% of Your Day

First of all - HEY! How are ya? Good? Alive? Whew, me too.

The other day I saw an icon/button/banner/image/thing someone posted on Facebook that said "A 1 hour workout: it's only 4% of your day." and beneath that it said in small letters "no excuses". 

Let me start by saying: I LOVE to workout. I thoroughly enjoy the soreness, the pain, the sweat, the struggle, and of course the results. I love trying new workouts, I love pushing myself - I love working out. When we were in Colorado I had such an amazing routine and setup at my job worked out and I was in phenomenal shape. I felt good, I slept well, and I'll say it - I looked good. I miss it. However, do you want to know when the last time I had a one hour workout was? It was last September. By the look of my calendar, that was a year ago. It's been one year since I was able to find that 4% in any one day - which is incredibly discouraging.

I've been trying to figure out how to re-wire my routine to include workouts again now that I'm not pregnant. (side note: working out while pregnant can be a beautiful, wonderful and possible thing. unfortunately it doesn't work very well when you have a constant pelvic pain that makes any/all movement excruciating) My problem with trying to re-write my schedule to include workouts is that I think my schedule is just a little maxed out, no matter which way you slice it.

Being the numbers person I am, I decided to go through all of the things I'd like to do in a day and see what my percentage comes up to. Am I over 100? Am I right around 100 if I could operate on perfect efficiency? Or do I just THINK i'm too busy when in reality I've got time to spare somewhere in my day? So - here's where I got.

Sleep: I'd like to sleep at least 6 hours per day. Ok no, if I'm being honest, I'd like to sleep 8-10 hours per day but I'm realistic in my aiming for 6.  25%
Commute: I don't want the commute that I have, but it is what it is and I have to do what I can do. 65 minutes each way if traffic and weather and road conditions all align. 9%
Work: Including a "mandatory" one hour lunch, we'll go with 9 hours here. 38%
Morning routine for me and boys: I feel like I have our mornings down solid with no holes and running smoothly and ...damn near perfectly  actually. That requires me to wake up at 5:30 and I'm out the door near 7:20. So I'll say 1hour, 50 minutes. 8%
Read Bible: I'd like to read my Bible for at least 30 minutes per day. At different stages of my life this has been a higher or lower priority but it's always been something I'd like to do. Some days I get it, some days I don't. But - nonetheless - it's an aim. 2%
Workout: already covered this one 4%
Bedtime with kids: similar to mornings, I feel like this is a pretty well oiled machine. It starts at or around 7:15 and ends at or around 8:15. So far Charles hasn't even really added time to our bedtime routine (Amen!) so let's say one hour. 4%
Dinner: sometimes I cook, sometimes Austin cooks, sometimes we eat out. Sometimes meals are extravagant, sometimes we eat frozen chicken nuggets. I'm not even going to ask you not to judge - judge if you wish. Regardless of which choice we make, some sort of focus on dinner usually starts around 6:00 and ends right around the time we are heading up to bed. I'll round down to make it a nice even hour and we're at 4%
Evening prep: after the boys go to bed there is a somewhat mandatory prep for the next day. wash bottles, pack bags, make lunches load car as much as possible, wash breastpump supplies, etc. After a few weeks back at work I think I've gotten the hang of what works best and how I can prepare for the next day in the best way...and it takes from the time bedtime ends until about 9:00. so we'll say 45 minutes. 3%
Blog: I LOVE writing in this little ol' blog of mine. I love it. I miss it when I don't, I love it when I do. Some days I write for 5 minutes or less, but the posts I love to write take about 30 minutes. 2%
Austin: marriage can't work without a commitment of time, among other things. I love to have time in the evening after the rest of the craziness is done just for us. Whether we are going to play a card game, watch football, watch TV, talk, choose to do our "own" things "together", or actually do what God created husband and wife to do (gasp!) I'd like to say it's at least an hour a day of time devoted to us. Do we get that every day? No. I won't lie. But I sure wish we did, so I'm gonna say that's my goal. 4%

25+9+38+8+2+4+4+4+2+3+4=103

So, I am just barely over 24 hours now. But I forgot about playing with my boys, which happens and just takes over whatever else was supposed to happen without being planned. I forgot about going potty...and checking the mail...and paying bills...and doing laundry...and checking social media...and answering phone calls...and planning trips, budgets, parties, etc. You get the idea. And while it seems like it'd be easiest to just shave a little bit off of the biggest chunks of time, I don't think I can afford to sleep less than 6 hours on a consistent basis and my work schedule - well, I think that's self explanatory too.

The point here isn't for anyone to feel bad for me IN the SLIGHTEST. Not at all. I love my life. I love that I get to drive along the coast every morning to take my boys to Monterey, then drive along the coast again to a wonderful job I've been blessed with. I love that I HAVE two incredibly amazing little boys who require so much of my time and effort. I love that I have to spend the last 30 minutes of my day (when I'm tired and want to sleep) pumping breast milk because I love that I am able to make breastmilk. (oh wait, crap, I forgot to add that into my day...I hope you can sub it in) I'm not throwing a pity party, I'm simply trying to understand why it is that squeezing in such a small thing as blogging or exercising has become increasingly challenging. In and of itself is it hard to workout for an hour? Or thirty minutes even? No. Not at all. The problem - in any time management struggle - is when we have over extended our capacity. 

Not to mention - I've left no room for smelling the roses. I've left no room for relationships. I've left no room for...well, life.

So - I have to find some grace. I have to learn to go to sleep EVEN when there might be dishes in the sink. I have to learn to forgive myself if I haven't worked out in 5 days. I have to learn to not only be ok with a messy house but stop asking forgiveness for my messy house. I need to learn a lot of things. And, in the meantime, you may not see me on Facebook much. You may not see me blogging much. You may not see me doing things that we both know I love to do. It's not because I think I'm just SOOOO important that I'm too busy for that. It's not that I no longer enjoy that. It's not that I look down on people who lay in bed for an hour catching up on each other's lives - I miss it. I do. But, I'm learning that in this stage of life - the stage where you have little people who need so much - I have to be very intentional with the 24 hours I'm given each day.

There will be a day when I don't have bottles to wash. There will come a day when there aren't 4 oops 6mouths to feed in our house. (crap! pets! totally forgot about them...again...) There will be a day when my morning commute once again consists of getting myself to an office and nothing more. There will come a day when my kids aren't so little, and when that day comes I will have just freed up somewhere around 20% of my day. But I know I won't feel free at all, I'll grieve the loss of these times. I'll wish I could just have one more day of snuggles and hugs, giggles and coos, and all of the work that comes with it.

So - no, there are no "excuses" for why one may not find one hour in their day to work out(or blog, or Facebook, or talk on the phone). There are just life reasons, and that's ok. I hope you'll stick with me in this time, and I'll catch ya on the other side. Heck, maybe somewhere in between too.

A Relay Plea

I'm shifting my William post to Thursday (if at all....) for this week and moving relay up to today because I was just overcome by it all.

I'm sitting here working on the final details, details which, i'll admit, should have been done sooner. I'm working on scripts and a site map and logistics for the next 4 days. I'm preparing for a whirlwind starting at 6:00am tomorrow when I wake up the boys to get ready to go pick up yayapapa at the airport, and in my preparation I'm overcome with what this is all for.

Every year when we work on relay I get a little bit skewed in my thinking and it always takes something to slap me back in the reality of where we are. I always confuse the fact of my relaying FOR my dad into me thinking I'm relaying to save him. I know it's never been about that- clearly - but the emotions jumble things up in my head, and yesterday while I was working and so optimistic it took a country song about a brother who died in war to remind me (somehow...) that I'm relaying to save my dad and I won't be any closer to him on Sunday than I am today.

It brought back so much hurt. So much sadness, and so much grief. So many "but WHY" moments and just being overcome with a multitude of emotions. The bottom line is I lost my dad to a terrible disease after four years of a strong fight and it wasn't fair. I was 13. He was 41. It wasn't fair. I began to wonder if all of this effort was futile and then I remembered - it wasn't fair. It isn't fair. My journey with my dad's cancer is over, but that won't change the fact that it was never fair.

And I don't want another 13 year old girl to stand at her dad's funeral wondering why cancer took him too soon. I don't want another 41 year old man in the body of an 80 year old to take his last breath, knowing that while he was entering God's eternal presence he would not be able to witness, on this earth, the growing of his kids and grandkids. I don't want another family to walk the walk we did, no matter how much stronger it may have made us. I don't want that for anyone.

Then I began to think of the son of a high school classmate: a little precious boy, not much older than William, who was diagnosed with a brain tumor when he was 3. He fought bravely and strongly and he actually beat the cancer, but his body was tired and he was beat by something else. He died before he ever turned 4. I don't want another precious fighting life to be cut short at the hand of cancer. I don't want another mom to bury her baby because the doctors couldn't kill the cancer without killing her baby's immune system. I don't want another big sister to cry herself to sleep nightly because he misses her baby brother.

This effort is not futile. I am just one person, yes, and I can't cure cancer on my own. But I can work hard and make an effort to continue the fight that the American Cancer Society has taken on. 

Margaret Mead said "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed it's the only thing that ever has".

Would you join us? We may be small but we can join together to be big. Would you join us? Think of us this weekend. Pray for us this weekend. And if you have it in you, visit

www.relayforlife.org/seasideca 

and join our fight. You can find Team WTB and find Austin or me on there, or find any team or any team member. Give however you want! The impact you can have on a cancer patient and his/her family will never be a mistake. 

So - for the last time from Seaside - thanks for your support and encouragement in this journey we took on in our time here. It's been hard and tiring, but it's been worth every sacrifice.

What's he up to?

So I haven't written much about Charles. Well, I haven't written much at all in my defense but I think part of the reason he hasn't been my main subject much is because I'm with him all day so I forget that not everyone sees and knows every detail. But today he is starting his transitionary (ok MY transitionary) period into day care which has me begging the question: what's he up to???

Is he smiling? Crying? Sleeping? Eating? Cuddling?

Most likely cuddling.

He is SUCH a cuddle monster. He'll cuddle with anyone and everyone but I'm

Not afraid to boast that mommy is his favorite person. At this age William didn't have a favorite. Difference in breast feeding or difference in child I'm not sure. But I'm definitely his biggest love.

He's smiling and cooing a lot. We love to have little conversations. He'll talk back with William too which is just precious. Warms a mama's heart. 

We struggled a lot with getting him to sleep from about 4-6 weeks. At 6 weeks we caved and let him sleep on his stomach some. We were fine with it knowing that it used to always be tummy to sleep, but we also knew day care wouldn't do it so we kept trying to work in some back sleeping for naps. What finally helped was when he started to love being swaddled (thanks to my husband for never giving up on trying like me!) and when he finally accepted a pacifier as comfort. Totally different baby! Sleeps better and is much happier when awake. Amazing!

Our evening ritual has merged almost seamlessly with William's which is a huge answered prayer because William is SO routine driven. I was terrified to have to alter it! They take bath together around 7:15 then Charles gets out and William gets more water and more play time. We read books all together around 7:35 it so while I feed Charles, then both boys are in bed generally by 8:00. A few nights who I had them down by 7:30 and I thought I'd struck gold! (Yay! 30 extra dish washing, laundry folding minutes!!!) 

Charles usually sleeps until at least 4:00 and most days until 6:00!!! It's such a huge blessing going back to work that way. I just need to get myself to bed before 11:00 and I'll be good :)

A few other Charles tidbits:

-He loves stuff hanging on walls(especially the metal stars on our bedroom wall and the paper globes hanging in his room)

-he is finally enjoying his swing for about 10 minutes which is the perfect amount of time for me to make big brother's breakfast

-there's a special sound dada makes which always gets the biggest grins

-his favorite pacifier (no joke) has a mustache on it 

And his aggie one is a very close second 

-he's long and lean just like big brother was, outgrowing clothes in length while they're still loose in the belly (why isn't that my problem??)

-his big brother adores him and nearly smothers him, but he actually doesn't mind it and seems pretty content with all of te hugs and kisses 

-he truly expanded my heart and I can't not wait to go back and pick him up (my goal for today is to make it until noon...we shall see!)

Here he is in the outfit big brother picked. (William loves all of his elephant clothes and always picks something with an elephant on it)