Addicted

My mom paid me a great compliment while I was home last week. She said, 'I want to be as addicted to working out as you'. I hadn't really thought I was addicted before. I had thought I'd like to be, I wanted to be, and I patiently waited for the day when I wouldn't feel like the one striving to be someone who always works out.

Does that make sense?

You know - the people who work out not to lose weight or to impress or to release tension - I wanted to be the person who just works out. Who does it because that's what I do. And No one ever asks, 'oh do you work out?' because everyone already knows.

I wasn't ever really an athlete. I tried to play soccer for a few years and I was on the volleyball team - but in both instances my entertainment far exceeded my skill. I'm not the fastest or strongest or most coordinated. I was more of the cheer leader on the team than the girl who scores that winning goal or gets the ace that wins the match...I just am not an athlete. So working out was never part of my life - ever - until I needed to lose weight.

I've worked for 5 years to lose 60 pounds. When put that way it doesn't sound all that impressive really - but I guess I could also say I've worked for 3 years to lose 60 pounds because in 2008 I gained back all of my 2007 efforts. But then I didn't really TRY for 3 years since most of 2009 was spent gaining weight...so it's been a back and forth. And until 2011, I worked out to lose weight. Period. I didn't love it, I didnt miss it on off days, I didn't crave it, and I rarely talked about it. Working out was a means to an end for me and I feared that once I did lose the weight I'd quit working out and be right back where I started.

But in 2011 it became a lot more than losing weight. I think it started as a crutch to lean on while Austin was gone, much like work had been in 2008, but it transformed over the year. I started doing it to prove to myself I was strong and able. And now I do it because it's just part of what I do.

I miss it on off-days or days when work gets in the way. I think about it all the time, wondering what I'll do next. And yes, at times I obsess over it - probably to the point of annoyance.

But I'm pretty proud that I don't have to feel like a 'poser' anymore. I'm not someone who is giving it a try. I'm just one of those people who, ya know, works out. Wow. That's me. And I love it!!!

Today though, it may be more to lose weight than because it's just part of my routine...cause man, I enjoyed some chips and salsa and margaritas and more chips and salsa and add some queso while I was on vacation. Yum, but yikes.

Back to the grind :)


- manda