The Opposite of Heavy and Weak

I may end up googling this scripture before I finish writing this blog - maybe even before I finish this sentence - but for now I don't know the exact words. I know there is something in there about the burden being heavy and the heart?? being weak. Ok, I give. Hold please while I google it.

Glad I googled it, I was pretty far off. Jesus says:

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

What I took from that apparently was that my yoke was not easy and my burden was not light (and somehow I squeezed in there a weak heart) The point here is that for the last 34 months my burden has been heavy and my heart has been weak. For the past 34 months I have felt all-too connected with the wars in the middle east and have sat on pins and needles praying for safety and praying that I never get that dreaded phone call.

This morning I got the opposite phone call, and I wish you knew how wonderful it felt to hear my mom say "Hey Amanda, I have your brother here!" as she handed him the phone. He's home. He's safe on American soil. He made it. And his voice never sounded so great.

We talked for a few minutes and then we got off the phone so I could go back to sleep (it was 5 am after all) But sleep was the last thing I could possibly have done. Austin gave me a huge hug and said, "YAY Brian is home!" as my smile stretched from here to the east coast. My heart felt the opposite of weak. My burden the opposite of heavy. I truly felt like I could have hopped out of bed and run a marathon. Even if for a short while, I do not personally know a single person in the middle east and it feels WONDERFUL. My husband, cousin, and now brother are all at home - yippee!

Welcome home Brian! Enjoy your new phone and TV, can't wait to see you in a few weeks.

Uh Oh

Wednesday came, Wednesday snowballed, and then Wednesday went. And I didn't write! Oops. I have a lot to do at work between now and Nov 18 when I hope to fly to Houston, so days like yesterday are not great. I have a 1.5 hour meeting then immediately after had a lunch with the senior VP of tax. He asked if anyone had concerns or issues to discuss and where usually everyone smiles and says no, yesterday EVERYONE talked. We were gone to lunch for 3 hours. Then I had to leave at 5 to get William and go to a "hail and farewell" dinner...so not a lot of work was done, and no blogging. So so sorry.

So, today will be Timothy Thursday. Not as great as William Wednesday but it will have to do.

How was William's week...hmmm...

Well, his tooth finally popped through on Thursday!!! It is tiny and hardly noticeable, but you can feel it! And once it popped through he was MUCH happier about life. He got sick Thursday night and threw up all over his crib - I'm not sure if the excess saliva in his stomach did it or what but he wasn't sick any other time. Friday CeCe kept oragel on his gums all day and by the time Friday night came he didn't mind his tooth at all.

He had lots of fun with CeCe and Pop! He loved making faces and watching us imitate them, and at times he had such a concentrated look on his face when we would make faces at him that it was as if he was trying to figure out how to imitate us back. Saturday they hung out around the house all day, and most of they day William stole everyone's attention. He loved it! He had people to play with nonstop, and he really enjoys making people laugh. Sunday Austin, Candace and I all either had food poisoning or had a stomach bug, but either way we were NOT actively involved in anything other than our stomachs. So poor William only had one person to dote on him. What a rough life! Pop was really good at helping William along in his walking. He's doing so well - he'll be walking hands-free before we know it. He was having a lot of fun walking across the room from one parent/grandparent to the other - but his favorite part was once he reached his destination. He just looked around the room waiting for everyone to cheer for him! He definitely loves positive reinforcement and praise, so who are we to deny him that? :)

Sunday night after CeCe and Pop left we went over to Paul and Janell's house. Paul is my coworker and I think I wrote a few weeks ago about us meeting at Chick Fil A for dinner. Paul invited us over Sunday for dinner and pumpkin carving. He told me that last year Brooklyn, who is exactly one year older than William, loved playing with the pumpkin so he was excited to see William and Brooklyn play this year. Well, Brooklyn did NOT like that Paul cut the top off the pumpkin and she was pretty scared of it until the top was put back on. So she sat back and watched this year, too afraid to touch it. William liked kissing the outside of the pumpkin, playing with the seeds, and then once Austin had cleaned it all out he loved rubbing his arms/hands around on the inside. I am not sure if he liked the pumpkin more or the newspaper that was laid out on the table, though...that crinkly noise was fun! After we carved pumpkins I took William upstairs to rinse him off, then we played in Brooklyn's play room for a little bit while the daddies finished the pumpkins (and watched football). William had a lot of fun over at their house, and Brooklyn was so sweet to him! She kept trying to hug him and help him do things. They have 2 pugs and William really liked them - its like the best of Nancy mixed with the best of Layla...the playfulness of a dog in the size of a cat. For William, what could be better?

This week William has been extremely happy and playful. He's been staying up a little later at night which is pretty fun for me. He used to be ready for his bath around 7 or 7:15, which meant we'd get home at 6, Austin or I would make a quick dinner while the other played with William, we'd all eat during Wheel of Fortune, then rinse the dishes and it was off to the bath. Now he stays up until almost 8 before he needs a bath which means more play time for us. I wish it would also mean he'd sleep in later in the mornings, giving me more time to get ready, but so far that's been hit or miss. Today I think the cold weather helped out and he didn't wake up until after 7. Woo hoo! Last night at the "hail and farewell" dinner he was having a lot of fun chewing on my necklace (I took it off so he couldn't rip it off) and he ate a LOT. That may have contributed to his sleep too. Maybe I'll try shoveling lots of food in his face every night :)

Tuesday was school picture day. I chuckled when Miss Kim told me because I didn't know infants got school pictures. But, apparently they do! And, as if we don't have enough pictures I'm sure we'll buy those too! I need to find the chord for the camera because there are LOTS of pictures on there that I need to share, along with the pumpkin carving pictures that Paul gave me. Then after this weekend we'll have Halloween pictures too - guess its true about the first born...there's a picture for every move they make. But with a baby as adorable as William, can you blame me?

Highway Robbery

When prices are outrageous, why is it called highway robbery? I've never seen a highway robbery. I have seen unruly prices though.

Like when I went to book flights for Thanksgiving. Austin and I are planning to fly down to Houston Thursday Nov 18 and fly back the Sunday after Thanksgiving. Our flight back isn't flexible because Austin starts training that Monday in Colorado Springs. I went onto the Soutwest website and put in our dates...Thursday's flights came up and they are $69 one way. Sweet! Lookin good!

Then came Sunday. $293!!! Are you kidding?! I have NEVER spent $300 on a round trip ticket to Houston, much less one way! I don't think I've ever even spent over $250 for a round trip flight. I looked on orbitz and a few other sites, thinking that even though southwest is the preferred airline we'd really go with anything, and they were worse! So apprently flying one week before Thanksgiving is no big thing, but that weekend is so popular that they can charge more for a one way ticket than what I've ever paid for a round trip flight.

I looked at Saturday flights just to see if they were better. We'd prefer not to fly back Saturday but I figured if it'd save us a few hundred dollars it'd be worth it. But, nope - same prices.

So, add it all up and give Obama(or the government) his cut - thats $800 after taxes. I had budgeted $600 for our entire trip, and airfare alone far exceeds that. Looks like mama's not gettin an iPad for Christmas.

**pretty sure I was never getting an iPad for Christmas, so don't feel TOO bad for me. But please do pity me a little bit as I'm about to throw up as I click "purchase"**

There are No Words

There are no words for how horribly I played golf yesterday, but really there are no words for how beautiful the course was. I only played 9 holes, and I think the $39 was well worth the cart ride if nothing else.

A coworker of mine recommended Arrowhead Golf Course to us awhile back, so we thought it'd be a good course to go to when Austin's parents were in town because Herb loves golfing anywhere/everywhere. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to join them because of work, but I ended up getting the day off so it worked out well! The course was about 30 miles west-southwest of our house, nestled in the foothills. It was GORGEOUS. I was silent the entire drive there, just taking in the beauty, and then we were all shocked as we drove up to the clubhouse and saw this:

The course was hard, and not at all forgiving. With all of the hills, trees, rock formations and brush you pretty much had to hit your ball straight onto the fairway or grab a new ball out of your bag. For someone who plays golf once or twice a year, that meant I ran out of pink balls by the end of 9 holes. I still did ok - I'll say that if I had time to play regularly I actually think I could be very good. I have a good swing and can make good contact, I just need the time to get consistent with how I hit the ball and then - look out! Problem is, I don't think I'll have that time in the next 20 years. Austin wants me to join this woman's league in Denver called Sassy Golf. Its a good deal - its $100 to join, then there are events 3-4 times/month where you can get discounted green fees, lessons, and other perks. It would be lots of fun - but seeing as he'll be gone and I'll probably be using up all of my babysitters just for work I don't really see a lot of golf in my near future. But, its fun to think about.

Anyway, here are a few more pictures of how we golf here in Colorado. On the 6th hold 2 bucks decided to join us. They have no golf etiquette, let me tell you. Tromping through sand traps without even raking up after themselves, messing with balls on the fairway - how impolite they were. Apparently after I left a fox tried to climb into our golf cart and Austin fed him some lay's potato chips - that would have been a sight to see! So, with scenery like this I almost forgot how many balls I donated to the deer...

WWW

I wasn't lying about using up my new titles for William Wednesday was I?

Another week filled with work = another week that went by too fast, was spent too frazzled, and one in which William just kept learning and growing whether I was there to see it or not. Lots of fun.

William got ahold of the pets' water bowl again this week. Anytime he crawls into the kitchen I am scrambling to pick up the 2 cat food bowls, layla's food bowl, and the 2 water bowls - but sometimes i forget one or two. Sorry, its just too many bowls. Sunday morning I was going to take a shower while Austin cooked breakfast and William played with his colander in the kitchen. Still loves the colander! But when I was brushing my teeth after my shower I hear, "Oh Crap!" out of Austin's mouth. I rush downstairs to see William sitting in a pool of water, patting his hands in it to splash it around, with a huge grin on his face. Oops :) I got a pretty cute picture of his face once he realized he was caught, but blogger says image uploads are disabled for 2 hours. It has said this since yesterday morning, btw, so I think its more than 2 hours! Anyway, we decided to let William play in the water until he was finished and then I'd clean it up. Didn't take long for him to realize how cold wet clothes can get!

We had a pretty fun weekend. Saturday I took William scrapbooking and to a makeover party at a friend's house - which means I didn't really get much done at either place. But he had fun! He loves to see people and be the center of attention. Duh, what baby wouldn't? Sunday, of course, we went over to Mr. Scott's for football. Austin was playing air hockey with Spencer, the 19 month old I told you about last week, and William REALLY wanted to play. Actually, he just wanted to crawl on the air hockey table and eat the puck - but I thought it wanted to play :) Soon enough little man!

When we were over at Corinne's house for the makeovers William's squatting-power amazed us all. We were sitting around a round table, William on my lap, just chatting. All of a sudden the table lifted off 2 of its legs and was leaning towards the opposite side from where I was sitting. I looked and William had his feet on the edge of the table pushing it up! We lowered the table, put his feet back and made him try again - and again he lifted the table! I think he has officially graduated from the glitter-ball into moved tables. Next you know, he'll be moving mountains! (thanks, Dr Seuss & Oh the Places You'll Go) I can't believe how strong his little body is. Even Dr Caplan thinks he's too strong - it takes 3 people to pin him down to have his ears checked. Could be because his ears are in pain and he wants us to leave them the H*** alone.

Yesterday after we got home he had a couple of firsts! He has a fisher price toy that a coworker gave me with 3 holes for a baby to insert a ball into. When the ball is inserted through the holes it slides down different areas of the toy, lights up and plays music. He loves the toy, but he hasn't ever actually put the ball into the hole. He just likes to climb on it and likes for ME to make it light up and play music. Yesterday I was sitting with him trying to teach him to put the ball in the holes...and he almost got it! He actually did put the ball into A hole twice, but it wasn't the "right" hole...it was more like he put it into the middle of the maze. BUT, it was a hole nonetheless. And he was so proud of himself! I cheered for him and he just looked at me with this look of amazement and pride...I love when he discovers something new, nothing beats that face! Last night he also climbed up 2 stairs. He got to the third stair and then I think he got scared because he just looked up and me and tried to climb onto my lap (I was kneeling behind him so he couldn't fall) I kept telling him he could keep going but he didn't want to. He'll get more confidence soon though and then he'll want to be all over those things!

Thinking back, last night was a pretty big night because in addition to the ball and the stairs he took a few "steps" in his walking too - literally and metaphorically. He walked to daddy while leaning on the coffee table with one arm and the couch with another - but what was different last night from the past few weeks was that his arms were just there in case he needed them rather than him putting 1/2 his weight on them. It was pretty awesome! He did it twice, then he saw my phone and got distracted so he wasn't interested in walking anymore. But we wanted to see him walk all night!!!

Getting back to the un-fun topic of his ears, Dr Caplan has determined that William needs tubes. He's been watching his ears for awhile and even when there's no infection he just has excess fluid trapped behind his ear drum. He was trying to over-explain to me the need for the surgery when I finally explained that although I don't want my baby to have surgery, I do want him to be happy and healthy and to be able to properly hear all the wonderful things I'm trying to teach him! So, if surgery is necessary - ok, sign me up. I have faith that he'll be fine and I just want his little ears to be happy ones. So, we have an appointment with an ENT specialist next Thursday. Pray that we are able to do the surgery before year end, if possible. I would prefer to do it either before Nov 29, which may be pushing it, or between Dec 18 and Christmas. It isn't the best time for stuff like that, but I'd like for Austin to be there and I know he would be worried sick if he weren't. His training starts Nov 29, then he has a break for 2 weeks around Christmas - so other than that, he'd be in the middle of deployment training and I"m sure he'd be thinking about his baby all day.

That's about the extent of the weekly update. William is having fun with his CeCe and Pop today, then tomorrow he'll be back at school with his little girlfriend Helen before he spends the day Friday with his daddy and grandparents again. I'm sure by the time they leave Sunday he'll be fully accustomed to having adults all to himself all the time again. Just great :) He's a lucky little baby, that's for sure!!!

Social Discretion Revisited

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about how I felt like adults needed lessons in social discretion. Maybe we forget things when we're so far removed from school and just need a refresher, or maybe it really is true that people care less and less about offending others as they get older. Who knows. Regardless, I was irritated because, at the time, my third fever blister in a week had just popped up, then sprouted 3 baby blisters to go along with it and I was mortified at the attention that my worst fever blister to-date was receiving.

Worst fever blister to-date is the key in that sentence, because this weekend two more emerged and one of them has taken the title. It doesn't help that William elbowed me in exactly the same place where the blister was forming. I think something must have ruptured inside, or all of the little germens in there were just pissed off - I don't really know. All I know is I woke up Monday morning and thought it was the perfect day to dress up as a battered wife. My lip was HUGE. I have plump lips to begin with, and the upper left side was literally three times its normal size. So large that it wrapped underneath my teeth and made it impossible for my mouth to be closed even though my lips were touching. I was miserable. So, you can only imagine the attention I received with this one!

So, count them...that's 5 fever blisters in 3 weeks. It's pretty miserable in itself, and the attention just adds to it. I called my doctor to see if I could come in to the clinic and get a prescription or something because obviously they aren't going away. The brilliant receptionist told me the first opening is Nov 3, and the best solution that he knows of is carmex. So, he was 0 for 2. I've had fever blisters my whole life, I'm pretty sure I've heard of carmex. Pretty sure I'm smart enough to try it as well. Looking for something a liiiiittle bit stronger. And that, my friends, is government funded health care.

My boss's son-in-law is a pharmacist and told her of a prescription that I could take daily that would keep them at bay...now I just need to find someone who can write it out for me. Any takers?

Oct 18 Part 2

I never wanted a step dad. Or a step parent, for that matter. In elementary school a few of my friends had divorced parents and all they did was gripe about their step parents. They were mean, they took all of their mom/dad's attention, they didn't get along, etc. So as fun as 2 Christmas's may have seemed, I knew I was pretty blessed for my parents to still be married.

I never wanted a step dad after my dad passed away either. And one with the same birthday as my dad? No thanks. If you've already read my Part 1 post you learned a little bit more about our relationship, and you can probably understand why I had no interest in inserting another person into that role - regardless of whether or not he was meant to "replace" my dad. I didn't want a step dad, and that was that. Lucky for me, Alfredo never wanted to be a step father. Not in the sense I was thinking, anyway. When Alfredo and my mom started dating he was very aware that we, as her kids, were not at a place to be comfortable or ok with that - and he was fine with waiting. He was very open with the fact that he was willing to play whatever role in our lives that we wanted him to play, and he'd sit patiently and let us dictate the dynamics. We were still grieving our loss and we weren't ready for another father-figure to step in. We got there though, and he was patient in the time it took.

I think my relationship with Alfredo grew more in my last year living at home than any other time period since he and my mom got married. I can't pinpoint why this is, as there isn't any specific moment that made me realize this, I just know that prior to that he was just a person living in my house. When I graduated from high school and moved to college, though, he was a member of my family.

Alfredo is one of the most patient people I've ever met in my life. He was patient with my brothers and myself (very forgiving too!), he's patient with my mom, and he's even patient with my fat cat. (doesn't take much, I think Alfredo is Reagan's biggest fan) He would do anything for any one of us and I know that if I need anything he's always willing to do whatever it is. He's built shelves on my whim, put ceiling fans in my house while on "vacation", driven across town to help me change a tire, driven across town again to pick me up from a car accident(or 3)...and every time I've called upon him he's responded with a smile. The best part of all - he is such a good "papa" to William! His tennis conditioning allows him to crawl/roll/lay/sprawl on the floor - whatever William wants - and be William's personal jungle gym. I'm sure he'll be able to do that for YEARS! What a lucky baby William is :)

There was once a time when I told him I didn't think I could ever celebrate his birthday on the actual day because it was too hard for me to celebrate knowing it should be my dad in his place. I told him the same thing about father's day, and in both conversations he said "that's fine, I'll be here anytime you want to celebrate or not. I am not your dad and I don't want to replace him, so I respect anything you have to do to honor him". He was never threatened by the looming shadow, he just stood beside it happily. He has never had a desire to outdo or one-up my dad, he just wants to be a part of our lives. His patience to meet me where I was, in both the metaphorical and literal senses, helped me move from not wanting a step dad to being pretty thankful I had one. Not just had one, though, but had him. Happy Birthday Alfredo - hope you enjoyed your full week of celebrations!

Oct 18 Part 1

I am posting on a Sunday people. Mark your calendars. It is apparently birthday season in my world seeing as I had Kaila, then Herb, and now I've got 2 in one day. So, to circumnavigate that (a word I try to use whenever possible) I have decided I'll write part 1 tonight from home, then part 2 sometime during the day tomorrow. It may be rather busy at work, so I didn't want to commit to writing 2. So, there's my explanation - as if you were concerned.

October 18.

In elementary school I had a friend named Sarah Dunnihoo. Her brother and my brother were in scouts together, and she and I were in the same grade, so our families had a lot of interaction with each other. I remember once she told me that I belonged in her family because my birthday was on the 19th, which is the same as the rest of her family. I also knew that my dad and her dad had birthdays that were just one day apart. So, my trick to remind myself of my dad's birthday was to think to myself "not the 19th, that's Sarah's dad because that's mine so my dad's is the 18th". Please don't ask why I couldn't just remember the 18th. This is how my numbers-brain works - I think of all these crazy tricks that help me remember, and the tricks stick with me as long as the numbers do.

Maybe the reason I wasn't able to just simply remember the 18th was because my dad wasn't ever celebrated as much on his birthday as the rest of us were. As I'm sitting here I'm trying to remember specifically what we did for him and I'm drawing blanks. I know one year my mom set up a scavenger hunt around the house with gifts in various places, and the hunt ended with him finding 6 cinnabon cinnamon rolls in the microwave. A gift for all! I thought that scavenger hunt idea was so clever, and a few times I've tried to replicate it but have yet to succeed. I also remember we celebrated his "first" birthday, one year after his bone marrow transplant. We gave him baby gifts, like mr. potato head and such. Other than those 2 occasions, I don't remember his birthday at all. I am sure something was done, I was just too young to remember.

But I know my mom wouldn't have let his birthday go unnoticed because he was very much deserving of that. He spent a lot of time and effort doing for others; buying for others, helping others, teaching others, etc. A lot of his energy, at least during my lifetime, was spent serving other people so I am sure that on this one day, if none other, we did focus a bit on him.

I've thought for a few days about what I'd write to describe my dad. I've written about him so much, but most of what I've written has focused on my loss. It's a bit of an oxymoron to discuss his death when writing about his birthday, so I'll try to take another angle. I just have had trouble thinking of what to say! I want to write about him in a way that paints the picture of who he was. I want you to know the kind of person he was. I want you to know how he was loving, caring, genuine, hilarious, friendly, and so much, much more. But how do I say that? I can't write a story about each characteristic - I'd be writing for hours and you'd surely quit reading. I can think of one story that brings in a few of the words I used to describe him, though I'm sure there are plenty more.

Go with me back to a Saturday morning when I was 12. I am not sure why, but my dad and I were the only ones at home. I was sleeping in, as most 12 year olds do, when I heard my phone ring. I was a little irritated when I answered, wondering who on earth was rude enough to call before 10 am, when I realized it was my dad on the other end of the line. He was calling me from his business phone in the living room, and he was calling to tell me he was ready for me to wake up. If I close my eyes, this is one of those memories I can still see so vividly it is like it is happening now.

Hey baby girl, are you ready to get up?

No, why?

Because I'm in the living room and I've been waiting all morning for you to wake up. I miss you and want to spend some time with you.

Ok, I'll come out. <-- this was said with a slight hint of a teenage girl attitude, much to my regret now. And this part of the story is supposed to represent the loving side.

I walked out into the living room to see the same sight I'd seen so many Saturday mornings before. My dad was sitting in his robe next to his computer desk (because back then desks were specified for computers or not, and most were not) He had the morning paper sprawled out across the floor and his cup of coffee sitting next to him. Our dog Al was laying at his side. I went and sat down by him, asking him what he was doing.

I'm reading the obituaries.

Eww, that sounds gross. Why?

I like to see if any of my customers have passed away.

So you read them all the time?

A lot.

...long pause...

Daddy, do you think you'll be in there some day, like.... soon? Cause I don't want you to be.

He didn't answer right away, so I looked up and saw that he was crying. Aside from when he was first diagnosed with cancer, I'm pretty sure I'd never seen him cry.

Don't cry daddy, I'm sorry.

It's ok pumpkin angel, even though it is sad to think about I am glad that you can talk to me about this and tell me that you don't want me to be. I don't think I will be anytime soon, I'm not planning on it anyway. And don't worry about me crying. Its ok for men to cry.

Then he pulled me onto his lap to hold me and hug me. It didn't matter that I probably weighed more than him at this point in his illness, he was still daddy and he was still big enough to hold his baby. <--This is supposed to depict the genuine side of him. He did not need to be big and tough or put on the facade of being a "real man". Not for me, anyway.

I said ok, and told him that I was glad he could talk to me about that stuff too. There was some silence for a little bit - I mean really, where does a conversation go from there? So then he started talking in his Emmitt Smith voice, telling me that if I didn't start thinking about happier things he'd have to tickle me until all the sad stuff came out. The Emmitt Smith voice is the "hilarious" part of him. I have to tell you that neither my dad nor anyone else in our family has ever met Emmitt Smith. (though I've been the closest as I have a stalker-ish picture in front of the iron gate in his lawn) We've heard him talk on TV, though, and my dad's emmitt smith voice has no liking to his. I'm not even sure why we called it that, but I guess that doesn't matter. This voice had been around for years and it was just him talking in a goofy way, slurring words and mispronouncing nearly everything. As I'm typing it now I am realizing that it doesn't sound hilarious in the slightest, but I promise it was. And it work, because in no time he had me cracking up on that Saturday morning.

I don't know why that seemingly insignificant memory is so vivid in my mind. I know my favorite part was that he was sitting in the living room all morning just waiting for me to get up. There was nothing more in the world (well, maybe the Dallas Cowboys) that he loved more than spending time with his family. My mom, my brothers and I were the entire world to him and he never passed on an opportunity to spend time with any one of us. I remember when I read a letter that he wrote to my brother Brian on his 16th birthday, roughly 2 weeks before he passed away. The letter spoke of the special memories that just the 2 of them shared, and about parts of their relationship that was unique to just them. I was only 13, so I was a little naive, but I literally thought to myself, "WOW. He had the time to have special relationships with each one of us!" I knew he loved us all unconditionally, and I knew that he and my brothers shared things that I was not a part of, but I guess it never occurred to me that he had room in his heart to have that kind of relationship with anyone else after all the time, energy and love that was poured into our relationship. It was a wonderful moment for me to realize how much love his heart held. And I had just scratched the surface.

I'm currently making a book of letters that were written by his family, friends, friends of his kids, teachers of his kids, customers...truly, there are letters from people in every avenue of his life. Reading through the letters has showed me that not only did he have room in his heart for relationships like that with his wife and kids, but he had room for all of these other people as well. Everyone wrote their own special memories, but one thing seemed to resonate throughout the stories: Bill Blair gave of himself to anyone who needed him, and when you were with him you truly felt like there was nothing in the world he'd rather be doing. He had a love for people of all ages, and my scrapbook table is overflowing, a book that is literally busting because there is too much in it, that tells of his love. Our friend Judy Newey gave us a poem that she modified in his name that describes our lives as a "dash" from one end to the next. The poem notes that the important part is what we do in the middle. My dad was never famous and he certainly never made millions. He didn't work hard at building a name for himself in the business world. He didn't even graduate from college. But one thing he did accomplish, which I think most people unfortunately miss out on, was connecting with people. Knowing people. Loving people. He passed along his gift of truly connecting with people to me and of all of the traits I acquired from him, that is the one of which I am most proud.

Happy birthday daddy. I miss you every day, and I love you very much. Oh - and I really hope you're enjoying your time in heaven with mimi so much that neither of you have even noticed the cowboys this season..........

WW

I get tired of my Wednesday posts all being named the same, so I try to think of different names periodically. Today I thought I'd abbreviate William Wednesday, then after typing WW I realized that it could also appear to be his initials. So now I have a new name: William Wallis Wednesday. Maybe I'll use that next week. Then there's always W squared for math nerds, or even Wcubed. So many doors have been opened...or 3 doors. As usual, I'm digressing.

I don't have a lot of time to write today. Busy bees at work. But here's what my little bear has been up to this week:

~his babbling has become more consistent and more purposeful. it sounds like he's saying "dada' a lot of times, but I don't think he has a connection to what dada means yet. he also babbles when he's happy and when he's frustrated, and there is definitely a difference.
~he is VERY tall. we were at mr. scott's house for football Sunday and there was a 19 month old boy there too. William was not even an inch shorter! at his doctor's appt Monday he was in the 90% for height.
~he does not like his daddy playing with other babies. Austin was playing with the 19 month old on Sunday. That boy has quite the arm and was throwing a ball to me, but he couldn't get the coordination to catch it. so Austin kneeled behind him and helped him get his arms in position to catch the ball. after a few times William crawled over to Austin and tried to stand where Spencer had been. I grabbed him and sat him on my lap so Spencer could catch the ball from someone else and William just stared over at Austin. I think he felt betrayed :(
~he is starting to get good with his "pinchers" - he grabs small pieces of food and brings them to his mouth, he just doesn't know what to do at that point :)
~he finally got a hold of Reagan last week and he has been even more eager for him ever since. he is sweeter to reagan than nancy though, almost as if he knows reagan is a wuss and can't handle the abuse.
~he and layla have developed quite the bond. we put up baby gates that can contain william in the living room and he likes to stand up and hold on to them. one day he banged his forehead on one and started crying- layla was on the other side of the gate and rushed over to lick it better.
~he LOVE LOVE LOVES his sippy cup.
~he loves the mirror in his bathroom! when we're on our way in there at night he starts looking towards the mirror and smiling at himself before he can even SEE the mirror! a couple of nights ago we kept walking in and out to see how many times he'd do it and he did it every time!
~yaya and papa bought him a baby laptop and he loves to close it. he hasn't figured out how to open it so he looks up at us as if to say "um, open please?" so we open it, like little lab rats, and then we try to push the buttons to play with him but he just starts laughing and closes it. he has us trained so well.

Sorry this post doesn't have a lot of flare or detail - I'm sure more has happened this week, we're just so busy at work that I'm trying to rush through this. More next week...I promise. Or hope. Hope is better than promise :)

Another Year Wiser

There are parts of Austin and my sweet reunion that I have left out of the blog world. Specifically the night he came home on R&R from Iraq in 2005. I was in Houston for my step sister's custody hearing and I knew Austin was supposed to be arriving in Houston that day. Eagerly I called his mom's cell phone around 4, after leaving the courthouse, to find out when she was expecting Austin to arrive. I had to drive back to College Station that night to be at work at 6 am the next morning, but if possible I wanted nothing more than to see him before I left. I was shocked when the phone quit ringing and Austin answered! He said they were on their way from the airport back to his mom's apartment and then would probably figure something out for dinner. I asked if I should meet him there, wait at my mom's house, or go back to College Station and just see him on Friday night for the rodeo as planned. He said he'd love for me to meet him at his mom's house.

DONE! I was on my way.

However, when I got there they had already left for dinner. I knocked on the door and a man I'd never met answered.
"Hi, is Austin here?"
"no, who are you?"
"Um, ******long awkward embarrassed pause***** I'm Amanda. He told me to meet him here. Will he be back soon?"
"Yeah, they left for dinner awhile ago so they should be back soon. You can come in and wait if you want."

Two. Hours. Two hours I sat and waited. Austin's uncle is not the most talkative person and his mind must have been turning over trying to figure out who this random girl sitting next to him was, why she was so dressed up, and what business she had with Austin. I can only imagine what he thought. He didn't say much and I just stared at the TV screen in embarrassment as I watched the hands on the clock tick by. Every time I looked up and saw how much time had passed I thought, "certainly they'll be home any second. no point in leaving now". FINALLY the door opened. My stomach jumped into my throat. Then enters a guy not much older than myself. "Ah, that must be Greg" I thought to myself. Austin must be next! Then enters a man just a few years older than Greg. "Hmm, no idea who that is. Austin must be next" I thought again. Then enters Candace. Then the door closes.

Really?

"Austin had to go get some shoes, he'll be back soon" Greg explained.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! I looked over at the older man, who I still hadn't met, and saw a sly grin on his face as I heard the door open again. In my head I told myself to be cool, nonchalant, and not to let my excitement show in front of all of these strangers who had no idea who I was. My head didn't speak loud enough, though, as I jumped off the couch, ran across the living room and leaped into his arms. After the best hug of my life, I opened my eyes to see that same sly grin on the older man's face. Embarrassed, I slowly made my way back to the ground and walked over to introduce myself.

"Hi, I'm Amanda" I said, extending my hand to shake his.
"I think I already know who you are. I'm herb," he chuckled as he refused my hand shake and leaned in for a hug instead.

And that sly grin never left his face. That was the day I first met Herb 5 years ago, and that sly grin is still there most of the time.

I also think I've left out of blogging that during the 8ish years when Austin and I didn't speak, Candace and I spoke regularly. And every time we spoke, I asked her when she was going to leave her husband. I am not an advocate of divorce under most circumstances, and I genuinely believe that most marriages can be salvaged. There are some instances, though, when I do think divorce may be the only answer. Not because the marriage CAN'T be salvaged, but because both parties aren't willing to do what it would take in order to save it. Candace was in that position. Her husband was not interested in putting in the effort to make the marriage work. I knew a few vantage points on their relationship because I had dated Austin and heard his stories, I was friends with some of Gene's girlfriends so I heard his stories, and Candace told me some of her own. When I saw her in early 2004 and I asked her my regular question, I was thrilled to hear that she had finally decided to cut ties. It was not a healthy relationship for her and I loved her too much to see her held down in such unhappiness.

Then I was even more thrilled when she first told me about Herb. He was fun. He was loving. He was exciting. And most importantly, he was CRAZY about her.

He still is crazy about her. He is crazy about her sons. He's crazy about his daughters. He's crazy about his grandkids, and he's even sort of crazy about his aggie daughter-in-law. He is the kind of person who loves people and would do anything for the people in his life. He has friends everywhere, and I think that says a lot about the kind of person he is: Either everyone loves him or everyone is afraid of him. Or maybe a little of both :)

I have loved seeing Candace being treated how she deserved to be treated all along. I've loved watching Austin develop the kind of fatherly relationship he always deserved. And I've loved having a father in law who I love so much. Happy Birthday Pop - William can't wait to see you next week!

Easy on the Canvas, Heavy on the Cocktails

Or maybe it was heavy on the canvas, easy on the cocktails. I just can't keep it straight :)

A couple of months ago I told you that Kaila and I went to canvas and cocktails for my birthday, and I promised I'd add pictures later. Well, after I thought about it I decided I'd save the canvas and cocktails pictures and story for Kaila's birthday - and tie it all in together for her birthday post(2 days late, sorry I just can't seem to post on the weekends!). I know you've all been biting your nails waiting for pictures, just dying to see my inner artist come out, so now you can rest easy...alas, they are here. But first, a little more on Kaila...

When I first moved to Denver I was unemployed for a month. It's funny to me when I hear myself say that (or see myself type it) because when I was in the middle of that one, short month I felt like it was an eternity. I truly felt like I had been unemployed for at least a year by the time I finally started my first job. Makes sense, I was in a new city where I knew no one and I had no source of income. Time was just dragging by. I spent my days wandering the aisles of Target all by my lonesome, yet buying nothing because I had no money. What a sad story! I finally landed a sub-par job through a temp agency, and while it was no where near my dream first-job-out-of-college I was more than thrilled to be out of the house and earning a paycheck. (silly me, i should have stayed unemployed forever) Though the paycheck problem was solved, the first month of work at Janus was still pretty lonely. The people I'd met weren't the easiest to get to know, and I am not the most outgoing in new social situations, so I wouldn't say any friendships were blooming. There was a group of people that I'd go get coffee with in the mornings and sometimes go out to lunch with or the occasional happy hour, but no real friendships in the making.

That was until one fateful day when I saw our newest hire on her first day. A girl who looked to be around my age, wearing the cutest clothes and fashioning the prettiest curly, blonde hair I'd ever seen. Janus was a revolving door and people were always in and out, so it wasn't odd to

have another new person in so soon after I had just started. But aside fromme, she was the only other female employee under the age of 30 who didn't already have an established life in Denver. She was a recent college graduate who had also transplanted to Denver that summer. She was just as desperate for a friend as I was. And it was this desperation that brought us together :)

At Janus we only had about 3 hours of actual work that had to be done in our 8 hour work day, so the other 5 hours were usually spent surfing the web, pulling pranks on coworkers, or just socializing. I made a point to go over to Kaila's cube regularly and literally give her no option but to be friends with me. And my strategy worked.

I only thought it was desperation that brought us together, though, as now I realize it was a much higher power than that. Kaila and I have always had a special connection - so much so that if I tried to describe it, I may sound like I swing both ways if you get my drift. During the 4 years that I've known Kaila a deeper relationship grew than I ever would have expected. We've shared sleepovers, cookouts, concerts, sporting events, parties, painting adventures and much more. We've never gone more than three days without talking, even when I lived in Houston! Sometimes we have nothing to talk about and sometimes we are fighting over who can gripe about their job the most, but either way we always find something to talk about. And we have this great ability to make each other laugh regardless of how awful things may seem.

I talk all the time about how much I love Colorado, and I do. But I'd be lying if I said it had everything to do with the geography and nothing to do with Kaila. Had we never met, I may still be friendless. I wouldn't have met her awesome sister Dusti, her wacky college roommate Jodi, and I wouldn't have met one of the best friends I've ever had. I'm sad to report that Kaila recently moved back to North Dakota, and as sad as it makes me to drive past her former home every day on my way to work I know the distance won't change much for us. We'll still talk almost every day, we'll still have that special connection I mentioned earlier, and I'll still be able to call her one of my closest friends. I just have a new challenge ahead of me: a challenge to get her back to Denver or to marry my brother, either one is fine with me :)

Happy two days late birthday, Kaila. I can't wait to see you Friday, give you a big ol' hug, and go out to celebrate your birthday. It'll be way better than your lame North Dakota celebration :)

And, as promised, here are pictures from our painting adventure. Canvas and cocktails was tons of fun, and our pictures turned out significantly better than I had expected. Hopefully during one of her monthly visits back to Denver we can paint some more!

Should have Stopped

I should have stopped while I was ahead. I should have called the NFL commissioner and the NCAA whatever-his-title-is and asked them to end the season 2 weeks ago when I first thought of it.

The cowboys handed the Texans a loss that weekend to end their perfect streak. Then last weekend the cowboys of Oklahoma State handed the aggies a loss to get rid of their goose egg in the L column. I, too, took a loss in fantasy football...BOTH weekends...so what was once a 3-tiered run at perfection is now a no-go. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted. The Texans did come back last weekend and beat Oakland, and I have every confidence that we will all have victories this weekend. So gig 'em, bull 'em (not sure what to say for the texans...) and let's go arian foster...lead me to another fantasy win.

In other news, I just need to brag about my husband for a minute. I think I've mentioned before that William's teacher is an army wife, but I'm not sure if I've gone through the rank structure. Her husband was enlisted for 10 years and then he went to officer candidacy school and became an officer. He is now a Captain and is Company Commander for one of the 3 companies in their unit. Austin's direct "boss" is his First Sergeant, and his direct "boss" is their company commander - who, obviously, is the peer of Kim's husband.

So this morning as I was turning to leave after dropping William off Kim said, "Oh, I wanted to tell you. All week my husband has been going on and on about how good of an NCO your husband is and how he's the best in their unit, and apparently they've all been talking about it for awhile. I don't know all the terms or titles or who has been talking, but he just said they all think your husband should be in charge of the deployment instead of the other guy because he's the best. He's just been going on all week" So that's pretty fun!

To be in "charge" of the deployment would mean he'd carry the title "Non Commissioned Officer In Charge", or NCOIC, and he would be in charge of the administrative side of making sure all his soldiers are doing a good job, have what they need, are handling everything ok, etc. He'd travel around Afghanistan visiting them all in their remote locations and checking in on them. Note that he would NOT be going on missions, his soldiers would be.

Note that I would LOVE for him to be NCOIC, while he'd rather go out on missions. Harumph. He would be glad to take the job if it were offered to him, but as it stands there is an NCO who has more time-in-rank than he does, so he will be taking on that role. Apparently not everyone has all of their confidences in this other man, but I don't think that will change who is in charge. It typically goes to the highest ranking person. Again, harumph.

Oh well, the compliments were fun to hear anyway. I'm certainly not getting any praise for my work so at least he is!

I better get to work so that I can leave on time today and have a nice, relaxing (busy) weekend. Tomorrow William and I have some shopping to do...Ann Taylor LOFT has been calling my name (i.e. sending me emails) and I can no longer ignore them. It may have something to do with the fact that all of my winter pants are too big and my summer pants are too thin for the cold air. Then tomorrow night Austin and I are going out on a date. Kim is going to babysit William so I know he'll have a blast. Miss Kim ALL to himself? What could be better in the world? And hopefully in the middle of the shopping and dating that will be happening we can get the house in order and laundry done so that Sunday we can just enjoy some football. Welcome back Cushing, go get those Giants!!!

Willllllliam Wednesday!!!

William had another fun-filled week! Last Wednesday when I picked him up from school we headed to the airport to pick up his YaYa and PaPa who were coming in to visit for the weekend. I think the entire scene at the airport was a little stressful - William wasn't quite sure what to think of all the people, and then these 2 people he didn't remember were trying to hold him and he got a little upset. But, once we got home where he's comfortable he was more than happy to have his playmates on the floor for him to climb all over. Then when YaYa went into her suitcase and got out 2 new books for him, he was sold. These people were cool!

Thursday he spent the day at home with his grandparents, and I hear they had a great time. They also came up to have lunch with me which was the highlight of my workday. At lunch William grabbed a full water glass(ice included!) and spilled it on my lap so I was FREEZING walking out to the car. Luckily there was a Target in the same shopping center as the restaurant we ate at. Darn, new pants. Thanks William :) Thursday night we walked in the Light the Night walk (which I still have to write about!) William did not want to sleep OR ride in his stroller. My coworker Paul and I both had big plans of our babies falling asleep right as the walk would start, and both babies stayed awake the entire time. They were happy as long as they weren't in their strollers. I can't blame them though, there was lots to see!

Friday my mom and Alfredo wanted to go into the mountains to see the fall colors as the leaves were changing, so we drove up to Silverthorne to the outlet mall. There were beautiful trees on our way up there and the scenery while we were there was beautiful. I don't think I ever saw true fall colors until I was a sophomore in high school and we went to Virginia for Thanksgiving...but that definitely made me appreciate trees more! In Houston trees generally are either green or brown, there's not a long in-between phase. But the yellow, orange, and red leaves painting the mountains were gorgeous. Have I mentioned I love Colorado? Oops, this blog is about William. Not Colorado. Moving on.

William's YaYa bought him some Thanksgiving and Christmas outfits at the outlet mall. His mommy and daddy got nothing - surprise surprise huh? But he'll be precious in his little clothes! Then again, he always is :) He enjoyed walking around with PaPa and dancing to the music in Chipotle with YaYa. He definitely loved the attention of having his grandparents in town! It was funny when we were showing Austin his new clothes when he got home from work. He said "William, when your grandparents used to come to Denver they bought us stuff. Now we get nothin'." That's parenthood I suppose :)

That night my friend Stef came over to cook dinner and while we were cooking I turned around to see what William was doing. He was sitting on the floor in a pool of water waving the pets' water bowl over his head. The bowl had been FULL. I have no idea how he had the strength to lift it and tip it over, but he was thoroughly enjoying it! He doesn't seem to understand why we pick up all the pet bowls as he scurries across the floor or why we bought 2 baby gates on Saturday to barricade him in the living room :)

He's pulling up more and more and he's trying to stand without assistance. His balance isn't there yet, so his bottom is taking a beating as he falls often. He thinks its funny though :) He loves to play in his crib in the mornings, climbing up and standing at the rails, playing with stuffed animals, and throwing things around. I found an animal across his room one morning this week! My mom said she finds it "kind of funny" that William is an early riser and such a morning person because I definitely never was. Things have changed slightly for me and my morning-attitude...I can't sleep in nearly as late as I used to be able to and I am a little more chipper in the mornings. Was absolutely more chipper than she was before her cup of coffee, I do have to say! In any case, William does love the mornings and I am happy to wake a smiling baby rather than a grumpy one.

He still doesn't have teeth, which I am trying my hardest not to worry about. I know all babies are different and things happen at different times. I know he's a rock star with his mobility and some of his motor skills, but I can't stop mentally thinking about how I wish his little teeth would come in. I'm sure they are there and I keep thinking it must be soon as he gnaws on EVERYTHING, but so far no pearly whites. I know I shouldn't worry about it and I should just enjoy him as he is...I do enjoy him, I just have to be honest...I'm a little concerned. His toothless smile is to die for, but I'm sure his little smile with 2 baby teeth will be just as cute. Some day.

He's on the verge of moving up a clothing size again so we are now prioritizing what he wears so we can get the most use out of our favorites. How ridiculous is that? Then it'll be time yet again to pack up the old and hang up the new. Wouldn't it be fun to have a whole new wardrobe every 3 months???? I have to admit, I'm a bit jealous :) It'd also be fun to look as cute in clothes as he does. He's got the life, that's for sure! People carry him wherever he needs to go, he gets fed whenever he's hungry, bottom cleaned by someone else, gets to play all day and people adore him.

Why do we ever grow out of being babies again???

A Valuable Friend to Have

All friends are valuable, so I'm talking about a value above and beyond the norm. Like if you were a die-hard football fan and your best friend played on your favorite team therefore had free season tickets for you. That would be a valuable friend. I am not friends with any football players, but I am friends with a chef. And that is priceless.

First, Stef changed my opinion of military spouses. That in itself was priceless. Thanks to my brother and Austin's many, many warnings about typical army wives, I have always been weary of getting too involved in any army business. The wives that I had met seemed to fit the stereotype pretty well, too, so that just furthered my distance. Actually, one of the first times I met Stef she was hanging out with one of the other wives whom I had met before, and that other wife was bad mouthing who I thought was her best friend. If you close your eyes, you may have memories of high school here. That's exactly how it was. This particular wife talked bad about whoever was not in her immediate presence, and I've known too many girls to believe that I would be any different. So, I kept my distance from her. I'm sure she still talked about me, but I certainly didn't want to fuel that fire any more. Unfortunately, since she and Stef had become inseparable that meant I kept my distance from Stef too.

The winds slowly started to change, though, when Stef became the FRG leader and we spent more time together (as I am the treasurer). I realized that she did not fit the stereotype at all, and I really liked her. Being a little quiet with new people and not as much of a social butterfly as I was in my earlier days, the friendship didn't take off right away. But ever since the first time she came to our house after William was born we've been getting to know each other more and more - and I'm pretty glad I didn't hold her to my typical "army wife" opinion. She had offered to come cook dinner for us after William was born to give us a break. What she didn't know was that I love to cook and love to learn new ways to cook (plus I was deep into my food network addiction at this point) She made pan seared pork chops, pan fried/cooked (??) diced peppers with corn, and the most delicious grits I have ever tasted. I think I've actually made the grits about 20 times. :)

Since then we've had a few cooking excursions. We've made lasagna, brajouille (i completely made up how to spell that word, but its basically meat stuffed with meat...and my meat loving husband thinks there's nothing better in the world) homemade salad dressings, hand stuffed bratwursts, white chocolate chip scones, apple pie, homemade pasta with an awesome zucchini based sauce...and the latest: salad with lemon caper dressing, chicken and shrimp (yes, i tasted one!) paella (pi-a-uh) and a simple pastry dessert. She had been wanting to cook paella for awhile, so she and her husband Steve came over Friday night to have dinner with us while my mom and Alfredo were in town. I use the word "we" liberally here - some nights I'm more involved than others - but we've had a lot of fun cooking over the past few months and I've certainly learned a lot.

Her birthday was Sept 14, as was my good friend Jonathan's and a few other people that I know, and I failed to include them in my blogging-birthday tributes. I'll use work as my excuse, but really- shame on me. I'm so glad that Stef was able to change my opinion of military spouses and open my narrow-minded eyes to see that just because most are one way doesn't mean they all are. I mean, I can't be the ONLY good one right? (hahahahahaahahahahahaha) I'm also pretty thankful to be friends with someone with such valuable knowledge. I can ask her anything about cooking and she always has the answer! More than both of those, though, I'm just glad that circumstances worked out how they did so that she and I were able to become friends. Shy as I may seem sometimes, or as little as I talk when we're in a group of army people - I really like her and I'm glad to have such a good friend. So - better late than never - happy 2 week late birthday Stef!

I better get a list together of the things i need to learn to cook over the next 10 months, though, because in June she and Steve are headed to Maryland for the next phase of their Army life :(