I thought I could love strong enough

I know how stupid this is going to sound. So stupid that I wasn’t sure I even wanted to admit it.

Tonight Brian and I are going to see Zac Brown Band at Red Rocks Amphitheatre. I went last year with kaila, dusti, steff and tiff (and a few thousand more) and it was by far the absolute best concert I’ve ever been to. They are such incredibly talented musicians and they just blew me away with their talent. Add to that the magnificent view and surroundings of red rocks outdoor amphitheatre where you stand in the middle of beautiful natural red rock formations overlooking Denver, and it was just out of this world. The only thing that could have possibly made it better would have been if William wasn’t at home with a fever and, therefore, Austin was there with me.

When Brian and I heard they were coming back this year we got people on board with trying to buy us tickets and Dusti scored 4 tickets for us. It took 4 people trying just to get one person through on ticketmaster – they sold out in less than 5 minutes! We didn’t have 2 more people but figured we’d find 2 more or sell them on craigslist. A few weeks ago Brian met a girl who he’s dating now so he invited her, and I said “ok I’ll try to find a 4th”. I knew the perfect person to ask was Scott because I know he likes ZBB, but I stalled. Brian kept asking if I’d found anyone but I kept saying “not yet, I will though”. Why didn’t I just ask? I knew he’d want to go, I knew that’s who I’d ask, so why not just offer the ticket? I saw him twice while Austin was on R&R and we texted a few times planning those 2 occasions, so I had every opportunity. I finally did ask yesterday and he said yes, but I thought all night about what the hold up was.

And I figured it out.

As the end of R&R neared I found myself holding Austin tighter and tighter as I hugged him. I imagined getting a magical phone call that his deployment was cancelled, everyone was coming home, and he didn’t need to go back. I pictured him coming to ZBB with us. And I think in my wildest dreams I believed that if I held on tight enough and loved strong enough, it’d come true. Love conquers all right? It can conquer this can’t it?

The answer is yes and no. Love can conquer this. Love will conquer this. But not in the fairy tale way that I hoped it would. He did have to go back and we do have to endure a few more months. I don’t get to have him by my side as Zac Brown sings about our toes being in the water and the tide reaching our chairs. Love will carry us through, along with Jesus and lots and lots of support from friends. But I guess Austin will miss the second annual Zac Brown concert as planned. Better luck next year.

Not me though, add him to the list of things that are going to fill up my last 90ish days!!! It could be worse, that’s for sure


- manda