Not the WORST Day of My life

In my attempt to tone down the drama of leaving William and going back to work on Wednesday, I reminded myself all day that it wasn't anywhere near the worst day of my life. It helped me to somewhat keep things in perspective. I am so blessed to have a job to come back to; I am blessed to have a healthy baby boy who I am able to leave to go to work; I'm blessed to have the resources to keep William at home and then send him to a WONDERFUL school program in June - all around I am very blessed in this situation and even though it breaks my heart to hug him goodbye in the morning, I know I am doing what I believe is best for him.

So, off to work I go (or went, as I am already sitting here at my desk)

Instead of attempting to do catch-up posts and have detailed accounts of the time I missed blogging about, I'll save a few key stories for their own special blogs and just let this one be one big catch up. So what all have I left out?

The past 3 months have been wonderful. I had heard but never understood (as you can't until you go through it) the miracle of being a parent. In one day my life became about someone else. If his naps don't coincide with a shower for me, if I don't get to eat lunch until 3:00, if I never get to get dressed for the day or blog or scrapbook or do whatever else it is that i'd like to do - if none of that happens, but I have a happy baby...the day was a success. Sure I tried to keep my days as organized and busy as I could - after all, this is ME we're talking about. But on days that it just didn't work, it didn't matter. I loved being able to watch William grow and learn over the last 3 months. The amount of change in a baby's brain in the first year is just incredible. When he was born he literally knew NOTHING and now he knows his mommy and daddy, he can smile on demand, he knows where to look for his favorite windows, he knows what the sight of his bottle means...he's absorbed even more than I know he has, and I know there's just more and more for him to learn.

We enjoyed having our visitors during his first 2 months. He had his yaya and papa come see him, his uncle brandon and aunt dana, and his honorary-aunt Addie. On top of that we took our trip to Dallas where he met more family. Then after Addie left I had the last 3 weeks of maternity leave to just be at home with him, and I'm glad it worked out that way. He was awake more and more during the days and we got to play, bond, smile, and DANCE. William loves to dance and every day we'd dance along with Ellen. I swear he started to recognize her theme song!

Austin is at home with William this week and next week, and it is a great transition for me. He is so good at sending me pictures and updates throughout the day so I feel more connected to him than if he were already at his school. After Austin goes back to work my mom will be here for one week to watch him, then Austin's mom will be here for the last 2 weeks of May. Then June 1, one day before he turns 4 months old, he'll go to the Goddard school. I know I blogged MONTHS and months ago about the struggle to find a day care, but I had no idea how important that search was. I am so pleased that we found the Goddard school and are able to afford it compared to some of the other day cares we looked at. I feel like he'll be in a great place, in great hands and learning exactly what he needs to be learning.

So, other than 2 other blogs I want to write on specific topics from the last couple months I think we're caught up. My addictions of the food network and ellen will most likely be replaced with a rekindled addiction to coffee as I try to manage working out, going to work, and dropping off/picking up William from day care. Should be a challenge!

Godparents: Decision Made

The decision was a hard one not because we couldn’t think of anyone who would take it as seriously as we do or who would do a good job, but because we couldn’t decide between the wonderful choices we had. But, we feel like we made a great choice for our first baby’s god parents, and I’d like to tell you a little more about them!

Its funny how the things we think may be the least significant in our lives end up being the most remarkable. After I graduated from high school a good friend of mine called and told me that his dad, who was the accounting controller (now the CFO) for an oil and gas company in Houston, needed another summer intern to do some work in the accounts payable department. I needed a job, he needed an employee - nice set up. I enjoyed the job so much that I called Mr. Wells and returned back to Rowan over Christmas break and the following summer, at which point he moved me from accounts payable to tax. It was in my second summer that I first met Brittany. She was the peer of who was supposed to be my “supervisor” but as events occurred throughout the summer, she ended up being my supervisor and what I didn’t know was that she would soon become a very, very good friend. I returned to Rowan every Christmas and summer from there on out and always requested to work for Brittany because I liked her so much as a supervisor, I learned so much from her, and overall I just liked her. I couldn’t have predicted, though, that 4 years after having met her she and her husband would be friends of my husband and I, and that they would be such a great support for me.

Neither Brittany or I seem to be terribly quick at making friends, so it took awhile for the relationship to move from just another office acquaintance to a friendship. One of the factors that helped move it along, though, was when we realized how well Austin and Michael got along. They shared similar interests, and the first time the 4 of us ate out Michael declared that I was “un American” because I said I didn’t care too much for apple pie. Austin had told me this time and time again, so he was immediately impressed that Michael not only saw it his way, but was happy to say so. (Side Note: I DO like apple pie, it is just not my favorite dessert. I will eat it, and I recently learned to make a delicious one myself thanks to Stef! - so I AM American. plus I married a soldier, I think that makes me exempt from all un-American jokes k?) Over time, the 4 of us began to meet for dinners, rodeos, hang out at the house and test out how to make cocktails...and the friendships blossomed.

A pivotal point in my friendship with Brittany came on the day that Austin left Maryland to go to Iraq. She had helped me get a job at the accounting firm she worked at, and on that day she had to run a few errands after work. She didn’t want me to have to go home by myself, but she also didn’t want to shed too much light on the obvious downer of the day, so she simply asked if I’d like to go along with her and run some errands. Afterwards, we had dinner at this fabulous restaurant (that neither of us can remember) and had great conversation with great wine. On the car ride home Austin called me to tell me he was boarding his plane to leave the states and would contact me as soon as possible. Neither of us being too mushy-mushy on emotional talk, Brittany didn’t say much as I hung up the phone. She just said, “We can talk if you want, or I can turn the radio up and blare Avril Lavigne so we can scream at the top of our lungs like BB and I do sometimes. Your choice”. Naturally I chose to blare the lyrics “Hey, hey, YOU, you I don’t like your girlfriend!” with the windows down and sunroof open, wind blowing in my face. We never talked about anything, but I always felt like that was a noteworthy moment in our friendship.

Michael is one of those irritatingly-likable people; the kind that everyone in the room just adores. It is impossible not to like Michael, and I think one of the reasons is because he is so good at making everyone feel individually special and important. For years Michael was, to me, Brittany’s husband. I assume that for those years I was, to him, Brittany’s friend and/or Austin’s wife. But in 2008 we went to the rodeo together and Brittany was hung up at work, and it was at this rodeo that I realized at some point we moved past being spouses of friends, or friends of spouses, and we had become friends of each other. We had a really nice time with their kids, and on Michael’s way back from the bathroom he handed me a wooden cross to hang on my wall. He didn’t say much, just “I thought it and I know you like crosses”. I don’t know when a gift has spoken such volumes to me. The cross is hanging in my kitchen, and every time I see it I am reminded of not only my friend’s husband, but my friend Michael.

We could not think of a couple that has been more influential in not only our lives but our relationship, so we felt like that was the best choice for William’s godparents. We know that they will help raise him knowing Jesus’ love as well as theirs. Thanks Brittany & Michael - we are so excited!

Century Club!

I logged on to write my blog about William's godparents, but I realized that this is my 100th post and I didn't want it to go unnoticed. So - I am not part of the blogging century club.

Funny story about the concept of a century club. The former student's association at aTm enters members into the "century club" if they make annual donations to the association. This is aTm's name for its alumni club, for those of you who don't get the whole "once an aggie, always an aggie" thing :) So on the back of my trailblazer I used to have a sticker that said "Century Club".

When I first met Kaila and she saw my car she said "Wow, your college has an OFFICIAL century club?" I didn't get it at first, but soon realized she thought that term was referring to the wild and crazy (and stupid!!!) idea of college students all around to take a shot of beer every minute for 100 minutes. As you can imagine, many try and don't succeed so they can't call themselves members of the "Century Club". I had to explain to her that it was not related to the breeding of alcoholics.

So, I am now the member of 2 century clubs: Former Students and Blogging! Thanks for sharing in the journey with me :)

Now, onto godparents.......

My New Addictions

When I was on bed rest I thought there was absolutely nothing on TV after The Price is Right (10:00) until Wheel of Fortune (6:30).

Boy was I wrong.

Thanks to my mom, I have now discovered the food network. If there isn't a show that I'm just dying to watch on at the present time, you can guarantee the food network is on. Half of the time I have no interest in ever cooking what they're cooking that day because so many of them use seafood (remember the shrimp face?) but its still fun to learn little tips and tricks on flavors, chopping, seasoning, etc. I've tried quite a few of the recipes that don't include seafood or too much cheese/cream/other fattening products, and so far haven't been disappointed. I especially prefer the recipes that don't take too much prep time because that means when I go back to work I can still make them! A lot of the chefs have little quirks that annoy me though. For instance, on Down Home with the Neely's I don't think they could possibly refer to each other with pet names any more than they do: I'm gonna add some salt here baby. Ok thanks for seasonin up my chickn hun. No problem sweetie. Alright sugar I'm gonna get started on the sauce. Oh you do that sauce so good baby. REALLY? come on. Or on Everyday Italian when Giada decides to turn on her Italian accent just for Italian words, like "parmigiana", "pasta" or "ricotta". I mean seriously, you either have an accent or you don't. Make up your mind. But, despite the quirks I am glued to the channel all day long.

Except at 3:00. At 3:00 the TV auto tunes to Ellen and I laugh pretty much non stop during the first 20 minutes. After her monologue and jokes sometimes I change the channel if I don't care for the guests (back to the food network of course) but she usually entertains me for the entire hour. She is hilarious. Period. So hilarious that I downloaded her app on my phone so that when I go back to work I can take a break at 3:00 every day to see her monologue. I think my favorite one so far was when she criticized sock makers for being lazy by making their socks fit sizes 5-11. You don't see jean manufacturers labeling their jeans "size 2-12". She also noted that sock manufacturers and hospital gown manufacturers should get together and finish their jobs. I know I am not as funny as she is, so don't hold it against her that the sock story didn't have you rolling on the floor laughing. If you heard her say it, I promise you would have been rolling right along with me.

So if you wonder why I'm not blogging, William isn't the only one to blame. I'm not to blame, that's for sure, but you can point the finger at Paula Dean, Rachael Ray, Giada I can't spell her last name, the Neely's, and Ellen Degeneres. But, have no fear; I return to work in 2.5 weeks and will be back at it here on blogger.com.

The Peace of God

Growing up my church had an annual church retreat at Camp Allen in Navasota, TX. One weekend every November we'd all gather for a weekend of fellowship and worship. I also attended summer camp at Camp Allen from 3rd grade until 7th grade, and went to a few other miscellaneous retreats there over the years. There is a lake in the middle of the campgrounds with an outdoor worship center where we held services, and at the lake is a cross that says "I am the way, the truth and the life Follow Me". When my dad died in 1998 he had asked that his ashes be spread at the foot of a white cross near the front of the camp grounds, but because we learned that cross was going to be torn down soon we decided we'd spread them at the base of this cross by the lake so they wouldn't be disturbed. My mom, my brothers and I took a trip to camp allen one day and we took turns spreading his ashes, thinking of him and supporting each other as we quickly marked that spot as one of the most symbolic places in our lives.

Throughout high school and college whenever I needed comfort I made a drive out to Camp Allen for some quiet time by the lake. Sometimes I took friends, but more often than not I went alone. I found peace and comfort by the cross. Whether I talked to my dad, talked to God, yelled in anguish or sat in peace it was always my place to run to find shelter.

Tonight my aunt Laura let me know that Mimi broke her hip today and that her cancer has gotten worse. It pains me to think of her suffering and that there is no relief for her. I talked to Laura for a little bit about the details of the situation, then talked to Brandon to let him know more about what had happened. We had company over for dinner, and we were just about to sit down to eat, so it was taking every ounce of strength in my body not to burst into tears. It wasn't 5 minutes later when God poured out his mercy on me. My phone buzzed and on the screen I saw a text message from Maizeanne with the above picture of the cross by the lake. I am 1500 miles away from my place of shelter, so God decided to send that shelter to me. It doesn't change Mimi's situation, but it does bring me a little bit of peace.

So I'll say a prayer for Mimi that we used to recite at the end of our youth group meetings: Mimi, may the Lord bless you and keep you. May he make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you. Mimi, may the Lord look upon you kindly and give you peace.

Welcome Liam

**I just noticed I had this "draft" from March 27 and had never posted it. so...a couple months late, Welcome Liam!!!

William got his newest baby cousin last week, and we were lucky enough to be in Dallas when he was born. Liam Patrick was born March 25, weighed 8 lbs 12 ounces, and was 22 inches long! We saw Shannon the day before and she was so tiny - it was definitely all baby in there!

Liam is Shannon and Ryan's second baby, and their first is SO precious I just know he will be too. Ryan is Austin's first cousin, so I guess that makes Liam William's second cousin? But its all too confusing for me to keep track of so I'll just call them cousins!


Welcome Liam, we can't wait til you 2 can run around and wreak havoc together!!!

Nostalgia

William took his first plane ride last week - which also marked his first trip, his first time to meet Austin’s parents and brother, his first time to meet my aunt “Lolly” and his first time to meet his Mimi. That was the initial purpose of the trip, though we had lots of fun filling our time doing other things too.

We had a wonderful time, and William really seemed to enjoy it. When we’re at home and he’s tired he has no trouble falling asleep. He just closes his eyes and he’s out. But the entire trip, starting with the plane and not ending until we returned home, he tried with everything in him to stay awake. There were so many new places, new faces, new smells, and new things to look at that I guess he just didn’t want to miss anything! He was so tired that Thursday morning after his 7 am feeding when he is usually awake for 4 hours he slept for 2+ more hours! Austin didn’t mind as I heard him start to snore before I had even turned the light off.

The trip, wonderful as it was, was so nostalgic for me. I don’t want to put the words in writing that this might have been the last time I’ll ever sleep in Mimi’s house - but its hard to ignore the elephant in the room at the same time. Mimi has had a few health issues pop up this year that have been pretty hard on her, and now we have found out she has lung cancer. At her age there is no sense in trying to treat it, so I can only assume it is a matter of time before the cancer takes over completely and her body shuts down. Because of this, the entire trip was flooded with memories from time spent in her house: sitting in Lolly’s room while she put on make up pretending not to be mesmerized, playing with my brothers and cousins in the “green room”, playing “Old Maid” with mimi at the kitchen table, loving to look at all the pictures on the walls of her family through the years, grabbing candy from her candy jar each time I entered and exited the front door...the memories just kept coming. Each time I walked into a room I was reminded of something new, and I just kept reciting memory after memory for Austin to hear. It was as if my subconscious was trying to retain every moment by recanting them for Austin.

Mimi has been such a blessing in my life as she is a remarkable woman and an even more remarkable grandmother. To say that she has lived a great life is an understatement, and I realize that at 92 years old not only is she probably ready to go, but she has surpassed most expectations of what a “lifetime” is. Just think of all the parts of history she has seen from 1917 until now! However, losing her will leave a hole in my life that would be impossible to fill. With the loss of her house I will also see my memories fading away. There are things I haven’t thought about since they happened, moments when I didn’t realize we were making memories, that will fade away with her house. Even though I can’t think of all of those things, it makes me sad to know I’ll lose them forever.

I couldn’t be more thankful that we made the decision to take a short trip to Dallas to spend some time with her. I thought the love a grandparent had for his/her grandchildren was unique and as good as it gets, but I learned this week that there is an even greater admiration and love for one’s great grandchildren. William will not remember this trip, but the look in Mimi’s face as she stared at him is one memory I will surely not forget. I will treasure the love she has for him forever.