System Overload

I don't even know where to begin. Disney? Florida? Anniversary? Work? There's so much. Because I don't have my Disney pictures at work, and because there really isn't much to say about Florida other than Disney I'll leave that one for another day. Plus there's too much going on in my brain right now for me to fully focus on the magnificent beauty of Disneyworld, so I'll release all the things on my mind via my handy keyboard and focus on Disney another day.

A friend of mine has had a hellish week. Hellish doesn't even encompass how her week has gone. I can't fathom the strength she's had to maintain her composure and her general happy persona throughout the week - pretty amazing. Hearing about it sure brings my petty issues down to earth and gives me a more reasonable perspective on how things are - but I'm still just at my wits end.

I sent Kaila an email yesterday and all it said was "why, please tell me, why did we hate Janus?" For those of you who may not know, Kaila is my closest friend here in Denver and I met her soon after I moved here because we both started working for Janus Capital Group at roughly the same time. Kaila was fortunate enough to get out after 3 short months, but I found myself working at Janus for a little over a year and a half. The job had its perks, and I knew that at the time; I met lots of very cool people, had plenty of time to surf the internet and plan my wedding, and like anything else - it was a learning experience. But - I hated it. There was no disguising that I was miserable working there. I felt like I had a job that a monkey could have been trained to do, I was wasting my degree and knowledge, and was not bettering my resume for the career path I wanted. I constantly searched for new jobs to no avail, and I complained relentlessly about the mindless time-wasting work that I did for 3 hours of the day. My other 5 hours were spent doing more useful things like cultivating friendships and searching for honeymoon locations. :)

As I near the 2 year anniversary of leaving Janus, I am finding myself wondering why it was such a bad thing. Don't get me wrong, I do remember...somewhere deep, down in my brain...why I was miserable. But my boss at Janus would never have told me that if our department didn't finish ___ by Friday I couldn't go to Texas for Thanksgiving. My boss would never have said I couldn't take more than 4 days to go to Alexis's wedding, and I NEVER found myself eating all 3 of my meals at my desk. That's right...that's where I am presently. I found a job which utilizes my knowledge and skills, one which challenges my intellectually and provides some sort of mental stimulation...but everything has its price.

As you may recall, back in August I was asked to shorten my September vacation to just 4 days because we were so slammed with work and because of the deadlines coming up. It caused me to miss a couple of pre-wedding festivities that I hated to miss and it made it impossible for me to see many people other than family while we were in Houston. In lieu of that cancelled trip, Austin and I planned our Thanksgiving vacation - one that we hadn't intended to take. I ran that by my boss at the time, of course, and she let me know that the timing would work perfectly and she "really appreciated" my sacrifice.

This is the same person who looked at me yesterday and said "I'm not sure if Kathy got her point across in our meeting yesterday or not, but basically if we aren't done with the true up by Friday no one can take their Thanksgiving vacations.

The most frustrating part of this ordeal is that the time crunch, the stress, and the extra hours could have all been avoided with a little organization and upper management skills. Kathy is a brilliant tax professional technically speaking, but she does not hold any managerial skills whatsoever. In our meeting yesterday not only did she not communicate her intention to cancel Thanksgiving vacations, but she could not look one person in the eye as her voice quivered while she let us know how busy our week would be. Further - the items we have left to do to meet our deadline of 11/30 are all in her brain...there is no documentation of what the required steps are and because none of us were here one year ago, none of us have been through the process at Western Union. We've found this week that most of the work we've done could have been done over the last 2 weeks, when we weren't as busy, which would have left this week open for completing the project...possibly even BEFORE the deadline. That, however, is a foreign concept and one that Kathy is not at all interested in.

When Dana told me that Kathy's implication was that we would not be able to go on Thanksgiving vacations, I just looked at her and shrugged my shoulders - I was in shock that I was actually being told this and wasn't sure how to respond professionally. I finally mustered up a few words, "I'm not really sure what to say, I'm leaving Friday at 4." She said "well, my intent is that we all just push hard this week and it won't affect anyone's vacations in the end anyway" I did let her know that I'm willing to do whatever I can this week, but that Friday at 4:00 I have to leave. I may have fudged a little and told her that Austin and I had changed our travel plans to fly rather than drive, so that she couldn't suggest we leave later or Saturday morning even. Had I not already cancelled one vacation for this exact purpose, or if I had plenty of notice, maybe I wouldn't be so frustrated by the situation. But don't send me out of town for a week for a conference and then tell me that we're too busy for me to take a vacation that was approved 4 months ago.

I realize that this is all petty in comparison to some life situations that people may find themselves in, like my friend I mentioned above. But it also brings things into a clearer perspective. I don't live to work for Western Union. I work at Western Union so that I can live the life that Austin and I want to live - and so that we can provide for our family in the way we want to. What is a job for if not for money, and what is money for if you can't enjoy your life with it?

After leaving at 7:30 Monday night and 8:15 last night, I have let Dana know that after this process is over and once we have some time to slow down and reflect - there need to be some process changes made. I let her know that once William is here, I have to pick him up by 6:00 every night and he will be my #1 priority, not my job. She said she knows and she can see the frustrations of all of the staff. She said she doesn't want her hours to continue the way they have and she said that in the month of December the directors and VP's will all be assessing our situation and whether we need to alter our processes or increase our staff - one way or the other, she tried to assure me that 2010 will not be what 2009 has been.

I'm not sure with how much confidence I believe her, but at least the intention is there.

I oftentimes find myself wishing I were brave enough to seek out a new career. I am good at what I do, or I'd like to think I am, and it is a strong, stable field which is beneficial in economic times like the present. However, there are other things that I know I would enjoy - and maybe they wouldn't require so much extra time and effort? I posted on facebook yesterday that I need a new career and asked for any suggestions; the responses ranged from a wrestler, to a stripper, to a stay at home mom - and finally someone offered a suggestion that peaked some interest...a writer. I don't pretend to think I am the best writer, or that I even have anything to say that is worth taking the time to read, but I thoroughly enjoy writing. As much as I joke that I'm writing this blog for your entertainment, it is completely driven and motivated by my own enjoyment. I have always enjoyed writing, and I'm much better at expressing my thoughts, opinions, and feelings through those mode of communication. How one becomes a professional writer, and how one actually makes any money...I have no idea.

While I do appreciate all the suggestions I received, they just aren't for me. I'm not coordinated enough or tough enough to wrestle, I won't comment on the stripper suggestion, and being a stay at home mom wouldn't be my thing. That is a very touchy subject that I'd rather not get into via the world wide web - but if you'd like my opinion on it off-the-record just ask. Its not that I wouldn't enjoy sharing every moment with my children, and its not that I don't see the benefit of them being raised 100% by Austin and myself rather than strangers. I also am weary of making any comments on the issue because I do not intend to come across as being judgemental or as if I do not value the benefits of having a stay-at-home parent; I truly do. However, it just isn't what is best for me or for our family right now.

A writer though...now there's a thought...

While I'm busy frantically trying to get this true up wrapped up so that I can leave guilt-free on Friday (because, no doubt, I'm leaving) maybe you could be researching how one can enter the world of writing?

Hope you are all having a less stressful week than I am...and please, please keep my friend in your prayers. While I am sitting here having my own little pity party she is putting on her brave-face for her children and her family, while I could hear in her voice how broken down she is. I know you're reading this...so just know I love you and we're praying for everyone and thinking of you often.........

Adios for now - and I promise I won't let it be 10 days before I write again...