It's pretty likely that in my nearly 300 blog posts there is already one with this title. And if there is, it probably starts out explaining how it is one of my favorite phrases and I try to use it at any available opportunity. So, I won't go further into that!
On Sunday my mom asked me if the sermon was preached directly to me again. It would make 4 weeks in a row! 'no' I said, not this week. I though to myself: finally, one week off. I've been tested enough lately!
What. A. Fool.
The sermons are in an old testament series right now, and this week we visited David and Goliath. The preacher told the story, complete with a ladder that made himself as tall as Goliath, and he talked about how in all our other stories the people God used were scared and weak and seemed to be selected that way for a purpose. But David was different. David, unlike the countless people unwilling to face Goliath, looked at his problems through the eyes of faith rather than the eyes of fear. He then asked us how we will face the giants in our own lives. Will we see them through eyes filled with fear or will our eyes be full of faith, seeing something bigger and stronger standing behind the giant, waiting to defend us and keep us strong?
Well, my answer as of right now is through eyes of fear unfortunately. Yesterday nancy (Williams favorite animal and the most patient cat I've ever seen) had some lesions on her neck and ears and I was convinced she was going to have to be put to sleep. All morning I was preparing myself for a house with one less cat, and trying to find the inner strength to not burst into tears when William ran around the house calling 'neecie neecie!'.
Nancy is fine. She has some allergies of some sort, was scratching herself because she was so itchy, and she should be ok after some steroids and antibiotics.
Then yesterday I got word of the possibility that Austin may not be home until middle January. I suppose with the wonderful organization that the army uses anything is possible, and he could still make an appearance before Christmas. But when I heard mid January all I kept thinking was 'no way. No way. No way. I can not do this for another 60 days. It was supposed to be SIXTEEN more days, and I graciously accepted the first extension. But not this one. I can NOT do it. I'm turning in my bandana Rosie, I can't do it. You're a stronger woman than me'. Yes, really, I had all of those thoughts. There's a lot of room for mental conversation when you are the only person in the house.
Then I went to bed feeling nauseous and trying to convince myself I wasn't really sick. I can't have a stomach bug. Moms aren't supposed to get sick! At 1:00 in the morning I called my mom to ask her what to do with William. I didn't want to breathe on him, and I wasn't quite sure I'd be capable of making it to his school and back without a pit stop on the side of the road! I asked a friend in the neighborhood if she could take him but she had to be at work before Goddard opened, and by the time I got a response from her it was too late to ask the other people I had thought of. So when William woke up chattering away at 7:00 I got up too and we made our way to school. He was happy as ever and seemed unphased by my demeanor, so thats good. And so far, no calls saying he is sick. Fingers crossed.
In all 3 of these situations that arose the day after church - the day after a sermon that I felt was not speaking to me - I faced my giants with fear. I saw a dead cat. I saw myself jumping off a cliff at the thought of 60 more days of this. I saw myself hunched over in a ditch losing all my insides. Not once in all that time did I look at any one of those problems as David would have. David saw a 9 foot giant with weapons and power, but he was able to see that his God was bigger than all of that. Is my God not bigger than a few lesions on a cat? Or two more months of something I've already endured for 10? Or a small little bug eating away at my stomach?
He must be bigger. Surely he is. But not once did I see it that way. I didn't trust His hand in all of it, and I didn't have faith that He was in the middle.
So yes, the sermon was preaching to me. How silly of me to think I was already as strong as David.
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