Playing to a Different Tune

When all is said and done, I think one of the best things to come out of our 2.5 years in Killeen will be my reintroduction to my flute. Before this summer I hadn't played (for longer than maybe 10 minutes) since high school. I recently had the opportunity to audition for a local volunteer symphony. I only had about a week to practice before my audition and I hadn't looked at sheet music in 15 years, so I wasn't overly confident I'd even make it through a song. I was surprised to find that I was actually pretty good. Obviously not where I was once, but, all things considered, I was very impressed at how much I retained after such a long drought. I practiced every day for that week and I got fairly confident on the pieces for the audition. I learned they had auditioned 32 people o different instruments already and only 5 made it, so I was realistic about the possibility of not making it.

I was honestly blown away by my own performance and the feedback during my audition. The conductor (who is a famous flutist himself! good thing I didn't know that before) was overflowing with compliments. He complimented my music education and asked where I went to school. When I told him the name of my band director and school district he said "ah yes, now it makes sense". Naturally I had to pass that compliment along, so I sent a message to my former band director to tell him the story. Again, I was blown away by his response. "I'm glad you're playing again, you're a very talented musician and that doesn't go away".

Me? A talented musician? That really made me take a step back and think for a minute. I spent 3 years playing piano and then 7 years playing flute and piccolo. Never in those 10 years would I have said I was a talented musician. I don't think I would have even said I was "good". I spent those years, especially the last 4, so focused on trying to be perfect and trying to be the best that I completely missed what I was doing. A classmate was always ahead of me for flute first chair, and when I thought maybe I could pass her up someone 2 years younger came in and blew us all out of the water. (she's phenomenal, btw, can't blame us for being left in her dust) When I switched to piccolo I thought for sure I'd be the best in the district, but then a flute player at the high school down the road switched to piccolo and she was always a few steps ahead. I could never catch Amanda on flute and I could never catch Amie on piccolo. I wasn't the best and that's all I ever saw.

Being in band in high school was one of the best decisions I made in those years. I had a director and mentor who cared about me as a person and helped me through very difficult years. I developed leadership skills as the drum major (read: I like to boss people around).  I made friends who made a lasting impact on my life, some of which are still my close friends today. I stayed out of trouble as I stayed busy, and I really believe music helps education. But, despite all of those things I never truly felt good enough because my measure of success was beating those 2 people.

Here's a life lesson it's taken me 30+ years to even begin to learn: being perfect is not what it's about. What if I had beaten Amie to be the best in district our senior year? I would have gone on to find there was someone else better in the state. I would have been so beaten up about not beating her that I probably wouldn't have allowed myself to celebrate the progress, just like I didn't allow myself to celebrate my progress over my 7 years of playing. Lesson: Progress not Perfection.

I am so excited to be a part of the symphony. I am stretching myself, pushing myself, and loving making music again. The best part so far has been the change in perspective. I am celebrating progress each week and enjoying listening to myself improve. 15 years ago all I heard were mistakes. Now, when I listen to myself, I hear beautiful music.

On The Road Again

The fog of having back to back babies started lifting somewhere around Loretta's second birthday, and this summer I actually spent some time enjoying rediscovering things I'm interested in. I started doodling with hand lettering and making signs with watercolors, I started looking at patterns for a quilt to make for Charles (finally), and I even got out my flute and joined a symphony (more on that to come for sure). I was really starting to do more than just survive the days.

It would only make sense that Big Army would choose that moment to reach down and stir things up. We found out at the end of the summer that we will be moving sooner than originally assumed! There are never promises or guarantees, we just always assumed we'd be here 3 years. To me, that meant it'd line up perfectly with the end of second grade and we'd pack up and move out sometime around June 2018. But, that's what I get for assuming or even just hoping for a seamless transition :) Instead, we'll be moving in December! Less than 100 days from now! 13 more weekends! Who's counting?

The exciting part, for us, is that we are going to Fort Gordon, GA which is 2 hours from some of Austin's extended family and 2 hours from my brother and his family. Icing on the cake - my brother and his wife are expecting a baby boy right around the time we should arrive! Baaaaaaaaaaby! We'll also be reasonably close to my family in Illinois and Austin's parents in Florida. We are ecstatic to be so close to family. Location, location, location.

In rediscovering my old interests, I had been looking for a segue back into the blog world and I think I may have found it. I should have PLENTY of material to get the creative writing juices flowing over the next few months and hopefully build some habits to get back into it. I'm hoping I can document some of the insanely hilarious and crazy things the kids do for future memory's sake. If nothing else, I'll keep the move documented and organized in my Moving Monday posts. I'm pretty sure I did the same back in 2012 and intended to in 2015 though I probably fell short. So, stay tuned - or don't. I don't expect this will be the most riveting thing you'll read, but hey - everyone needs something to do while they sit in line at the pharmacy, right?

Happy trails!