What's it like?

"WOW! What's it like to be a military wife?"

I get this question a lot. I get it from strangers in the grocery store, people in the gym, people I've just met and friends I've known for years. I was asked this today, in fact, which prompts my late night out of the ordinary post. What's it like? That's a hard question. I don't know anything else, so I can't say what it's like in comparison. I don't know what a non military marriage is, so I don't think of it as anything weird or unusual. To me, it's just marriage.

But what I think it's like is the most incredibly difficult yet amazingly wonderful enhancement you could add to a marriage.

Sure, it's not easy knowing that there are times when I can't be #1. Aren't I supposed to be? Isn't that how marriage is supposed to work? There are nights when dinner gets cold on the stove, waiting until 2 am to eat it or nights when there is no dinner on the stove because cooking for 1 seems pointless. There are holidays missed, birthdays celebrated separately. Of his 6 birthdays that we've been together, I've only actually been able to see him for 2. He hasn't yet missed our anniversary, but I'm sure the day is coming. He's missed Easters, 4th of July's, family reunions - and each time I put on a smile, say hi to family and friends and I speak for us both. I wish everyone happy holidays and give everyone hugs and kisses from him. I tell everyone he says hello, and I thank them for the recent emails or packages or letters or just general support. Then when it's all over, when everyone goes back to their "normal" lives I'm still stuck in transit. I'm stuck waiting. Waiting for my life to no longer be on "pause"; to hit the play button again.

There are times when he's away at war, and there are times when he's away stateside. There are drawbacks to both and I'm still trying to figure out which one I prefer. Sure, it seems like an easy question - when he's stateside, he's safe. When he's at war he's not safe. Why is that a hard question? But when he spends 3 months in a different state, he builds his own separate life. He doens't need my support and care packages and cards and letters. He doesn't need me to sit online all night long just to keep him company. He is able to make friends, go out to eat, go see movies - he builds a new temporary life as opposed to just fighting a war. It adds a different dynamic, knowing that we both have our own lives. Aren't we supposed to be one? Isn't that what the vows said?

It's not easy.

But what the cliche quotes say is true.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
DIstance is to love as wind is to fire. It puts out the weak but blows up the strong.
I'm thankful for having someone that makes missing him so hard.

There are tons and tons of quotes, and the reason they are so over-used is because they are true. There is an element to a military marriage that no other marriage can have. In order to thrive we have to have a higher level of trust, communication, honesty, and commitment. Otherwise, the hard times would win over and our marriage would fail. That's why so many do. We are thrown into the fire often and the strength with which we fight is what determines how we come out of it.



There are the nights when I sit in bed staring out the window, waiting to see his truck round the corner after months apart. There are the anxious moments in the airport after a deployment, wishing I had picked different clothes or reapplied my makeup. And there are those long awaited hugs with my eyes squeezed shut just as tightly as my arms are squeezed around him. My heart beats a little faster than others when the national anthem is played and I stand a little prouder than most as the stars and stripes are raised.

So, what's it like to be married to a soldier? It's amazing. It's incredible. It's more than I ever could have hoped for.

Being a military wife is one of the greatest challenges in my life. And how did you feel when you overcame one your life's greatest challenges? That's how my marriage makes me feel (on the days which I don't feel defeated, of course)