this blog is, you can tell I never got that rita.

One very long, boring, pointless story later - this is not my favorite anniversary. But, it is just a day. It's one day to celebrate a full year - and when I look back on the last year, I don't even remember my morning today. I remember how wonderful the year was. Obviously the highlight of our third year of marriage was William's birth but that isn't the only highlight. We've had lots of wonderful memories shared between the 2 of us - special outings, special conversations, and some growth in our relationship. And hey - we spent almost the ENTIRE third year together, so that's something isn't it? :)

I don't know what my life would be like today if I hadn't written Austin that email 6 years ago. I don't know where I'd live, what I'd do, or what my daily-grind would be like. I often wonder what turns my life would have taken, but when I wonder I am always excessively thankful that my life didn't take those turns. I don't know what they would have been, and I don't need to know. As I've said plenty of times before, Austin is the perfect complement to me and together we made one fantastic baby. This year was probably my favorite of the 3, and although I know next year may be the hardest I still look forward to reflecting upon it when we get to this day. Even the hardest of times are worth it because we are so blessed to have each other.

Separation is to love as wind is to fire. If the fire is weak the wind puts it out but if the fire is strong the wind will intensify it.
Here's to a strong year to come.
Happy Anniversary Austin. We'll celebrate - some day.

Really? Really, Really?!

I've had a lot of "really?!" moments lately. Here are some for your entertainment:



Yesterday someone asked me "Why is your baby so skinny?" Hmm, 2 responses crossed my mind. First, "obviously he got it from his super skinny mom". I opted for the more appropriate response of "Because he's tall". Really? Did she ask me that?



Also yesterday, Matt Schaub. If you watched the Texans game, you don't need me to explain. If you didn't, you probably don't care. So, I'll just say: Matt Schaub. Really?



At the battalion Christmas party this weekend the room was getting really hot and William was getting too warm in his overalls, so I took them off. He had on a white onesie underneath, so I let him crawl around in that. Someone walked by "ooo someone better put some clothes on that baby, why would his parents let him be naked?" Ok. He wasn't naked. Also, either the parents aren't around which is a bigger problem than him being unclothed, or his parents are RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU and you should probably have more tact.



A girl who is commonly late here at work, and comes up with the most amazing stories, is now late today because her brand new car wouldn't go in reverse. It just wouldn't back up. I'm still not sure where in the story she explained how she was able to get it to the car dealership, or why she turned down our coworker's offer to give her a ride from the dealership to work - but the point here is that her brand new car (ok 4 months old) just had a trial-version of reverse. Really?! And her boss bought it like she buys all the other stuff she sells!!!



Ok, those are just some samples. My brain is just repeatedly asking myself, really? All day. It's fun!

I Feel Cheated

I felt so cheated yesterday!

Austin and I were at lunch and I was going to leave cash to pay the tab. I pulled out what looked like $.35 before I notice that my dime wasn't a dime - it was a Canadian coin! How rude!

I do realize that it is only 10 cents lost, but I really felt like someone had robbed me. I also realize that if it was that easy for the Canadian coin to be in circulation that I could probably pass it along as 10 cents, but for some reason that just felt wrong.

So, I sulked out of the restaurant, feeling as though my life's fortune had been ripped out of my hands. And that's why I'm at work today - to earn myself a new dime.

Happy Monday everyone!!!