I didn't Think it'd be Hard

You know how sometimes you want something really bad, you get it and then realize it still isn't exactly what you wanted? I decided 3 months ago that once Austin was gone I wanted to sell my trailblazer. It was nearly paid off so I paid it off, got it all dolled up (cleaned), and listed it for sale online. I was so anxious and didn't understand why after 24 hours it hadn't sold. I just wanted it gone! I whined about having to fill 2 cars up with gas, I didn't drive it for 2 weeks and the battery died, it needed an oil change and new tires...it was just a huge pain and I was so ready to be done with it.

I sold it yesterday. A couple drove 2 hours to Denver to pick it up and they were SO excited about their beautiful new vehicle.

And it took everything I had to not cry as I rode away in a friend's car. If I had been alone or with someone else I probably would have cried, but this was Austin's First Sergeant and I was not about to cry over a stupid car in front of him.



Why was I sad? This is what I wanted. This is what I begged for, whined about, stressed over. There are lots of reasons why selling it made so much sense and was a good choice, and I know that. I know that. And it's just a car. It's not like I just sold my corvette or my first house or signed my life away or anything. It's a CAR!



I guess when you go trade a vehicle in you miss out on the sadness because your excitement over your new vehicle out weighs your trade in. Or maybe I'm just the only person in the world who gets sad over a car, I don't know. But I don't have a new car to be excited about, all I'm left with is an extra car seat and an empty garage. And somehow that makes the fact that Austin is gone for a long time a lot more real. We don't need 2 cars. We don't need 2 car seats. It's just me. I've known this, but somehow selling the car just drove the nail in a little deeper.

The positive side here is that once the check from their lender clears Austin's truck will be paid off and we will have no vehicle payments. What a relief! Then I can focus on saving, saving, saving so that at the end of this year I do have a new car to be excited about. And a husband at home to share in the excitement.