I never wanted a step dad. Or a step parent, for that matter. In elementary school a few of my friends had divorced parents and all they did was gripe about their step parents. They were mean, they took all of their mom/dad's attention, they didn't get along, etc. So as fun as 2 Christmas's may have seemed, I knew I was pretty blessed for my parents to still be married.
I never wanted a step dad after my dad passed away either. And one with the same birthday as my dad? No thanks. If you've already read my Part 1 post you learned a little bit more about our relationship, and you can probably understand why I had no interest in inserting another person into that role - regardless of whether or not he was meant to "replace" my dad. I didn't want a step dad, and that was that. Lucky for me, Alfredo never wanted to be a step father. Not in the sense I was thinking, anyway. When Alfredo and my mom started dating he was very aware that we, as her kids, were not at a place to be comfortable or ok with that - and he was fine with waiting. He was very open with the fact that he was willing to play whatever role in our lives that we wanted him to play, and he'd sit patiently and let us dictate the dynamics. We were still grieving our loss and we weren't ready for another father-figure to step in. We got there though, and he was patient in the time it took.
I think my relationship with Alfredo grew more in my last year living at home than any other time period since he and my mom got married. I can't pinpoint why this is, as there isn't any specific moment that made me realize this, I just know that prior to that he was just a person living in my house. When I graduated from high school and moved to college, though, he was a member of my family.
Alfredo is one of the most patient people I've ever met in my life. He was patient with my brothers and myself (very forgiving too!), he's patient with my mom, and he's even patient with my fat cat. (doesn't take much, I think Alfredo is Reagan's biggest fan) He would do anything for any one of us and I know that if I need anything he's always willing to do whatever it is. He's built shelves on my whim, put ceiling fans in my house while on "vacation", driven across town to help me change a tire, driven across town again to pick me up from a car accident(or 3)...and every time I've called upon him he's responded with a smile. The best part of all - he is such a good "papa" to William! His tennis conditioning allows him to crawl/roll/lay/sprawl on the floor - whatever William wants - and be William's personal jungle gym. I'm sure he'll be able to do that for YEARS! What a lucky baby William is :)
There was once a time when I told him I didn't think I could ever celebrate his birthday on the actual day because it was too hard for me to celebrate knowing it should be my dad in his place. I told him the same thing about father's day, and in both conversations he said "that's fine, I'll be here anytime you want to celebrate or not. I am not your dad and I don't want to replace him, so I respect anything you have to do to honor him". He was never threatened by the looming shadow, he just stood beside it happily. He has never had a desire to outdo or one-up my dad, he just wants to be a part of our lives. His patience to meet me where I was, in both the metaphorical and literal senses, helped me move from not wanting a step dad to being pretty thankful I had one. Not just had one, though, but had him. Happy Birthday Alfredo - hope you enjoyed your full week of celebrations!
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