Because she nearly found herself back smacked upside the head.
Saturday morning William came into our room around 6am and got in our bed. On the weekends he usually wakes us up around 8 and then we all get up but at 6:00 he fell back asleep and slept until 8:30. Mistake #1: allowing him to sleep past normal breakfast time.
We didn't have much in the house for food and we didn't want to go to the store then back home because we had to leave around 10 to go to aunt joy's. So we decided we'd go eat breakfast out then leave town. Mistake #2: not feeding him before we all got dressed and out the door.
When we said we were going in the boss (Austin's truck, just in case you've never been introduced) we saw the beginning of a meltdown. Mistake #3: continuing along with our plan to eat out despite the impending doom.
We struggled to get him in the boss, struggled to get him buckled in, and listened to his whines and cries all the way to the restaurant. Mistake #who's even still counting: not opting for a take out breakfast.
We took our crying 2 year old into a restaurant and he then became a screaming crying 2 year old. We then sat at a table which clearly was the wrong table and he became a kicking screaming crying 2 year old. For the parents out there - you know the moment when you see your toddler's body be taken over by some other soul and you just stare in shock and wonder 'who the heck is this person????' - I saw the transformation right in front of me. Do you know who else saw it? The 80ish year old woman sitting behind us.
Our food was served and his behavior had not improved so Austin took him outside to talk. As he was outside I was drinking my coffee, debating whether or not to pack our food to go, and attempting to ignore this conversation:
Woman: do you know what they need to do?
Oblivious husband: who?
Woman: the people with the baby
Oblivious husband: what baby?
Woman: the one screaming who was taken outside
Man: what do they need to do?
Woman: just splash water on his face
Man: why?
Woman: that always works. He's just tired and they don't know how to control him
Man: (as William is walking back in, once again resembling my angelic baby) well whatever they did worked.
Woman scoffed.
We proceeded to eat breakfast and I fought the tears of embarrassment the entire time. At one point Austin said 'that man fought in two wars, I can tell by the pin on his hat. I wonder if it was ww2 and Korea or Korea and Vietnam'
I said 'I don't know but he was fixin to witness ww3 between me and his B of a wife'
(note: I did say the letter B rather than the word, pat on the back for me) He asked why so I told him the story. As I was telling him William started to fuss again and I saw the lady stand up. Her husband asked what she was doing as she picked up her water cup and she said 'he just needs some water splashed on his face'. Her husband grabbed her arm and sat her down, and Austin and I agreed he was a smart man.
After we had finished eating and William's stomach was full things were much better. The older couple stood to leave and the woman stopped by William and said 'you are behaving so well, what a good boy you are'. As she said it she reached to touch his cheek. All I could do was stare her down and firmly say 'do not touch my child.'
She didn't.
So life was back to normal and the evil child had disappeared out of sight. William was incredibly well behaved the rest of the day and was just perfect at Joy's house - really.
I hope I never forget that I, too, now wear the badge of humiliation by toddler. I hope that I never look at parents and say 'oh they just need to____'. And even if I am so removed from toddlerhood that I say it, I sure hope someone has the brains to hold me back if I try to splash water on someone else's child.
Parenting a toddler is not for the weak. It's not fool proof. And when your 2 year old becomes that dreaded text book terror for 10 minutes, no text book answer will give you the results you're looking for. You're earning your badge.
I now wear mine proudly. As long as I'm living, my baby he'll be.
- manda
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