8 hours ago I blogged and I was feeling good. Rosie was back and we were ready to tackle the next three months with grace and charm and all other admirable qualities. We. Were. Pumped.
5 hours later I had to do one of the hardest things a family member of a deployed soldier has to do. I had to tell Austin that a family member had passed away.
I delivered this news to Brian when mimi passed away, and those are honestly the 2 hardest things I've done.
It's hard enough to pass that news on to someone. But to listen to silence on the other end of a crackling phone connection; to hear what sounds like the sniffles of someone trying not to cry; to have to say 'I'm sorry' and yet feel the words are so empty; to know that they don't have someone to hug or cry with or lean on. The phone call ends and they have to go back to a world that is so foreign to me.
People shouldn't have to be strong when they hear of a loved one's passing. People shouldn't be alone. Austin should be able to lean on me and rely on me, and he should be able to have William warm his heart the way he did mine after mimi passed.
This isn't right. It isn't fair. It isn't fun.
This isn't what me and Rosie agreed to when we reunited last night. But, again I note - it's impossible to not see that God's timing is impeccable. It took me far too long to snap out of my post R&R blues, but it wasn't a minute too late. He knows.
And so I know that Austin isn't alone. I know that Jesus can wrap his arms around him and hold him tighter than I could. I know God is in charge and he has a plan. And I know that God will show me how best to support and honor my husband, though it's not how I think it should be.
So I'll flex my muscles, I'll put my game face on, I'll be strong and be supportive and be whatever he needs. And I know that will be more than enough.
- manda
No comments:
Post a Comment