Thanksgiving: 1. The act of giving thanks; 2. A prayer expressing gratitude; 3. A public acknowledgement or celebration of divine goodness.
Growing up, Thanksgiving was one of my least favorite holidays. (We don’t need to get into New Years again do we? I didn’t think so.) Now, like Halloween I wouldn’t say I disliked Thanksgiving, I just never really got into it. I kind of thought it was silly to be honest, and I guess I didn’t realize I had so much to be thankful for. I’ll blame it on my youth! I knew I had health and happiness and family and friends, but I think at 10 years old you just assume everyone has those things. Plus, I didn’t like turkey or cornbread or cranberries(I probably didn’t like green beans or sweet potatoes either…I think I only liked the pie) so that didn’t leave me with a very delightful feast either. So I lumped Thanksgiving in with Halloween, a holiday I could take or leave and one that we just had to get through in order to get to Christmas.
The first Thanksgiving I remember being truly thankful was the first thanksgiving after my dad died, ironically enough. I guess it makes sense, though, that I had lost that childhood innocence and then knew that the things I had taken for granted were not things I was guaranteed in life. We aren’t guaranteed health and happiness and family and friends…we aren’t guaranteed to have a dad, and once I knew that I think I realized how thankful I was for the people I did have. I was thankful for my mom who stood strong in the face of disaster, I was thankful for my big brothers who held me under their wings when we lost our dad. I was thankful for all of our support from our church, family, and close friends. I was just thankful, and I enjoyed the holiday.
Fast forward to college and I was REALLY thankful at Thanksgiving because it was a quick break before finals started, and it was absolutely the best meal I would eat all semester. Yeah yeah, thankful for the rest too…family, friends, thankful to be an Aggie…yeah, all of that. But real food – heavenly.
The point is that I think I like Thanksgiving more every year. I think I realize every year I have more and more for which I am thankful, and the blessings in my life are just astounding. I’ve been trying really hard this year to not run from the struggles of this deployment, but not wallow in a pool of my own misery either. It’s not easy; it has been hard every day. But every day I have made a choice to look at things in the best possible light and what it has turned into has been one of the most blessed years of my life.
The one exception to those abundant blessings is that Austin is not here, and there’s no getting around that. We will spend the first Thanksgiving and Christmas apart since 2005. It breaks my heart and eats me up, and I hate it. I am so thankful for him. I’m thankful for his courage and bravery, I’m thankful for our marriage, I’m thankful for the father that he is. I am not thankful that he will eat a mild Thanksgiving feast all by himself. I’m not thankful that he won’t be able to ask me to bake 3 pumpkin pies or that I won’t be able to make him his own picky form of fruit ambrosia (no coconut, no pecans..boring!) I am not thankful that he will not wake up with us on Christmas morning and will not be able to sit around the tree with Uncle Oh Gosh, Yaya, Papa, momMEEEE and little bear. I am not thankful that he will be spending those days, along with the 275+ prior, in the middle of the armpit of the world surrounded by people who have no semblance of meaning in his life.
But that’s when my perspective has to change. That’s when I have to try to look at things from a different angle. No, I do not like that current situation or what it means. But the reason it is so hard is because I love Austin so much. It is because he is such a wonderful husband and a better father than I ever even dreamed he would be. When we were first married he was a great husband, and he truly has gotten better and better as time has gone on. As a father, I knew he’d be wonderful but I had no idea the amount of patience, calmness, nurturing, and creativity he had in him. At times when I have thought he’d lose his cool, or when I have lost mine, he has been a solid rock with William. He can lose his patience at the drop of a hat with anyone else in the world but with William, he is as patient as they come. It amazes me. I don’t like that he won’t be able to share in the holidays with us, but I am so thankful that I have such a man that makes my heart ache this much. I am so thankful that at some point in the next 8 weeks (let’s hope for 6) he will be home with us and he and our sweet bear will relate to each other as if they never missed a beat. I am overwhelmed with thankfulness for the family I have been given.
I am thankful for the overwhelming love and support of our family and friends. I am thankful for every random card I’ve received in the mail. I’m thankful for the flowers that were sent. I’m thankful for all of the gifts that have surprised me on my doorstep. I’m thankful for the visitors we had throughout the year. I am thankful for the words of encouragement, and I’m thankful for the times when there were no words given at all. I cannot express my gratitude to the people who have supported us through this year, but know that I am thankful. I could not do this alone, and I am so thankful that I haven’t had to. From South Carolina to Illinois to Houston to San Antonio to Colorado and even to little ol’ North Dakota, I have been surrounded by love and support. I am most thankful for my mom, my brothers, my step dad, my in-laws, and my “family by choice” friends…and of course that sweet little boy who has kept my head spinning since he learned to walk. This has been one of the hardest years of my life, but has also been one of the best and I am so thankful for that.
In all things be joyful and be thankful in all things. Happy thanksgiving to you and your family.
- manda
Nov 24, 2011
Nov 23, 2011
William Wednesday
*I embarrassingly forgot to mention last week that William now recognizes the beautiful aTm logo. He has his aggie jersey and he made the recognition between that and other (countless) aggie decorations in the house. Anytime he sees one he says “AGGIE AGGIE AGGIE AGGIE AGGIE”
**update from last week: Today William is wearing his puppy paw print pants. Proudly. They are a weekly occurance, but sadly they don’t have many weeks left. He is growing tooooo tall!
Now that the administrative stuff is out of the way I can move on to this week! We had another busy week but this time it wasn’t because our schedule was busy, it was because HE is busy. He’s such a busy boy! The only thing on our weekend agenda was to have our pictures taken.
My former coworker, who took family pictures last August one of which is at the bottom of my blog, offered to take some pictures of William and me free of charge. I didn’t want a full photo shoot like last time, just enough to get a Christmas card out the door. Because the weather wasn’t agreeable, we met at Barnes & Noble to take pictures in the kids’ reading section. William was QUITE the ham! He posed, prepped his smile, and gave some looks with his eyes that you couldn’t teach me to perfect! He loved it, and he LOVED all the attention.
Before Akshay arrived at Barnes & Noble we played with the Thomas the Train trainset to kill time. William loved all the trains! I don’t think he has seen toy trains, and then the track was all set up on the table top right within his reach. He was occupied for 20 minutes solid.
At one point a little girl and her mom walked in, clearly headed for the train set, but neither William nor the girl understood they could play with it together. They just stood there staring each other down until her mom took her and said they’d play later. About 5 minutes later they came back so I told William we were going to share, and we went into the book area. It wasn’t long after that when Akshay arrived, and then the little girl and her mom came into the book area too. After we were done taking pictures her mom was reading a counting book to her and William clearly wanted to be in on the reading. He slowly inched his way over to them, dragged a chair with him, and started pointing out the colors of the bugs in the book. The mom didn’t seem to mind, good thing! The mom asked me how old he was and when I said 22 months she said “Oh, I thought he was older than mine, she’s almost 2 and a half. He seems so much older than her!” Ahh, music to a mother’s ears. I think…
His pronunciation (or is it annunciation? What’s the difference) is getting so good. He has an elmo toy with alphabet blocks and Elmo says “help elmo find the ___” and you fill in the blanks with an object on the blocks. On Saturday he said “Help Elmo find the umbrella. Umbrella. U” Usually William would reply “lella” but this time he said “UM lella” (space included) He has also given each of our pets names now, rather than referring to them all as “daya”. That was layla’s old name, and Reagan and nancy were referred to as such also. But this week (or did I write this last week? Man I should really re-read my previous posts before writing!) he named Reagan and Nancy to rere and neecie. Then on Monday night when we were at petco getting food, he saw the bowl of treats at the checkout. He kept saying “cookie cookie cookie” so I said “those are for dogs, do you want to take one to layla? It’s a cookie for layla” He took it in his hand (still at petco) and said “eat lllllaylllllla”. I was so proud of the pronunciation/annunciation and I think he was too, so for about 5 minutes he repeatedly said “eat lllayllllla”. It wasn’t until we were in the truck that I remembered Layla was in Colorado Springs at Oh Gosh’s house…oops!
Luckily by the time we got home William had forgotten all about the cookie and had moved on to more important things, like looking for that darned yellow ball that we lost. He has a toy that came with 5 plastic balls: green, red, purple, orange and yellow. When Cici was here she let him take them into the bath, and since then they have been up and downstairs more times than I can count. Sometimes he carries them, sometimes he hands them to me, and sometimes he throws them through the rails. My guess is that it was in one of those third times that the yellow ball went missing. But, he knows exactly which ball is gone and I think he’ll be searching for it until we find it. I better get to looking!
While I’m looking he’ll continue to be busy. He’ll continue to pour water on the floor and dance in it,
Build block towers bigger than himself
Change out of tennis shoes into his “momas boot” without my knowledge
And make every attempt to make me laugh
But occasionally, when I’m least expecting it, I get a blast from the past and see glimpses of my sweet baby bear. He’s in there somewhere, amidst the opinions and emotions and playfulness and intelligence and energy. He’s still there.
- manda
**update from last week: Today William is wearing his puppy paw print pants. Proudly. They are a weekly occurance, but sadly they don’t have many weeks left. He is growing tooooo tall!
Now that the administrative stuff is out of the way I can move on to this week! We had another busy week but this time it wasn’t because our schedule was busy, it was because HE is busy. He’s such a busy boy! The only thing on our weekend agenda was to have our pictures taken.
My former coworker, who took family pictures last August one of which is at the bottom of my blog, offered to take some pictures of William and me free of charge. I didn’t want a full photo shoot like last time, just enough to get a Christmas card out the door. Because the weather wasn’t agreeable, we met at Barnes & Noble to take pictures in the kids’ reading section. William was QUITE the ham! He posed, prepped his smile, and gave some looks with his eyes that you couldn’t teach me to perfect! He loved it, and he LOVED all the attention.
Before Akshay arrived at Barnes & Noble we played with the Thomas the Train trainset to kill time. William loved all the trains! I don’t think he has seen toy trains, and then the track was all set up on the table top right within his reach. He was occupied for 20 minutes solid.
At one point a little girl and her mom walked in, clearly headed for the train set, but neither William nor the girl understood they could play with it together. They just stood there staring each other down until her mom took her and said they’d play later. About 5 minutes later they came back so I told William we were going to share, and we went into the book area. It wasn’t long after that when Akshay arrived, and then the little girl and her mom came into the book area too. After we were done taking pictures her mom was reading a counting book to her and William clearly wanted to be in on the reading. He slowly inched his way over to them, dragged a chair with him, and started pointing out the colors of the bugs in the book. The mom didn’t seem to mind, good thing! The mom asked me how old he was and when I said 22 months she said “Oh, I thought he was older than mine, she’s almost 2 and a half. He seems so much older than her!” Ahh, music to a mother’s ears. I think…
His pronunciation (or is it annunciation? What’s the difference) is getting so good. He has an elmo toy with alphabet blocks and Elmo says “help elmo find the ___” and you fill in the blanks with an object on the blocks. On Saturday he said “Help Elmo find the umbrella. Umbrella. U” Usually William would reply “lella” but this time he said “UM lella” (space included) He has also given each of our pets names now, rather than referring to them all as “daya”. That was layla’s old name, and Reagan and nancy were referred to as such also. But this week (or did I write this last week? Man I should really re-read my previous posts before writing!) he named Reagan and Nancy to rere and neecie. Then on Monday night when we were at petco getting food, he saw the bowl of treats at the checkout. He kept saying “cookie cookie cookie” so I said “those are for dogs, do you want to take one to layla? It’s a cookie for layla” He took it in his hand (still at petco) and said “eat lllllaylllllla”. I was so proud of the pronunciation/annunciation and I think he was too, so for about 5 minutes he repeatedly said “eat lllayllllla”. It wasn’t until we were in the truck that I remembered Layla was in Colorado Springs at Oh Gosh’s house…oops!
Luckily by the time we got home William had forgotten all about the cookie and had moved on to more important things, like looking for that darned yellow ball that we lost. He has a toy that came with 5 plastic balls: green, red, purple, orange and yellow. When Cici was here she let him take them into the bath, and since then they have been up and downstairs more times than I can count. Sometimes he carries them, sometimes he hands them to me, and sometimes he throws them through the rails. My guess is that it was in one of those third times that the yellow ball went missing. But, he knows exactly which ball is gone and I think he’ll be searching for it until we find it. I better get to looking!
While I’m looking he’ll continue to be busy. He’ll continue to pour water on the floor and dance in it,
Build block towers bigger than himself
Change out of tennis shoes into his “momas boot” without my knowledge
And make every attempt to make me laugh
But occasionally, when I’m least expecting it, I get a blast from the past and see glimpses of my sweet baby bear. He’s in there somewhere, amidst the opinions and emotions and playfulness and intelligence and energy. He’s still there.
- manda
Nov 21, 2011
November
Well you can all sit comfortably knowing I will not be reiterating yesterday's sermon to you. Last week I thought they weren't preaching to me but was wrong; this week I'm sure of it. The sermon was on David and Bathsheba. The idea, I think, was to show that the same man who defeated Goliath was also capable of committing adultery and murder - and none of us are free from that. Ok, yeah, I get it. And like the rest of us I sin daily. But I don't QUITE fit in with the sexual deviation and lies and deceit and all of the snow-ball sins that we focused on. So, God gave me a break. Whew! And you all probably breathed a sigh of relief to learn I am not caught up in sexual immorality...I'm sure you were sitting on pins and needles with curiosity.
So, without church to really write about what do I possibly have for Monday's blog? I can't tell you about my weekend cause that will pretty much be William Wednesday in its entirety. And that's my life! Hmm.
November! Ahh, November. Probably my second favorite month of 2011. August was my favorite, and september ranked pretty low on the list...maybe beating out January by a hair. But November has been awesome. It snuck up on me, swooped in, packed its days full, and it's almost gone before I even had time to realize it was here!
One of the things I've most looked forward to in 2011 was the birth of my first niece. I hope not my only niece! I have waited and waited and WAITED for her birth. I almost think it was more grueling than waiting for William! At least when you're the pregnant one #1 you get to carry the baby with you wherever you go, and #2 you are so busy preparing that the 9 months flies by. (or am I the only one who spends 9 months organizing closets and drawers and painting and washing clothes and organizing diapers and...you get it) but when you're the aunt...and you live 1,200 miles away...all you can do is wait. And SHOP!
I can't believe this is the first I've blogged about my precious niece, but I attribute that to the fact that November is my fleeting friend. So here she is on her birthday!
And here she is 3 short weeks later
She has grown SO much and her face has changed and I have missed it all. But not this week! This week I finally get to hold her and read her 'you are my cupcake' and sing to her and love on her. I'm pretty much obsessed with her and I've never even held her. I had no idea I could love someone that much without even really knowing them, but I do.
So what does an aunt do when she can't sing to her niece or rock her or feed her or kiss her? She shops for her! We bought her 4 new dresses and 2 new pajamas this week (some are from yaya since apparently my target has more baby clothes) So add all that to her Christmas presents and books and the clothes I already had for her and I practically have a Kelli suitcase! I am so excited to show her all of her presents, I know she will be just ecstatic about it :)
And then I suppose the only thing a mom can do with an empty suitcase is go shopping some more. What to buy what to buy...
- manda
So, without church to really write about what do I possibly have for Monday's blog? I can't tell you about my weekend cause that will pretty much be William Wednesday in its entirety. And that's my life! Hmm.
November! Ahh, November. Probably my second favorite month of 2011. August was my favorite, and september ranked pretty low on the list...maybe beating out January by a hair. But November has been awesome. It snuck up on me, swooped in, packed its days full, and it's almost gone before I even had time to realize it was here!
One of the things I've most looked forward to in 2011 was the birth of my first niece. I hope not my only niece! I have waited and waited and WAITED for her birth. I almost think it was more grueling than waiting for William! At least when you're the pregnant one #1 you get to carry the baby with you wherever you go, and #2 you are so busy preparing that the 9 months flies by. (or am I the only one who spends 9 months organizing closets and drawers and painting and washing clothes and organizing diapers and...you get it) but when you're the aunt...and you live 1,200 miles away...all you can do is wait. And SHOP!
I can't believe this is the first I've blogged about my precious niece, but I attribute that to the fact that November is my fleeting friend. So here she is on her birthday!
And here she is 3 short weeks later
She has grown SO much and her face has changed and I have missed it all. But not this week! This week I finally get to hold her and read her 'you are my cupcake' and sing to her and love on her. I'm pretty much obsessed with her and I've never even held her. I had no idea I could love someone that much without even really knowing them, but I do.
So what does an aunt do when she can't sing to her niece or rock her or feed her or kiss her? She shops for her! We bought her 4 new dresses and 2 new pajamas this week (some are from yaya since apparently my target has more baby clothes) So add all that to her Christmas presents and books and the clothes I already had for her and I practically have a Kelli suitcase! I am so excited to show her all of her presents, I know she will be just ecstatic about it :)
And then I suppose the only thing a mom can do with an empty suitcase is go shopping some more. What to buy what to buy...
- manda
Nov 18, 2011
Timothy Thursday
**i wrote this yesterday and forgot to hit post. Oops!**
William is unfailing, if nothing else. Through my tough week he has remained his silly, goofy, happy, opinionated, talkative self – and I couldn’t be more thankful! He talks up a storm, and I wouldn’t have it any other way!!!
Last week he had a lot of fun with his CiCi. She let him bounce on the couch, jump on pillows on top of the couch, eat ice cream more than he has in months (keep in mind mean mean mommy limits the ice cream for her own temptation’s purpose) and overall she just let him do basically whatever he wanted and he loved it! Just as grandparents are supposed to do I’m sure. She had fun working on his colors with him and helped him perfect identifying them at the drop of a hat. Or a ball, as the case actually was.
Saturday he was sad when CiCi left, so luckily we had a great distraction: a birthday party at monkey bizness! Seeing the order in which the party was conducted, and how the parents had to do literally nothing AT the party, it really showed me the advantage to an on-location birthday party. Sure they cost a lot, but the parents walked away with no mess to clean, no dishes to do, and a car loaded with presents that they didn’t even have to pack up themselves. Well worth the money they spent, I’d guess. (though I have no idea what they spent so maybe I shouldn’t speak out of turn here) It was my coworker’s daughter’s 2nd birthday, and the guests ranged from 10 months to 4 years…and were all very well behaved! Letting kids run around for an hour before trying to corral them for food is really the way to go. Making mental notes!!!
Another mental note I made: don’t let your almost-2 year old eat 2 entire pieces of pizza when he has never had greasy, saucey, cheese pizza before. Add to that a Capri sun which he also never gets, and a slice of cake and what you get is a 10:00 vomit-induced wake up. Oops! Poor baby was so confused when he woke up, and clung to his dada-doll crying “dada dada”. I didn’t have the heart to tear dada away right away, but was slightly disappointed #1 because why wasn’t he crying for mommy? And #2 because dada was the ONLY thing that escaped the vomit in the crib…until he squished it all over himself. But that’s ok, if its dada he wants its dada he gets. But once the shock of being jolted awake wore off, and once he was cleaned off in the bath, he had a surge of energy. It was like he thought he had just taken a really good nap. So he ran around the hallway, played with layla, climbed on the bed, and let me read some books. It took just shy of 2 hours to get him back to sleep, but that’s ok. We had fun playing and bonding.
Sunday was as it usually is…fun at church, fun with Oh Gosh and his dog cooky katy (he calls her cooky and she sure is!) fun screaming for the Texans, and a trip to the grocery store. Our Sundays are like clockwork, and he loves them all the more for it I think. Before church he had fun taking his THREE blankies, green bear, doggie and dada downstairs. Here's how he did it:
He has a new game that he seems to like to play with CiCi and YaYa. I think he must know how much it gets to them because he does it every time. When we are on the phone I will say “William can you say hi CiCI/Yaya?” and he ALWAYS responds with “Hi Pop/Papa” (whichever one is applicable) Now, I know he loves his cici and yaya because when his mommy won’t let him eat sweets or out of his crib or all the other mean things that disciplinarians do, the first 2 people he cries for are cici and yaya. But he just LOVES to irk them with his “hi papa” or “hi pop”. That boy!
Yesterday Papa called him and was talking to him on the phone. Papa asked him “William are you going to come to Papa’s house on an airplane?” William’s response was “airplane, oh gosh, airplane”. I’ve been telling him for WEEKS that we are going on a plane with uncle brian, never sure if he was listening or absorbing what I was saying. Clearly he hears EVERYTHING whether he responds or not. Another mental note here! He also knows we are flying to “cexas”…that boy is smarter than he knows!
I’ve discovered what his favorite outfit is right now. It’s his precious paw print overalls that I just ADORED when I bought them 2 years ago. That’s right, I bought them before he was born…that’s how much I love them! I refer them as his “puppy paw print pants” and he is coming along. They used to be called “pop” then “pop pant” and this morning he called them “paw pant pant” Pretty impressive! (wow that was a lot of P’s!) He wore them a week ago, cried everytime he saw them in his dirty clothes hamper, and today he happily wore them again. I will know, though, to throw them in the laundry room immediately after bedtime tonight so that we don’t have a daily lesson on the different between dirty clothes and clean clothes.
When I was home sick on Tuesday I was reading through old blogs and I read one from last fall when Kim and Jennifer were both so excited to tell me that William was the first baby ever to pick up the glitter ball. Do you remember that post? I believe it was in August of last year. Well, yesterday we walked in to say hi to both of his favorite ladies and he ran STRAIGHT to the toy shelf and found the glitter ball! Kim said “OH you found your ball! Did we ever tell you he is the only baby that could ever pick that ball up? He was such a muscle man!” It was too timely! I told them about how I had just stumbled across hat blog and smiled at the memory…time has really flown by and the faster it goes the happier I am that I started these weekly blog posts.
Earlier this week I was thinking about how happy I am that William won’t ever remember this year without his dada, when it hit me: that means he also won’t remember this wonderful year that we’ve had together. It broke my heart! He has been my ray of sunshine and the silver lining on all of my clouds, and it kills me that he won’t remember all of the fun that we’ve had. But at least I can somehow, someday, compile my weekly stories for him so that he can see what a wonderful year we’ve had. It would have been worlds better with dada, but it has been such a blessing for me – whether he will ever know or not.
- manda
William is unfailing, if nothing else. Through my tough week he has remained his silly, goofy, happy, opinionated, talkative self – and I couldn’t be more thankful! He talks up a storm, and I wouldn’t have it any other way!!!
Last week he had a lot of fun with his CiCi. She let him bounce on the couch, jump on pillows on top of the couch, eat ice cream more than he has in months (keep in mind mean mean mommy limits the ice cream for her own temptation’s purpose) and overall she just let him do basically whatever he wanted and he loved it! Just as grandparents are supposed to do I’m sure. She had fun working on his colors with him and helped him perfect identifying them at the drop of a hat. Or a ball, as the case actually was.
Saturday he was sad when CiCi left, so luckily we had a great distraction: a birthday party at monkey bizness! Seeing the order in which the party was conducted, and how the parents had to do literally nothing AT the party, it really showed me the advantage to an on-location birthday party. Sure they cost a lot, but the parents walked away with no mess to clean, no dishes to do, and a car loaded with presents that they didn’t even have to pack up themselves. Well worth the money they spent, I’d guess. (though I have no idea what they spent so maybe I shouldn’t speak out of turn here) It was my coworker’s daughter’s 2nd birthday, and the guests ranged from 10 months to 4 years…and were all very well behaved! Letting kids run around for an hour before trying to corral them for food is really the way to go. Making mental notes!!!
Another mental note I made: don’t let your almost-2 year old eat 2 entire pieces of pizza when he has never had greasy, saucey, cheese pizza before. Add to that a Capri sun which he also never gets, and a slice of cake and what you get is a 10:00 vomit-induced wake up. Oops! Poor baby was so confused when he woke up, and clung to his dada-doll crying “dada dada”. I didn’t have the heart to tear dada away right away, but was slightly disappointed #1 because why wasn’t he crying for mommy? And #2 because dada was the ONLY thing that escaped the vomit in the crib…until he squished it all over himself. But that’s ok, if its dada he wants its dada he gets. But once the shock of being jolted awake wore off, and once he was cleaned off in the bath, he had a surge of energy. It was like he thought he had just taken a really good nap. So he ran around the hallway, played with layla, climbed on the bed, and let me read some books. It took just shy of 2 hours to get him back to sleep, but that’s ok. We had fun playing and bonding.
Sunday was as it usually is…fun at church, fun with Oh Gosh and his dog cooky katy (he calls her cooky and she sure is!) fun screaming for the Texans, and a trip to the grocery store. Our Sundays are like clockwork, and he loves them all the more for it I think. Before church he had fun taking his THREE blankies, green bear, doggie and dada downstairs. Here's how he did it:
He has a new game that he seems to like to play with CiCi and YaYa. I think he must know how much it gets to them because he does it every time. When we are on the phone I will say “William can you say hi CiCI/Yaya?” and he ALWAYS responds with “Hi Pop/Papa” (whichever one is applicable) Now, I know he loves his cici and yaya because when his mommy won’t let him eat sweets or out of his crib or all the other mean things that disciplinarians do, the first 2 people he cries for are cici and yaya. But he just LOVES to irk them with his “hi papa” or “hi pop”. That boy!
Yesterday Papa called him and was talking to him on the phone. Papa asked him “William are you going to come to Papa’s house on an airplane?” William’s response was “airplane, oh gosh, airplane”. I’ve been telling him for WEEKS that we are going on a plane with uncle brian, never sure if he was listening or absorbing what I was saying. Clearly he hears EVERYTHING whether he responds or not. Another mental note here! He also knows we are flying to “cexas”…that boy is smarter than he knows!
I’ve discovered what his favorite outfit is right now. It’s his precious paw print overalls that I just ADORED when I bought them 2 years ago. That’s right, I bought them before he was born…that’s how much I love them! I refer them as his “puppy paw print pants” and he is coming along. They used to be called “pop” then “pop pant” and this morning he called them “paw pant pant” Pretty impressive! (wow that was a lot of P’s!) He wore them a week ago, cried everytime he saw them in his dirty clothes hamper, and today he happily wore them again. I will know, though, to throw them in the laundry room immediately after bedtime tonight so that we don’t have a daily lesson on the different between dirty clothes and clean clothes.
When I was home sick on Tuesday I was reading through old blogs and I read one from last fall when Kim and Jennifer were both so excited to tell me that William was the first baby ever to pick up the glitter ball. Do you remember that post? I believe it was in August of last year. Well, yesterday we walked in to say hi to both of his favorite ladies and he ran STRAIGHT to the toy shelf and found the glitter ball! Kim said “OH you found your ball! Did we ever tell you he is the only baby that could ever pick that ball up? He was such a muscle man!” It was too timely! I told them about how I had just stumbled across hat blog and smiled at the memory…time has really flown by and the faster it goes the happier I am that I started these weekly blog posts.
Earlier this week I was thinking about how happy I am that William won’t ever remember this year without his dada, when it hit me: that means he also won’t remember this wonderful year that we’ve had together. It broke my heart! He has been my ray of sunshine and the silver lining on all of my clouds, and it kills me that he won’t remember all of the fun that we’ve had. But at least I can somehow, someday, compile my weekly stories for him so that he can see what a wonderful year we’ve had. It would have been worlds better with dada, but it has been such a blessing for me – whether he will ever know or not.
- manda
Nov 15, 2011
Throw me a freaking bone
It's pretty likely that in my nearly 300 blog posts there is already one with this title. And if there is, it probably starts out explaining how it is one of my favorite phrases and I try to use it at any available opportunity. So, I won't go further into that!
On Sunday my mom asked me if the sermon was preached directly to me again. It would make 4 weeks in a row! 'no' I said, not this week. I though to myself: finally, one week off. I've been tested enough lately!
What. A. Fool.
The sermons are in an old testament series right now, and this week we visited David and Goliath. The preacher told the story, complete with a ladder that made himself as tall as Goliath, and he talked about how in all our other stories the people God used were scared and weak and seemed to be selected that way for a purpose. But David was different. David, unlike the countless people unwilling to face Goliath, looked at his problems through the eyes of faith rather than the eyes of fear. He then asked us how we will face the giants in our own lives. Will we see them through eyes filled with fear or will our eyes be full of faith, seeing something bigger and stronger standing behind the giant, waiting to defend us and keep us strong?
Well, my answer as of right now is through eyes of fear unfortunately. Yesterday nancy (Williams favorite animal and the most patient cat I've ever seen) had some lesions on her neck and ears and I was convinced she was going to have to be put to sleep. All morning I was preparing myself for a house with one less cat, and trying to find the inner strength to not burst into tears when William ran around the house calling 'neecie neecie!'.
Nancy is fine. She has some allergies of some sort, was scratching herself because she was so itchy, and she should be ok after some steroids and antibiotics.
Then yesterday I got word of the possibility that Austin may not be home until middle January. I suppose with the wonderful organization that the army uses anything is possible, and he could still make an appearance before Christmas. But when I heard mid January all I kept thinking was 'no way. No way. No way. I can not do this for another 60 days. It was supposed to be SIXTEEN more days, and I graciously accepted the first extension. But not this one. I can NOT do it. I'm turning in my bandana Rosie, I can't do it. You're a stronger woman than me'. Yes, really, I had all of those thoughts. There's a lot of room for mental conversation when you are the only person in the house.
Then I went to bed feeling nauseous and trying to convince myself I wasn't really sick. I can't have a stomach bug. Moms aren't supposed to get sick! At 1:00 in the morning I called my mom to ask her what to do with William. I didn't want to breathe on him, and I wasn't quite sure I'd be capable of making it to his school and back without a pit stop on the side of the road! I asked a friend in the neighborhood if she could take him but she had to be at work before Goddard opened, and by the time I got a response from her it was too late to ask the other people I had thought of. So when William woke up chattering away at 7:00 I got up too and we made our way to school. He was happy as ever and seemed unphased by my demeanor, so thats good. And so far, no calls saying he is sick. Fingers crossed.
In all 3 of these situations that arose the day after church - the day after a sermon that I felt was not speaking to me - I faced my giants with fear. I saw a dead cat. I saw myself jumping off a cliff at the thought of 60 more days of this. I saw myself hunched over in a ditch losing all my insides. Not once in all that time did I look at any one of those problems as David would have. David saw a 9 foot giant with weapons and power, but he was able to see that his God was bigger than all of that. Is my God not bigger than a few lesions on a cat? Or two more months of something I've already endured for 10? Or a small little bug eating away at my stomach?
He must be bigger. Surely he is. But not once did I see it that way. I didn't trust His hand in all of it, and I didn't have faith that He was in the middle.
So yes, the sermon was preaching to me. How silly of me to think I was already as strong as David.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
On Sunday my mom asked me if the sermon was preached directly to me again. It would make 4 weeks in a row! 'no' I said, not this week. I though to myself: finally, one week off. I've been tested enough lately!
What. A. Fool.
The sermons are in an old testament series right now, and this week we visited David and Goliath. The preacher told the story, complete with a ladder that made himself as tall as Goliath, and he talked about how in all our other stories the people God used were scared and weak and seemed to be selected that way for a purpose. But David was different. David, unlike the countless people unwilling to face Goliath, looked at his problems through the eyes of faith rather than the eyes of fear. He then asked us how we will face the giants in our own lives. Will we see them through eyes filled with fear or will our eyes be full of faith, seeing something bigger and stronger standing behind the giant, waiting to defend us and keep us strong?
Well, my answer as of right now is through eyes of fear unfortunately. Yesterday nancy (Williams favorite animal and the most patient cat I've ever seen) had some lesions on her neck and ears and I was convinced she was going to have to be put to sleep. All morning I was preparing myself for a house with one less cat, and trying to find the inner strength to not burst into tears when William ran around the house calling 'neecie neecie!'.
Nancy is fine. She has some allergies of some sort, was scratching herself because she was so itchy, and she should be ok after some steroids and antibiotics.
Then yesterday I got word of the possibility that Austin may not be home until middle January. I suppose with the wonderful organization that the army uses anything is possible, and he could still make an appearance before Christmas. But when I heard mid January all I kept thinking was 'no way. No way. No way. I can not do this for another 60 days. It was supposed to be SIXTEEN more days, and I graciously accepted the first extension. But not this one. I can NOT do it. I'm turning in my bandana Rosie, I can't do it. You're a stronger woman than me'. Yes, really, I had all of those thoughts. There's a lot of room for mental conversation when you are the only person in the house.
Then I went to bed feeling nauseous and trying to convince myself I wasn't really sick. I can't have a stomach bug. Moms aren't supposed to get sick! At 1:00 in the morning I called my mom to ask her what to do with William. I didn't want to breathe on him, and I wasn't quite sure I'd be capable of making it to his school and back without a pit stop on the side of the road! I asked a friend in the neighborhood if she could take him but she had to be at work before Goddard opened, and by the time I got a response from her it was too late to ask the other people I had thought of. So when William woke up chattering away at 7:00 I got up too and we made our way to school. He was happy as ever and seemed unphased by my demeanor, so thats good. And so far, no calls saying he is sick. Fingers crossed.
In all 3 of these situations that arose the day after church - the day after a sermon that I felt was not speaking to me - I faced my giants with fear. I saw a dead cat. I saw myself jumping off a cliff at the thought of 60 more days of this. I saw myself hunched over in a ditch losing all my insides. Not once in all that time did I look at any one of those problems as David would have. David saw a 9 foot giant with weapons and power, but he was able to see that his God was bigger than all of that. Is my God not bigger than a few lesions on a cat? Or two more months of something I've already endured for 10? Or a small little bug eating away at my stomach?
He must be bigger. Surely he is. But not once did I see it that way. I didn't trust His hand in all of it, and I didn't have faith that He was in the middle.
So yes, the sermon was preaching to me. How silly of me to think I was already as strong as David.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Nov 11, 2011
I like my bed.
I like my tempurpedic mattress. I like curling up in the blankets when it’s cold outside. I like waking up to the smell of coffee brewing downstairs. I like turning on the TV to see what the weather will be so I can decide what clothes to wear. I like deciding what clothes to wear! I like my heated leather seats warming my bum on the way to work, looking at the mountains and the beautiful sunrise as I slowly make my way in for my 8 hour work day.
I like being able to decide to leave my packed lunch in the fridge and go out with friends instead, or go shopping at the mall to grab a quick Christmas present. I like watching the clock inch closer and closer to quittin’ time then leaving my work at work and heading home.
I like my home.
I like watching my son grow.
These are a few, a very few, of the things in my daily life which I love. These are just a small fraction of the things that our service men/women have chosen to give up in the name of our country. In earlier wars men gave these things up for years upon years, never knowing when they’d get them again. Never knowing what their new baby looked like, not hearing of his latest ailment until 3 weeks after it was over; not knowing how old he’d be or what his voice or laugh would sound like when daddy would return home. In the current war they give these things up, come back to them and reacquaint themselves, and then all too soon they strap on their packs and give it all up again.
Wives leave them. Kids don’t always know them. People don’t know how to treat them. But they do it anyway. They come back different people than they were when they left. They can’t explain it, and they are unable to connect with many people on so many of the struggles they’ve endured. Their lives are forever changed, most often tainted, and yet they still stand, salute, and vow to serve.
I don’t know what it is like to live in a country where war and famine and persecution of great magnitude exist every day. And it’s because of the sacrifices of a group of elite people that I will never know these things. It is because there are people who hear a calling and answer it, regardless of what they will have to give up in order to do so.
I am so proud to be a granddaughter, stepdaughter, sister, cousin, and wife of men who have answered this call, and I am so proud to honor them as well as the people who have suited up next to them. I am eternally thankful for the life I’ve been blessed with, and part of that blessing has come at their expense. There is no way I can repay them, but they do not ask for repayment of any kind.
Happy Veteran’s day – to our past, present, and future veterans. Thanks for all you do.
- manda
I like being able to decide to leave my packed lunch in the fridge and go out with friends instead, or go shopping at the mall to grab a quick Christmas present. I like watching the clock inch closer and closer to quittin’ time then leaving my work at work and heading home.
I like my home.
I like watching my son grow.
These are a few, a very few, of the things in my daily life which I love. These are just a small fraction of the things that our service men/women have chosen to give up in the name of our country. In earlier wars men gave these things up for years upon years, never knowing when they’d get them again. Never knowing what their new baby looked like, not hearing of his latest ailment until 3 weeks after it was over; not knowing how old he’d be or what his voice or laugh would sound like when daddy would return home. In the current war they give these things up, come back to them and reacquaint themselves, and then all too soon they strap on their packs and give it all up again.
Wives leave them. Kids don’t always know them. People don’t know how to treat them. But they do it anyway. They come back different people than they were when they left. They can’t explain it, and they are unable to connect with many people on so many of the struggles they’ve endured. Their lives are forever changed, most often tainted, and yet they still stand, salute, and vow to serve.
I don’t know what it is like to live in a country where war and famine and persecution of great magnitude exist every day. And it’s because of the sacrifices of a group of elite people that I will never know these things. It is because there are people who hear a calling and answer it, regardless of what they will have to give up in order to do so.
I am so proud to be a granddaughter, stepdaughter, sister, cousin, and wife of men who have answered this call, and I am so proud to honor them as well as the people who have suited up next to them. I am eternally thankful for the life I’ve been blessed with, and part of that blessing has come at their expense. There is no way I can repay them, but they do not ask for repayment of any kind.
Happy Veteran’s day – to our past, present, and future veterans. Thanks for all you do.
- manda
Nov 9, 2011
William Wednesday William Wednesday
There, I’ve made up for missing last week by naming this week twice. I’ve just had too much to write about lately, I need to be a professional blogger! AH, another topic: My new career plan (err dream). But let’s not let me get side tracked here.
William!!!
I don’t even know where to begin, but that’s partially because I don’t remember where I left off! I told Austin last night that it seems like there’s something new every day, and it really does. Makes it hard to keep up. Since the last time I wrote we:
Went to fall festival at his school
Went to a massively large and fun Halloween party at my boss’s house
Watched football with “oh gosh” and referred to him as such for the first time in front of him
Went to fall festival at church
Learned to say the name of his first baby cousin, Baby Jelli (Kelli…he’ll get it someday…)
Had another snow storm that mommy didn’t let him play in thanks to her morning argument with said snow
Went to craft night
Collectively played mission organization in our friend’s kitchen (yes, William was quite the helper! He is my son)
Had an amazing Sunday to include a visit from oh gosh, Cici, and a Texans win!
And a hundred things in between!!!
His focus lately has been on his colors. Two weeks ago I believe I wrote that he knew orange, yellow and green. Now you can add to that brown, purple, red, blue and black…and he knows white but only in association with snow. Last night he had a game going with Cici and mommy – he’d bring his 5 plastic colored balls to one of us, we’d throw them across the room, and he’d run around excitedly gathering them all and shouting out their colors. If I had a recorder, this is what you may have heard: “reeen, arnge, ellow, reeeen, ahhhhhhh, hahahaha, reeen, red, ahhh, ellow, hahahahaha, poople…” and so on. I hope you can read toddler-talk…that’s “green, orange, yellow…..purple…” He also amazed me with his motor skills as he would hold one ball in each hand then maneuver a way to grab a third. He would either prop the third ball between the two he was already holding, stretch one hand around two balls, or use his leg and stomach as a staple to roll a third ball up towards his arms. I’m amazed at how well he figured it out without getting frustrated with himself.
He also seems to be getting more interested and prepared for the potty. The downside to that is that 3 nights in the last week he has taken his diaper off when he’s thought it needed changing. Only once was it a dirty diaper…but still, soiled linens in the morning isn’t exactly what I want to deal with. It isn’t part of our daily schedule you know
His fall festival at school was a lot of fun. They had a parade around the circle in the library parking lot, then a trunk or treat in the school parking lot, and then back inside all of the rooms were full of different activities. There was a goldfish game (we passed on that – I don’t need to deal with dead fish right now), a balloon animal artist (who was slower than molasses…he must not know much about toddlers attention spans and patience levels), a craft station, a carnival game room, and a reptile room. The reptile room is where we spent most of our time…William loved the snakes! “ellow nake” he kept saying. The yellow snake he spoke of…it weighed in at a whopping 300 pounds! I am surprised I even let him play J There were two large snakes, a couple little reptiles that creeped me out, and a 150 pound turtle that was a little too intimidating for William. But we had fun in the room!
His love for our pets has continued to grow, and they all seem to be slowly adjusting to the affection. Nancy is incredibly patient. People often try to quickly grab him when they see he’s getting ready to lay on her, and they may wonder why I am so apathetic about it. But then they see that Nancy just lays there and takes the abuse. She has never fought back and if she gets overly annoyed she knows to leave. Layla doesn’t LOVE the extra attention when it includes being climbed on, but she plays along and behaves. All the while staring at me with a look that either says “please save me” or “I swear you’ll pay for this later” – I can’t quite tell, but part of me thinks her tortilla eating has something to do with it.
Oh – and I almost forgot – my almost 2 year old has decided he needs to be completely independent at breakfast. If independent includes me pouring milk into a cup that he mentally knows he doesn’t want but verbally can’t communicate. And if independent includes me handing over the entire kitchen’s edible allotment and allowing him to create his own delicious concoction. OK, so not independent at all really – just opinionated. One morning he had cereal and pancakes and milk and syrup. All in one bowl. And another morning he poured his eggs and sausage into his chocolate milk. Scratch that, into MY chocolate milk that I quickly surrendered. He ate it all in all its milk-dripping disgusting glory, so I can’t complain that he’s picky. He just likes to create things that no one else in their right might would eat. I told Austin I felt like my son was Buddy the Elf...and really I do! Ick. The most frustrating part is that I don’t know exactly what he wants, and he doesn’t understand why I don’t know exactly what he wants. Why doesn’t mommy know that when I say milk I want chocolate milk? And I don’t want a sippy cup I want it in HER cup and I want my eggs in it. Is it THAT hard of a concept?
SO, as in most relationships it looks like what we have here is a failure to communicate. But we’re getting there. And it’s a fun filled journey along the way! I’m doing the “30 days of thankfulness” on facebook but every morning I have to force myself NOT to repeat that I am thankful for William Timothy Wallis. He is the most amazing thing in the world and I can’t help but feel pity for all those other silly parents who think that THEY have the most amazing kids in the world. Ignorance is bliss I suppose, and at least I know the truth!!!
- manda
William!!!
I don’t even know where to begin, but that’s partially because I don’t remember where I left off! I told Austin last night that it seems like there’s something new every day, and it really does. Makes it hard to keep up. Since the last time I wrote we:
Went to fall festival at his school
Went to a massively large and fun Halloween party at my boss’s house
Watched football with “oh gosh” and referred to him as such for the first time in front of him
Went to fall festival at church
Learned to say the name of his first baby cousin, Baby Jelli (Kelli…he’ll get it someday…)
Had another snow storm that mommy didn’t let him play in thanks to her morning argument with said snow
Went to craft night
Collectively played mission organization in our friend’s kitchen (yes, William was quite the helper! He is my son)
Had an amazing Sunday to include a visit from oh gosh, Cici, and a Texans win!
And a hundred things in between!!!
His focus lately has been on his colors. Two weeks ago I believe I wrote that he knew orange, yellow and green. Now you can add to that brown, purple, red, blue and black…and he knows white but only in association with snow. Last night he had a game going with Cici and mommy – he’d bring his 5 plastic colored balls to one of us, we’d throw them across the room, and he’d run around excitedly gathering them all and shouting out their colors. If I had a recorder, this is what you may have heard: “reeen, arnge, ellow, reeeen, ahhhhhhh, hahahaha, reeen, red, ahhh, ellow, hahahahaha, poople…” and so on. I hope you can read toddler-talk…that’s “green, orange, yellow…..purple…” He also amazed me with his motor skills as he would hold one ball in each hand then maneuver a way to grab a third. He would either prop the third ball between the two he was already holding, stretch one hand around two balls, or use his leg and stomach as a staple to roll a third ball up towards his arms. I’m amazed at how well he figured it out without getting frustrated with himself.
He also seems to be getting more interested and prepared for the potty. The downside to that is that 3 nights in the last week he has taken his diaper off when he’s thought it needed changing. Only once was it a dirty diaper…but still, soiled linens in the morning isn’t exactly what I want to deal with. It isn’t part of our daily schedule you know
His fall festival at school was a lot of fun. They had a parade around the circle in the library parking lot, then a trunk or treat in the school parking lot, and then back inside all of the rooms were full of different activities. There was a goldfish game (we passed on that – I don’t need to deal with dead fish right now), a balloon animal artist (who was slower than molasses…he must not know much about toddlers attention spans and patience levels), a craft station, a carnival game room, and a reptile room. The reptile room is where we spent most of our time…William loved the snakes! “ellow nake” he kept saying. The yellow snake he spoke of…it weighed in at a whopping 300 pounds! I am surprised I even let him play J There were two large snakes, a couple little reptiles that creeped me out, and a 150 pound turtle that was a little too intimidating for William. But we had fun in the room!
His love for our pets has continued to grow, and they all seem to be slowly adjusting to the affection. Nancy is incredibly patient. People often try to quickly grab him when they see he’s getting ready to lay on her, and they may wonder why I am so apathetic about it. But then they see that Nancy just lays there and takes the abuse. She has never fought back and if she gets overly annoyed she knows to leave. Layla doesn’t LOVE the extra attention when it includes being climbed on, but she plays along and behaves. All the while staring at me with a look that either says “please save me” or “I swear you’ll pay for this later” – I can’t quite tell, but part of me thinks her tortilla eating has something to do with it.
Oh – and I almost forgot – my almost 2 year old has decided he needs to be completely independent at breakfast. If independent includes me pouring milk into a cup that he mentally knows he doesn’t want but verbally can’t communicate. And if independent includes me handing over the entire kitchen’s edible allotment and allowing him to create his own delicious concoction. OK, so not independent at all really – just opinionated. One morning he had cereal and pancakes and milk and syrup. All in one bowl. And another morning he poured his eggs and sausage into his chocolate milk. Scratch that, into MY chocolate milk that I quickly surrendered. He ate it all in all its milk-dripping disgusting glory, so I can’t complain that he’s picky. He just likes to create things that no one else in their right might would eat. I told Austin I felt like my son was Buddy the Elf...and really I do! Ick. The most frustrating part is that I don’t know exactly what he wants, and he doesn’t understand why I don’t know exactly what he wants. Why doesn’t mommy know that when I say milk I want chocolate milk? And I don’t want a sippy cup I want it in HER cup and I want my eggs in it. Is it THAT hard of a concept?
SO, as in most relationships it looks like what we have here is a failure to communicate. But we’re getting there. And it’s a fun filled journey along the way! I’m doing the “30 days of thankfulness” on facebook but every morning I have to force myself NOT to repeat that I am thankful for William Timothy Wallis. He is the most amazing thing in the world and I can’t help but feel pity for all those other silly parents who think that THEY have the most amazing kids in the world. Ignorance is bliss I suppose, and at least I know the truth!!!
- manda
Nov 8, 2011
Promises
Remember a few weeks ago when I said I had the privilege of being a guest blogger for a military wife blog? Well, I found her blog in the spring when a website featured a piece she had written called 'promises'. If you go to her blog www.toloveasoldier.blogspot.com and look at the navigation on the right you will see a link to her 'promises' blog. When I first read it I was amazed at how similar all of our journeys are despite how different the situations may be. And I've gone back to read the post periodically whenever I've needed a reminder of the promises we made.
Well, now she is offering a giveaway for framed 'promises' prints. How cool! I'd love to win this; I'd love to have a visual reminder of our promises.
If you're bored or looking for a good read check out her blog. She's a great writer and has the ability to express aspects of the military life that are nearly impossible to explain. She has a gift!
And keep your fingers crossed that I win :)
- manda
Well, now she is offering a giveaway for framed 'promises' prints. How cool! I'd love to win this; I'd love to have a visual reminder of our promises.
If you're bored or looking for a good read check out her blog. She's a great writer and has the ability to express aspects of the military life that are nearly impossible to explain. She has a gift!
And keep your fingers crossed that I win :)
- manda
Nov 7, 2011
When we are weak then we will be strong
I'm not intending for every Monday to be a recap of my church service, but so far God has completely molded me and shaped me and taken me into church just how I needed to be in order to hear what he has I say. And if he is speaking to me so loudly, I can't not share.
Sunday I didn't want to go to church. I woke up intending to go, but not wanting to go. I took a shower, did my hair, got dressed...nothing was changing my mood. I was mad at myself for laying in bed on pinterest for an hour, then rushing through getting ready, I was mad that my new cardigan didn't fit how I want it to, I was mad that I hadn't done the laundry the day before...I was just mad. And I didn't want to go to Church alone...again...who wants to do that? But I kept telling myself, 'this is when we need to go most. We are going'
At some point in there kaila and I were texting and I said, 'and I'm in a shitty mood and have absolute no reason to be. Good thing I'm going to church!'
If you think god doesn't have a sense of humor, or a sense of irony at the least, you are wrong. Not 2 minutes after I told kaila about my shitty mood I walked into Williams's room to get him dressed and guess what? He was in a shitty mood...err, crib...a shitty CRIB. He had taken his pants and dirty diaper off at some point during the night and spread the contents around for all to share. We wouldn't want doggie or dada doll or green bear or Mickey or teddy or blankie or sheet or blanket or bumper to feel left out (ok note to self: reduce crib clutter) no no no there was plenty to share.
And the SMELL! I'll spare you. I wasn't oblivious to God's humor here, I just wasn't laughing. Everything in me said we weren't going to church, yet everything in me said I couldn't be anywhere BUT church. So...we went.
And you know what? 10 minutes in I still didn't want to be there! One of the deacons was talking about the villages in Africa that the church supports and while one part of my brain said 'see Amanda, one crap filled morning doesn't even compare to poor Matilda's 9 years of existence in abuse and neglect and a diseased world' the other half of my brain said 'oh STOP God! I NEVER throw pity parties but damn it, I am today and I do NOT want you to try to show me how other people have it worse. I KNOW other people have it worse, but today I just want to think about ME ok?' No joke...I really had that mental argument with myself. Really. Yes, that's how selfish I can be.
I listened to the deacon, I sang the songs, and I was convinced I'd just go through the motions this time. My heart was cold and hard and nothing was going to change that. The pastor came out, asked everyone to close their eyes and mentally answer his question: does anyone in here have a spot in their lives where they feel weak? Mentally, physically, emotionally, financially...is there a place of weakness in your life? And let me ask you this...when you have these moments of weakness...do you like it? Or do you hate it?
Well. Crap.
That's where we are going today God? We are going to shed light on my weakness and look at your presence in it all? And how you can use it for your glory? Well there goes my plans for being cold hearted and selfish. Thanks. A. Lot.
The pastor went on to look into the story of Gideon and his army of 300 taking over 135,000 soldiers. With trumpets. Talk about weakness! But the part of the passage that the pastor keyed into most was that God purposely made the army as weak as possible then used them for His glory so that all would know it was Him.
Didn't I JUST say I wanted it to be about ME for a day? Way to meet me exactly where I was! I didn't want my day to be about God or about children in Africa or about anything other than me. Me. Me.
The message reminded me of a conversation I had on Friday night with a woman from the church. I went to a lady's craft night and when I was talking with some women I'd never met one of them said, 'wow, to come here by yourself while your husband is gone...that's very brave. I don't know if I could be a military wife. How do you do it?'
I explained (in a way I don't think I've ever thought of it before...) that the lessons I've learned through my marriage are a lot like the lessons I've learned through my faith. There are moments during our separations when the world says I should be mad. When I spend my anniversary alone...the day that is supposed to be about being showered with love and affection...when I'm coughing up my lungs and packing a toddler's lunch by myself...when I'm standing on the side of the road cursing my husband's poorly designed truck jack...those are times when the world tells me 'HEY, THIS ISN'T FAIR! This plain stinks! What about you? What about your needs? What about what you DESERVE? Boy does your husband owe you!!!' But what it has taught me is that there's something bigger than me. There's something greater than me. It's not always about me. He chose to serve something greater than himself, something greater than me, and I chose to stand by him. He doesn't owe me! It isn't about me! And through learning that lesson (over and over and over again, thank you US Army) I have been able to be a better wife, a better example, a better mother and a better person.
I hadn't ever looked at it in that light, and I know that God sent that woman to ask me that so that he could help me work through it in a new way. And prepare me for another lesson on Sunday. He has brought me right where I am. He has made me weak that through him I may be strong, and that I may shine His light in the world. We never know the ways in which He plans to use us. I may have touched no one in this year of weakness and struggle, or I may be an inspiration to thousands. Ok, let's not get ahead of ourselves. Not thousands. But maybe one! Maybe he has used my struggles to touch someone else. To motivate someone or show them they can do it. To teach someone. Or maybe He is using this year solely to shape me and prepare me for ways He will use me in the future.
I don't know. I don't know his plan or even what he has already done. But I don't need to know, because it isn't about me. It's about Him, and I made it to church Sunday morning all thanks to Him.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Sunday I didn't want to go to church. I woke up intending to go, but not wanting to go. I took a shower, did my hair, got dressed...nothing was changing my mood. I was mad at myself for laying in bed on pinterest for an hour, then rushing through getting ready, I was mad that my new cardigan didn't fit how I want it to, I was mad that I hadn't done the laundry the day before...I was just mad. And I didn't want to go to Church alone...again...who wants to do that? But I kept telling myself, 'this is when we need to go most. We are going'
At some point in there kaila and I were texting and I said, 'and I'm in a shitty mood and have absolute no reason to be. Good thing I'm going to church!'
If you think god doesn't have a sense of humor, or a sense of irony at the least, you are wrong. Not 2 minutes after I told kaila about my shitty mood I walked into Williams's room to get him dressed and guess what? He was in a shitty mood...err, crib...a shitty CRIB. He had taken his pants and dirty diaper off at some point during the night and spread the contents around for all to share. We wouldn't want doggie or dada doll or green bear or Mickey or teddy or blankie or sheet or blanket or bumper to feel left out (ok note to self: reduce crib clutter) no no no there was plenty to share.
And the SMELL! I'll spare you. I wasn't oblivious to God's humor here, I just wasn't laughing. Everything in me said we weren't going to church, yet everything in me said I couldn't be anywhere BUT church. So...we went.
And you know what? 10 minutes in I still didn't want to be there! One of the deacons was talking about the villages in Africa that the church supports and while one part of my brain said 'see Amanda, one crap filled morning doesn't even compare to poor Matilda's 9 years of existence in abuse and neglect and a diseased world' the other half of my brain said 'oh STOP God! I NEVER throw pity parties but damn it, I am today and I do NOT want you to try to show me how other people have it worse. I KNOW other people have it worse, but today I just want to think about ME ok?' No joke...I really had that mental argument with myself. Really. Yes, that's how selfish I can be.
I listened to the deacon, I sang the songs, and I was convinced I'd just go through the motions this time. My heart was cold and hard and nothing was going to change that. The pastor came out, asked everyone to close their eyes and mentally answer his question: does anyone in here have a spot in their lives where they feel weak? Mentally, physically, emotionally, financially...is there a place of weakness in your life? And let me ask you this...when you have these moments of weakness...do you like it? Or do you hate it?
Well. Crap.
That's where we are going today God? We are going to shed light on my weakness and look at your presence in it all? And how you can use it for your glory? Well there goes my plans for being cold hearted and selfish. Thanks. A. Lot.
The pastor went on to look into the story of Gideon and his army of 300 taking over 135,000 soldiers. With trumpets. Talk about weakness! But the part of the passage that the pastor keyed into most was that God purposely made the army as weak as possible then used them for His glory so that all would know it was Him.
Didn't I JUST say I wanted it to be about ME for a day? Way to meet me exactly where I was! I didn't want my day to be about God or about children in Africa or about anything other than me. Me. Me.
The message reminded me of a conversation I had on Friday night with a woman from the church. I went to a lady's craft night and when I was talking with some women I'd never met one of them said, 'wow, to come here by yourself while your husband is gone...that's very brave. I don't know if I could be a military wife. How do you do it?'
I explained (in a way I don't think I've ever thought of it before...) that the lessons I've learned through my marriage are a lot like the lessons I've learned through my faith. There are moments during our separations when the world says I should be mad. When I spend my anniversary alone...the day that is supposed to be about being showered with love and affection...when I'm coughing up my lungs and packing a toddler's lunch by myself...when I'm standing on the side of the road cursing my husband's poorly designed truck jack...those are times when the world tells me 'HEY, THIS ISN'T FAIR! This plain stinks! What about you? What about your needs? What about what you DESERVE? Boy does your husband owe you!!!' But what it has taught me is that there's something bigger than me. There's something greater than me. It's not always about me. He chose to serve something greater than himself, something greater than me, and I chose to stand by him. He doesn't owe me! It isn't about me! And through learning that lesson (over and over and over again, thank you US Army) I have been able to be a better wife, a better example, a better mother and a better person.
I hadn't ever looked at it in that light, and I know that God sent that woman to ask me that so that he could help me work through it in a new way. And prepare me for another lesson on Sunday. He has brought me right where I am. He has made me weak that through him I may be strong, and that I may shine His light in the world. We never know the ways in which He plans to use us. I may have touched no one in this year of weakness and struggle, or I may be an inspiration to thousands. Ok, let's not get ahead of ourselves. Not thousands. But maybe one! Maybe he has used my struggles to touch someone else. To motivate someone or show them they can do it. To teach someone. Or maybe He is using this year solely to shape me and prepare me for ways He will use me in the future.
I don't know. I don't know his plan or even what he has already done. But I don't need to know, because it isn't about me. It's about Him, and I made it to church Sunday morning all thanks to Him.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Nov 3, 2011
Heaven
I think heaven will be like an organized kitchen. I get all warm and fuzzy just thinking of it.
Let me pause and say that sometimes I think long and hard for blog topics but this week I think I could write 3 a day! I still have to write William Wednesday, tell you all about a new kind of love for me, want to write about a special friend...and here I am writing about kitchen organization.
Why?
Because there are few things better in the world.
Saturday night I am going to a friend's house to help her revamp her kitchen. She likes my spice cabinet and based on that she has entrusted her entire kitchen to me. What faith! She asked me what she needs to buy so I told her I'd email her some suggestions.
I don't think she expected a bulleted email with 7 categories, each with sub categories, and about 15 links to different baskets/bins/shelves/etc. I may have scared her away because her response was short:
You, my dear, have a big obsession with kitchen organization. Oh my gosh.
Too much?
Nah, it's awesome.
In my quest to find the perfect products for her I found lots of perfect products for me too. Products i didn't know i desperately need! So if you or anyone you know is lost as to what to get me for thanksgiving, anniversary, Christmas, new years, or any other random day just because I'm awesome...I love container store gift cards!!!
I just hope I still get to play this weekend...
- manda
Let me pause and say that sometimes I think long and hard for blog topics but this week I think I could write 3 a day! I still have to write William Wednesday, tell you all about a new kind of love for me, want to write about a special friend...and here I am writing about kitchen organization.
Why?
Because there are few things better in the world.
Saturday night I am going to a friend's house to help her revamp her kitchen. She likes my spice cabinet and based on that she has entrusted her entire kitchen to me. What faith! She asked me what she needs to buy so I told her I'd email her some suggestions.
I don't think she expected a bulleted email with 7 categories, each with sub categories, and about 15 links to different baskets/bins/shelves/etc. I may have scared her away because her response was short:
You, my dear, have a big obsession with kitchen organization. Oh my gosh.
Too much?
Nah, it's awesome.
In my quest to find the perfect products for her I found lots of perfect products for me too. Products i didn't know i desperately need! So if you or anyone you know is lost as to what to get me for thanksgiving, anniversary, Christmas, new years, or any other random day just because I'm awesome...I love container store gift cards!!!
I just hope I still get to play this weekend...
- manda
Nov 2, 2011
I love snow
I love the snow. I love the snow!
But I love the snow when I’m rolling around in the front yard with William. I love the snow when I’m sitting in my bedroom staring out the window with hot chocolate in my hand. I love the snow on sunny days when the roads are clear and the grassy areas are covered in white, glimmering snow. It’s so bright that you’re almost blinded by the snow, not the sun. It’s beautiful and I think it is one of nature’s most majestic creations. I love it!
This morning, however, I did not love it. I loathed it. More than that, I loathed everything that entered my mind.
If you’re ever bored on a snowy morning and find yourself wandering my neighborhood, just stop by my house for some great entertainment. This is the girl who was iced INTO her car in college. I was not made for logistically maneuvering through winter conditions…and shoveling the driveway is not one of my stronger skills.
I’ve heard there’s an art to shoveling, I just plain don’t know how to do it. Do you go sideways? Or do you go straight down and back up? And how do you manage to not throw snow over the path you just shoveled? And where do you put the snow when it is climbing over the top of your shovel? And what do you do when you’re on a roll and then the shovel hits one of the many (concerning) cracks in the driveway? And how do you clear the snow that has built up around the tires of the truck that is park smack dab in the middle of the driveway?
I don’t know the answers to any of these questions and I didn’t figure them out in my 40 minutes of shoveling today. It would have been comical to my neighbors, but none of my neighbors saw because apparently they don’t have jobs that require them to show up at 8am on snow days. NO ONE ELSE was out shoveling their driveway. No cars were warming up, there was no movement in my circle.
Except me. This little ol’ aggie girl who is shoveling snow everywhere BUT off the driveway. The girl who walked outside with her hair done nice and pretty and didn’t think to put a hat on (or gloves) and walked in looking like a swamp rat. This little ol’ girl reciting “be joyful in all things” and “F*** YOU ARMY” in the same breath. Now, I generally have a quota per year of the times I’m allowed to say the F word – I hate the word and I hate when I say it, but in the context of this morning it did the job it was meant to do. It made me feel better! I may have exceeded my quota for 2011 and I still have 2 months to go…but that’s ok. I don’t mind. Because you know what? I don’t want to shovel my driveway. I want to sit inside and have a nice hot cup of hot chocolate waiting for Austin after HE shovels the driveway. Or I want the city to shut down and to lay in bed snuggled in covers all day watching the beautiful majestic snow falling.
That’s the kind of snow I love.
So the next time a storm rolls in just come park your car in front of my house approximately 5 minutes after my targeted departure time and you’ll find me strolling out the door…stunned at the realization that I should have been out there half an hour earlier…and the entertainment will commence.
- manda
But I love the snow when I’m rolling around in the front yard with William. I love the snow when I’m sitting in my bedroom staring out the window with hot chocolate in my hand. I love the snow on sunny days when the roads are clear and the grassy areas are covered in white, glimmering snow. It’s so bright that you’re almost blinded by the snow, not the sun. It’s beautiful and I think it is one of nature’s most majestic creations. I love it!
This morning, however, I did not love it. I loathed it. More than that, I loathed everything that entered my mind.
If you’re ever bored on a snowy morning and find yourself wandering my neighborhood, just stop by my house for some great entertainment. This is the girl who was iced INTO her car in college. I was not made for logistically maneuvering through winter conditions…and shoveling the driveway is not one of my stronger skills.
I’ve heard there’s an art to shoveling, I just plain don’t know how to do it. Do you go sideways? Or do you go straight down and back up? And how do you manage to not throw snow over the path you just shoveled? And where do you put the snow when it is climbing over the top of your shovel? And what do you do when you’re on a roll and then the shovel hits one of the many (concerning) cracks in the driveway? And how do you clear the snow that has built up around the tires of the truck that is park smack dab in the middle of the driveway?
I don’t know the answers to any of these questions and I didn’t figure them out in my 40 minutes of shoveling today. It would have been comical to my neighbors, but none of my neighbors saw because apparently they don’t have jobs that require them to show up at 8am on snow days. NO ONE ELSE was out shoveling their driveway. No cars were warming up, there was no movement in my circle.
Except me. This little ol’ aggie girl who is shoveling snow everywhere BUT off the driveway. The girl who walked outside with her hair done nice and pretty and didn’t think to put a hat on (or gloves) and walked in looking like a swamp rat. This little ol’ girl reciting “be joyful in all things” and “F*** YOU ARMY” in the same breath. Now, I generally have a quota per year of the times I’m allowed to say the F word – I hate the word and I hate when I say it, but in the context of this morning it did the job it was meant to do. It made me feel better! I may have exceeded my quota for 2011 and I still have 2 months to go…but that’s ok. I don’t mind. Because you know what? I don’t want to shovel my driveway. I want to sit inside and have a nice hot cup of hot chocolate waiting for Austin after HE shovels the driveway. Or I want the city to shut down and to lay in bed snuggled in covers all day watching the beautiful majestic snow falling.
That’s the kind of snow I love.
So the next time a storm rolls in just come park your car in front of my house approximately 5 minutes after my targeted departure time and you’ll find me strolling out the door…stunned at the realization that I should have been out there half an hour earlier…and the entertainment will commence.
- manda
Nov 1, 2011
Patient or not?
I think I'm generally a patient person.
I'm not impulsive. If I want something I think about it for awhile before I decide whether or not to buy it. I don't have the 'gimmes' and I don't have the all-too-common mentality of 'I need it now'. I wait patiently.
I don't have a short fuse. When my son draws on my kitchen table with sharpie marker I don't explode. I sit down and breathe and slowly start to cry. Then he wipes my tears with a napkin and hugs me. Far better result than had I lost my patience and yelled at him.
I don't get impatient and give up on weight loss. I've lost 14 pounds in 6 months which isn't anything incredible, and I've been on my last 5 pounds for awhile. But I just keep working and stay focused and know that it will all take care of itself if I do the right things.
But do you want to know when I'm not patient? When I sit at my desk anxiously tapping my heels on the floor? Checking my clock every 30 seconds?
When I'm almost 50 days from having my husband home and when my niece is 5 days past her due date and in no hurry to let me see her face.
That's when I'm not patient.
COME ON ALREADY!!!
- manda
I'm not impulsive. If I want something I think about it for awhile before I decide whether or not to buy it. I don't have the 'gimmes' and I don't have the all-too-common mentality of 'I need it now'. I wait patiently.
I don't have a short fuse. When my son draws on my kitchen table with sharpie marker I don't explode. I sit down and breathe and slowly start to cry. Then he wipes my tears with a napkin and hugs me. Far better result than had I lost my patience and yelled at him.
I don't get impatient and give up on weight loss. I've lost 14 pounds in 6 months which isn't anything incredible, and I've been on my last 5 pounds for awhile. But I just keep working and stay focused and know that it will all take care of itself if I do the right things.
But do you want to know when I'm not patient? When I sit at my desk anxiously tapping my heels on the floor? Checking my clock every 30 seconds?
When I'm almost 50 days from having my husband home and when my niece is 5 days past her due date and in no hurry to let me see her face.
That's when I'm not patient.
COME ON ALREADY!!!
- manda
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