A little bit more grace

AI can't be very detailed on this topic, but I'll write what I think I can.

This may come as a shock to some of you, but I was a little bit of a teacher's pet growing up. I know! I know, pick your chin up off the floor. I was the kid who liked to clean the chalk boards for teachers, took class work home to grade (seriously...is this really allowed???), jumped up at literally every opportunity to help, lead other kids by example, and embraced teachers at the end of the year with tear filled eyes as we said goodbye. You could say I was a brown noser, but my intent was never to better myself or get a leg up on anyone - I just genuinely liked being helpful to my teachers. 

My friends' parents always liked me. I can think of one instance when a mom didn't care much for me - and it drove me MAD. Same for teachers - junior year English teacher Mrs Gonzales - she just didn't like me. Made me a crazy person! My mom's friends usually loved me, and vice versa. And when I got to the age to start working, bosses have always liked me. Again - I've never sucked up to bosses in an effort to better my status with them or get some sort of special treatment. I just want to be the best I can I suppose, and I like to be helpful. So, it is safe to say that with the exception of one boyfriend's mom and one teacher, I've never faced much adversity in the arena of authority figures.

However, right now with work I am facing some serious adversity. My boss and I are on the same team, we are in the adversity together and trying to support each other. But we are both very worn down from it. This weekend I prayed a lot for more grace to show to the people we are dealing with. I guess praying for grace is like praying for patience: instead of being filled up with grace, I was slapped with the need for even more than I knew I'd need within the first 10 minutes of my day yesterday. It seems to be that way every day.

Some of my stories are comical, they're so absurd. I wish I could write about some! Maybe I'll share the best (or worst?) at the end of all of this. For now, though, I need to be focusing on things like perseverance, grace, patience...and taking a swig of humble juice as I face the reality that...damn it...I may just not be the favorite person here. I may not be the perfect person for what they think they need. Instead, I need to focus on doing what I can do as well as I can do it and let the rest shake out.

I'll need a lot of prayer and support though. And even though I can't write a lot about it now, I'm praying that my boss and I can see this through and create as good of an ending to this story as possible. 10 years from now, I want to look back on this season and see all that I learned and how much I grew. 

Scratch that - 1 year from now. I want to be on the other side and be thankful for the adversity 1 year from now. Most of all, I want to be able to say that I was filled with grace. Just a little more grace.

Dilemma

Whoever decided I should have 2 Summer babies and live on the equator (or what feels like it!) must have had it out for me. I wouldn't have this dilemma if I had 2 December babies, or if I lived in Antarctica. Just putting that out there.

But, here's my dilemma: I don't want to be a mom who misses out on half the fun with my kids because I'm too unhappy in my body to wear a swimsuit. The problem is, I'm too unhappy in my body to wear a swimsuit, and I have a beach birthday party coming up for, not one, but TWO of our babies. That's a lot of fun to be had.

If 'beach birthday bash' meant hanging out on the beaches of Monterey I could get by in a cute flowing skirt with a shirt that covers my upper arms, jewelry and accessories to draw your eyes exactly where I want them, and my hair could be down and styled beautifully. (Or as beautifully as I know how) 

But. Beach birthday bash means Galveston. It means hot. It means humid. It means I won't last 10 minutes before my hair is in a ponytail, and any added accessories just mean added sweat. There are people out there who manage to maintain cuteness in Galveston, and those are the people who seem to have been made for this climate. Me? I sweat like a... What's the end of that analogy? Like a man. Like a gorilla. Like someone who just ran a marathon in Florida. That's me. 

For all reasons other than myself, I am SO excited for the party. I love the beach. I love being outside. I'm excited for my kids to run in the sand, dabble in the water, build castles, get dirty, and I'm so excited to celebrate these 2 little loves. I don't want to miss it! But I don't want to think about swimsuits either.

So, for anyone who fits any of the above descriptions...anyone who knows the cutest bathing suits are made for size A chests...anyone who knows one year post partum is a crappy place to be...anyone who has ever felt better after buying a swimsuit than before...I need your help. Where do I shop? What do I look for? How do I embrace this season without cringing and crying and debating a food ban? 

Anyone at all...