Happy thanksgiving

Thanksgiving: 1. The act of giving thanks; 2. A prayer expressing gratitude; 3. A public acknowledgement or celebration of divine goodness.

Growing up, Thanksgiving was one of my least favorite holidays. (We don’t need to get into New Years again do we? I didn’t think so.) Now, like Halloween I wouldn’t say I disliked Thanksgiving, I just never really got into it. I kind of thought it was silly to be honest, and I guess I didn’t realize I had so much to be thankful for. I’ll blame it on my youth! I knew I had health and happiness and family and friends, but I think at 10 years old you just assume everyone has those things. Plus, I didn’t like turkey or cornbread or cranberries(I probably didn’t like green beans or sweet potatoes either…I think I only liked the pie) so that didn’t leave me with a very delightful feast either. So I lumped Thanksgiving in with Halloween, a holiday I could take or leave and one that we just had to get through in order to get to Christmas.

The first Thanksgiving I remember being truly thankful was the first thanksgiving after my dad died, ironically enough. I guess it makes sense, though, that I had lost that childhood innocence and then knew that the things I had taken for granted were not things I was guaranteed in life. We aren’t guaranteed health and happiness and family and friends…we aren’t guaranteed to have a dad, and once I knew that I think I realized how thankful I was for the people I did have. I was thankful for my mom who stood strong in the face of disaster, I was thankful for my big brothers who held me under their wings when we lost our dad. I was thankful for all of our support from our church, family, and close friends. I was just thankful, and I enjoyed the holiday.

Fast forward to college and I was REALLY thankful at Thanksgiving because it was a quick break before finals started, and it was absolutely the best meal I would eat all semester. Yeah yeah, thankful for the rest too…family, friends, thankful to be an Aggie…yeah, all of that. But real food – heavenly.

The point is that I think I like Thanksgiving more every year. I think I realize every year I have more and more for which I am thankful, and the blessings in my life are just astounding. I’ve been trying really hard this year to not run from the struggles of this deployment, but not wallow in a pool of my own misery either. It’s not easy; it has been hard every day. But every day I have made a choice to look at things in the best possible light and what it has turned into has been one of the most blessed years of my life.

The one exception to those abundant blessings is that Austin is not here, and there’s no getting around that. We will spend the first Thanksgiving and Christmas apart since 2005. It breaks my heart and eats me up, and I hate it. I am so thankful for him. I’m thankful for his courage and bravery, I’m thankful for our marriage, I’m thankful for the father that he is. I am not thankful that he will eat a mild Thanksgiving feast all by himself. I’m not thankful that he won’t be able to ask me to bake 3 pumpkin pies or that I won’t be able to make him his own picky form of fruit ambrosia (no coconut, no pecans..boring!) I am not thankful that he will not wake up with us on Christmas morning and will not be able to sit around the tree with Uncle Oh Gosh, Yaya, Papa, momMEEEE and little bear. I am not thankful that he will be spending those days, along with the 275+ prior, in the middle of the armpit of the world surrounded by people who have no semblance of meaning in his life.

But that’s when my perspective has to change. That’s when I have to try to look at things from a different angle. No, I do not like that current situation or what it means. But the reason it is so hard is because I love Austin so much. It is because he is such a wonderful husband and a better father than I ever even dreamed he would be. When we were first married he was a great husband, and he truly has gotten better and better as time has gone on. As a father, I knew he’d be wonderful but I had no idea the amount of patience, calmness, nurturing, and creativity he had in him. At times when I have thought he’d lose his cool, or when I have lost mine, he has been a solid rock with William. He can lose his patience at the drop of a hat with anyone else in the world but with William, he is as patient as they come. It amazes me. I don’t like that he won’t be able to share in the holidays with us, but I am so thankful that I have such a man that makes my heart ache this much. I am so thankful that at some point in the next 8 weeks (let’s hope for 6) he will be home with us and he and our sweet bear will relate to each other as if they never missed a beat. I am overwhelmed with thankfulness for the family I have been given.

I am thankful for the overwhelming love and support of our family and friends. I am thankful for every random card I’ve received in the mail. I’m thankful for the flowers that were sent. I’m thankful for all of the gifts that have surprised me on my doorstep. I’m thankful for the visitors we had throughout the year. I am thankful for the words of encouragement, and I’m thankful for the times when there were no words given at all. I cannot express my gratitude to the people who have supported us through this year, but know that I am thankful. I could not do this alone, and I am so thankful that I haven’t had to. From South Carolina to Illinois to Houston to San Antonio to Colorado and even to little ol’ North Dakota, I have been surrounded by love and support. I am most thankful for my mom, my brothers, my step dad, my in-laws, and my “family by choice” friends…and of course that sweet little boy who has kept my head spinning since he learned to walk. This has been one of the hardest years of my life, but has also been one of the best and I am so thankful for that.

In all things be joyful and be thankful in all things. Happy thanksgiving to you and your family.


- manda