I had a bad night last night. And you know what happens when you go to sleep angry? You wake up angry. I guess that's why the Bible tells us not to huh? Unfortunately there's nothing that Austin or I could do to make me un-angry last night, so the only option was to fall asleep. But then, just as I knew I would, I woke up angry. And you know what happens when you wake up angry? Nothing goes right. First of all, Reagan's morning howls for food were unbearable. I've dealt with them for 5 years now but on mornings like this, they are just too much. Then clothes don't look good, your hair won't work, there's nothing for breakfast...its just a long spiral downwards.
However, as I was walking towards the door to leave, my eyes caught a glimpse of something that had the potential to make my day better: my new Taylor Swift cd! It was in my stocking on Christmas and I loaded it on my computer that day but I hadn't listened to it yet. Taylor Swift can put a smile on anyone's face I think (or at least mine) so I grabbed it and decided that she was going to turn my day around. She was going to brighten my mood so I wouldn't walk into work with my head hung down. I inserted the CD, got all excited for the upbeat music on track 1, and about 1.5 minutes into the song I realized there were no lyrics. Tried track 2. Same problem. Track 3, 4...ok I give up. Not even Taylor Swift can work for me today.
At this point I wished I were standing rather than driving, and I wished there were someone standing in front of me to witness my emphatic decision, complete with crossed arms and a stomped foot, to go to Starbucks and get a white chocolate mocha. 500 calories or not, no one was going to stop me. But, I had to just envision myself playing that out because I was, in fact, already driving.
While at Starbucks I realized something: I miss working at Poor Yoricks. Being a coffee barista is by far my favorite job - not that I've had boat loads of jobs or anything. But it was a blast! In order to get through the rush all the baristas are on hyper-mode, which for us occurred in between classes all day...so on monday/wednesday/friday our rush came every 40-45 minutes and lasted 20-30 minutes. Tuesday/Thursdays were a little easier because classes were 25 minutes longer. Running around, singing along to fun music on the radio, steaming endless pots of milk, shouting out various coffee drinks that I never understood how we were able to remember...it was all part of the fun. And the best part: the customers. Customers love their coffee makers...its like they think you're a miracle worker if you can produce the perfect latte/cappuccino/mocha/etc. If they didn't come in with a smile on their face, the frown is instantly turned upside down when you hand them the warm cup o' joe (or whatever it is that they ordered).
The BEST customers are regulars. Like Professor Casey, for example. Set aside my and Alexis's crushes on him - we were juvenile(and he wasn't a REAL proffessor, he was a grad student so back off) :) Despite the crushes, he was a delight as a customer. He'd wait in line no matter how long it was, never letting go of his morning optimism, then he'd greet us all by name as he approached the counter. He already had his change counted out, Luis already had it rung up, and Alexis and I already had his large skim cappuccino, lots of foam with 2 sweet n low packets, prepared for the taking. Some days we'd even deliver it out to him as he waited in line (that part MIGHT be attributable to the crush)
Regulars or not, grumpy or not, the customers made the job enjoyable. To be able to bring that sort of happiness to people on a daily basis made Poor Yoricks a very rewarding job. Even if I was working for a measly $8.50/hour (which, at the time, was BANK)
So this morning as I watched the Starbucks employees mimicking the scenario I just described for you, I made a decision; If Austin makes it big in the business world, or if we win the lottery or in some other way come across money, I am going to be a coffee barista from 5am-10am. Then I can go home, relax, do crafts or some other hobby to occupy myself while Austin and the kids are gone and get ready to serve hundreds of warm cups of joy the next morning. And that thought, in itself, had the ability to slightly turn my morning from sour to ok.
Dec 29, 2009
Dec 28, 2009
Stupid Tony Romo
Maybe I was doomed to not win the jackpot at fantasy football; maybe the fantasy gods were getting back at me for all the bad mouthing I'd done. If so, I had it coming. But I don't believe in fantasy gods, therefore I blame Tony Romo. and reggie bush, matt schaub, and a few others. but mostly Tony Romo. You see, somehow in both my leagues I managed to secure a first round "bye" in the playoffs. So 2 weeks ago I sat comfortably on my couch knowing I was still alive for another week, regardless of how well my players performed.
Then last week all I cared about was winning the game in my "big" league. The first place prize is $700 and second is $300, so I would have been happy taking the $300 (and splitting it with Dottie, my coworker who Austin and I teamed up with). So, if I could just win ONE MORE GAME in that league, I'd have at least $150 and possibly $350. But, last week our decision to bench Peyton Manning came back to haunt us as the Colts did NOT bench him, and he had one of his more productive Fantasy scoring weeks. Had we played him, we could have won our game and moved on to the championship. But, no use in crying over spilled milk - I did win in the smaller league and was happy that I still had a shot at $200. So Friday night when Chris Johnson of the Tennessee Titans scored more than Vince Young and Antonio Gates combined (I knew Vince could pull through for me and have 3 turnovers...love Vince Young) I thought I was sitting pretty nicely to win the $200. I already had it spent in my mind.
Then yesterday came. Most of my players during the early games did decent...Andre Johnson had a wonderful first half and if Matt Schaub would have tried THROWING THE BALL in the second half rather than handing it off to Ryan Moats for 2 yards every play, maybe Johnson could have done even better for me. But, he did his part so I was pleased. By the end of the first round of Sunday games I had all but one player done, and so did my opponent. He had the San Fransisco defense (who lit it up against Detroit. Then again, who doesn't) and I had Miles Austin. All I needed was for Miles Austin to perform like he has for the past 6 weeks and I'd have $200.
Instead, I watched all night as Miles Austin got himself open and available, and Tony Romo looked past him nearly every time. Romo to Witten. Romo to Williams. Romo to Witten. incomplete. Marion Barber. You heard all sorts of Cowboys names flying around last night, but one that was announced too few times was Miles Austin. Romo's bread and butter for the last 2 months - but he couldn't do it for ONE MORE GAME?
Like I said, stupid Tony Romo.
So, rather than celebrating my big winnings of $200 (a profit of $140)I am stuck with a whopping $40...and in case you can't do the math, that's a loss of $20 on the fantasy season. Wahoo. Excuse me while I go celebrate.
Then last week all I cared about was winning the game in my "big" league. The first place prize is $700 and second is $300, so I would have been happy taking the $300 (and splitting it with Dottie, my coworker who Austin and I teamed up with). So, if I could just win ONE MORE GAME in that league, I'd have at least $150 and possibly $350. But, last week our decision to bench Peyton Manning came back to haunt us as the Colts did NOT bench him, and he had one of his more productive Fantasy scoring weeks. Had we played him, we could have won our game and moved on to the championship. But, no use in crying over spilled milk - I did win in the smaller league and was happy that I still had a shot at $200. So Friday night when Chris Johnson of the Tennessee Titans scored more than Vince Young and Antonio Gates combined (I knew Vince could pull through for me and have 3 turnovers...love Vince Young) I thought I was sitting pretty nicely to win the $200. I already had it spent in my mind.
Then yesterday came. Most of my players during the early games did decent...Andre Johnson had a wonderful first half and if Matt Schaub would have tried THROWING THE BALL in the second half rather than handing it off to Ryan Moats for 2 yards every play, maybe Johnson could have done even better for me. But, he did his part so I was pleased. By the end of the first round of Sunday games I had all but one player done, and so did my opponent. He had the San Fransisco defense (who lit it up against Detroit. Then again, who doesn't) and I had Miles Austin. All I needed was for Miles Austin to perform like he has for the past 6 weeks and I'd have $200.
Instead, I watched all night as Miles Austin got himself open and available, and Tony Romo looked past him nearly every time. Romo to Witten. Romo to Williams. Romo to Witten. incomplete. Marion Barber. You heard all sorts of Cowboys names flying around last night, but one that was announced too few times was Miles Austin. Romo's bread and butter for the last 2 months - but he couldn't do it for ONE MORE GAME?
Like I said, stupid Tony Romo.
So, rather than celebrating my big winnings of $200 (a profit of $140)I am stuck with a whopping $40...and in case you can't do the math, that's a loss of $20 on the fantasy season. Wahoo. Excuse me while I go celebrate.
Dec 22, 2009
A Soldier or a Baby
This morning as I was driving to work I had my Brad Paisley Christmas CD playing. OK, blaring. Call it what you want. Anyway. On the CD he has a song that he wrote and performed when he was 13 and breaking into the music industry. The song is titled, "Born on Christmas Day" and it is pretty amazing that a 13 year old could come up with the lyrics that he did.
It was a cold and dark December night
But a star still lit the sky
Away in a manger you heard a baby cry
It was the cry of the Son of God
A little baby boy
Born in that manger to bring the world joy
(chorus)
So hush up little baby
You know not what you'll do
You'll bring the world peace and love
And teach them while you do
You have nothing to fear because you know
God is with you all the way
That little important baby
Born on Christmas day
Many people soon gathered round that tiny run down barn
They knew not of what they saw
Then came three all dressed in fancy robes, silks and furs
This was the first indication of the importance of his birth
Chorus
We expected a soldier to save us from our plight
All dressed in shiny armor, ready for a fight
But instead he sent a little baby boy
All filled with love and happiness
To bring the world Joy
Chorus
It was a cold and dark December night
But a star still lit the sky
Away in a manger you heard a baby cry
It was the cry of the Son of God
A little baby boy
Born in that manger to bring the world joy
(chorus)
So hush up little baby
You know not what you'll do
You'll bring the world peace and love
And teach them while you do
You have nothing to fear because you know
God is with you all the way
That little important baby
Born on Christmas day
Many people soon gathered round that tiny run down barn
They knew not of what they saw
Then came three all dressed in fancy robes, silks and furs
This was the first indication of the importance of his birth
Chorus
We expected a soldier to save us from our plight
All dressed in shiny armor, ready for a fight
But instead he sent a little baby boy
All filled with love and happiness
To bring the world Joy
Chorus
I grew up hearing the story of Christmas my entire life; I've probably heard it nearly 50 times already. But I got something new out of it just by listening to this song. The third verse really made me think. Maybe it's the real-life application for me right now that brought on this new element, I'm not sure, but the first line of that verse just really got to me. "We were expecting a soldier to save us". That makes me think of Austin - a big, bad soldier who protects me from harm whenever possible. If I were awaiting the first coming of my Lord, I believe I would be awaiting someone who was bigger, stronger, braver, and tougher than me - because the idea that I need someone to save me implies that he must be all of those things. If he's not bigger, not braver, and not stronger than I am, then why do I need his help anyway? "But instead he sent a little baby boy". That makes me think of William - and how it is my job to protect him. I've been protecting him for the past 7 months, and no doubt that job continues once he's born.
So how humbling a thought that God sent a BABY to save me. All this time I've been focused on the mere fact that God sent someone to save me, but a baby? Yes - we were (and still are) that much in need of saving that even a baby can fit the bill. It doesn't matter how strong we are, how brave or even how close to perfection we think we are - we still need God's grace and to be saved by his little baby boy.
I hope you all are able to be stricken with a new realization of Christmas this year in your own way too. I hope your Christmas is blessed with love and family and the joy of that little baby, and that you have a peaceful and restful holiday weekend.
God Bless Us - Everyone!
Dec 21, 2009
I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas!
Just like the ONE that I once knew. :)
Christmas 2006 was the first Christmas in nearly 100 years when Denver had snow FALL on Christmas day. And I was here to see it :) It also happened to be part of the worst blizzard in Denver history since sometime in the 1930's - so my prayers for a white Christmas were answered abundantly. God was probably getting a good little chuckle out of it. Weathermen (and women) are not predicting snowfall on Christmas day, but they are predicting roughly 5 inches on Wednesday and they expect it to stay cold enough to still be on the ground on Friday. YIPPEE! It seems weird to me that even having snow on the ground on Christmas day is rare, but Denver is a rare snowy city. Anyhow - I'm excited that I can open all the blinds and see white in the backyard all day on Christmas :)
Our weekend was pretty uneventful - which was nice. Austin's battalion Christmas party was Friday and it went well - definitely geared more towards families, but it was nice. I don't know how many times I heard little boys running around screaming, then was quickly approached and asked "Are you ready for this?" Luckily you get to gradually get there right - I mean they have to crawl before they walk right?
Saturday I got my hair cut and got my massage - what a spoiled girl I was that day! I told Austin that once we win the lottery, I'm hiring Danica to come do my hair every day. Or at least a couple times a week - she always makes it look so good, and that scalp massage...that's worth the $ right there! After my massage I went shopping for a little bit while Austin wrapped presents, then we watched the Cowboys whoop up on the Saints - how 'bout them Cowboys huh? Pretty crazy...I never would have expected them to win. BRANDON didn't even think they'd win, and he's the fan among fans!
Sunday we went to the 8:00 service again because Austin had to drop Rick off at the airport at 10:30. I think I like the early service. I don't enjoy waking up early, that's for sure, but after I had gone to church, cleaned the bathroom, cleaned the bedroom, and the guest bedroom, I looked at the clock and it was just 11:45! I felt like I still had the whole day ahead of me. I had big aspirations of more cleaning, but decided...no :) I have a 4.5 day weekend coming up and we'll have to do cleaning when we take the tree down, so no use in over doing it now right? So the rest of the day was spent watching football, tooling around with my sewing machine (I have limited thread and fabric, no straight pins, and nothing really to make...so it really was just playing around at this point), and then before the stores closed at 6:00 we went and got our stroller!!! I wanted to take it out of the box and go on a walk with it, but I thought maybe I'd be made fun of :) But I'm so excited about it...even MORE excited for the baby to put in it!
The baby who, according to the doctor, is "perfect" :) That's right - I reached perfection today. Perfect blood pressure, perfect weight gain (which she was especially impressed with given the time of year!), perfect baby growth measured by my belly size, perfect baby positioning - and no blood was stolen! I told her it was a great early Christmas present and she said "Well, as long as you behave we don't have to steal your blood any more!" So that's my goal :)
I'm so excited for Christmas I can hardly stand it - and I don't even know what part I'm so excited for! I love giving Austin presents, so that'll be fun, and I'm sure he got me some fun stuff to play with...but mostly I'm just excited to have 4 days at home with him with no obligations and nothing to do. It'll be heavenly - maybe the best reminder of the reason for the season huh?
Christmas 2006 was the first Christmas in nearly 100 years when Denver had snow FALL on Christmas day. And I was here to see it :) It also happened to be part of the worst blizzard in Denver history since sometime in the 1930's - so my prayers for a white Christmas were answered abundantly. God was probably getting a good little chuckle out of it. Weathermen (and women) are not predicting snowfall on Christmas day, but they are predicting roughly 5 inches on Wednesday and they expect it to stay cold enough to still be on the ground on Friday. YIPPEE! It seems weird to me that even having snow on the ground on Christmas day is rare, but Denver is a rare snowy city. Anyhow - I'm excited that I can open all the blinds and see white in the backyard all day on Christmas :)
Our weekend was pretty uneventful - which was nice. Austin's battalion Christmas party was Friday and it went well - definitely geared more towards families, but it was nice. I don't know how many times I heard little boys running around screaming, then was quickly approached and asked "Are you ready for this?" Luckily you get to gradually get there right - I mean they have to crawl before they walk right?
Saturday I got my hair cut and got my massage - what a spoiled girl I was that day! I told Austin that once we win the lottery, I'm hiring Danica to come do my hair every day. Or at least a couple times a week - she always makes it look so good, and that scalp massage...that's worth the $ right there! After my massage I went shopping for a little bit while Austin wrapped presents, then we watched the Cowboys whoop up on the Saints - how 'bout them Cowboys huh? Pretty crazy...I never would have expected them to win. BRANDON didn't even think they'd win, and he's the fan among fans!
Sunday we went to the 8:00 service again because Austin had to drop Rick off at the airport at 10:30. I think I like the early service. I don't enjoy waking up early, that's for sure, but after I had gone to church, cleaned the bathroom, cleaned the bedroom, and the guest bedroom, I looked at the clock and it was just 11:45! I felt like I still had the whole day ahead of me. I had big aspirations of more cleaning, but decided...no :) I have a 4.5 day weekend coming up and we'll have to do cleaning when we take the tree down, so no use in over doing it now right? So the rest of the day was spent watching football, tooling around with my sewing machine (I have limited thread and fabric, no straight pins, and nothing really to make...so it really was just playing around at this point), and then before the stores closed at 6:00 we went and got our stroller!!! I wanted to take it out of the box and go on a walk with it, but I thought maybe I'd be made fun of :) But I'm so excited about it...even MORE excited for the baby to put in it!
The baby who, according to the doctor, is "perfect" :) That's right - I reached perfection today. Perfect blood pressure, perfect weight gain (which she was especially impressed with given the time of year!), perfect baby growth measured by my belly size, perfect baby positioning - and no blood was stolen! I told her it was a great early Christmas present and she said "Well, as long as you behave we don't have to steal your blood any more!" So that's my goal :)
I'm so excited for Christmas I can hardly stand it - and I don't even know what part I'm so excited for! I love giving Austin presents, so that'll be fun, and I'm sure he got me some fun stuff to play with...but mostly I'm just excited to have 4 days at home with him with no obligations and nothing to do. It'll be heavenly - maybe the best reminder of the reason for the season huh?
Dec 17, 2009
Not Just Football Players
You know how some people have a thing for movie stars, musicians, bad boys, etc? Some people even openly discuss who they'd leave their spouse for if the opportunity presented itself. Well, for me it's never been the typical hollywood figures you think of. Movie stars are way too pretty for me - that means too high maintenance and I'd never be willing to put the effort into my appearance that they do, so no thanks. Plus, people that pretty just make me suspicious - not sure why. Both of my brothers play guitar and sing well, and they have since I was in elementary school, so musicians have never "done it" for me either. That's just weird. And being the anal person I can be, bad boys just irritate me.
Football players though - that's my thing. They're rougher than movie stars and I wouldn't ever be scared walking down a dark alley with them by my side. Except those sissy quarterbacks, they're a different breed. Tom Brady - psh.
So I'm sure you can imagine the excitement I experienced when Ed "Too Tall" Jones (who retired from the NFL long before I was born, mind you) let me try on his Super Bowl ring a few years ago! Granted I think he had other things on his mind than what I had on mine - but we won't go there. The point of all of this is that I learned this week I'm not just fascinated by football players - it's also magicians!
I know what you're thinking - lame O. And it is, I'm sure. But they're so neat! Tuesday Western Union had our company Christmas party which they generally plan for a week day from 3-6 because families are not invited. Because it was our anniversary I didn't plan to stay past 4:30, and most of my coworkers planned on leaving too so it worked out well. Around 4:00 we were all tired of standing around, and I wasn't sure what we'd do for the next 30 minutes, but then a magician stopped by! The theme of the party was "Magic" (pretty original) so WU had hired 8 magicians to mingle with the crowd and perform some magic tricks. Our magician - Josh - was awesome! He had me stunned, and we were all very entertained. So - if something ever happens to Austin, you'll find me either on the sidelines of an NFL game (prior to being arrested) or in Vegas trying to meet a magician.
The rest of the week has been pretty good too - just very busy. Tuesday for our anniversary we went to dinner at Texas de Brazil. mmmm....meat. Austin gave me a gift card for a prenatal massage that I intend to take advantage of this weekend - my back is killing me! Last night I went to a coworker's house for a gift and cookie exchange party. At our gift exchange here at work I somehow had 3 itunes gift cards stolen from me 5 times (don't ask how that worked out) and last night was no different - gifts didn't stay with me long. But I ended up with a little snowman family decoration - a mommy, daddy, and baby...how perfect :) He's sitting on a ledge on our staircase right now. Or "they" are - I should say. Then tomorrow night is Austin's Battalion Christmas party and Saturday morning I have a haircut. Massage too if I can get an appointment!
Based on how busy things have been this week, I intend to spend a LOT of time on my couch this weekend. Glad Christmas shopping is done - would hate to be roaming the malls this weekend!!! Then it's only 3 more work days until Austin and I get a lovely 4 day weekend to relax and...spend more time on the couch :)
Hope your week before Christmas has been as magical as mine! :)
Football players though - that's my thing. They're rougher than movie stars and I wouldn't ever be scared walking down a dark alley with them by my side. Except those sissy quarterbacks, they're a different breed. Tom Brady - psh.
So I'm sure you can imagine the excitement I experienced when Ed "Too Tall" Jones (who retired from the NFL long before I was born, mind you) let me try on his Super Bowl ring a few years ago! Granted I think he had other things on his mind than what I had on mine - but we won't go there. The point of all of this is that I learned this week I'm not just fascinated by football players - it's also magicians!
I know what you're thinking - lame O. And it is, I'm sure. But they're so neat! Tuesday Western Union had our company Christmas party which they generally plan for a week day from 3-6 because families are not invited. Because it was our anniversary I didn't plan to stay past 4:30, and most of my coworkers planned on leaving too so it worked out well. Around 4:00 we were all tired of standing around, and I wasn't sure what we'd do for the next 30 minutes, but then a magician stopped by! The theme of the party was "Magic" (pretty original) so WU had hired 8 magicians to mingle with the crowd and perform some magic tricks. Our magician - Josh - was awesome! He had me stunned, and we were all very entertained. So - if something ever happens to Austin, you'll find me either on the sidelines of an NFL game (prior to being arrested) or in Vegas trying to meet a magician.
The rest of the week has been pretty good too - just very busy. Tuesday for our anniversary we went to dinner at Texas de Brazil. mmmm....meat. Austin gave me a gift card for a prenatal massage that I intend to take advantage of this weekend - my back is killing me! Last night I went to a coworker's house for a gift and cookie exchange party. At our gift exchange here at work I somehow had 3 itunes gift cards stolen from me 5 times (don't ask how that worked out) and last night was no different - gifts didn't stay with me long. But I ended up with a little snowman family decoration - a mommy, daddy, and baby...how perfect :) He's sitting on a ledge on our staircase right now. Or "they" are - I should say. Then tomorrow night is Austin's Battalion Christmas party and Saturday morning I have a haircut. Massage too if I can get an appointment!
Based on how busy things have been this week, I intend to spend a LOT of time on my couch this weekend. Glad Christmas shopping is done - would hate to be roaming the malls this weekend!!! Then it's only 3 more work days until Austin and I get a lovely 4 day weekend to relax and...spend more time on the couch :)
Hope your week before Christmas has been as magical as mine! :)
Dec 15, 2009
What a Beautiful Day
Dec 15, 2007: I counted down to that day for a year and a half. Our Wedding Day!
Between the flowers not showing up, then showing up wilted, my brother getting arrested and spending my wedding weekend in jail, and the weather being the exact opposite of what we needed therefore moving the ceremony inside - I had plenty of hiccups making themselves present in an attempt to spoil the day.
But when Brian and I turned the corner and saw Austin at the end of the aisle I forgot I even had flowers in my hand. I forgot where Brandon was, and I forgot that I was walking down a real aisle inside a chapel rather than down a sandy path by a lake. As God's plans generally do, the day turned out to be better than I could have ever imagined it and the one thing that mattered in the end was accomplished.
I don't need to go into detail, again, about the focus and importance of a wedding day. But I will say that it meant the world to me to have my family and friends there in support of our marriage. Growing up I loved going to weddings - the brides always looked stunning, no matter what their dress looked like, what color their hair was, or what kind of flowers they carried. But now I love going to weddings because it is such an honor to be asked to bear witness to what is truly God's most precious creation. God created each of us individually, which in itself is majestic, but then he created the union of marriage - and that creation has exceeded my wildest expectations. It's not always fairy tales and roses, but it really is the most amazing blessing that I never dreamed possible.
It's not at all hard to believe that its been 2 years, and in many ways it feels like its been longer. I know how that sounds - I know typically if you hear someone say "wow, feels like 15 years not 5" it is said in a negative tone, but I don't at all mean it that way. I say that it feels like longer sometimes because I think of all that has happened in 2 years and it seems unreal that we could really cram THAT much stuff into such a short time. The 10 months we spent apart while he was in Iraq went much faster than I thought they would, thank God, while the 3 months he spent in Arizona just dragged on and on. But the 11 months we've spent together in the meantime - 11 months, that's it? It just seems like, with all we've done, it has to have been longer than that. But - either way, it's been such a blessed 2 years and I really could not be more thankful. Austin is the perfect complement to all my strengths and weaknesses, and he brings a sense of balance and peace to my world.
And as wonderful as the last 2 years have been, I can't begin to fathom what the next year will be like. I'll spend the rest of my life trying to be thankful enough for all the blessings in my life - Dec 15, 2007 being one of the greatest.
I still remember so many details of that day - the people I had surrounding me, the wonderful words Father Tom shared, the beautiful trumpets playing as I entered and exited the ceremony...dancing, eating, and having a bowl of rice thrown at me (literally, the bowl)...I remember it all. But what still makes me smile the most is the vision of Austin's face as I turned the corner.
Between the flowers not showing up, then showing up wilted, my brother getting arrested and spending my wedding weekend in jail, and the weather being the exact opposite of what we needed therefore moving the ceremony inside - I had plenty of hiccups making themselves present in an attempt to spoil the day.
But when Brian and I turned the corner and saw Austin at the end of the aisle I forgot I even had flowers in my hand. I forgot where Brandon was, and I forgot that I was walking down a real aisle inside a chapel rather than down a sandy path by a lake. As God's plans generally do, the day turned out to be better than I could have ever imagined it and the one thing that mattered in the end was accomplished.
I don't need to go into detail, again, about the focus and importance of a wedding day. But I will say that it meant the world to me to have my family and friends there in support of our marriage. Growing up I loved going to weddings - the brides always looked stunning, no matter what their dress looked like, what color their hair was, or what kind of flowers they carried. But now I love going to weddings because it is such an honor to be asked to bear witness to what is truly God's most precious creation. God created each of us individually, which in itself is majestic, but then he created the union of marriage - and that creation has exceeded my wildest expectations. It's not always fairy tales and roses, but it really is the most amazing blessing that I never dreamed possible.
It's not at all hard to believe that its been 2 years, and in many ways it feels like its been longer. I know how that sounds - I know typically if you hear someone say "wow, feels like 15 years not 5" it is said in a negative tone, but I don't at all mean it that way. I say that it feels like longer sometimes because I think of all that has happened in 2 years and it seems unreal that we could really cram THAT much stuff into such a short time. The 10 months we spent apart while he was in Iraq went much faster than I thought they would, thank God, while the 3 months he spent in Arizona just dragged on and on. But the 11 months we've spent together in the meantime - 11 months, that's it? It just seems like, with all we've done, it has to have been longer than that. But - either way, it's been such a blessed 2 years and I really could not be more thankful. Austin is the perfect complement to all my strengths and weaknesses, and he brings a sense of balance and peace to my world.
And as wonderful as the last 2 years have been, I can't begin to fathom what the next year will be like. I'll spend the rest of my life trying to be thankful enough for all the blessings in my life - Dec 15, 2007 being one of the greatest.
I still remember so many details of that day - the people I had surrounding me, the wonderful words Father Tom shared, the beautiful trumpets playing as I entered and exited the ceremony...dancing, eating, and having a bowl of rice thrown at me (literally, the bowl)...I remember it all. But what still makes me smile the most is the vision of Austin's face as I turned the corner.
Dec 11, 2009
A Happy Friday
Fridays are always more cheerful than other weekdays - people in the office have a spring in their step, smiles are bigger, stress is lighter - everyone knows that the weekend is on the horizon and, even though they always pass by too quickly, no one seems to be bothered by that.
Today was no different. In fact, December Fridays in the tax world seem to be even more cheerful as rarely does anyone actually do ANY work. We spent the first part of the morning talking about our potluck lunch on Monday, then we all "got to work" for the day. Then around 10:00 everyone finally admits they haven't really accomplished much so the lunch conversations begin. I had lunch plans today with Kaila - which I was SUPER excited about since I haven't been able to see her much at all lately (thanks a lot Western Union). But, for most people lunch started around 11 today, then after lunch everyone had to mingle and chat some more to wind back down before starting work again...so by the time I left at 1:15, people were FINALLY starting to settle in for the afternoon work.
My best guess is they'll all be out of there by 4. :)
I had my doctor appointment at 2:30 today, and what a relief when the doctor said my blood pressure was 118 over 72! Normal!!! We talked about the potential causes of the blood pressure, other warning signs to be looking for, and my work schedule. I let her know that the month of December is stress-free at work and that, other than next week, I won't be working more than 24 hours a week as it is. That being said, she approved for me to go back to "full time" status. This was QUITE the relief for me because if I were on part time status I would miss out on paid holidays and would be paid only at 50% even though I'd be working nearly the same hours as everyone else. They'll continue to monitor my blood pressure and in January when work heats up if it begins to rise again they'll talk more about putting me on part time work for the remainder of the pregnancy. But - for now - life is back to normal. :)
Austin and I looked at a calendar to see when the 34 week marker falls for us. (34 weeks is generally when they induce labor if the mother has preeclampsia) 34 weeks is January 9 - SO soon. Too soon I must add. Then we noticed that 36 weeks - which is the ideal time to induce if they need to because lung development is nearly complete - is Brian's birthday, and 37 weeks is Robert and Brandon's birthdays. Juuuuust what we always said we wanted to avoid - having a baby's birthday right smack dab in the middle of all my brothers' birthdays :) Robert has let me know, on more than one occasion, that IF he is born on January 31 his name HAS to be "Bob William Wallis". Seeing as I don't even call ROBERT by "Bob", I doubt my son would be. But I'd never hear the end of it, I know that :) So - if William can hold off until after February 2 I'd be one happy mommy.
The rest of the appointment went well. Weight gain is normal, no swelling, all my lab test results have come back "perfectly", William's heart beat was "perfect", my tummy measurement was "perfect"...I noticed lots of perfection today. Then, when I was about ready to grab my purse and walk out the door the doctor says, "Oh, and it doesn't show here that you've had the swine flu shot. Have you and we just missed it?" Over the next half of a second lots of thoughts flooded my brain: "Yes, I had it elsewhere", "Yes, I had it here you must have not gotten it in the system" "No, because I'm allergic to eggs"...ANYTHING...but, the only words that came out of my mouth were: "No, I haven't had it yet." What?!?! I failed myself. The streak of perfection had ended as the doctor said "Well, sit tight, I'll have Linda right in for you"
Goal for my Dec 21 appointment: no needles. Period.
Dec 9, 2009
It's Beginning to Look A Lot like Christmas!
Everywhere you go...
EVEN HOUSTON! I can't believe our snow in Denver pushed itself all the way down to Houston - congrats guys, I bet it was a blast!!!
This is the happiest time of year. They say this is also the time of year when the divorce rate peaks, but I don't get it...how can you be unhappy with Christmas music, lights, trees, advent wreaths...??? I just don't get it.
Tonight Austin and I braved the frigid temperatures and went out to buy our Christmas tree. We just so happened to find the "perfect" tree pretty quickly...coincidence? Maybe :) When we got to the tree shop the thermometer in Austin's truck said 4 degrees...when we got back in it said -3. YIKES. But, we got the tree, got it home, put the lights and ornaments on and it's ready for presents!
Reagan particularly likes the time period between when the tree goes up and when the presents accumulate. During that time he thinks the tree skirt is his own personal bed. This year that works well for me, seeing as the past few days he has decided that William's bassinet is his bed! Not a good choice Reagan!!!
Aside from the Christmas happiness, I am also feeling new freedom since Austin has just found out that - as of now - his orders to go to Arizona have somehow been deleted. One day he had orders, the next day he was no longer on the orders reports and nothing was listed in his personal portal. Personally I think that God told the Army "listen here you idiots, I'm in charge not you" - but that's just my opinion, you can believe whatever you want.
In my follow up appointment this week with the doctor my blood pressure had not improved. She asked that I work 20 hours this week and go back for my blood pressure to be tested again on Friday. We'll discuss my work schedule more at that point. She may determine that 40 hours isok for now, she may ask me to go on 20 hour weeks permanently, or at some point she may determine that I need to be on bed rest. I want to do whatever is best for William and my health, of course, but I also happen to want that "best" choice for me to be able to work 40 hours/week. I am not very good at being restful or sitting back and relaxing - so coming home at noon and relaxing is pretty tough. I instantly feel like I have new freedom and should go out and do things (like get a Christmas tree for example) so it takes a great deal of discipline to force myself to sit still and slow down. Because I may be working less, I am trying to make the most of the time I am at work so for the foreseeable future I will be doing the blog posting at home rather than there. That's probably more ethical anyway don't you think?
That's about all we have going on in the Wallis household. I apologize for the Army roller coaster ride you've been on...I know it can get tiring and it isn't nearly as fun as the roller coasters at theme parks. Theme parks such as Disney World :) Speaking of - I just realized that somehow the King Louie video I tried to post didn't work. I apologize seeing as most of the blog revolved around that video. I'll see if I can get that figured out. In the meantime, I hope you all stay warm and enjoy your holiday season!!!
The Wonderful World of Disney
Finally - its time :) I've been thinking about what to write in this blog for about a month - since I was on my way back to the hotel from Disneyworld back in November. There are more things that I want to say than will fit in a normal-length blog post...so either I'll leave things out, or you'll have to bear with me and sit tight for awhile this time. And honestly, as much as I have to say - I'm not sure I can put it all into words.
Let me take you back 11 years and share with you something I wrote about my dad and our special Disney bond we shared. My mom had asked that people write letters for a compilation book that she planned to make so that my brothers and I could see the impact our dad had on all the people in his life. So, April 14, 1998 (I was 13 so please excuse any errors!) I sat down to make my contribution to the book:
My daddy. I could write all day long, my daddy was the best by far. I have a thousand and one memories. I could tell you about everything from his "Emmitt Smith voice" to his special love for all, kids and family. But I want to tell you about something that only I shared with him and that only I know about.
I always looked forward to Disney on Ice. That meant that I got to go on a date with my daddy. I went four years in a row. The third time I went, when I was 8, is my most treasured memory. He had a standard truck. Whenever it was time to shift gears, he held the clutch while I shifted gears. I felt very special, he was letting me help him drive. None of my friends dads were like that; mine was special and I knew that. He had bought seats on the ice - I loved it when he did that. As we walked down to our seats I made sure that everyone saw me, with my daddy, on our date. After we were seated, before the show, he took me up to the toy racks to pick out my prize. I
had the ones from the year before: Scuttle, the seagull from the Little Mermaid and the free fanny pack they had given me upon admission. When I went to look at the toys, I looked only for a second and saw him. He was the bad guy from a movie not many people watched, that meant no one would have this one. I point to it. My daddy did not understand why I picked the little, fat monkey King Louie. He made sure that was the one I wanted before making the purchase. We went back to our seats as I closely held the new treasure that was thought to be forgotten in a few weeks. I tried to put Louie in the fanny pack with Scuttle, but he was simply too fat. I really didn't care though, I loved him and that is all that mattered.
That's not the end though. Louie was not thrown on the top bunk with my others. (I had quite a few). He was too special for that; he got to sleep with me. Every night before turning out my light I'd lay in bed and listen. I heard my parents go into my brothers' room to say goodnight. I would listen to their door shut and in 15 seconds mine would open. My mom always said goodnight first. Then it was my dad's turn. He gave Louie a unique voice too, a special one. Every morning he'd make Louie tickle me and tell me that the prettiest third (or fourth, or fifth) grader needed to get up for school.
Often while daddy was sick, I'd take Louie to his room and let him sleep with him for awhile. But Louie always went everywhere I went, and he still does. A few nights before daddy died, the Thursday before, I took Louie out to him for the last time. He stayed out there, hanging from daddy's bed, until he died.
To this day, as always, Louie wipes my tears, his long arms are really good for that. To this day, as always, I tell him ALL my problems. He's a really good listener, despite his tiny ears.
I take him to school quite often. People have stopped asking me why or telling me how "ugly" he is. because I'll never, ever let anyone talk me out of wanting him around, and to me, Louie is the most beautiful thing there is. To me, Louie is alive.
I still cry at the thought of my daddy. I still get angry when people sit there and have the nerve to complain about their dads. Then I have to remember, its ok, they do not have what I had, so its ok. No one will ever have what I had, so it really is ok.
God blessed me, and every day that little, fat bad guy from the Jungle Book, King Louie, reminds me of the blessing I had, and the blessing that lives within me. My daddy.
I still have King Louie. I took him on my honeymoon like I told my dad I would, and he still lives in my bedroom like he has for the last 17 years. In fact, he is the only one of my animals who has not found a home in William's room. So I'm sure you can imagine my delight when a parade took place just 5 minutes after I got into the gates of Disneyworld and Louie was one of the characters on the floats!!! It is a 2.5 minute video, but Louie appears about midway through if you want to fast forward.
That was the start of the night for me. The gates weren't sparkly golden like I had envisioned them to be, but there was a pretty building all lit up with Christmas-type lights to make the entrance all the more appealing. I got to Disneyworld at around 6:00 and made my way down Main street and into the various sections of Magic Kingdom. I was stunned at how crowded it was given that it was a weeknight, not anytime around a holiday, and that we are supposed to be in a "recession". I walked around with a smile on my face the whole time - enjoying seeing the miscellaneous characters, the smiles on kids' faces, all the different rides...granted I couldn't ride anything, but that was ok. I got to see it all and that was enough for me.
I didn't get to stay very long, since the park closes at 8 and the last shuttle back to my hotel was at 8:45, but I got to walk through Minnie's house, see Cinderella's Castle from all different angles, meet a fewof the Princesses, and my favorite part: I saw the nightly fireworks show at Cinderella's Castle.
For anyone who hasn't been, or who has missed this part, after the park gates close at 8:00 they put on a firework show. Jimminy Cricket is the MC/narrator and the 20 minute show consists of characters from various Disney movies singing some of the most famous songs. My personal favorite part of the show was when the Genie from Aladdin sang "you ain't never had a friend like me" That's one of my favorite songs, and the fireworks that went with it were pretty awesome. I got a lot of pictures during the show, but I'll just share my favorite one:
In the end, its really hard for me to actually verbalize what a wonderful night I had. I had no idea that I really could enjoy walking around a theme park, by myself, that much. But I did. It lived up to what I wanted it to be, and I can't wait until the day when I can go back...next time with William though, so he can enjoy the magic too. I don't know that there is a happier place on earth.
Dec 3, 2009
Jeremiah 29:11
On more than one occasion in my life, more than two I'll admit, I have found myself repeatedly reciting this verse: "For I know the plans I have for you", says the Lord, "plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future". Not too many times, but plenty in my opinion, I have wondered how on earth I would make it through what was ahead of me, and how everything would possibly work out. Although my dad was sick with leukemia for 4 years, I was young and I had an innocent outlook that no matter what we went through with his illness, once it was all over we'd all be fine and life would be back to what it was before. In those 4 years I truly never thought my dad was going to die. So you can imagine the shock I experienced when my mom and dad sat me down and told me that the doctors had given my dad 12 months to live, even though at the time he was cancer free, and that they had prayed and determined it was God's will for him to cease all medications and let God take over with His plans. 4 years I believed that we'd all cross the "finish line", so to speak, together - hand in hand - and my dad would suddenly go back to being the 200+ pound jolly exterminator that brightened every one's days that he had been before. So that night, after my parents told me what their decision was, I went back to my room and recited that verse....over and over and over again. I'm not sure I even truly believed it every time I said it, but I knew that believing it and having hope in God's plan was the best I could do for myself at that point.
Almost 12 years later, I can see that yes - God did have a plan for my life; a prosperous plan for my future. Is it the exact plan that I would have asked for in my prayers 12 years ago? Not hardly. But I can see points in the last 12 years, and during my dad's illness, that I know were only possible by the grace and love of God.
While the situation I currently find myself in does not have life or death implications, and while it isn't as catastrophic as losing a parent, I still found myself yesterday trying to make myself believe that God has a plan for where we are headed. Did I believe it all day? No. Did I trust, throughout the day, that the plan that is potentially ahead of us is the best plan for our family? No. But I earnestly tried all day to get myself to that point.
If you haven't gathered the lack of organization and how quickly (and often) plans in the Army change - shame on you. If you're already sick of hearing all the potential plans and job changes for Austin, some that never come to fruition: join the club. But - here we are, again. Yesterday morning Austin got orders for a permanent change of duty station to Ft Huachuca, Arizona. Along with the change of duty station, Austin would be required to extend his enlistment by one year because the job in Arizona is a 2 year job. Let me walk you through the panicked through process I went through for the first few hours of yesterday morning.
ARIZONA. In case it has slipped your mind, that is the DESERT. When I was there in April visiting Austin while he was at his training course I noticed how ugly it was - no one even has grass in their front yards because it is too difficult to grow! So I'd be going from Denver, CO - a place that was always on the list of places I'd love to live - to Sierra Vista, AZ...15 miles north of MEXICO. Are you following me? I fear I'm not stressing this enough. Not only is Ft Huachuca in the desert, minutes from Mexico and surrounded by people who can't speak English (then again, that last factor is true for a lot of places in America these days...) - but it is also 1.5 hours from Tucson. Not that Tucson is booming, but that is the nearest city in which I could even hope to find work. So, so far we've got 1.) the desert, and 2.) no nearby employment opportunities for me. Now let's travel back in our minds to Aurora, CO where we currently live. Our first home together. A house we've only owned for a little over 2 years. And that precious blue bedroom we just painted, the closet we just organized, the pictures we planned to hang this weekend, etc. It was hard enough for me to fold up clothes in the 2T size knowing that chances are he'd never wear them in Colorado. But to go back and fold up the 9 month clothes? the 6 month clothes? My brain couldn't wrap around all of the issues that surround the thought of selling our house.
Where would we live? What if I couldn't find any job at all? What about college savings? What about our savings plans for our future, vacation plans, Austin's college plans? I can see God getting a slight chuckle out of this, as he reminds us not to worry about tomorrow. And isn't there a quote somewhere about "Show God your plans and he'll show you..." I can't remember the rest...probably because I've always hated that quote. But those are legitimate concerns and things to think about. My morning yesterday consisted of an hour of me crying in my boss's office while she was at a doctor's appointment (while my coworkers tried to stare at me without being too obvious...attempts failed...), returning to my desk to sit and worry some more, and then the next thing I knew it was 12:00 and time for lunch. Austin drove down to meet me for lunch so we could discuss our "options".
First of all, the PCS date as of yesterday was March 10, 2010 - which is obviously not a great date considering William will, in theory, be just under 3 weeks old. Because of that, the first step, and the only sure step at this point, on our end was for me to have my doctor write a memo stating that William and I can not move until 6 weeks after the birth. We would have liked 90 days, but medically 6 weeks is considered fine. Women often go back to work and babies go to day care at 6 weeks, so moving would be fine assuming no health problems for either of us. Next, we have a few options to sort through. There are two potential ways to get out of orders to change your duty station. The first is a request to have the orders deleted. Austin would have to approach his first sergeant and let him know he'd like the orders deleted. If the first sergeant thinks he has valid reason, or he thinks its ok, or in general is just in a good mood that day, he might say "ok, fine by me". At that point, the first sergeant would take it to the company commander for his approval, who would take it to the Battalion Commander, then Brigade, and so on. At any point any one of these people can say "no" and the process is over. If the request reaches the Branch manager and he approves, then the orders are deleted and life goes on as it had been before. If the orders are not deleted, then you are stuck. There is no guarantee, however, that if the orders are deleted that new orders for a new duty station won't come to surface. The second option for getting out of orders is to sign what is called a declination statement. It is exactly what the name sounds like - a statement that is saying "I decline to go" essentially. This cancels the orders, but just like the first option - there is no guarantee more orders won't come up for a new location. Or worse, a deployment.
Or, there's always the third option - suck it up, pack it up, and move down to hell.
Let's talk about how life would be if we did go. Initially I thought that maybe I could find a job in Tucson. I quickly accepted the fact that I would more than likely take a significant pay cut. Ok, that's fine. Money isn't everything and you can certainly live on a lot less than what people think you can - I know that. I also accepted the fact that the job selection wouldn't be what it is in larger cities and I may not love the job I get. Ok, that's fine too. I'm not 100% in love with where I am right now either, and no job is perfect. We covered that a couple weeks ago. So I began looking. I did find 2 public accounting firms that looked stable and decent - granted who won't look stable on their own website - and thought if I needed to I could contact them. Then I looked at how far Sierra Vista is from Tucson...I thought it was an hour but it is closer to 2. There is a town 1/2 way between called Benson, but to live there would mean that Austin and I would each drive at least 100 miles per day. At $2.50/gallon, that would be nearly $400/week on gas for me alone. That would also require Austin to leave for work at 5 and get home at 7:30 every day - and that's if he doesn't have any aspirations of working out. So - we ruled out the option of me working in Tucson because after we pay for gas and consider the pay cut I'd take, it just didn't seem like that would be the best choice. So that puts us back to living in Sierra Vista...where the rental options, we found, consist primarily of mobile homes. Next logical progressive thought...it puts us living on post. Right where I've always said I didn't want to live. Ok, fine, I can handle that. So what about employment? It isn't financially feasible for us to live just on Austin's income. Unless we could sell our house for a pretty profit here in Aurora, pay off our trucks, and learn to adjust our standard of living pretty drastically - its just not feasible. Let's not forget how the housing market is right now, or the fact that I've never wanted to be a stay at home mom. So I'd be living in a place I already consider hell, living on an Army post, living on peanuts and love, and being confined to the 4 walls of my (tiny) home for the next 2 years. How does that look for happiness and stability? And what kind of mom am I if I'm unhappy? I realize happiness is a choice and I can make the best out of the worst if I want to. I also realize that going from where I am right now to the picture I just painted for you is quite the jump...and one I seriously do NOT want to take for the next 2 years.
Austin has always looked very unfavorably upon people who have dodged orders - be it for deployments or just a change of duty station. He strongly believes that when you join the military you accept the call to serve your country in whatever way your country asks you to. While I would have personally loved for him to have dodged his deployment, and while I'd love for this Arizona issue to be wiped off the table, I also love that he has this level of integrity and I am hesitant to ask him to go against what he has always believed. I married a soldier, which unfortunately means I married the US Army and I agreed to take on the burdens that come with that. So I find it very difficult to ask him to do something he feels so strongly about. However, he realizes that not all situations are black and white and when you have a family to consider things aren't always that easy. Despite his prior opinions on the topics, he is strongly considering both options, and that's without my influence. He knows my preference and my opinion without me opening my mouth, so there's no need for me to sway him any more. I did say that if someone could rub a crystal ball and tell me that we'd be able to sell our house for what we want, by April, and that I'd be able to find a job then I'd be ok with going. It would still be the desert, it would still be miles from Mexico, I'd still consider it as close to the armpit of hell as you can get - but I'd go and do my best to make the best of it. Unfortunately, no one has a crystal ball. (and, an inside joke for Alexis, I forgot my $10 anyway)
So I'm back to Jeremiah 29:11. God has a plan for us. God has a plan for William's future that I know Austin and I couldn't even fathom. Does that plan include Arizona? OR does that plan include cancelling these orders? Do we trust that the Army's orders are God's will or do we trust that staying where we are until 2011 is God's will?
Almost 12 years later, I can see that yes - God did have a plan for my life; a prosperous plan for my future. Is it the exact plan that I would have asked for in my prayers 12 years ago? Not hardly. But I can see points in the last 12 years, and during my dad's illness, that I know were only possible by the grace and love of God.
While the situation I currently find myself in does not have life or death implications, and while it isn't as catastrophic as losing a parent, I still found myself yesterday trying to make myself believe that God has a plan for where we are headed. Did I believe it all day? No. Did I trust, throughout the day, that the plan that is potentially ahead of us is the best plan for our family? No. But I earnestly tried all day to get myself to that point.
If you haven't gathered the lack of organization and how quickly (and often) plans in the Army change - shame on you. If you're already sick of hearing all the potential plans and job changes for Austin, some that never come to fruition: join the club. But - here we are, again. Yesterday morning Austin got orders for a permanent change of duty station to Ft Huachuca, Arizona. Along with the change of duty station, Austin would be required to extend his enlistment by one year because the job in Arizona is a 2 year job. Let me walk you through the panicked through process I went through for the first few hours of yesterday morning.
ARIZONA. In case it has slipped your mind, that is the DESERT. When I was there in April visiting Austin while he was at his training course I noticed how ugly it was - no one even has grass in their front yards because it is too difficult to grow! So I'd be going from Denver, CO - a place that was always on the list of places I'd love to live - to Sierra Vista, AZ...15 miles north of MEXICO. Are you following me? I fear I'm not stressing this enough. Not only is Ft Huachuca in the desert, minutes from Mexico and surrounded by people who can't speak English (then again, that last factor is true for a lot of places in America these days...) - but it is also 1.5 hours from Tucson. Not that Tucson is booming, but that is the nearest city in which I could even hope to find work. So, so far we've got 1.) the desert, and 2.) no nearby employment opportunities for me. Now let's travel back in our minds to Aurora, CO where we currently live. Our first home together. A house we've only owned for a little over 2 years. And that precious blue bedroom we just painted, the closet we just organized, the pictures we planned to hang this weekend, etc. It was hard enough for me to fold up clothes in the 2T size knowing that chances are he'd never wear them in Colorado. But to go back and fold up the 9 month clothes? the 6 month clothes? My brain couldn't wrap around all of the issues that surround the thought of selling our house.
Where would we live? What if I couldn't find any job at all? What about college savings? What about our savings plans for our future, vacation plans, Austin's college plans? I can see God getting a slight chuckle out of this, as he reminds us not to worry about tomorrow. And isn't there a quote somewhere about "Show God your plans and he'll show you..." I can't remember the rest...probably because I've always hated that quote. But those are legitimate concerns and things to think about. My morning yesterday consisted of an hour of me crying in my boss's office while she was at a doctor's appointment (while my coworkers tried to stare at me without being too obvious...attempts failed...), returning to my desk to sit and worry some more, and then the next thing I knew it was 12:00 and time for lunch. Austin drove down to meet me for lunch so we could discuss our "options".
First of all, the PCS date as of yesterday was March 10, 2010 - which is obviously not a great date considering William will, in theory, be just under 3 weeks old. Because of that, the first step, and the only sure step at this point, on our end was for me to have my doctor write a memo stating that William and I can not move until 6 weeks after the birth. We would have liked 90 days, but medically 6 weeks is considered fine. Women often go back to work and babies go to day care at 6 weeks, so moving would be fine assuming no health problems for either of us. Next, we have a few options to sort through. There are two potential ways to get out of orders to change your duty station. The first is a request to have the orders deleted. Austin would have to approach his first sergeant and let him know he'd like the orders deleted. If the first sergeant thinks he has valid reason, or he thinks its ok, or in general is just in a good mood that day, he might say "ok, fine by me". At that point, the first sergeant would take it to the company commander for his approval, who would take it to the Battalion Commander, then Brigade, and so on. At any point any one of these people can say "no" and the process is over. If the request reaches the Branch manager and he approves, then the orders are deleted and life goes on as it had been before. If the orders are not deleted, then you are stuck. There is no guarantee, however, that if the orders are deleted that new orders for a new duty station won't come to surface. The second option for getting out of orders is to sign what is called a declination statement. It is exactly what the name sounds like - a statement that is saying "I decline to go" essentially. This cancels the orders, but just like the first option - there is no guarantee more orders won't come up for a new location. Or worse, a deployment.
Or, there's always the third option - suck it up, pack it up, and move down to hell.
Let's talk about how life would be if we did go. Initially I thought that maybe I could find a job in Tucson. I quickly accepted the fact that I would more than likely take a significant pay cut. Ok, that's fine. Money isn't everything and you can certainly live on a lot less than what people think you can - I know that. I also accepted the fact that the job selection wouldn't be what it is in larger cities and I may not love the job I get. Ok, that's fine too. I'm not 100% in love with where I am right now either, and no job is perfect. We covered that a couple weeks ago. So I began looking. I did find 2 public accounting firms that looked stable and decent - granted who won't look stable on their own website - and thought if I needed to I could contact them. Then I looked at how far Sierra Vista is from Tucson...I thought it was an hour but it is closer to 2. There is a town 1/2 way between called Benson, but to live there would mean that Austin and I would each drive at least 100 miles per day. At $2.50/gallon, that would be nearly $400/week on gas for me alone. That would also require Austin to leave for work at 5 and get home at 7:30 every day - and that's if he doesn't have any aspirations of working out. So - we ruled out the option of me working in Tucson because after we pay for gas and consider the pay cut I'd take, it just didn't seem like that would be the best choice. So that puts us back to living in Sierra Vista...where the rental options, we found, consist primarily of mobile homes. Next logical progressive thought...it puts us living on post. Right where I've always said I didn't want to live. Ok, fine, I can handle that. So what about employment? It isn't financially feasible for us to live just on Austin's income. Unless we could sell our house for a pretty profit here in Aurora, pay off our trucks, and learn to adjust our standard of living pretty drastically - its just not feasible. Let's not forget how the housing market is right now, or the fact that I've never wanted to be a stay at home mom. So I'd be living in a place I already consider hell, living on an Army post, living on peanuts and love, and being confined to the 4 walls of my (tiny) home for the next 2 years. How does that look for happiness and stability? And what kind of mom am I if I'm unhappy? I realize happiness is a choice and I can make the best out of the worst if I want to. I also realize that going from where I am right now to the picture I just painted for you is quite the jump...and one I seriously do NOT want to take for the next 2 years.
Austin has always looked very unfavorably upon people who have dodged orders - be it for deployments or just a change of duty station. He strongly believes that when you join the military you accept the call to serve your country in whatever way your country asks you to. While I would have personally loved for him to have dodged his deployment, and while I'd love for this Arizona issue to be wiped off the table, I also love that he has this level of integrity and I am hesitant to ask him to go against what he has always believed. I married a soldier, which unfortunately means I married the US Army and I agreed to take on the burdens that come with that. So I find it very difficult to ask him to do something he feels so strongly about. However, he realizes that not all situations are black and white and when you have a family to consider things aren't always that easy. Despite his prior opinions on the topics, he is strongly considering both options, and that's without my influence. He knows my preference and my opinion without me opening my mouth, so there's no need for me to sway him any more. I did say that if someone could rub a crystal ball and tell me that we'd be able to sell our house for what we want, by April, and that I'd be able to find a job then I'd be ok with going. It would still be the desert, it would still be miles from Mexico, I'd still consider it as close to the armpit of hell as you can get - but I'd go and do my best to make the best of it. Unfortunately, no one has a crystal ball. (and, an inside joke for Alexis, I forgot my $10 anyway)
So I'm back to Jeremiah 29:11. God has a plan for us. God has a plan for William's future that I know Austin and I couldn't even fathom. Does that plan include Arizona? OR does that plan include cancelling these orders? Do we trust that the Army's orders are God's will or do we trust that staying where we are until 2011 is God's will?
Dec 1, 2009
A Baby by All Definitions
June 17 a plastic stick (that costs WAY more than it should) confirmed what I already knew: I was pregnant! I went home and told Austin - and his face lit up like you'd never believe. I knew, though, on June 7, and when I knew the thought NEVER crossed my mind that I was carrying a zygote, embryo, fetus, or any other scientific name you can think of: I was carrying a baby.
Pro-choice activists will argue that the molecular formation in your body takes on multiple definitions before it finally becomes a baby. Maybe they say this so they can feel better about themselves and sleep better at night, I don't know. Doctors and scientists vary on the time frame in which they believe a fetus becomes a baby, but at 28 weeks there is no confusion - what was once a single cell, what was once a zygote, is now a baby. How does the saying go - a rose if by any other name is still a rose? But I think I've made my point and I'll let the issue rest.
The point here is that William is now officially, by all medical and scientific opinions, a real baby! He weighs in at anywhere between 2.5 and 3 pounds and is roughly 11 inches from crown to rump. When Austin and I were in Estes Park we bought William a stuffed Boxer "doggie" who is 9.5 inches. Austin crumpled him up into a little ball and held him in front of my stomach - I really don't know how the baby has any room to grow in tight quarters like that! The chance of survival at 28 weeks is above 40% and all of William's organs, facial features, and limbs are in place and functioning. Now it's just time to strengthen and grow!
We had our 28 week appointment yesterday, which didn't go as smoothly as one would hope. My blood pressure was high, so the doctor ran some tests (which equates to yet another needle-insertion when I was told this appointment would be trauma free) to look for signs of preeclampsia and toxemia. The nurse took my blood pressure initially and then the doctor took it twice more, but the results never varied. So rather than seeing her again at 30 weeks, I have an appointment next Tuesday to follow up. She said that because the rest of my test results so far have been normal, my weight gain is ok, and I'm not showing other signs of preeclampsia she isn't terribly worried - but it is something she will monitor more closely. To help alleviate the blood pressure she let me know I should decrease my stressors at work and home, eat more protein, and be sure to get at least 8 hours of sleep per night. So this morning I let my boss know that I will be available to work from 8:30-5:30 through next Monday and from there we will play it by ear. The month of January is expected to be worse than November, so I let her know that I will also have to limit myself during that time too if my doctor thinks the problem is persisting. The ultimate solution to unresolved high blood pressure is to induce labor once you've reached 34 weeks, and before that the only solution is bed rest. Neither of which helps Western Union any more than my limited work schedule, so its in their best interest that I stay healthy too.
But - they are the least of my concerns. William's heart beat was strong and healthy, so he's doing well. We've just got to get mine under control so I can take the best care of him possible! I don't want anyone to worry more than necessary - the doctor was hardly alarmed so I don't think we should be either. For now, its all precautionary to make sure nothing goes unnoticed or is not taken care of properly.
So that's where we are with BABY William Wallis :)
Pro-choice activists will argue that the molecular formation in your body takes on multiple definitions before it finally becomes a baby. Maybe they say this so they can feel better about themselves and sleep better at night, I don't know. Doctors and scientists vary on the time frame in which they believe a fetus becomes a baby, but at 28 weeks there is no confusion - what was once a single cell, what was once a zygote, is now a baby. How does the saying go - a rose if by any other name is still a rose? But I think I've made my point and I'll let the issue rest.
The point here is that William is now officially, by all medical and scientific opinions, a real baby! He weighs in at anywhere between 2.5 and 3 pounds and is roughly 11 inches from crown to rump. When Austin and I were in Estes Park we bought William a stuffed Boxer "doggie" who is 9.5 inches. Austin crumpled him up into a little ball and held him in front of my stomach - I really don't know how the baby has any room to grow in tight quarters like that! The chance of survival at 28 weeks is above 40% and all of William's organs, facial features, and limbs are in place and functioning. Now it's just time to strengthen and grow!
We had our 28 week appointment yesterday, which didn't go as smoothly as one would hope. My blood pressure was high, so the doctor ran some tests (which equates to yet another needle-insertion when I was told this appointment would be trauma free) to look for signs of preeclampsia and toxemia. The nurse took my blood pressure initially and then the doctor took it twice more, but the results never varied. So rather than seeing her again at 30 weeks, I have an appointment next Tuesday to follow up. She said that because the rest of my test results so far have been normal, my weight gain is ok, and I'm not showing other signs of preeclampsia she isn't terribly worried - but it is something she will monitor more closely. To help alleviate the blood pressure she let me know I should decrease my stressors at work and home, eat more protein, and be sure to get at least 8 hours of sleep per night. So this morning I let my boss know that I will be available to work from 8:30-5:30 through next Monday and from there we will play it by ear. The month of January is expected to be worse than November, so I let her know that I will also have to limit myself during that time too if my doctor thinks the problem is persisting. The ultimate solution to unresolved high blood pressure is to induce labor once you've reached 34 weeks, and before that the only solution is bed rest. Neither of which helps Western Union any more than my limited work schedule, so its in their best interest that I stay healthy too.
But - they are the least of my concerns. William's heart beat was strong and healthy, so he's doing well. We've just got to get mine under control so I can take the best care of him possible! I don't want anyone to worry more than necessary - the doctor was hardly alarmed so I don't think we should be either. For now, its all precautionary to make sure nothing goes unnoticed or is not taken care of properly.
So that's where we are with BABY William Wallis :)
Nov 30, 2009
Rewind
Now that things are slowed down enough for me to BREATHE, let me rewind a bit and get my blog (and my brain) caught up on the month of November.
Going into November I knew it was going to be bad. I had a little sit-down talk with myself right before Halloween, preparing myself for a hectic month in which my laundry would pile up, the house wouldn't be as clean as normal, blogs and email would fall by the wayside and I would have a general feeling of rush and panic for 30 days straight. But - I made it. Its November 30, and the month of December looks MUCH more pleasing. The entire month of November wasn't a loss - but the fact that we had so many things going on, combined with how work went, was what made it so stressful. SO the stress was due to the presence of great things, for which I am thankful...and can now take the time to reflect upon.
The beginning of the month started off hectic at work thanks to the snow storm the week before, and because of the fact that I'd be leaving for Florida for the second week of the month. That Saturday, though, I had a day to look forward to - we were going to Boulder to see the Aggies play against CU! It was SO much fun to be back in an aggie-atmosphere for football. Granted it was weird to be SITTING with the alumni and watching the yell leaders lead the students, but I doubt I could have stood the entire game anyway :) The Aggies played well the first half, then crumbled and lost the game which was in their hands the entire time...how many games have I seen like that? I can't count. But - they're always so fun, aggie fans are always friendly and fun to be around...so it makes the loss a little easier to bear. I really liked the stadium at CU - nestled right in the foothills, mountains all around...if it weren't for the atmosphere more liberal than Austin, I may have been able to see myself having gone to school there. However - you would never find ME digging through trash cans outside the stadium tryin to keep Boulder "green" as people threw recyclable trash in the wrong bins...don't think I would have fit in :)
We couldn't stay and hang out with friends because I had not had time that week to do my laundry or pack for Florida. I was too busy at work as it was, and having a limited number of pants/skirts that I can wear makes weekly laundry a necessity before I can start the next week. Then Sunday it was off to Florida!!!
I'll skip ahead at this point as I am still not ready to tell you about Disney :) It's killing me, as I have the blog written out in my head...but it requires some things I have at home so I better, once again, put that topic aside and move forward. I got home from Florida that Thursday night and had to shift gears from one vacation to the next as we were leaving Friday to go to Estes Park for our anniversary.
To say the weekend was a hit is too much of a pun to pass up :) As we were winding up into the mountains Friday morning/early afternoon a deer jumped out of the trees and was unavoidable - so Austin had to hit him head on with his truck. After I calmed down, there were lots of things in the story to be thankful for...lots of ways we could tell that God had his hand in the situation. (though the cynic in me says "if he had his hand in it, why not just move the deer all together???") We had decided at the last minute to take Austin's truck instead of mine simply because mine was out of gas and we were too lazy to go to a gas station. A deer that size would have done MUCH more damage to my truck, and possibly even ended up on the hood of the truck. That was blessing #1. Then I started to get nauseous as Austin winded around the roads at 55mph (fun for him, not for me) so I asked him to slow down a little bit and turn the AC on to help my nausea/carsickness to subside. So he slowed down to about 35 mph about 3 minutes before we hit bambi. blessing #2. And finally, the roads were empty. We didn't have to worry about anyone behind us or on the opposite side as the deer limped off the side and down the mountain. blessing #3.
We've been asked (over and over) if we stopped to get bambi and his antlers, but the answer is no. He wasn't dead on impact like when I hit my deer in college (i know how to kill 'em) and he limped off the opposite side of the road. There are no shoulders on the roads, so we couldn't just stop in the middle of our lane - we had to continue on until there was a place we could veer off and look at the truck. Lovely sight...smashed in headlights, deer hair sticking out of the bumper, and plenty of dents that looked like dollar signs to me. But, once we got to our lodge in Estes we called Geico, reported our claim, and put it out of our heads...no use crying over spilled milk.
Especially when you can turn that milk into ice cream. Blue Bell at that! That's right...an ice cream shop in Estes Park has seen the light and has begun selling blue bell by the scoop rather than that nasty dryer's crap they used to sell :) Doesn't matter that it was 25 degrees outside and snowing...even for AUSTIN...we each sat there and blissfully ate our ice cream cones. They were so good on Friday we decided to have another on Saturday. Why not?!?! :) Other than blue bell and the BEST massage I've ever had (Austin's wasn't as memorable unfortunately) we didn't do too much. We wandered the town, did some shopping, played in the old-style video arcades, played some shuffleboard, and relaxed in our lodge. We also had mimosas, but mine were a bit dull with sparkling grape juice rather than champagne :) Thats ok though! It was a lot of fun...nice to have a vacation where we had absolutely no obligations to do anything, just kind of walked around and let that be our guide. Quite a concept :)
Then began the week of hell, which prompted my sole posting before Thanksgiving. After having some time to relax and think more on my job situation - I want you all to know that things aren't as bad as they seemed THAT day. I'll never like the way Kathy operates, or the lack of organization in our department, and I still think tax accounting brings more hours and stress than I'd like for my career to bring on...but all in all, I'm happy here. I've really learned a lot and been able to challenge myself - which is a great thing. I also like the people (or the majority of the people) that I work with, and when times aren't TOO stressful its really a wonderful job. No job is perfect, I know that, and I know that it is all a learning experience. I'll just have to find my own balance between work and home, and if that doesn't work for Western Union (which Dana insists it will) I will have to find a job that works with what we need. For now though, I'm fine here and I think it will all work out well.
How's that optimism for a week off from work? Vacations work wonders.
I would LOVE to just do an entire catch-up blog here and talk about our trip to Texas, but then what would I write about tomorrow?
So Stay Tuned!
Going into November I knew it was going to be bad. I had a little sit-down talk with myself right before Halloween, preparing myself for a hectic month in which my laundry would pile up, the house wouldn't be as clean as normal, blogs and email would fall by the wayside and I would have a general feeling of rush and panic for 30 days straight. But - I made it. Its November 30, and the month of December looks MUCH more pleasing. The entire month of November wasn't a loss - but the fact that we had so many things going on, combined with how work went, was what made it so stressful. SO the stress was due to the presence of great things, for which I am thankful...and can now take the time to reflect upon.
The beginning of the month started off hectic at work thanks to the snow storm the week before, and because of the fact that I'd be leaving for Florida for the second week of the month. That Saturday, though, I had a day to look forward to - we were going to Boulder to see the Aggies play against CU! It was SO much fun to be back in an aggie-atmosphere for football. Granted it was weird to be SITTING with the alumni and watching the yell leaders lead the students, but I doubt I could have stood the entire game anyway :) The Aggies played well the first half, then crumbled and lost the game which was in their hands the entire time...how many games have I seen like that? I can't count. But - they're always so fun, aggie fans are always friendly and fun to be around...so it makes the loss a little easier to bear. I really liked the stadium at CU - nestled right in the foothills, mountains all around...if it weren't for the atmosphere more liberal than Austin, I may have been able to see myself having gone to school there. However - you would never find ME digging through trash cans outside the stadium tryin to keep Boulder "green" as people threw recyclable trash in the wrong bins...don't think I would have fit in :)
We couldn't stay and hang out with friends because I had not had time that week to do my laundry or pack for Florida. I was too busy at work as it was, and having a limited number of pants/skirts that I can wear makes weekly laundry a necessity before I can start the next week. Then Sunday it was off to Florida!!!
I'll skip ahead at this point as I am still not ready to tell you about Disney :) It's killing me, as I have the blog written out in my head...but it requires some things I have at home so I better, once again, put that topic aside and move forward. I got home from Florida that Thursday night and had to shift gears from one vacation to the next as we were leaving Friday to go to Estes Park for our anniversary.
To say the weekend was a hit is too much of a pun to pass up :) As we were winding up into the mountains Friday morning/early afternoon a deer jumped out of the trees and was unavoidable - so Austin had to hit him head on with his truck. After I calmed down, there were lots of things in the story to be thankful for...lots of ways we could tell that God had his hand in the situation. (though the cynic in me says "if he had his hand in it, why not just move the deer all together???") We had decided at the last minute to take Austin's truck instead of mine simply because mine was out of gas and we were too lazy to go to a gas station. A deer that size would have done MUCH more damage to my truck, and possibly even ended up on the hood of the truck. That was blessing #1. Then I started to get nauseous as Austin winded around the roads at 55mph (fun for him, not for me) so I asked him to slow down a little bit and turn the AC on to help my nausea/carsickness to subside. So he slowed down to about 35 mph about 3 minutes before we hit bambi. blessing #2. And finally, the roads were empty. We didn't have to worry about anyone behind us or on the opposite side as the deer limped off the side and down the mountain. blessing #3.
We've been asked (over and over) if we stopped to get bambi and his antlers, but the answer is no. He wasn't dead on impact like when I hit my deer in college (i know how to kill 'em) and he limped off the opposite side of the road. There are no shoulders on the roads, so we couldn't just stop in the middle of our lane - we had to continue on until there was a place we could veer off and look at the truck. Lovely sight...smashed in headlights, deer hair sticking out of the bumper, and plenty of dents that looked like dollar signs to me. But, once we got to our lodge in Estes we called Geico, reported our claim, and put it out of our heads...no use crying over spilled milk.
Especially when you can turn that milk into ice cream. Blue Bell at that! That's right...an ice cream shop in Estes Park has seen the light and has begun selling blue bell by the scoop rather than that nasty dryer's crap they used to sell :) Doesn't matter that it was 25 degrees outside and snowing...even for AUSTIN...we each sat there and blissfully ate our ice cream cones. They were so good on Friday we decided to have another on Saturday. Why not?!?! :) Other than blue bell and the BEST massage I've ever had (Austin's wasn't as memorable unfortunately) we didn't do too much. We wandered the town, did some shopping, played in the old-style video arcades, played some shuffleboard, and relaxed in our lodge. We also had mimosas, but mine were a bit dull with sparkling grape juice rather than champagne :) Thats ok though! It was a lot of fun...nice to have a vacation where we had absolutely no obligations to do anything, just kind of walked around and let that be our guide. Quite a concept :)
Then began the week of hell, which prompted my sole posting before Thanksgiving. After having some time to relax and think more on my job situation - I want you all to know that things aren't as bad as they seemed THAT day. I'll never like the way Kathy operates, or the lack of organization in our department, and I still think tax accounting brings more hours and stress than I'd like for my career to bring on...but all in all, I'm happy here. I've really learned a lot and been able to challenge myself - which is a great thing. I also like the people (or the majority of the people) that I work with, and when times aren't TOO stressful its really a wonderful job. No job is perfect, I know that, and I know that it is all a learning experience. I'll just have to find my own balance between work and home, and if that doesn't work for Western Union (which Dana insists it will) I will have to find a job that works with what we need. For now though, I'm fine here and I think it will all work out well.
How's that optimism for a week off from work? Vacations work wonders.
I would LOVE to just do an entire catch-up blog here and talk about our trip to Texas, but then what would I write about tomorrow?
So Stay Tuned!
Nov 18, 2009
System Overload
I don't even know where to begin. Disney? Florida? Anniversary? Work? There's so much. Because I don't have my Disney pictures at work, and because there really isn't much to say about Florida other than Disney I'll leave that one for another day. Plus there's too much going on in my brain right now for me to fully focus on the magnificent beauty of Disneyworld, so I'll release all the things on my mind via my handy keyboard and focus on Disney another day.
A friend of mine has had a hellish week. Hellish doesn't even encompass how her week has gone. I can't fathom the strength she's had to maintain her composure and her general happy persona throughout the week - pretty amazing. Hearing about it sure brings my petty issues down to earth and gives me a more reasonable perspective on how things are - but I'm still just at my wits end.
I sent Kaila an email yesterday and all it said was "why, please tell me, why did we hate Janus?" For those of you who may not know, Kaila is my closest friend here in Denver and I met her soon after I moved here because we both started working for Janus Capital Group at roughly the same time. Kaila was fortunate enough to get out after 3 short months, but I found myself working at Janus for a little over a year and a half. The job had its perks, and I knew that at the time; I met lots of very cool people, had plenty of time to surf the internet and plan my wedding, and like anything else - it was a learning experience. But - I hated it. There was no disguising that I was miserable working there. I felt like I had a job that a monkey could have been trained to do, I was wasting my degree and knowledge, and was not bettering my resume for the career path I wanted. I constantly searched for new jobs to no avail, and I complained relentlessly about the mindless time-wasting work that I did for 3 hours of the day. My other 5 hours were spent doing more useful things like cultivating friendships and searching for honeymoon locations. :)
As I near the 2 year anniversary of leaving Janus, I am finding myself wondering why it was such a bad thing. Don't get me wrong, I do remember...somewhere deep, down in my brain...why I was miserable. But my boss at Janus would never have told me that if our department didn't finish ___ by Friday I couldn't go to Texas for Thanksgiving. My boss would never have said I couldn't take more than 4 days to go to Alexis's wedding, and I NEVER found myself eating all 3 of my meals at my desk. That's right...that's where I am presently. I found a job which utilizes my knowledge and skills, one which challenges my intellectually and provides some sort of mental stimulation...but everything has its price.
As you may recall, back in August I was asked to shorten my September vacation to just 4 days because we were so slammed with work and because of the deadlines coming up. It caused me to miss a couple of pre-wedding festivities that I hated to miss and it made it impossible for me to see many people other than family while we were in Houston. In lieu of that cancelled trip, Austin and I planned our Thanksgiving vacation - one that we hadn't intended to take. I ran that by my boss at the time, of course, and she let me know that the timing would work perfectly and she "really appreciated" my sacrifice.
This is the same person who looked at me yesterday and said "I'm not sure if Kathy got her point across in our meeting yesterday or not, but basically if we aren't done with the true up by Friday no one can take their Thanksgiving vacations.
The most frustrating part of this ordeal is that the time crunch, the stress, and the extra hours could have all been avoided with a little organization and upper management skills. Kathy is a brilliant tax professional technically speaking, but she does not hold any managerial skills whatsoever. In our meeting yesterday not only did she not communicate her intention to cancel Thanksgiving vacations, but she could not look one person in the eye as her voice quivered while she let us know how busy our week would be. Further - the items we have left to do to meet our deadline of 11/30 are all in her brain...there is no documentation of what the required steps are and because none of us were here one year ago, none of us have been through the process at Western Union. We've found this week that most of the work we've done could have been done over the last 2 weeks, when we weren't as busy, which would have left this week open for completing the project...possibly even BEFORE the deadline. That, however, is a foreign concept and one that Kathy is not at all interested in.
When Dana told me that Kathy's implication was that we would not be able to go on Thanksgiving vacations, I just looked at her and shrugged my shoulders - I was in shock that I was actually being told this and wasn't sure how to respond professionally. I finally mustered up a few words, "I'm not really sure what to say, I'm leaving Friday at 4." She said "well, my intent is that we all just push hard this week and it won't affect anyone's vacations in the end anyway" I did let her know that I'm willing to do whatever I can this week, but that Friday at 4:00 I have to leave. I may have fudged a little and told her that Austin and I had changed our travel plans to fly rather than drive, so that she couldn't suggest we leave later or Saturday morning even. Had I not already cancelled one vacation for this exact purpose, or if I had plenty of notice, maybe I wouldn't be so frustrated by the situation. But don't send me out of town for a week for a conference and then tell me that we're too busy for me to take a vacation that was approved 4 months ago.
I realize that this is all petty in comparison to some life situations that people may find themselves in, like my friend I mentioned above. But it also brings things into a clearer perspective. I don't live to work for Western Union. I work at Western Union so that I can live the life that Austin and I want to live - and so that we can provide for our family in the way we want to. What is a job for if not for money, and what is money for if you can't enjoy your life with it?
After leaving at 7:30 Monday night and 8:15 last night, I have let Dana know that after this process is over and once we have some time to slow down and reflect - there need to be some process changes made. I let her know that once William is here, I have to pick him up by 6:00 every night and he will be my #1 priority, not my job. She said she knows and she can see the frustrations of all of the staff. She said she doesn't want her hours to continue the way they have and she said that in the month of December the directors and VP's will all be assessing our situation and whether we need to alter our processes or increase our staff - one way or the other, she tried to assure me that 2010 will not be what 2009 has been.
I'm not sure with how much confidence I believe her, but at least the intention is there.
I oftentimes find myself wishing I were brave enough to seek out a new career. I am good at what I do, or I'd like to think I am, and it is a strong, stable field which is beneficial in economic times like the present. However, there are other things that I know I would enjoy - and maybe they wouldn't require so much extra time and effort? I posted on facebook yesterday that I need a new career and asked for any suggestions; the responses ranged from a wrestler, to a stripper, to a stay at home mom - and finally someone offered a suggestion that peaked some interest...a writer. I don't pretend to think I am the best writer, or that I even have anything to say that is worth taking the time to read, but I thoroughly enjoy writing. As much as I joke that I'm writing this blog for your entertainment, it is completely driven and motivated by my own enjoyment. I have always enjoyed writing, and I'm much better at expressing my thoughts, opinions, and feelings through those mode of communication. How one becomes a professional writer, and how one actually makes any money...I have no idea.
While I do appreciate all the suggestions I received, they just aren't for me. I'm not coordinated enough or tough enough to wrestle, I won't comment on the stripper suggestion, and being a stay at home mom wouldn't be my thing. That is a very touchy subject that I'd rather not get into via the world wide web - but if you'd like my opinion on it off-the-record just ask. Its not that I wouldn't enjoy sharing every moment with my children, and its not that I don't see the benefit of them being raised 100% by Austin and myself rather than strangers. I also am weary of making any comments on the issue because I do not intend to come across as being judgemental or as if I do not value the benefits of having a stay-at-home parent; I truly do. However, it just isn't what is best for me or for our family right now.
A writer though...now there's a thought...
While I'm busy frantically trying to get this true up wrapped up so that I can leave guilt-free on Friday (because, no doubt, I'm leaving) maybe you could be researching how one can enter the world of writing?
Hope you are all having a less stressful week than I am...and please, please keep my friend in your prayers. While I am sitting here having my own little pity party she is putting on her brave-face for her children and her family, while I could hear in her voice how broken down she is. I know you're reading this...so just know I love you and we're praying for everyone and thinking of you often.........
Adios for now - and I promise I won't let it be 10 days before I write again...
A friend of mine has had a hellish week. Hellish doesn't even encompass how her week has gone. I can't fathom the strength she's had to maintain her composure and her general happy persona throughout the week - pretty amazing. Hearing about it sure brings my petty issues down to earth and gives me a more reasonable perspective on how things are - but I'm still just at my wits end.
I sent Kaila an email yesterday and all it said was "why, please tell me, why did we hate Janus?" For those of you who may not know, Kaila is my closest friend here in Denver and I met her soon after I moved here because we both started working for Janus Capital Group at roughly the same time. Kaila was fortunate enough to get out after 3 short months, but I found myself working at Janus for a little over a year and a half. The job had its perks, and I knew that at the time; I met lots of very cool people, had plenty of time to surf the internet and plan my wedding, and like anything else - it was a learning experience. But - I hated it. There was no disguising that I was miserable working there. I felt like I had a job that a monkey could have been trained to do, I was wasting my degree and knowledge, and was not bettering my resume for the career path I wanted. I constantly searched for new jobs to no avail, and I complained relentlessly about the mindless time-wasting work that I did for 3 hours of the day. My other 5 hours were spent doing more useful things like cultivating friendships and searching for honeymoon locations. :)
As I near the 2 year anniversary of leaving Janus, I am finding myself wondering why it was such a bad thing. Don't get me wrong, I do remember...somewhere deep, down in my brain...why I was miserable. But my boss at Janus would never have told me that if our department didn't finish ___ by Friday I couldn't go to Texas for Thanksgiving. My boss would never have said I couldn't take more than 4 days to go to Alexis's wedding, and I NEVER found myself eating all 3 of my meals at my desk. That's right...that's where I am presently. I found a job which utilizes my knowledge and skills, one which challenges my intellectually and provides some sort of mental stimulation...but everything has its price.
As you may recall, back in August I was asked to shorten my September vacation to just 4 days because we were so slammed with work and because of the deadlines coming up. It caused me to miss a couple of pre-wedding festivities that I hated to miss and it made it impossible for me to see many people other than family while we were in Houston. In lieu of that cancelled trip, Austin and I planned our Thanksgiving vacation - one that we hadn't intended to take. I ran that by my boss at the time, of course, and she let me know that the timing would work perfectly and she "really appreciated" my sacrifice.
This is the same person who looked at me yesterday and said "I'm not sure if Kathy got her point across in our meeting yesterday or not, but basically if we aren't done with the true up by Friday no one can take their Thanksgiving vacations.
The most frustrating part of this ordeal is that the time crunch, the stress, and the extra hours could have all been avoided with a little organization and upper management skills. Kathy is a brilliant tax professional technically speaking, but she does not hold any managerial skills whatsoever. In our meeting yesterday not only did she not communicate her intention to cancel Thanksgiving vacations, but she could not look one person in the eye as her voice quivered while she let us know how busy our week would be. Further - the items we have left to do to meet our deadline of 11/30 are all in her brain...there is no documentation of what the required steps are and because none of us were here one year ago, none of us have been through the process at Western Union. We've found this week that most of the work we've done could have been done over the last 2 weeks, when we weren't as busy, which would have left this week open for completing the project...possibly even BEFORE the deadline. That, however, is a foreign concept and one that Kathy is not at all interested in.
When Dana told me that Kathy's implication was that we would not be able to go on Thanksgiving vacations, I just looked at her and shrugged my shoulders - I was in shock that I was actually being told this and wasn't sure how to respond professionally. I finally mustered up a few words, "I'm not really sure what to say, I'm leaving Friday at 4." She said "well, my intent is that we all just push hard this week and it won't affect anyone's vacations in the end anyway" I did let her know that I'm willing to do whatever I can this week, but that Friday at 4:00 I have to leave. I may have fudged a little and told her that Austin and I had changed our travel plans to fly rather than drive, so that she couldn't suggest we leave later or Saturday morning even. Had I not already cancelled one vacation for this exact purpose, or if I had plenty of notice, maybe I wouldn't be so frustrated by the situation. But don't send me out of town for a week for a conference and then tell me that we're too busy for me to take a vacation that was approved 4 months ago.
I realize that this is all petty in comparison to some life situations that people may find themselves in, like my friend I mentioned above. But it also brings things into a clearer perspective. I don't live to work for Western Union. I work at Western Union so that I can live the life that Austin and I want to live - and so that we can provide for our family in the way we want to. What is a job for if not for money, and what is money for if you can't enjoy your life with it?
After leaving at 7:30 Monday night and 8:15 last night, I have let Dana know that after this process is over and once we have some time to slow down and reflect - there need to be some process changes made. I let her know that once William is here, I have to pick him up by 6:00 every night and he will be my #1 priority, not my job. She said she knows and she can see the frustrations of all of the staff. She said she doesn't want her hours to continue the way they have and she said that in the month of December the directors and VP's will all be assessing our situation and whether we need to alter our processes or increase our staff - one way or the other, she tried to assure me that 2010 will not be what 2009 has been.
I'm not sure with how much confidence I believe her, but at least the intention is there.
I oftentimes find myself wishing I were brave enough to seek out a new career. I am good at what I do, or I'd like to think I am, and it is a strong, stable field which is beneficial in economic times like the present. However, there are other things that I know I would enjoy - and maybe they wouldn't require so much extra time and effort? I posted on facebook yesterday that I need a new career and asked for any suggestions; the responses ranged from a wrestler, to a stripper, to a stay at home mom - and finally someone offered a suggestion that peaked some interest...a writer. I don't pretend to think I am the best writer, or that I even have anything to say that is worth taking the time to read, but I thoroughly enjoy writing. As much as I joke that I'm writing this blog for your entertainment, it is completely driven and motivated by my own enjoyment. I have always enjoyed writing, and I'm much better at expressing my thoughts, opinions, and feelings through those mode of communication. How one becomes a professional writer, and how one actually makes any money...I have no idea.
While I do appreciate all the suggestions I received, they just aren't for me. I'm not coordinated enough or tough enough to wrestle, I won't comment on the stripper suggestion, and being a stay at home mom wouldn't be my thing. That is a very touchy subject that I'd rather not get into via the world wide web - but if you'd like my opinion on it off-the-record just ask. Its not that I wouldn't enjoy sharing every moment with my children, and its not that I don't see the benefit of them being raised 100% by Austin and myself rather than strangers. I also am weary of making any comments on the issue because I do not intend to come across as being judgemental or as if I do not value the benefits of having a stay-at-home parent; I truly do. However, it just isn't what is best for me or for our family right now.
A writer though...now there's a thought...
While I'm busy frantically trying to get this true up wrapped up so that I can leave guilt-free on Friday (because, no doubt, I'm leaving) maybe you could be researching how one can enter the world of writing?
Hope you are all having a less stressful week than I am...and please, please keep my friend in your prayers. While I am sitting here having my own little pity party she is putting on her brave-face for her children and her family, while I could hear in her voice how broken down she is. I know you're reading this...so just know I love you and we're praying for everyone and thinking of you often.........
Adios for now - and I promise I won't let it be 10 days before I write again...
Nov 9, 2009
Who has is Worse?
I know I already said my goodbyes, but I just couldn't stay away. Plus I was late to my last session of the day because I came upstairs to change into blue jean capris for Disney, and then I saw I had an email from my mom so I quickly wrote her back...next thing I know I am walking to the conference room and my seat had been given up to someone on the wait list. How rude! Not really - I was 4 minutes late after all, and it was my least intriguing session of the week...and I'm so stoked about Disney this evening that I really couldn't care less. The problem is I SHOULD care, seeing as every day here costs $500, plus the cost of the hotel at $230/night and the cost of food...so my company is spending about $750 a day...and for me to miss the last session without caring would just be wrong. So - I'm trying to care. Really.
This is by far the fanciest hotel I've ever stayed in. Or stepped foot in, for that matter. It's somehow even fancier than the hotel I stayed at in Vegas (though possibly less fun) There are water fountains, a koi pond, an alligator pond, a DISNEYWORLD STORE, lots of other little shops, and about 5 restaurants. Problem is, it is all priced as you would expect. The spa has pedicures - for $85. There is an Italian buffet..for $25...and my plain turkey sandwich for dinner last night was $10!!! Pretty ridiculous. It seems like a waste to be at a place this fancy all by myself though.
Which brings me to my topic du jour: Who has it Worse?
In high school I had this theory. I shouldn't say it's my theory, seeing as I'm sure many people before me have thought of it to. But the theory is that in the event of a separation, be it permanent or temporary, it is always harder for the person being left behind. The person doing the leaving is off to bigger and better things - off to college, off to a new city or new job, starting a new family...whatever the case may be, generally the person doing the leaving has something looming on the horizon to look forward to while the one left behind has the same life as before, just with a gaping hole in it. This theory held true as my high school boyfriend went off to college, as my brother joined the army...and I saw it happen to people other than myself.
When Austin got deployed I told him about this theory - somehow rationalizing in my head that it would be harder for me than for him. I do realize that he was going to a war zone, to live in a pile of sand where it is 100+ degrees most of the year and the sounds of rifles, car bombs, IEDs and RPG's are like the sounds of car horns and dogs barking back here. I do realize that while I was moving to Texas and would be near family and friends, he was leaving everyone and would miss out on everything. But somehow, to me, it seemed that he had it easier because he was the one who had something to look forward to. All I had was the life I had before, minus the best part of it.
Being the good husband that he is, Austin never argued. He never even voiced his opinion on whether it was true or not. He just listened to me, comforted me, and generally changed the subject once I had calmed down so we could talk about something a little more light hearted. When he left in March for Arizona, and when he left again in July for California, I told him the same thing - that he had it easier than me. Me? I had to stay home, continue on with my same routine except instead of having morning pet feeding duties, I had full time feeding duties; instead of splitting the house cleaning, I had to do it all myself; instead of coming home to a freshly shoveled driveway, I found myself shoveling the driveway more times in the month of APRIL than I had ever done before. Poor, poor, pitiful me.
I learned on Sunday that it is no easier being the one to do the leaving though. At least I don't think so. Sure - I do have that bright horizon and those MICKEY EARS staring me in the face. I did land in the Orlando airport and grin from ear to ear as I saw Squirt (the baby turtle from Finding Nemo), Buzz Lightyear, Minnie Mouse, Goofy, and Pluto all boarding the next plane out - all in the hands of kids who were happier than the day they'd arrived. But I did have to leave my hubby, and my 3 precious "kids". Austin says Layla walked around the house multiple times this morning, walking in and out of every room, and just moping. It made me sad to have left her :( And after a few months of actually having Austin home without a pending separation I almost forgot what it was like to sleep by myself. No fun.
I did get to bring William with me, so I do have one up on Austin there. And I'm cutting this blog off soon because the shuttle to see Mickey will be leaving shortly and I gotta have as much time there as possible. SO - maybe it easier being the one to leave after all. Because even though it wasn't fun to leave, I'm still excited to be where I'm at. Austin's just ready for the week to be over.
It is kind of nice for HIM to have pet feeding duties twice a day for a few days though...
Nov 6, 2009
So Long, Farewell
If I could spell in German (or was it Austrian?) I'd finish the Sound of Music lyrics there...alveirdersein goodbye???? I should just stop trying.
In any case, this is goodbye for a week or so. I know you will be hard pressed to find entertainment as good as my blog, but please - somehow manage so that I still have readers when I get back :) Tomorrow Austin and I are meeting Jonathan and some other Aggies in Boulder for the aTm vs CU football game - WHOOP! I've been lookin forward to some aggie football all season long. Then Sunday I hope on a plane or two to fly to Orlando for DISNEY!!! I mean, for CorpTax. yeah, tax...that stuff. Someone has to pay my way to Disney right? :) I get back to Denver Thursday night, but there's no rest for me cause Friday we're heading up to Estes Park for our anniversary celebration. We found a place that does prenatal massages and has a couple's room so Austin can have a man-sage too...should be a nice weekend.
So - I'll be back the following week and will be sure to post pictures from all of the above events to make up for my absence. Because I know there's nothing that would make your life more complete than to follow my life in photo form.
And as far as William - he's just growing, growing, growing. This week my email says he is roughly 1lb8ounces and 9 inches long. That's the size of my forearm! Its pretty hard to imagine that my forearm can curl up small enough to fit in my stomach...even harder to imagine that he'll double in length and probably more than quadruple in size before he's born. Is my stomach really going to be big enough? poor babies - they must be so uncomfortable in there!
Anyhow, that's where we are. Hope you all have a great weekend, a funfilled week next week, and I'll catch ya on the flip side!!!
In any case, this is goodbye for a week or so. I know you will be hard pressed to find entertainment as good as my blog, but please - somehow manage so that I still have readers when I get back :) Tomorrow Austin and I are meeting Jonathan and some other Aggies in Boulder for the aTm vs CU football game - WHOOP! I've been lookin forward to some aggie football all season long. Then Sunday I hope on a plane or two to fly to Orlando for DISNEY!!! I mean, for CorpTax. yeah, tax...that stuff. Someone has to pay my way to Disney right? :) I get back to Denver Thursday night, but there's no rest for me cause Friday we're heading up to Estes Park for our anniversary celebration. We found a place that does prenatal massages and has a couple's room so Austin can have a man-sage too...should be a nice weekend.
So - I'll be back the following week and will be sure to post pictures from all of the above events to make up for my absence. Because I know there's nothing that would make your life more complete than to follow my life in photo form.
And as far as William - he's just growing, growing, growing. This week my email says he is roughly 1lb8ounces and 9 inches long. That's the size of my forearm! Its pretty hard to imagine that my forearm can curl up small enough to fit in my stomach...even harder to imagine that he'll double in length and probably more than quadruple in size before he's born. Is my stomach really going to be big enough? poor babies - they must be so uncomfortable in there!
Anyhow, that's where we are. Hope you all have a great weekend, a funfilled week next week, and I'll catch ya on the flip side!!!
Nov 4, 2009
The Good Samaritan
I'm so proud: my husband is a hero.
Last Wednesday, the first day of our blizzard, Austin had to take one of his soldiers to the courthouse. She was in some sort of dispute with her ex-husband over child support and Austin was going to testify to how the housing-allowance structure works in the military. On their way out of the courthouse, they saw 2 men fighting in the parking lot. Austin said he didn't think anything of it at first, and didn't see a need to involve himself, but then one of the men pulled out a knife and stabbed the other man 3 times before running off. Austin told the soldier to call 911 while he went over and administered first aid.
The man was stabbed just below one of his shoulder blades and twice in his forearm. I'm not sure what all was required as far as First Aid is concerned, but I know the man was disoriented and told Austin he didn't need his help, that he wanted to leave and drive to Fort Carson (over an hour away) to get medical care there. Austin told him he couldn't let him do that because he wouldn't make it down there while continuing to lose that much blood. The irony in the situation was that the stab victim was a Sergeant Major in the Army stationed at Fort Carson. That's the highest enlisted rank, 3 ranks above where Austin is. SGT Allen talked with the police when they arrived and they asked her to ride with them a few blocks to ID a suspect. She had given a license plate over the phone, so they had already found the suspect but they needed a positive ID. When she returned with the police officers the ambulance had already arrived to take the stab-victim to the hospital and Austin and Allen were done for the day. They've had to talk with the police a few times to give their statements, answer questions, and they've been told they may be subpoenaed to court if it goes that far.
While there was no great sacrifice on either of their part (Austin lost a tan undershirt in the ordeal...but seeing as he has about 30, I think we're ok) most would agree it was still a heroic act. Personally I'd like to think that I'd stop to help someone, but I also know that if I saw someone in a knife-fight the first thing on my mind would be to get myself to safety. If the stab victim were lying on the ground and the suspect had fled, maybe I'd stop and help. I know I'd call 911, but I'm not sure if I'd have to courage to help or not. Like I said, I'd like to have the courage - I just can't guarantee if I would or not.
Austin's first sergeant has put in paper work for Austin and SGT Allen to receive the Soldier's Medal. This is the highest honor you can receive during "peace time". Our country isn't in "peace time" but because they were not in an act of combat, it is still considered peace time. If you were to go to wikipedia and look up the military medals, this is the description you would see for the Soldier's Medal:
This medal is awarded for risking one's life to save another's. The medal is awarded in peacetime for actions of heroism held to be equal to or greater than the level which would have justified an award of the Distinguished Flying Cross if the act had taken place in combat, and involved actual conflict with an enemy. Any American servicemember who is eligible for retirement pay will receive an increase of 10 percent in retirement pay, if the level of valor was equal to that which would earn the Distinguished Service Cross.
I don't know if they'll get the medal or not. It has to go through a few levels of approval first. I know it has escalated to the Battalion Commander, though, because last night at the quarterly Hail and Farewell dinner the Battalion Commander stopped by our table and said, "How's it going Austin? Save any lives lately?" So I think its safe to say Austin is on his way to earning the honor of which I think he's deserving.
Austin won't let me call him a hero. He says that he was doing what he think any person should do in that situation, and what he hoped someone would do for him. I asked him what he thought it meant to be a hero, and he said he doesn't know. He said he doesn't have any heroes, and he doesn't know who he would classify as one, but he knows that he is not one. So I reminded him of the story of the Good Samaritan. He didn't remember the story, so last night we got his bible out and read it. I said "See, a priest and a Levite didn't even stop to help the man, but someone who should have been considered his enemy did." So I told him if I can't call him a hero, I'll call him a Good Samaritan.
And would you like to know his smart-ass reply? "Are you saying I'm the enemy of black people?"
In any case, whichever way you look at it, I think he's a hero - no matter what he says.
Last Wednesday, the first day of our blizzard, Austin had to take one of his soldiers to the courthouse. She was in some sort of dispute with her ex-husband over child support and Austin was going to testify to how the housing-allowance structure works in the military. On their way out of the courthouse, they saw 2 men fighting in the parking lot. Austin said he didn't think anything of it at first, and didn't see a need to involve himself, but then one of the men pulled out a knife and stabbed the other man 3 times before running off. Austin told the soldier to call 911 while he went over and administered first aid.
The man was stabbed just below one of his shoulder blades and twice in his forearm. I'm not sure what all was required as far as First Aid is concerned, but I know the man was disoriented and told Austin he didn't need his help, that he wanted to leave and drive to Fort Carson (over an hour away) to get medical care there. Austin told him he couldn't let him do that because he wouldn't make it down there while continuing to lose that much blood. The irony in the situation was that the stab victim was a Sergeant Major in the Army stationed at Fort Carson. That's the highest enlisted rank, 3 ranks above where Austin is. SGT Allen talked with the police when they arrived and they asked her to ride with them a few blocks to ID a suspect. She had given a license plate over the phone, so they had already found the suspect but they needed a positive ID. When she returned with the police officers the ambulance had already arrived to take the stab-victim to the hospital and Austin and Allen were done for the day. They've had to talk with the police a few times to give their statements, answer questions, and they've been told they may be subpoenaed to court if it goes that far.
While there was no great sacrifice on either of their part (Austin lost a tan undershirt in the ordeal...but seeing as he has about 30, I think we're ok) most would agree it was still a heroic act. Personally I'd like to think that I'd stop to help someone, but I also know that if I saw someone in a knife-fight the first thing on my mind would be to get myself to safety. If the stab victim were lying on the ground and the suspect had fled, maybe I'd stop and help. I know I'd call 911, but I'm not sure if I'd have to courage to help or not. Like I said, I'd like to have the courage - I just can't guarantee if I would or not.
Austin's first sergeant has put in paper work for Austin and SGT Allen to receive the Soldier's Medal. This is the highest honor you can receive during "peace time". Our country isn't in "peace time" but because they were not in an act of combat, it is still considered peace time. If you were to go to wikipedia and look up the military medals, this is the description you would see for the Soldier's Medal:
This medal is awarded for risking one's life to save another's. The medal is awarded in peacetime for actions of heroism held to be equal to or greater than the level which would have justified an award of the Distinguished Flying Cross if the act had taken place in combat, and involved actual conflict with an enemy. Any American servicemember who is eligible for retirement pay will receive an increase of 10 percent in retirement pay, if the level of valor was equal to that which would earn the Distinguished Service Cross.
I don't know if they'll get the medal or not. It has to go through a few levels of approval first. I know it has escalated to the Battalion Commander, though, because last night at the quarterly Hail and Farewell dinner the Battalion Commander stopped by our table and said, "How's it going Austin? Save any lives lately?" So I think its safe to say Austin is on his way to earning the honor of which I think he's deserving.
Austin won't let me call him a hero. He says that he was doing what he think any person should do in that situation, and what he hoped someone would do for him. I asked him what he thought it meant to be a hero, and he said he doesn't know. He said he doesn't have any heroes, and he doesn't know who he would classify as one, but he knows that he is not one. So I reminded him of the story of the Good Samaritan. He didn't remember the story, so last night we got his bible out and read it. I said "See, a priest and a Levite didn't even stop to help the man, but someone who should have been considered his enemy did." So I told him if I can't call him a hero, I'll call him a Good Samaritan.
And would you like to know his smart-ass reply? "Are you saying I'm the enemy of black people?"
In any case, whichever way you look at it, I think he's a hero - no matter what he says.
Nov 3, 2009
You're gonna Miss This
Ever heard that country song, "You're gonna miss this...you're gonna want this back..."? I feel like people are singing that in my ear all day long. People tell me ALL the time how much they loved being pregnant and how much they miss it.
Really? Then why aren't you pregnant now?
Its not that I dislike being pregnant by any means. I would honestly have nothing to say I dislike, except maybe the ever-present needles in my life the past 4 months. But when I think about the extra effort, extra thought, extra worry...and then I think about the result of no longer being pregnant come February...why will I miss this? Don't get me wrong, I love that I can feel William move inside of me - I do. But I just keep thinking that feeling his feet in my actual hands, seeing his eyes right in front of me rather than on a computer screen, feeding him through his mouth rather than his umbillical cord, and all the other aspects that will come with tangibly having him will far surpass the experience of having him grow inside of me. Am I missing something?
Then there's the food issue. I don't like always worrying about whether or not I'm eating healthy enough for him, consuming enough calories, getting enough calcium, etc. Some nights I might just want to eat a bowl of ice cream drizzled in amaretto...no, that's not my healthiest option but maybe I just want to! Or maybe I don't WANT to drink a glass of milk for breakfast tomorrow; maybe I'd rather have grape juice.
People also told me to slow down and enjoy the wedding planning process more, cause it'd be gone in a heartbeat and I would miss it. So far I haven't looked back yet - so I'm just thinking it'll be that way this time too. I loved planning our wedding, and I loved our wedding...but I love being married to Austin more than either of those. So I'll continue counting down earnestly, doing my best to fight father time, and just ignore those silly voices in my head telling me that I'm going to miss this when it's over.
Besides, there's always baby #2 if I miss it THAT much right?
Really? Then why aren't you pregnant now?
Its not that I dislike being pregnant by any means. I would honestly have nothing to say I dislike, except maybe the ever-present needles in my life the past 4 months. But when I think about the extra effort, extra thought, extra worry...and then I think about the result of no longer being pregnant come February...why will I miss this? Don't get me wrong, I love that I can feel William move inside of me - I do. But I just keep thinking that feeling his feet in my actual hands, seeing his eyes right in front of me rather than on a computer screen, feeding him through his mouth rather than his umbillical cord, and all the other aspects that will come with tangibly having him will far surpass the experience of having him grow inside of me. Am I missing something?
Then there's the food issue. I don't like always worrying about whether or not I'm eating healthy enough for him, consuming enough calories, getting enough calcium, etc. Some nights I might just want to eat a bowl of ice cream drizzled in amaretto...no, that's not my healthiest option but maybe I just want to! Or maybe I don't WANT to drink a glass of milk for breakfast tomorrow; maybe I'd rather have grape juice.
People also told me to slow down and enjoy the wedding planning process more, cause it'd be gone in a heartbeat and I would miss it. So far I haven't looked back yet - so I'm just thinking it'll be that way this time too. I loved planning our wedding, and I loved our wedding...but I love being married to Austin more than either of those. So I'll continue counting down earnestly, doing my best to fight father time, and just ignore those silly voices in my head telling me that I'm going to miss this when it's over.
Besides, there's always baby #2 if I miss it THAT much right?
Nov 2, 2009
Is Halloween Dead?
Growing up we never really celebrated Halloween. It never bothered me much - my parents always gave us candy depending on what we did that year, and we did trick-or-treat a couple times...but really, it was all about getting candy. The few times I remember trick-or-treating I don't remember particularly loving it, so bypassing that process was fine by me. Because of this, I do not have much of a taste for Halloween as a holiday - take it or leave it - and on more than one occasion I've been called the Scrooge of Halloween.
However, now that I'm older I thoroughly enjoy seeing kids all dressed up in their costumes. I don't like the "scary" element to Halloween - not a fan of scary movies, don't like skeletons and witches and the nasties that are affiliated with the holiday...but raggedy ann? pumpkins? superman? yeah - those are cute. So I was waiting in anticipation Saturday for the doorbell to ring so I could see the costumes and hear their cute cries for tricks or treats (but who are we kidding, no one wants tricks)
I don't know if it's my neighborhood, Denver, the weather, or what it is but our doorbell wasn't abused nearly as much as I'd hoped for the night and I still have plenty of Reese's and Kit-Kat bars left over :( The kids I did see were very cute, the younger the cuter, but I was sad to blow out the candle in the jack-o-lantern and turn off the porch light at the end of the night. I've also decided that if Austin wants our kids to trick-or-treat he's taking them; I'm staying home to see all the costumes.
Other than that slight disappointment, the weekend was great! Our date Friday was fun - despite the woman next to me at the restaurant ordering shrimp (insert shrimp face for the last 20 minutes of our meal...the smell was just awful, worst ever perhaps) Saturday we had some errands to run in the morning, and Petco happens to be next to Old Navy so I suggested we go look there...again...for baby clothes that we don't necessarily need right now...again. :) We got a swimsuit for next summer for $0.47 though...how can you pass that up? And some adorable little pants for $2. The sales are just too good, although I think its hard NOT to insert the word "adorable" when you're talking about pants the size of a baby! We spent the rest of Saturday the same way I spent most of Sunday...watching football. It was wonderful! Not to mention the Aggies won AND the Texans won, bringing both their records to 5-3. YIPPEE!!! :) Both of my fantasy teams won too..but those are small victories as I'll be most excited when this fantasy drama is over.
I'm getting a wee-bit overwhelmed at the 30 days ahead of me. or 28 actually, seeing as today is Nov 2. I don't have a free Saturday or Sunday until December 5, which means all cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, etc must be done in the middle of the week. I HATE doing those things mid-week...just stresses me out. Is it bad to hire people to do that stuff? I bet it is. And I bet I am not in the income-bracket to justify it either. Darn huh? On top of that I am only working 2 out of 4 weeks in November, so I have to accomplish more per day to make up for it. Guess I better get on top of that rather than updating you on how stressed I am huh?
Only 2 more months in 2009...where did the other 10 go? No idea...but I'm fine with that, cause that means less than 4 months until William blesses us with his presence!!!!
However, now that I'm older I thoroughly enjoy seeing kids all dressed up in their costumes. I don't like the "scary" element to Halloween - not a fan of scary movies, don't like skeletons and witches and the nasties that are affiliated with the holiday...but raggedy ann? pumpkins? superman? yeah - those are cute. So I was waiting in anticipation Saturday for the doorbell to ring so I could see the costumes and hear their cute cries for tricks or treats (but who are we kidding, no one wants tricks)
I don't know if it's my neighborhood, Denver, the weather, or what it is but our doorbell wasn't abused nearly as much as I'd hoped for the night and I still have plenty of Reese's and Kit-Kat bars left over :( The kids I did see were very cute, the younger the cuter, but I was sad to blow out the candle in the jack-o-lantern and turn off the porch light at the end of the night. I've also decided that if Austin wants our kids to trick-or-treat he's taking them; I'm staying home to see all the costumes.
Other than that slight disappointment, the weekend was great! Our date Friday was fun - despite the woman next to me at the restaurant ordering shrimp (insert shrimp face for the last 20 minutes of our meal...the smell was just awful, worst ever perhaps) Saturday we had some errands to run in the morning, and Petco happens to be next to Old Navy so I suggested we go look there...again...for baby clothes that we don't necessarily need right now...again. :) We got a swimsuit for next summer for $0.47 though...how can you pass that up? And some adorable little pants for $2. The sales are just too good, although I think its hard NOT to insert the word "adorable" when you're talking about pants the size of a baby! We spent the rest of Saturday the same way I spent most of Sunday...watching football. It was wonderful! Not to mention the Aggies won AND the Texans won, bringing both their records to 5-3. YIPPEE!!! :) Both of my fantasy teams won too..but those are small victories as I'll be most excited when this fantasy drama is over.
I'm getting a wee-bit overwhelmed at the 30 days ahead of me. or 28 actually, seeing as today is Nov 2. I don't have a free Saturday or Sunday until December 5, which means all cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, etc must be done in the middle of the week. I HATE doing those things mid-week...just stresses me out. Is it bad to hire people to do that stuff? I bet it is. And I bet I am not in the income-bracket to justify it either. Darn huh? On top of that I am only working 2 out of 4 weeks in November, so I have to accomplish more per day to make up for it. Guess I better get on top of that rather than updating you on how stressed I am huh?
Only 2 more months in 2009...where did the other 10 go? No idea...but I'm fine with that, cause that means less than 4 months until William blesses us with his presence!!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)