I've read Matthew 6:25-34 more than any other single Bible passage. I've heard sermons on it numerous times, and I've studied it. But every time I read or hear it I take away something new. Our new sermon series at church is a 6 week series on transforming emotions and this week's focus was transforming worry into trust.
In this short passage Jesus tells us three times not to worry.
DO NOT WORRY
DO NOT WORRY!
DO NOT WORRY!!!
The pastor commented that we have wild imaginations when it comes to worry - boy is he right! After Austin left for Afghanistan I had many days when I was certain I was going to receive that dreaded knock at the door. So sure that there were times when I held my breath as I rounded the corner to my house, fearing the sight of a black SUV in the driveway. (for the record, I don't even know if the message-delivery people ride in dark SUVs but it just seems like they should). What would happen next was I would play out the following days, months, years in my head. Where would we have the funeral? Would I keep my job and house here in Colorado? Would William and I move back to Texas? Would we move to some unchartered ground? What would I do with all of Austin's tools? Guns? Army gear? Clothes? Would I eventually want to remarry? If not, in 20 years would William look with pity at his mom's sad life?
Hours were wasted thinking about these things. Hours that probably add up to days! And for what? How did any of that help me? I literally envisioned me 2 year old as a 22 year old adult who felt sorrow for my life. By worrying about it, did I in any way prevent it from happening? No. And by worrying about it, did I possibly make it more bearable should the day have come? Not in a million years. So what was I doing?
What I learned this week, that I hadn't taken away from this passage before, was that nothing surprises God. There will never be a moment when God will think "WHOA! I never saw that coming!" He is ready and prepared for whatever will come my way, and He is in control of it. I just have to trust Him to continue to guide me and be by my side. He does not promise that through Him my life will be easy. He does not promise that nothing bad will ever happen to me or that life will always go my way. What he does promise is that he will care for me more delicately than the lilies of the field; that he will provide for me more abundantly than he has for the birds of the air.
During the sermon the pastor asked any of us who are parents to imagine our kids as toddlers - easy for me since mine currently IS a toddler - and imagine that they are independently playing. Then imagine that suddenly something goes wrong...a tower falls, a toy breaks, something hurts them. What does the child do? He turns around, raises his arms high and runs into the comforting arms of his parents. The pastor reminded us that God wants us to run to Him in that manner.
Had I received that knock on the door, God would have been with me in that moment and through my grief just as he has been with me through all of life's struggles. And with the absence of that door-knock, I know He has been with Austin throughout his journey too. He has loved us, comforted us, and protected us together and apart. All he needs for me to do is run to Him and find peace.
No planning.
No worrying.
Only trusting.
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