Happy Birthday America!

Hope everyone had a wonderful, safe and happy 4th of July! We sure did in the Wallis house, and it was much needed for sure.

I was worried we'd be working late Friday because of something we had due, so when we were released at 3 I was pleasantly surprised! I had a couple of things that needed to be returned at the mall so after Austin finished running a few errands we went to the mall and did that. The 2 stores I needed to go to were on opposite sides of the mall, which Austin thinks is a ploy on my part to need to shop more. But we were in and out pretty quickly...the last thing I felt like doing was walking around a mall. I just wanted to be home cuddling with my babies!

Saturday we went to Costco in the morning and broke the record for the least amount of $ spent in one trip. I won't tell you how much cause its a bit embarrassing that its the LEAST, but we were pleased :) Austin smoked some ribs, I baked an apple pie, and he invited some friends over to watch UFC. William was putting on a show, flirting with all the ladies and laughing it up with the guys. I didn't know 5 month old babies knew how to perform like that! He definitely turned it on though. We spent the actual holiday of the 4th relaxing and being lazy. Loved every minute of it! Fireworks aren't legal in Aurora, so we didn't get to see any of those but that's ok. When I lived in Houston I spent every 4th of July at the Scarpati's house where I was responsible for monitoring the ice cream maker, we played in the pool (or I threw MissJan in), and Uncle Matt set off fireworks. I missed my family 4th tradition, but it was so nice to be at home with no where we had to be.

Yesterday we had a wonderful day. William woke us up at 6 as usual, so we played with him for awhile until he started to appear tired. We were still tired too so we all 3 took a 2 hour nap. It was fantastic! Once we woke up we took our time getting ready, then we dropped William off at Goddard so we could have some mommy-daddy time on the golf course. I hadn't played golf since the fall of 2008, so it was like starting over, but we had a great time. We were paired up with a nice couple and I love playing with people who are relaxed and not uptight. I'm not very good so I don't want to be playing with people tapping their feet waiting on me all day. I actually did pretty well too! After we finished playing we went and got William...sure wish I could just leave him for 5 hours every day. There were only 18 kids in the entire school yesterday, so they got lots of one-on-one attention. I'm sure they all enjoyed that! After we got home I took William and Layla on a walk while Austin did the yard, we had chili and grits (YUM) for dinner, gave William his bath and put him to bed. I decided that we should have 3 day weekends every weekend...I'd gladly work 10 hour days to have an extra day off. I work 10 hour days a lot of the time as it is, so may as well get something for it!

But, I don't see the work schedule changing anytime soon so I'll just enjoy the few long weekends we do have and be thankful. Maybe it allows me to enjoy them more, just knowing how rare and special they are. Next up...labor day? Man, that's far away. Oh well, its officially my birth month so I've got that to be excited about! Happy July :)

Won't Take Nothin but a Memory

Every time I hear Miranda Lambert's latest hit "The House that Built Me" it makes me think of Mimi, and it happens a lot seeing as the radio stations love to play hit songs and beat them into the ground! If you haven't heard it, here are the lyrics to the chorus:

Thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healin
Out here its like I'm someone else
Thought that maybe I could find myself
If I could just come in I swear I'll leave
Won't take nothin but a memory
From the house that built me

The chorus precisely sums up how I felt last Wednesday when Austin and I pulled up to Mimi's house. There are a lot of houses that "built me". There's the house I lived in from the time I was born until I was 16, Granny's house where so many memories were made with my family from Chicago, the Scarpati's house that was like our family's second home, and countless others. Mimi's house ranks pretty high up there on shaping my childhood and shaping me into who I am though. The house is filled with memories from growing up. When I walked in her front door I could almost see her standing there with open arms to greet me with a hug. When I walked in the front sitting room I could see my dad sitting on the couch on Christmas. At the dining room table I could see the Easter Egg tower that she set out every year and a table full of food for the adults to eat. In the "green room" I could see my brothers and cousins sitting at Mimi's bridge table playing with her card shuffler and ash trays. When I closed my eyes, walking through her house was like taking a walk through my childhood. Remembering both Mimi and my dad at such happy times brought peace to my broken heart.

So when I found out the next day that I had been labeled as a pilfering thief for how I behaved in Mimi's house, I was hurt beyond belief. I can honestly say that I am not sure I have ever been more hurt in my entire life. More than hurt I was dumbfounded and in awe. At first I thought "Shame on me for putting myself in a position to even be accused of something like that" but then I thought "Shame on someone who knows me to believe for even one second that I am capable of that kind of behavior". Other than a picture of my dad that was sitting on Mimi's desk in her bedroom, there's not one thing in Mimi's house that I could have taken that would have brought me any peace or comfort. What I've lost is a relationship and no material items can replace that or fill the gap. I'm humiliated that someone would think I could have had any other intentions, and I'm regretful for anything I did to allow someone to believe that about me. I took a walk down memory lane as followed family through her house, not a walk through a flea market.

As for my grief process, I'm not ok and it is very frustrating to me. I cried through the entire funeral, cried when I entered her house, cried when I entered the church, cried that night as I fell asleep - I haven't experienced this kind of emptiness in a long, long time and I just feel (think) like it shouldn't be this way. Mimi lived a long, wonderful life and I was blessed beyond measure to have been a part of it. We knew her time would come, every one's does, and as she became more and more sick we knew her time was nearing. I had every opportunity to be ready for it, I took every opportunity I could to be with her and talk with her, so in my head I think I should be ok. But I'm not. My maternal grandmother passed away when I was a junior in high school and I can still remember walking out of my grief counselor's office after she told me. I wasn't sad or broken, I knew it was coming and it was ok. I thought I was pretty big and strong for handling it so well, so now I'm not sure if I wasn't so big and strong then or if I'm not so big and strong now.

I was hit by two freight trains last week. One when my grandmother died and the other when I was so horribly misunderstood. I can honestly say that seeing the freight train coming doesn't make it any less painful. It's still a freight train, and it still hurts.

William Wednesday

Poor baby William is having a rough week. I think its safe to say he is done travelling for awhile and I don't think he's too disappointed!

Last Monday we took him to the doctor because he had a cold that just didn't seem to be going away, then Sunday night and Monday morning he threw up. The doctor said he had a mild ear infection and prescribed an antibiotic. He seemed to actually grow to like the amoxicillin, which is a shame since today we found out it wasn't working :( His ear infection isn't any better, so the doctor prescribed 2 more weeks of a stronger antibiotic.

He's a trooper though! He travelled from Denver to Dallas last Wednesday, Dallas to Birmingham to Nashville to Jacksonville by plane then Jacksonville to Charleston by car on Friday (yep, that is 13 hours of travel in one day), then Charleston back to Dallas and back to Denver yesterday. That's enough to get me in a bad mood, then add to it an ear infection - I would have been quite the pill if I were him. But, he remained pretty happy the majority of the time. His cough was persistent and was seeming to get worse though, so we made an appointment to see the doctor again today. We wanted to be sure he didn't have bronchitis or RSV or something. That's when we found out his poor little ear is still infected. I'm sure the travel didn't help the situation, but Dr Caplan said the plane rides aren't to blame. (maybe he said that so I didn't feel like the worst parent of 2010) He weighed 15 pounds, 15 ounces and was 27 inches long today - yowsers, where did the itty bitty 7 lb 20 inch baby go??? Its ok, I'm loving every second of him growing and he is a blast to watch these days.

Despite being sick William still found time to learn to roll over and to find his feet last week! This morning Dr Caplan kept counting on his fingers "march, april, may, june, july...march, april..." finally I said "he'll be 5 months on Friday". He responded, "yeah, that's what I keep getting too but usually they don't get that great at grabbing their toes until about 6 months. guess he likes those things!" He does like to play with his feet and really likes when you suck on his toes and blow on his feet. No complaints here since I love me some baby feet :)

William had a good time seeing family. In Dallas on Thursday morning Brandon raised William over his head and shook him a little, making a funny giggling sound. William LOVED it. Brandon did it a few more times and then William learned once Brandon had brought him back down to his lap, he just had to raise his arms and look up to make Brandon do it again! He had Uncle Brandon pegged for a sucker :) I can't blame him though, I'll do just about anything to see that big grin on his face too. He was such a good boy and slept throughout the entire funeral, waking up just as it was ending, and enjoyed spending the afternoon with his Aunt Dana and his YaYa. Then on Friday once we got to South Carolina he was a happy camper when he saw his CeCe and Pop.

We had a wonderful time in South Carolina and I was definitely in need of a relaxing weekend with family. Its nice to be so welcomed and loved by Austin's family simply because Austin chose to invite me to be a part of it. His family has loved me since before they even met me, and its a nice warm feeling to walk into that sort of home. I didn't get to see William much between CeCe, Pop, Sherry (austin's 8 year old cousin), and a few other people who had their 5 minutes with him. But I love that he is so loved so I didn't mind.

We were all 3 happy to be home last night, though, and William was pretty content to lay on the bed and play by himself for awhile. His favorite toys right now are a ball (unfortunately its hard, so he smacks himself with it pretty often), his "buddy" which is a miniature blanket with a little animal head attached to it, a soft book, and his blanket. He loooooves his blanket! I always hoped I'd have a blanket totin' baby like I was and I think he's well on his way. Guess all that swaddling brain washed him :)

An Empty Candy Jar

For as long as I can remember, the second thing I have always done after walking into my Mimi's house is to reach into her crystal candy jar in the entry way and grab 2 pieces of chocolate. The first thing was always to hug Mimi as the greeted me. Then, for the remainder of my time in Dallas I'd grab a piece of candy each time I walked in or out of the front door. She usually had miniature Reese's and miniature Hershey's, so I'd grab one of each, but I was really ok with whatever assortment she had in there. It was eerily symbolic to me when I went to her house in March to find that the candy jar was no longer on the table. I asked about it and she said it was the weirdest thing; the candy jar had disappeared. She said the cleaning people didn't know what happened to it, she didn't know - it was just gone. Mimi's house was not the same that day, and quickly after that Mimi was not the same anymore either. After a long, blessed life of 92 years and a quick fight with cancer (another blessing), Mimi passed away yesterday morning and, like her candy jar, my heart is empty.

Mimi was born in 1917 and it always blows my mind to think of the things she saw in her 92 years. Thinking back to history class, there were so many major events that people lived through in the early 1900's. She lived to see the world wars, the great depression, segregation, the tides changing in the world of segregation, the assassination of a president, first landing on the moon, more wars, the greatest president America has ever seen (my biased opinion, if you can't tell by my cat's name), the new millennium, yet another war that then her grandson and grandson-in-law ended up fighting in...she saw it all, and through it all remained the strongest woman - scratch that, the strongest person - I've ever known. She survived a tragic fire that burnt her family home down, pulled her children through the death of their dad, saw her baby pass away 12 years before her time had come, and she never lost her strength. At her 90th birthday party family and friends wrote letters to be compiled into a book for her about the impact she had on their lives. One of her late husband's brothers wrote, "Bill found a gem in Mary and I'm so glad he did. She's been more like a sister than a sister-in-law and I love her very much". He hit the nail on the head - Mary was a gem.

I learned a lot from Mimi and I only got to see the last quarter of her life. I can only imagine the lessons she offered for the first three quarters that I missed out on. Second to her strength, I think I learned about stubbornness and how far it can take you if you want it to! When I was 6 years old my mom's mom had lung cancer and my mom needed to devote her time to taking care of her mother. It was summertime, though, and my brothers and I needed someone to take care of us too so Mimi offered to fly us all up there for a week to help out. My cousins in Dallas had already been enrolled in a day-camp so Mimi enrolled Brandon, Brian and me in the camp too. On the third day of camp I decided I was NOT going. I was a bit of a brat sometimes and I certainly knew how to use my stubbornness to get my way with my dad. His mom, however, was not a sucker. I tried locking myself in her closet, emphatically letting her know I would not be attending that stupid day camp. Well damn if she didn't somehow break through the lock on the door knob and drag me out of there by my feet. I ended up going to camp that day, and never again did I try to fight a battle against Mimi. It was her way or no way, and I learned that lesson pretty quick.

I tell that story to bring a little comic relief, but really that's the only time I can remember when Mimi was stern with me. She had a heart shaped paddle in her kitchen that said "Grandma's Paddle on it" and when I realized it was actually a pillow instead of a board it all made sense. Mimi devoted our time together to making sure we knew how much she loved being a grandmother and the joy that we brought to her life. I hope I was able to relay that message back to her. From the time I was five years old I have had the privilege of having at least one trip to Dallas every year, by myself, when I was able to develop a deep, personal relationship with her. For that I am truly forever grateful. I loved learning about the life she had been blessed with, her trips around the world, her experiences as a mother, and the love she had for her family.

I'll never forget the first time I asked Mimi about her husband. My dad's dad passed away when he was 17 so I never got to meet him. I was curious about the kind of person he was, so I went into the kitchen where Mimi was having her ritualistic morning glass-bottle of coke and asked her, "Do you think Bill would have liked me?" She said, "My Bill?". I knew her response meant her husband Bill rather than her son Bill - every time she's ever spoken of him she calls him "my bill". I told her that I wondered if he'd like me as his granddaughter, what kind of person he was, and if she missed him. This was on one of my summer trips to Dallas and I was probably too young to understand that some people don't like talking about topics like this. She didn't mind though and, in fact, she seemed to love that I asked. At this point her husband had been gone probably 15 years or more, but the glow I saw in her eye when she spoke of him would have made me think he was just sitting in the next room. I learned what it meant to love a person forever that day. And 15 years later when I saw someone else ask her about her late husband, she had that same glow. 30+ years after his passing she was still in love with the man she married and it was like talking to a young girl who is in love for the first time.

I know that she waited patiently for nearly 40 years to see her husband again, and I know that she is enjoying their reunion today. I'm sure she also is soaking up the moments she is spending with her baby and, if there are kitchens in heaven, I'm sure he's already made her a batch of breakfast taquitos. She loved my dad's breakfast taquitos. When my dad passed away someone wrote to us that the Cowboys never lose in Heaven - so I know the 3 of them will enjoy celebrating the Cowboys' victories together. She is with 2 men that she loved dearly and has missed for a long time, and she is pain free. She didn't have to suffer for too long, and I am so thankful for that.

I learned this weekend that whether someone dies too young like my dad or they lived a long, full life like Mimi it doesn't make it one bit easier for the people who they've left behind. I also know, though, that if she hadn't been the remarkable grandmother and woman that she was it wouldn't be nearly this hard to let her go. So I'll take the pain and emptiness that I'm left with knowing that it is because I have been blessed for 25 years to have had the pleasure of knowing Mary Loving Blair. And I'll never forget the happiness I felt when I grabbed candy out of that jar: the candy meant that I was going to enjoy some more time with my Mimi, if only for a little while.

William Wednesday

It is apparently a common thing in the blog world to post "wordless Wednesday" posts with just pictures or things like that. But, I've decided that on Wednesdays when I have nothing specific to say I'll have William Wednesdays and keep you in the loop on what my little prince is doing!

Every day is a day of discoveries for a 4 month old baby, let me tell you. I don't want to blink cause I'm afraid of what I'll miss! William is still very talkative and loves if we repeat the noises he makes. One of the most joyful times of my day is when I can hear him wake up through the monitor because he'll lay in his crib and talk for 20 minutes if I let him. I can't ever let it go that long though, I just have to go see what he's up to. He has learned in the past couple of weeks that the sound of the door opening is associated with us coming in, so he tilts his head backwards to see us and gives us a HUGE grin. At this point he generally has his feet up in the air, hands pulling his blanket up to his face, and his eyes set on us. Once we're in his room, he's back to talking!

He is also mastering the talent of reaching out, grabbing items, pulling them to him and deciding when he wants to drop them. This morning he was cuddling with a little blanket toy that has a stuffed animal head on it (great description, I know) and he didn't ever want to let it go. He took it to day care with him, held onto it as I pulled him out of his car seat, and held onto it when I passed him off to Miss Kim. I'm not sure if he ever finally decided he was done with it, but he likes it! When I got home last night Austin told me William wouldn't let go of the glowworm at school, so we thought we would have to go buy one this weekend. Maybe his puppy dog blanket toy is a sufficient substitute! The other thing he's working on is holding his bottle. Last night he was so intrigued by the fact that he could control the bottle that he kept pulling it towards his mouth, taking one or two sips, pulling it out of his mouth, grinning at the sight of the bottle, then repeating the entire process. Maybe soon he'll hold it and actually just want to DRINK the bottle. :)

I have a few recordings of William laughing and talking, and I wish I could load them on here so you could hear. I know I've said its the most precious sound on the world, but you just have to hear it! Austin is better at getting him to laugh than I am, and when Austin gets him going he just can't stop! Its so precious.

I think his next big milestone will be turning over. When he's laying down, whether on his back or tummy, you can tell he REALLY wants to roll over. He hasn't quite gotten it, but I can tell its coming soon because he is pretty intent on getting his body to move that way. Its pretty fascinating to watch him learn and wonder what is going on in his little brain.

Those are the only updates on Mr. William Wallis that I can think of. I can't wait for my workday to be over, as always, so I can go see what he's going to do today! Maybe next Wednesday I'll tune you in to his fabulous discoveries again :)

iWant

Do you remember the book "The Berenstein Bears Get the Gimmes"? I generally don't walk into stores and think I need everything in sight, but dammit if the Apple store doesn't give me the gimmes!

We went to the mall on Sunday to pick up a couple of things and thought we'd go stop by the apple store and see if they had a sample of the new iPhone to play with. They don't; they get them the day of launch to keep the suspense. What they did have were tables FULL of iPads. The apple store is always a madhouse, but I have never seen it so packed! We saw people leaving and quickly snagged their spots so we could each play with an iPad. William was content sleeping in his stroller while mommy started reading a book, typed something up in pages (the equivalent of word), made a spreadsheet in numbers (excel), and played a game. I'm not sure what daddy was doing - I was too enthralled in my own fun to pay any attention.

I have no real NEED for an iPad, but I have my mind made up that I want one. They're just so COOL. What will the purpose be? I haven't yet determined that. I have a macbook, and I have an iPhone...the iPad is essentially in between the 2. Do I need a middle man? Maybe so.

Just think, we could take it on road trips so William can watch movies. I could toss it (carefully) in the diaper bag so that I can be occupied while he is playing at gymboree or wherever I take him when he's older. I can...well I'm just searching for logical reasons here but really there are none. I just want it, that's the bottom line.

The only thing stopping me is the price tag. The model I want is $700...that's a lot of money to drop on something just because its cool. I'm sure prices will drop like they always do, and the second version always has the bugs worked out from the first version so maybe I'm better off anyway. But once that price drops to $699...look out! :)

I have a Few Flaws

There aren't that many, but I do have flaws. :)

One of which is that I almost always forget to attach files after I've said I'm attaching them. If you've ever received an email from me that says something like, "...and I attached a picture for you to see" but didn't see a picture - know that you're in good company. It usually happens when I start out by saying I'll attach something, then I get wordy and write a novel (I know you're shocked that I would do that) then by the time I'm done writing I've forgotten that I was supposed to attach something.


Long story short (cause long stories are all I know how to do) here is the picture of the POW MIA table that I forgot to include in the last post.