I have always felt like trials are relative to the person who bears them. Someone may have carried a heavier load, but to the person with fewer burdens - theirs still seem just as heavy. Their vantage point is different and their struggle is hard too. I think this is why it always bothered me when people wouldn't share their troubles with me when my dad was sick and why it bothers me when people think they cant while Austin is gone either. Just because you THINK what I'm going through is harder than whatever is on your plate doesn't make your burdens any lighter for you to carry.
The bible tells us in Galatians to 'Bear one another's burdens, and therefore fulfill the law of Christ'. Big or small, harder or easier, He wants us to share with each other and lighten the load of those around us.
He does not tell us to compare though, and that's where I lost my focus today.
I am all for helping other people, trying my best to sympathize with them, and am always willing to lend a hand or an ear or a glass of wine. Whatever the situation warrants :) I do not aim to compare our lives and tally up which of us has it harder. But when someone looks at me and has the audacity to compare their situation to mine, I forget that I aim to sympathize. I forget that I want to lend an ear.
A coworker told me today that she understands what I'm going through with Austin's extension because today she found out her husband would have to stay on his business trip until Friday when he was supposed to be home tomorrow. He has been gone since friday, so it'll be a whole week before she sees him. As I ever so gently reminded her that 3 days does not equal one month, and that during these 3 days she will not give up what we will in the month of December, she tried to back track by saying she knows that a week isn't much but that in February she actually only got to see her husband for 2 days. I stared blankly at her face as she tried to recover again by saying, 'I know you've been doing it longer but I mean it's just really a pain to have to go let the dog out every day at lunch time and pick up all his extra duties like the trash and the dog'
Ok, first of all, I am not the one who wanted to compare. I didn't. But if she wants to, yeah I'd go head to head with her. Come on, an easy win. (prize being crappier situation, so a bittersweet win at that)
I think the first issue here is that we are comparing a business trip to a war. Austin is not on a business trip. He is not in Nebraska picking up scrap pieces from his companies latest project. He is not staying in the Marriott watching Monday night football in his hotel.
Second, one week and one month do not even come close to 6 or 9 or 12 months. I've never done 12 so I cant speak to that, and I thank god every day that he hasn't trusted me with a year long deployment. But I've spent a week with Austin working in California, I've spent 3 weeks with him in el paso, and I've spent 3 months with him in Arizona. I can attest to the fact that we aren't comparing apples to apples here. We aren't even comparing apples to oranges. We are comparing apples to cows floating in the Tigris river.
Third, one dog doesn't come close to one dog and two cats. Add a baby in there, and caring for that one dog is like having to endure washing your own wine glass after enjoying wine in your bubble bath.
So really, there is no comparison. I'm in a tornado while she has a box fan on high pointed straight at her face.
It's clear to me why Jesus wants us to BEAR one another's burdens rather than COMPARE to another's burdens. I just spent 15 minutes convincing myself of why I have it worse, and I am in no better place than I was before I started. What's more, she is still at her house struggling through loneliness of her own. So she doesn't know what it's like to go 6 months without her husband, should I hold that against her? So she's never had two dogs barking up a storm, a baby screaming and throwing toys over a baby gate while one cat pukes and the other self destructs. That doesn't mean she doesn't know hardship. It doesn't mean she doesn't know pain or loneliness, and it doesn't mean that her burdens are exempt from the instructions in Galatians. I just wish I'd had the courage and strength to respond in that manner earlier.
This is all a learning process, but by the end of it I think I will be a better person for having endured it. If nothing else, I hope to be able to have compassion for others regardless of their circumstances. Lord knows I have been blessed with the sympathy, compassion and love of others throughout my hardships and all I can do with that is offer it on to someone else.
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