This. Just. Sucks.

I like to write about fun stuff. I like to write about things that are fairly meaningless in life like football and ipads and…ok meaningless was a bad word since those 2 examples alone consume a lot of my daily thoughts. Light hearted is a better term – and much more fun to write about. I do go through stints of writing about serious stuff, emotional stuff, hard stuff…but I like to keep those to a minimum. I’m writing at work, after all, so if I write about sad stuff all the time people may start to wonder why I go through a box of Kleenex per day. Plus, I have my dedicated readers – all 4 of you – and I don’t want to be Debbie downer on your day either. I may lose one of you, and that’s 25% of my audience! So, I stick with ipads.

But then there are times like now. You see, Austin left on Sunday night. It was a good time, or should I say convenient time, for me to have him leave because I had 2 big suitcases to unpack, laundry to do, bottles to wash…and if you read my blog about packing and about how he tends to get in the way, you can apply that to unpacking as well. So unpacking is much more efficient on my own. By the time the bags were unpacked, everything put away, and 3 episodes of Private Practice had been viewed it was 10:30, he had called to say goodnight, and I turned in as well. Easy enough huh?

That was just one night though. The morning came, and it was easy enough for the same reason…get up at 5:15, stumble to the shower. Fight my eye lids for 20 minutes so I don’t fall over in said shower. Put in contacts, get dressed, run hair-crap through my hair to make it semi-curly and avoid the blow dryer, make the bed, switch out the laundry, make bottles for William and…as if he had an alarm set…he woke up JUST as I finished my routine. So, onto his! Change diaper, pick out clothes, cuddle and play, pack up the car – and we’re off!

Then the fun is over. Then I’m at work. At work where I receive an email that makes me climb the walls I’m so mad. At work where I sit and think all day. Think about how much I don’t want to be at work, and how much I don’t want Austin to be in Colorado springs.

It’s nearly 5:00 now, where the hustle and bustle may distract me for a few hours. Babies have a way of making the saddest of times happy. I remember the day Mimi passed away – William cuddled me for hours, as if he knew I was unhappy, and he melted away my sorrows for awhile. So I’m sure he will not disappoint in this case either – make funny faces, shaking his head side to side and making happy noises to see if I’ll copy him. This is a new game he’s started, and he really loves it! I’m sure he’ll have me laughing and smiling and forgetting that his daddy isn’t home.

But then it’s his bed time. And what do I do then? When Austin left for his last deployment I occupied my first few days by painting the guest bedroom. When he left for his 3 months in Arizona I spent the first 2 days painting our bedroom. Then our kitchen. Then when I was really antsy I painted our office. I had projects to fill the first few days, because I’ve learned the first few days are the hardest.

The first few days are when you have to adjust. Decide how to do the things that you used to do for 2 and will now do for 1. The first few days are when you think its pointless to even make dinner because its just for yourself. The first few days are when you’d almost rather run a marathon than be in your house, because at least a marathon would distract you. It’s all about distractions, I’ve learned. I just don’t have any distractions scheduled for after 8:00.

And the first-few-days-distractions are trickier than the general deployment distractions. I don’t want to talk to anyone, because you can almost hear the awkwardness while everyone is trying to talk without asking all the questions they want to ask. It’s like they want so badly to TALK about the one thing I want to be distracted from, that the entire conversation is focused on that one thing without even mentioning the words. Makes for a bad distraction. I don’t want to even toy with the idea of alcohol at this point because its only day one, and if I need a glass of wine on day one what will I do on day 152 when I’m so far in, yet so far from the end? You have to save alcohol for more dire times, otherwise…well…we know about alcoholics now don’t we? So that’s out.

I can scrapbook. I can watch movies. I’m sure I can clean out the garage or the crawl space or the closet or the guest room or the pantry. I’m sure all of the above can be reorganized once cleaned out too. Trips to the container store in my future for sure. And this is where OCD comes into play.
So what is a healthy distraction? Hard to say. Hard to find. But once I find one, I’ll stick with it.
Don’t worry, though. Please don’t worry. Don’t panic that I’m going to starve myself by forgetting dinner – I like food too much. And baking is a GREAT distraction. Instant gratification. I’ll eat. And I won’t drink. And I’ll find things to fill my time. I’ll be distracted, I’ll be happy, and I’ll be fine. I promise. I won’t shut the world out, I won’t be depressed, and I really won’t be any reason for concern. Once the first few days have passed, I’ll have my own routine and will be in the swing of what I do now by myself. It’s just getting through the first few days that is tough.

For tonight, though, I’ll play with the idea of driving home to a hot pink garage. It would give me 2 painting projects, after all, because there’s no way Austin would let it STAY hot pink once he gets home. Plus, its the only unpainted room I have left!!!