An Empty Candy Jar

For as long as I can remember, the second thing I have always done after walking into my Mimi's house is to reach into her crystal candy jar in the entry way and grab 2 pieces of chocolate. The first thing was always to hug Mimi as the greeted me. Then, for the remainder of my time in Dallas I'd grab a piece of candy each time I walked in or out of the front door. She usually had miniature Reese's and miniature Hershey's, so I'd grab one of each, but I was really ok with whatever assortment she had in there. It was eerily symbolic to me when I went to her house in March to find that the candy jar was no longer on the table. I asked about it and she said it was the weirdest thing; the candy jar had disappeared. She said the cleaning people didn't know what happened to it, she didn't know - it was just gone. Mimi's house was not the same that day, and quickly after that Mimi was not the same anymore either. After a long, blessed life of 92 years and a quick fight with cancer (another blessing), Mimi passed away yesterday morning and, like her candy jar, my heart is empty.

Mimi was born in 1917 and it always blows my mind to think of the things she saw in her 92 years. Thinking back to history class, there were so many major events that people lived through in the early 1900's. She lived to see the world wars, the great depression, segregation, the tides changing in the world of segregation, the assassination of a president, first landing on the moon, more wars, the greatest president America has ever seen (my biased opinion, if you can't tell by my cat's name), the new millennium, yet another war that then her grandson and grandson-in-law ended up fighting in...she saw it all, and through it all remained the strongest woman - scratch that, the strongest person - I've ever known. She survived a tragic fire that burnt her family home down, pulled her children through the death of their dad, saw her baby pass away 12 years before her time had come, and she never lost her strength. At her 90th birthday party family and friends wrote letters to be compiled into a book for her about the impact she had on their lives. One of her late husband's brothers wrote, "Bill found a gem in Mary and I'm so glad he did. She's been more like a sister than a sister-in-law and I love her very much". He hit the nail on the head - Mary was a gem.

I learned a lot from Mimi and I only got to see the last quarter of her life. I can only imagine the lessons she offered for the first three quarters that I missed out on. Second to her strength, I think I learned about stubbornness and how far it can take you if you want it to! When I was 6 years old my mom's mom had lung cancer and my mom needed to devote her time to taking care of her mother. It was summertime, though, and my brothers and I needed someone to take care of us too so Mimi offered to fly us all up there for a week to help out. My cousins in Dallas had already been enrolled in a day-camp so Mimi enrolled Brandon, Brian and me in the camp too. On the third day of camp I decided I was NOT going. I was a bit of a brat sometimes and I certainly knew how to use my stubbornness to get my way with my dad. His mom, however, was not a sucker. I tried locking myself in her closet, emphatically letting her know I would not be attending that stupid day camp. Well damn if she didn't somehow break through the lock on the door knob and drag me out of there by my feet. I ended up going to camp that day, and never again did I try to fight a battle against Mimi. It was her way or no way, and I learned that lesson pretty quick.

I tell that story to bring a little comic relief, but really that's the only time I can remember when Mimi was stern with me. She had a heart shaped paddle in her kitchen that said "Grandma's Paddle on it" and when I realized it was actually a pillow instead of a board it all made sense. Mimi devoted our time together to making sure we knew how much she loved being a grandmother and the joy that we brought to her life. I hope I was able to relay that message back to her. From the time I was five years old I have had the privilege of having at least one trip to Dallas every year, by myself, when I was able to develop a deep, personal relationship with her. For that I am truly forever grateful. I loved learning about the life she had been blessed with, her trips around the world, her experiences as a mother, and the love she had for her family.

I'll never forget the first time I asked Mimi about her husband. My dad's dad passed away when he was 17 so I never got to meet him. I was curious about the kind of person he was, so I went into the kitchen where Mimi was having her ritualistic morning glass-bottle of coke and asked her, "Do you think Bill would have liked me?" She said, "My Bill?". I knew her response meant her husband Bill rather than her son Bill - every time she's ever spoken of him she calls him "my bill". I told her that I wondered if he'd like me as his granddaughter, what kind of person he was, and if she missed him. This was on one of my summer trips to Dallas and I was probably too young to understand that some people don't like talking about topics like this. She didn't mind though and, in fact, she seemed to love that I asked. At this point her husband had been gone probably 15 years or more, but the glow I saw in her eye when she spoke of him would have made me think he was just sitting in the next room. I learned what it meant to love a person forever that day. And 15 years later when I saw someone else ask her about her late husband, she had that same glow. 30+ years after his passing she was still in love with the man she married and it was like talking to a young girl who is in love for the first time.

I know that she waited patiently for nearly 40 years to see her husband again, and I know that she is enjoying their reunion today. I'm sure she also is soaking up the moments she is spending with her baby and, if there are kitchens in heaven, I'm sure he's already made her a batch of breakfast taquitos. She loved my dad's breakfast taquitos. When my dad passed away someone wrote to us that the Cowboys never lose in Heaven - so I know the 3 of them will enjoy celebrating the Cowboys' victories together. She is with 2 men that she loved dearly and has missed for a long time, and she is pain free. She didn't have to suffer for too long, and I am so thankful for that.

I learned this weekend that whether someone dies too young like my dad or they lived a long, full life like Mimi it doesn't make it one bit easier for the people who they've left behind. I also know, though, that if she hadn't been the remarkable grandmother and woman that she was it wouldn't be nearly this hard to let her go. So I'll take the pain and emptiness that I'm left with knowing that it is because I have been blessed for 25 years to have had the pleasure of knowing Mary Loving Blair. And I'll never forget the happiness I felt when I grabbed candy out of that jar: the candy meant that I was going to enjoy some more time with my Mimi, if only for a little while.