It's like he's ours

Ever since we found out there is a chick fil a within 90 miles of here we have made it part of our routine to go there before we go to the airport. Last night when we were planning our timing we had this thought process:
Flight at 9:30
Arrive at 8:00
Leave park n ride 7:45
Leave chick fil a 7:30
Get to chick fil a 7:00
Leave home 5:45-6:00
Get William out of bed 5:40

So this morning we were perfectly on schedule and William was half asleep in my arms as we loaded up in the truck. Then he woke up and said 'are we not going to school today?' 'No', I said, ' where are we going?'
'To Texas! On a airplane!'

I agreed and buckled him in then as we pulled out of the driveway he said 'where is the airport?' I answered that its in San Jose and he said 'its by chick fil a mommy. We should maybe go to chick fil a first for I can drink orange juice and eat breakfast. THEN we go to the airport ok mommy dada?'

Well, good thing that was already carved into our agenda because apparently someone else thinks he's in control of our vacation planning.

Time for me to step down as coordinator?

Slacking on my calling?

I've felt really called over the past few months to serve in kids' church at our church.

#1 we need to be serving and I feel that's an area where I could serve well.

#2 I love kids! I love spending time with kids. Always have!

#3 I think we should give back in one of the biggest ways the church gives to us, which is in kids' church. It is not easy to leave William and it makes it MUCH easier when I know he's having fun and he asks to go!

So, 2 weeks ago I finally signed my name on the list and guess what? Austin did too! He said he had felt called to do it for awhile too but neither of us had said anything. They emailed us last week with applications, which we turned in on Sunday. I thought it'd take at least a week to process, then maybe 1-2 before we were in the rotation. But this morning I got an email with the schedule!

And we are both scheduled this Sunday.

So, I get to email the leader and say 'yay we want to serve but ummmm this week we are out of town'

Yeah. 2 hours from San Francisco, who happens to have a team in the Super Bowl, we are 'out of town' on Super Bowl Sunday. Convenient no?

It's true! But man I sure feel like the slacker of the year.

So, March 3 we start. Yay!

William Wednesday

Well, he did it.  I challenged his potty skills and clearly he's smarter than me.  He went 6 days  in a row with NO accidents.  So, Monday after school we went straight to Target to get him a new train.  I told his teacher that I hadn't expected him to go 6 days in a row, and I'm going to be increasing the number of days he has to be accident free to earn a new prize.  She said, "Hey, new train is worth it right?  Whatever works".

Hmm, says the person who is not buying a new train every 6 days.

His current chart has 10 boxes for happy faces, and he earned one today.  He ALMOST had one yesterday but had an accident after dinner so, we're down one day.  Hopefully after this chart and maybe one more (15 days???) we can wean him off the charts again but I think rejuvenating his excitement did the trick.

In all seriousness, the potty trend was pretty closely in line with his heartache for Oh Gosh and other family members in Texas.  So, I didn't mind getting him excited again and buying him a new toy.  He had a rough week or two after we settled back in at home and really missed family.  Not JUST Oh Gosh, but ESPECIALLY Oh Gosh.  Aside from Elmo for a short while, Thomas, and Mater I've never seen anything light up his world the way oh gosh does. It warms my heart and breaks it all at the same time.

His behavior at school had taken a hit a little during his oh-gosh-sickness too, but I'm happy to say he's back to his normal, happy self.  His teachers have written lots of great notes over the last week.  One day they said he wrote his name.  Wrote his name????  I've never seen him write a LETTER much less his NAME!  I've helped him write his name plenty of times (signing cards, making artwork, etc) but I always thought I was doing most of the work.  Maybe I was wrong!  They also said he loves to tell them stories about things we do at home.  Good thing we don't do bad things at home huh???  

He's VERY excited for our upcoming trip to Texas.  We are flying down there for Maizeanne's wedding in which William will be the ring bearer.  We will only be there for a couple of days and it'll be a wedding whirlwind...it'll be one of those amazing weekends that are so jam packed you don't even know when your head hits the pillow.  When it's all done I'm sure the 3 of us will all be sleeping soundly on an airplane wondering where the time went.  But it'll be a wonderful ride!  

When we get home I might need a prozac or  margarita because not  only will I be exhausted, but I'll officially have a three year old and I won't know what to do with myself.  Where has the time gone?  Really.  I'm not just saying that.  I want to know.  How did it go so fast?  How is he already so big?  And when will I stop looking at him and think that very thing?  

All in all, the "terrible 2's" really weren't too terrible.  Actually, not terrible at all.  William can throw a fit with the best of them, but they were few enough to forget...or forget most anyway.  And the amazing points far out-shined the low points of the year.  I just hope one year from now I can say the same thing for the tumultuous 3's (which everyone says are worse...I'm up for the challenge)

Not Taking Advantage

I don't know what we've been doing since we've been here - but I know what we haven't been doing.  We have NOT been taking advantage of the time we have in this beautiful place.

It's not secret: California is not my favorite place on earth to live.  Of the 4 places I've lived, it isn't in the top 2 I know that for sure.  It's just too far away from the people I love the most, and ... we don't need to go into politics and economics and social factors.  It's just not my favorite.

But for a temporary home, it's pretty fantastic and its beauty rivals the most beautiful places I've seen in the world.  Unfortunately we haven't been taking advantage of it to its fullest and for some reason it occurred to me tonight.  After a weekend of unseasonably warm and gorgeous weather.  Before a weekend of foggy, cold weather.  One week before another trip out of town.  And two weeks before I sell 10 weeks of my life to the filing of income tax returns.

Timing is awesome!

But LOOOOOOOOOK where we could be...

Or look where else we could be...

To our credit, we have seen a looooooot of beautiful scenery.  We've already seen...

This place can make the most novice of photographers - the iPhone photographer - ME -  look talented.  When you can escape the clouds and the fog and the bums on the side of the road, it really is just absolutely breath taking.  I just don't want to blink my eyes and realize that we are packing boxes to move, then look back and think "why didn't we rent a lodge at Lake San Antonio?" or "Why didn't I take that sunny afternoon off and go hiking/exploring at Point Lobos?" (or whatever it's called).

Unfortunately, this adventurous spirit may have to wait a few more months to be unleashed but I think it's important that I don't forget.  So, come memorial day if you haven't heard of at least ONE new scenic location being explored, please ask what's next on my California Bucket List.

Better yet - I'm going to actually make a California Bucket List.
Item 1: Disneyland
Item 2: Lake San Antonio (come on, the name says enough)

Items 3-50 TBD.  I may never choose to step foot back in California after I leave, you never know, so I better be sure I don't leave any part of the central coast unseen.

Te'od

The Manti Te'o jokes are flying, so I may as well run with the pun while I can.

I'm pretty sure I've been Te'od...and William is the culprit.

When we were in Texas for 10 days William had 2 accidents, and I'd really say 1 1/2.  in 10 days.  That was amazing!  When we got home he kept it up for the first few days back at school, but last week he slipped off a bit when it came to pottying and by Friday he was having 3 accidents/day.  Monday his teacher asked me if we were noticing potty problems at home and I said it had gotten worse over the weekend but I wasn't sure why.

So - I went back to the drawing board.  Monday night I drew up a new potty chart.  William used to earn a sticker at each potty attempt, then a sticker at each potty success.  This chart earns a happy face every accident-free day and when the chart is full he gets a new train.  As I did with the first potty chart, I started small.  Baby steps.  Make goals attainable.  So, I made 6 squares so that it will only take him 6 days of no accidents to earn a new train.  

We are 3 for 3 and his teachers have told me he talks all day about how excited he is for his new train.

It's hard to pin sheer manipulation on a three year old, but it's also hard to believe we went from three accidents/day back to zero while proudly telling the teachers he was getting a new train.

I'll show him.  I'll make his next chart have 50 boxes.

I'm a Lady in Waiting

I may not be a lady in waiting to queen Victoria like my great, great, great grandmother, but I'm a lady in waiting. I'm waiting for August.

I learned 2 things about myself in the past few months:
1. Football plays way too big a part in my life
2. I'm much better at rooting for a mediocre team than one with great expectations

The second one doesn't bode well for the upcoming year because, as fans, there are a lot of expectations of both of my teams.

We had awesome seasons. The aggies were expected to maybe squeak by with 4 wins and instead we sailed through our first season in the SEC. Not only that, but johnny football put college station back on the radar bringing national media attention. He was electrifying and entertaining and...well he won the heisman, what else do I need to say? The best part for selfish reasons was the fact that all but one game was televised all the way out here on the end of the earth. (Or the west coast - whatever you like to call it) The season was unforgettable and ended with a beautiful beat down on our former foes. I was elated for weeks. No, I'm still elated.

As for the texans, it took about 24 hours after our loss yesterday for me to be able to say this, but we had an awesome season. It wasn't perfect and it wasn't as good as we'd expected, but it was awesome. Only 4 teams went further than we did...there's a lot to say for that. We have a lot of room for improvement and are no where near where I thought we'd be at this point, but I'm still confident they'll get there.

Kaila and Jodi used to make fun of me for referring to the texans and aggies as 'we'. As if I have played any role in the football team's successes or failures. If only they knew how much of my life is affected by the outcome of those games. I think about it all week. I read about it all week. I pray about it all week. And on the weekend I'm on edge and locked in. Even today I've been on my texans app on my phone at least 4 times reading commentary, blogs, recaps, player shout outs...I tune in every few hours to see what I've missed. I'm addicted.

Baseball - yeah, it's fun. 'Take me out to the ball game' and all that jazz. Basketball...loved aggie basketball in college and I tune in from may through the NBA finals every year, but I could take it or leave it. Hockey is fun in person, golf is fun to play and great for napping...

But football. I love football.

We've got 3 more games of the season, but I'm already counting the days until August. (Whyyyyyyy do we have to wait until August???!!!)

I'm a lady in waiting.

What a Parent Wants

Tuesday morning when I was just about ready to go wake William up I heard him crying.  I opened his door to hear, “mommy, mommy” amidst his tears.  I went to his bed and said “What is it little bear?”  He replied without hesitation, “mommy I just want oh gosh”.

I crumbled.  I crumbled not because it wasn’t me who he wanted, but because I couldn’t give him what his hurting heart wanted.

I had another moment of crumbling during the day.  I have always told myself I would never “publicly” announce this, but Austin and I have been hoping to get pregnant for a little while now.  Define “a little while” as “long enough to be impatient, not long enough to schedule a doctor appointment”.  I keep it somewhat private and under the table for two reasons.  First, I’m just kind of a private person.  Hard to tell via my life-exposing blog, but I don’t openly discuss personal topics to just anyone.  After the fact, it’s free game – but when I’m walking through the trenches I generally keep it private.  Second, once you have told someone you are trying to get pregnant it’s a matter of roughly 30 days before the first question ensues.  Questions like…

Are you pregnant?

Are you still trying to get pregnant?

When do you think you’ll get pregnant?

Should we buy baby clothes soon?

Why aren’t you pregnant yet?  (this one is my favorite)

Questions like this are harmless in the eyes of the person asking.  If anything they prove their vested interest and excitement.  Rarely do these questions come from people other than those who would be the most excited alongside you.  I know this.  But not only can they be received as, “what’s wrong with you?” or “what’s taking so long?” – both thoughts that a hopeful parent probably battles – there are really only two answers to those questions.

Yes, I am pregnant but was not ready to tell you yet.  Now I awkwardly either lie, or I tell you reluctantly.

No, I’m not pregnant and I’m disappointed as I have already expressed my desire to be, and I’d rather not talk about it.

So while I understand the intent behind the Spanish Inquisition, and while I have been guilty of this as well, I think it’s also important to look at things from the other side. In regards to someone very close to you who is trying to conceive, If they are pregnant, it’s likely that you’re no more than a month away from knowing.  And, if they’re not, it’s probably not their favorite topic of conversation.  It’s a hard middle ground to find between excitement and anticipation and offering space out of respect.  It’s hard for both sides.

That said, I was having a moment on Tuesday of sheer disappointment.  I was explaining to Casey that William is already one year older than I wanted him to be when his sibling would be born, so every day that passes is like a very loud tick of a timer.  I told her that I know I need to let go of the fact that I wanted them to be two years apart because obviously that’s out of the realm of possibility, but I just don’t understand why God can’t just end the frustration and let it happen.  Her response was simple but upon further reflection, absolutely perfect.

In response to my heart in a million pieces because of both William’s request for Oh Gosh and his lack of a sibling she said,

I think it hurts God’s heart too right now that you don’t have what you want.  He knows you want to expand your family and it’s hurting you, which hurts Him (especially because that isn’t a selfish desire but a God-given desire).  But you know William will see Oh-Gosh again, and I have full faith that you will be the mother to multiple children.  So you both will get what you want again!

At first glance the response was pretty simple – trust in God, He has a plan.  But then on my drive to pick William up I reflected on it more.

When William cried to me, “mommy I just want oh gosh” it broke my heart because there’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t give to grant his wish.  But how can I possibly explain to a three year old that his daddy’s job and Oh Gosh’s job put them in certain places at certain times and there is a need for Oh Gosh somewhere else right now too?  A need that unfortunately trumps his.  How can I explain to him that I promise he will see Oh Gosh again, but I can’t promise when and I can’t make it now?  The picture I see is much larger and much more detailed than the picture he sees, I just can’t impress that upon him yet. One day, but not now.

And it clicked.  Not for the first time in the journey of my faith, and I’m sure not for the last.

God sees a much bigger picture, one that he can’t possibly impress upon me.  He can’t make me understand the details he is orchestrating and the plans he has to line up.  He has a sibling for William created in His image whose life he has planned beautifully - from the doctor who will deliver him/her, to the nurses there to help; from the car he will safely ride home in to the place he will take his first steps.  He has that life planned out immaculately and he needs all of those pieces to be in place at the right time. 

In my little world I see my desire for a baby and I see my lack thereof.  In William’s world he sees his desire for an Oh Gosh and his lack thereof.

One day we will both understand but until then as children we will ache for what we want, and as parents we will ache for what we can’t change.  I just have to remember God aches in this too, He just knows more than me.