I don’t know who is a bigger nag – me or God. I say that with as much love for both parties as I could possibly have…but let’s face it, we are both nags.
For instance, I have been nagging Austin for the past three weeks and it wasn’t until last night in my steaming-hot-turn-your-skin-red bubble bath that I realized it’d only been three weeks. I had told myself, before our trip to Texas, that I wasn’t going to nag, bug, or pressure him in his first 2 months of being home – that just wouldn’t be fair. Plus, I had decided it’d put a strain on our vacation. So, 5:00am sharp on the day after vacation the nagging ensued. It was to my own peril, really, because he had strep throat for the first week so I couldn’t even REALLY nag him, but it was nagging at me. Then when he seemed to be getting better it was full force nagging with full force resistance on his end which ended in full force headaches for both of us. We had both accepted that our last month or so in Denver would be high stress, high pressure so he never got mad at me (bless his sweet and ever-smart heart) – but it was nag, nag, nag. If he accomplished nothing in a day I’d say, “Can’t you just do ONE thing every day? Just one thing. ANY thing.” Then, if he did ONE thing in a day I’d say “can’t you just get in the groove and knock stuff off our list left and right?”…you get the point. And to his defense, he has tried very hard. He tries to keep on track and tries to stay focused but as I’ve said before he’s just not in my head. So even when he tries, somehow there are details in my head that I’ve failed to communicate to him. Or then there are times where he just doesn’t rely on my brilliant organization the way I seem to think a logical person would. For instance – why wouldn’t you refer to section 1 of my binder to see the calendar of events and find where I’ve noted your schedule before you make an appointment to turn in your gear at CIF? (yes…ALL that gear from last week…) Because page one of section one of our moving binder was not referenced, he double booked Reagan’s appointment and his CIF appointment. Some people are just better suited for this kind of stuff I think and I fail to remember that sometimes. (all the time)
But last night I realized it had really only been three weeks since we got home, and two since he was “well” enough to be productive. My nagging and obsessing and worrying and planning have made two weeks feel literally like two months. I could have SWORN our trip to Texas was months ago. I guess that’s what all this stress does to you. It’s no wonder they say moving ranks #1 on the list of things that stress you out! So I’m not quite sure who is benefitting from all of this nagging, but I’m STARTING to believe that really NO ONE is benefitting. I’m not quite ready to admit it, but I think I may get there.
And while Austin has been quietly enduring my nagging, I have been not so quietly enduring God’s. It’s no secret that I’ve been worried to my core about moving. And with every piece of the puzzle that has found its place, I have placed more emphasis and weight on the pieces that are still outstanding. Where I once had 20 pieces of disheveled equally weighted stress enducing madness, I now have about 15 pieces beautifully in place and 5 outstanding. My numbers are just guesses, but the point is as items have found their way from “unknown” to “pending” to “final” my stress level has not decreased as I thought it would. If anything it has only increased. And then every time I get worked up or worried, there’s this nagging voice in my head telling me pesky little things like “when you are weak, then you are strong” and “be still and know that I am God” and “I have a plan for you”…annoying little things like that. Last night I even caught myself responding to one of God’s crazy rants by saying, “well, If I am STILL and trust that you are God, then who will take care of all this stuff?”
Silly, silly, silly me. One day I might learn that I can win most arguments but not with God. Primarily because He doesn’t argue back – not necessarily because He’s right and I’m wrong or anything.
So, as time goes I’m working on trying to let go of some things, let go of the worry of others things, and trust that things are going to work out. I’m working on finding the balance between just sitting back and waiting for things to happen according to God’s will and attempting to forge God’s will in the path that I wish it to be…I imagine this may be a lifelong pursuit, but I’m definitely working on it.
As for how things are going, I’d say they are going very well. If it were anyone else’s move and not my own I think I’d be thoroughly impressed at how quickly and fairly simply things have worked themselves out…but I seem to be less impressed being that it is mine and therefore I wish it would have all been done in about 24 hours. In any case – this is where we are:
1. We have renters! Our house was on the rental market for all of 11 days and received 5 applications before the winning application came in. Our tenants move in April 18, just in time for the movers to leave on the 16th and house cleaners and carpet cleaners to come on the 17th. It’s a tight squeeze and I’m pretty sure the renters would have taken it sooner if we had said it was available.
2. Because our house officially doesn’t need to be in ‘showing order’ we got down and dirty with the sorting/categorizing/organizing/purging. Our guest room is now just for storage- the bed is against the wall, there’s a big trash bucket in the middle of the room, and there are areas of the room designated for different areas of the house. My hope is that it will all be packed accordingly, but I realize there’s just a glimmer of hope there since I won’t be around to bark orders to the movers. But that’s ok, at least it’ll all be packed. We also went through our closet, William’s closet, our bathroom, William’s bathroom, and the upstairs hall closet to see what we could get rid of. We made a couple trips to goodwill and threw away more stuff than I care to admit, and now I think it’s safe to say that the upstairs is ready to go. Austin thinks I went a little overboard and was a little OCD in how much effort I put into this – seeing as technically I could sit back and eat bon bons and it’d all get done by the movers – but I like knowing that everything we’ll spend time unpacking is worth unpacking. All that’s left is to make sure the stuff in the crawl space is necessary (I think it is unfortunately) and get it all out of the crawl space and into one of our storage places (garage, office, guest room) Then I think the house is ready!
3. Our travel plans are final and hotels are booked. Our hotel in Monterey costs more than the 2 hotels along the way combined, but it is right along the beach and our door opens to the private dog area of the beach. So – I’ll keep my complaining to a minimum. Plus, it’ll all be reimbursed anyway so I really shouldn’t care. William is happy because in Las Vegas he gets to go see the Gorillas again and see how loud they are in the rain. (rainforest café is .4 miles from our hotel) Brian thinks we should take William to see the real gorillas at some hotel on the strip, but I don’t think my 2 year old son will find himself on Las Vegas Blvd anytime in the next 16 years. So, computerized gorillas it is. We will leave Colorado Springs Monday April 23, stop in Grand Junction then Las Vegas and arrive in Monterey Wednesday April 25, get our house Thursday the 26, and have our household goods delivered Friday the 27.
4. Did I already mention I have a job interview? Can’t remember when that was set in place. Monday April 30. Which means this weekend I had to take my suit to be altered and was pleasantly surprised at how much had to be taken in. Score!
5. Reagan and Nancy have reservations at the Colorado Cat Hotel for the duration of our stay at Oh Gosh’s house. It is as much for my sanity as it is for the sake of his couches, Reagan’s tail, Nancy’s neck, and katy’s blood pressure. The place is ridiculous – those cats aren’t gonna want to come home. They have a “family townhome” with a private enclosed garden patio and Reagan will get all the treats his heart desires. We may have just rid ourselves of 2 pets actually!
Actually, writing this made me realize that there really isn’t much left to do. A few phone calls to make (such as Comcast, DirecTV, our milk man, etc) and maybe some goodbyes to say but other than that I think we’re about ready to go. I guess now I can sit back, be still, and know that He is God. I just need to figure out how to get there sooner next time.
- manda
No comments:
Post a Comment