Now that it's all said and done...

If I were a less stubborn person, now that it's all said and done, I'd shout from the rooftops that I was wrong. God was right. His plan is more perfect than my own. Again.

But, there's still that little ounce of stubbornness so I guess I will just declare my defeat through my quiet little blog.

My prayer for the last month has been for myself to let go of the notion that I know best and follow the path laid before me. I've had to pray this progressively more as the days have passed, and the last couple of days were spent in a constant state of pleading: please help me to remember that You have the whole picture laid out while all I see is a muddled piece of the puzzle. It hasn't been easy, and I haven't always succeeded. But That has been my focus.

I didn't understand why the housing situation was such a headache. I didn't understand why the leasing office wouldn't just give us the house we wanted rather than make us live in limbo for a week. But do you know what? Now that it's all said and done, it was better that way. We had William with us during the first week and were able to spend time playing with him and enjoying our new surroundings while doing our best to ignore the boxes. Then, just in time for him to start day care we were given the green light. We had a week to move which made it a perfect transition for William and us. We didn't have to force ourselves to work 12 hours/day on the house and William didn't have to witness any of it; one day he went to school and left one house then came home to another...toys, bed, everything he cared about just as he had left it. It also made the unpacking and sorting much easier - I could go at the pace of the boxes rather than in a pile of mess.

Yes, it was better this way.

I didn't understand why finding a job wasn't going according to my plan. Or even following the general direction of my plan. I remember laying in bed about a month ago telling Austin 'I don't understand how things just fall into place for some people...people who seemingly put forth no effort...yet here I am trying and focused and determined and damn it...DESERVING...why not me? Why can't it fall into place for me?' Now that it's all said and done, I see it a little more clearly.

I must have applied to 100 jobs over the last few months and only heard back from a handful. Granted I was applying for jobs I wasn't qualified for sometimes, applying for a lot of jobs for which I was over qualified...I was willing to do anything.

Then there was this one job. A listing for a senior tax accountant at a CPA firm posted March 30. What CPA firm is interviewing for tax 2 weeks before April 15???

Turns out they weren't interviewing yet and weren't planning to really bring any candidates in until the end of the month. They posted the job to get their feelers out there and see what response they'd get. So I applied and we set up an interview.

Still I was persistent. I applied to jobs every day. But in the back of my head a little birdie kept saying 'what if that's your job? What if things CAN just perfectly align for you too, even though you're too weak to trust it? What if their timing and your timing are so perfectly in line? What if you are expending far more effort than necessary and could just sit back and let God show you His will?'

Well, I heard the birdie over and over but knew I'd kick myself later if I didn't keep looking for Jobs. But as the month dragged on I did find myself less and less interested in the job hunt. And about a week before my interview I finally told the birdie 'ok. I'm done applying until I see if this little what-if game plays out.'

Well you know what? It played out. I got the job! The managing partner at the firm called today to ell me how extremely impressed everyone was and how they feel I have a great skill set as well as a great personality for their firm.

The offer came one day before I am officially unemployed. The timing allows me a full week off with Austin at work, William at day care, and no other obligations besides settling into our new home. One full week to organize, set up, regroup, and soak in the beauty of the place we'll call home for awhile. The offer came, clearly, at the right time. The best time.

'and why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?'

That's me: ye of little faith. But I'm working. Now figuratively, soon literally too.


- manda