Remember your Wedding Day

I've been thinking all week about what I'd say for week #2 of the marriage challenge. This week is supposed to be focused on remembering your wedding day, but I feel like I already wrote about my wedding day on our anniversary last year. And hey, by the way - did you see that?! I inserted a link! Thanks Nancy - you rock!

Back to the problem at hand; find a new perspective on my wedding day. So this time I think I'll focus on the entire weekend, and the my constant source of strength and comfort: Austin.

Austin and I left Denver a little over a week before the wedding to head down to Houston for last minute preparations and family time. Austin spent the week with his family while I spent the week with mine, so we didn't see each other for a few days until we all met up Friday morning at Camp Allen. Brandon had been arrested Thursday night, the flowers didn't arrive Thursday as planned, and Friday morning I had to accept the fact that the wedding was going to be moved inside. I know that may not sound like a very big deal, but it was.

Here's a little secret that I don't think even Austin knows: I reserved a date at Camp Allen 2 months before we were engaged. I had known for years that I wanted to be married at the outdoor chapel of Camp Allen, and I knew the weekends filled up fast so I didn't want to risk losing the weekend of my choice just because Austin hadn't officially asked. After all, like you read last week, I knew we were getting married long before this point anyway. We grew up going to church retreats at Camp Allen and spending a lot of time in our group of friends down by the lake. For Christmas when we were dating Austin gave me the James Avery cross, only sold at Camp Allen, designed after the cross at the lake. And then less than 2 months later my mom, my brothers and I went and spread my dad's ashes at the foot of that same cross. I couldn't imagine Austin and I being married at any other place.

Ever the stubborn woman that I am, I tried my best to appear to be cool, calm and collected as I absorbed the emotions of Brandon's arrest, the flower's absence, and the venue change...but my own strength can only last for so long. I've not always been great at leaning on other people when I need to, and I know that has been a source of contention between friends and me in the past, but I am very good at leaning on Austin for support. So when I saw him Friday morning we walked behind one of the buildings, he held me in his arms, and I lost it. It was my wedding weekend - the one I had been planning for over a year - and while everything had worked out up until this point it all seemed to be crashing down around me. All three of the main issues here, Brandon, the flowers, and the venue, can be circled around to focus on my dad. And that, of course, wasn't an easy focus seeing as he was not able to be there. Brandon was to walk me down the aisle, along with Brian, and give me away. This was a promise he made not only to me but to my dad also. We had plans in the service for a rose dedication to my dad, inviting him to be a part of our day, and the flowers were not there. And the last physical remains of my dad were supposed to be present, at that cross by the lake, but that wasn't going to happen either. My last spark of hope to somehow feel as though my dad were there was a faint, faint glimmer at this point and I was devastated. However, after a nice, long hug from Austin and his assurance that regardless of all of those things my dad would always be with me in spirit, I was able to turn my frown upside down and keep going.

Throughout the weekend as things didn't go as I thought they should Austin's support is what gave me my strength. When we did the rose dedication during the service Father Tom had told Austin that he'd need to help me walk up and down the steps because of my dress, but I thought it was pretty symbolic of the fact that I needed him for much more than just those steps. He was my pillar to lean on and having him by my side makes me stronger.

What I remember most from our wedding is still the same as it was when I wrote that post last December. I remember seeing Austin's face from the time I turned the corner to walk down the aisle until I went to sleep that night. And having him next to me, behind me, or even across the room, makes me confident, strong, happy, and a better person.