Oct 24, 2012

William Wednesday

I know nothing about the memory of an elephant, but I believe the phrase should really be "A toddler never forgets".

Remember a few months ago when William and I had this exchange:
"Mommy I want cow ice cream" (referring to the magnet on our fridge that resembles a blue bell bucket with the cows on it)
"I do too baby but we can't buy that here.  They only have cow ice cream in Texas"
"I want to go to Texas"
...no reply.

Yesterday William called YayaPapa to tell them that he kept his pants clean and dry all day at school, which of course made them very proud.  After that topic had passed Yaya asked William if he had fun with Alexis.  William said "Alexis went back her house.  She come back again".  Yaya said, "do you want Alexis to come back and visit again?"  "YEAH!  And you guys come back visit again too".  I could hear them both melting on the other end of the call.  They both agreed to come back, then Yaya said "William, do you want to come to yaya's house for Christmas?"  Sometimes I have to help guide him in phone conversations so I repeated her question, slightly rewording it.  I said, "William, do you want to go to Texas for Christmas?"  He said "YEAH!  And have cow ice cream!"

So, Yaya has to deliver on that one!  She also told him Oh Gosh will be there and he let out the most excited "YAAAAAAY" I've ever heard.

He has really been missing oh gosh more lately.  I don't know what happened but he has been referring to him a lot, asking for him a lot, and Sunday he wanted to call him.  I can't even express the blessing it was for William (and me!) to have Brian in Colorado with us last year.  Too bad the Army can't coordinate Brian and Austin's duty stations forever!  Worth a shot maybe.

This weekend Alexis, Casey (my Texan coworker), William and I went to the Salinas Valley Food & Wine Festival while Austin was at a field training.  William behaved better than expected for 3 hours in a stroller.  His reward: spiderman face painting.  He LOVES to be transformed into spiderman.  Alexis made some comment referring to the cartoon and I said, "oh, he's never actually SEEN spiderman.  He doesn't even know it's a show.  He just knows of the paraphernalia. Either way, it's money well spent when I see that smile on his face as he looks at the mirror and sees Spiderman staring back at him.

He is budding into quite the leader I've been told.  His teacher let me know last week that for the past couple of weeks his behavior has been a little off.  I talked to her yesterday about it and explained that my best guess is that he is reacting to the departure of Ms Rebecca, his teacher.  He's never done well with teacher changes, and his behavior at home hadn't changed.  He also has asked me a few times recently when Ms Rebecca will be back, so the timing fits.  She appreciated the insight then she said that he really impacts how the other kids behave and when he's his usual self the other kids follow right along with whatever he's doing.  If he helps clean, they help clean.  And she said he is so funny and keeps everyone laughing all day.

My child, the change-averse, slightly moody leader.  I feel like a broken record...

I can't think of anythign else notable from the week.  I know Sunday morning Austin and I could not catch our breath we were laughing so hard, but I can't quite rememebr why.  Just being his usual funny self I suppose!

Oct 23, 2012

Help Please

Ok.  I need help.

Who out there has found the mirage in the desert that is the goldmine for clothing shopping?  Anyone?  I need help!

I have fallen into the very common, boring-workplace wardrobe and I need help out.  The problem is, I don't know where to turn!  So let me tell you my problems and hopefully SOMEONE SOMEWHERE can help me.  Please!

1. All of my clothes are solid colors, a vast majority of which are black and white.
2. All of my clothes can easily be mistaken for each other
3. I'd say 95% of my clothes are for work, and can be added to jeans to pretend I sort of know what the "weekender" look is.
4. I love dresses and flowy skirts but apparently I am behind the times because I am having trouble finding any lately.
5. The weather here makes dressing difficult.  it is fall, yet some days it feels like summer and the next day it feels like winter.
6.  Who am I kidding I don't dress for seasons, I dress in black and white (see #1)
7. I do not know how to build outfits.  There, I admitted it.  I do not know how to see a patterned shirt at the store and think "oh this blue and yellow peacock looking shirt would look fabulous with those green pants". 
8. I have an aversion to expensive clothes.  Expensive = anything over...$40 let's say.  (I do cave in on blue jeans, but that's it)
9. My shoe collection needs some updating and I'm good at shoes but it's pretty pointless to revamp the shoes with the same old clothes. (tempting, but pointless)
10. I have become the mom who goes shopping for myself and comes home with $100 worth of stuff for William and nothing for me.

PLEASE HELP!

Alexis was here this weekend and she inspired me - but then she left!  How rude, right?  She came in with her newly updated Las Vegas-worthy wardrobe (read: Las Vegas= cute, not skank) and didn't seem to be having night sweats over the amount of money spent on the wardrobe additions.  I asked her where to shop and she said "Um, I like anthropologie, white house/black market, nordstroms...I don't know, I have trouble too".  Once at the mall she noticed the newly opened H&M so we thought we'd give the highly acclaimed store a try.  I tried on everything she suggested.  She built what appeared to be cute outfits for both of us but in the end none of the clothes looked good on either of us and we both left empty handed and perplexed.

Her comment was "I guess expensive stores fit curves better?"

My thought was "oh great, my wardrobe will never be updated".

I've tried Kohl's.  I've tried Target.  I'm sick of my staple stores (Ann Taylor, LOFT, etc) because ... well... please re-read my above list.  But anytime I've ever entered the stores Alexis named I have exited promptly upon reading a price tag.

Is there anywhere in this world that can accommodate a curvy figure in a cute, trendy way without taking an entire paycheck????

Anywhere?

A starbucks gift card goes to the person who helps my dilemma the most.  Ready. Set. GAME ON.

**or if you, like me, find yourself in this trap of clothing please commiserate with me**

Oct 17, 2012

William Wednesday!

Ooops Ooops Ooops.  I'm a slacker, I apologize.  I did write a second blog last week, but then apparently never posted it until I logged in today.  So - I'm a bad bad blogger person.  My sincerest apologies.

Onto William!

My little baby is not a baby, that's all there is to it.  He's a big boy and he'll tell you all about it!

He has recently learned how to use his fingers to indicate numbers.  1, 2, 3, 4 and so on.  And he LOVES to do it.  Rather than getting 4 books every night sometimes he only wants 2 or 3 or 1, but I think the only reason he's changing the pattern is so he can show me on his hands how many he wants.  "Not 4 mommy, only 3" as he lifts his fingers up.  I realize that this is something we all learned at some point in life, probably right around where he is, but magically it's more captivating when it's William.  I know!  Who knew.

He also has more complicated sentence patterns, more drawn out conversations and more detailed thoughts than before.  For instance...in his bedroom he has 4 piggy banks.  One of the banks is a small silver pig that was Austin's when he was a baby.  We've told William this before, so a few nights ago I asked him "which bank do you want to put your money in today?  your little silver one?"  "No, how about....my BIG one!  that bank was maybe yours a baby mommy"  It took me a minute to follow where he was going, then I said, "oh this was mine when I was a baby?"  To which he replied yes.  Then he said, "The dinosaur bank maybe was mine a baby"  So then when I asked where the fourth bank came from his response was, "um...maybeeeeeee...OH GOSH!"  His brain is always working! 

He's pretty interested in all of the pumpkins this year.  Pumpkins everywhere!  We have 5 on our front porch and he talks about them every day.  He also loves the pumpkin stickers we got for his potty chart.

Speaking of...I'm trying to ween him off the potty chart.  Any suggestions?  I keep trying to "forget" to make a new one, but he never forgets.  Then I feel guilty because I know he loves his stickers!  But really, I don't get stickers on my tax returns why does he get stickers for the potty still?  He's mastered the skill.

Well, almost.  There are still accidents but ironically now at home he rarely has accidents and at school he's back to 1-2/day.  This potty training business must be incredibly stressful!

Lately the only cartoon/TV show he's interested in is Mickey Mouse clubhouse.  Austin and I never thought we'd beg to watch Cars again but I'm just about there.  Please no more mickey!  But, it'll change soon enough I'm sure.  In the meantime it's working to our favor.  In one of the episodes Mickey refers to exercising which is called Mousekersizing.  Naturally.  So we suggested that we'd all go to our gym and mousekersize together that day and William LOVED it.  He got in his best gym clothes, grabbed some cars, and up the road we went.  I guess I would have been more excited right along with him if mousekersizing for me meant I got to sit in a colorful room, eat snacks and watch mickey on my iPad.  Hopefully he eventually learns exercise REALLY means calorie burning, not calorie consuming.  But for now it's a nice way for Austin and I to be able to exercise without trying to juggle who goes at what time, etc.  We just have to be sure one of us is on a treadmill the entire time so we can see William :)  Easily done.

That's about all I got on the week.  Pretty sporadic, I know. But I've been working a lot so I haven't had much time with him, and I'm rushing out of the office so my brain is fried.  I'll make another hopeful promise of becoming a better blogger again soon.  Bear (bare?) with me :)

Alas

**just logged in to blog william wednesday and saw this in my drafts...oops!**

In the Relay world it is emphasized that people share their relay stories.  It isn't always sad; sometimes they are uplifting stories or motivating stories or just stories of people who were looking for an outlet for their charitable bone in their body.  It is emphasized that we share our stories so that we can remind each other of all of the different faces of the American Cancer Society and its mission.  The amazing thing for me is that after all of the stories, sessions, and lessons I learned my "relay story" transformed that weekend.

Obviously, I got involved in Relay for Life as a way to honor and remember my dad.  I don't need any special events or activities to help me remember him, but I just enjoyed the opportunity to actively be involved in something devoted to his memory.  I knew there were different elements to each Relay event and I knew there was a big emphasis on honoring Survivors, but personally my Relay mission was to memorialize my dad.

But then I grew to understand the importance of the other elements of relay too.  The motto is "Celebrate.  Remember.  Fight Back."  The whole time I was celebrating my dad, remembering my dad, and fighting back for my dad.  But I realized I can celebrate a lot more than just him.  I can celebrate the success of the cancer research over the last few decades.  I can celebrate the lives saved.  I can celebrate the 18 year old girl who told us about her parent's struggle with her stomach cancer when she was 1 year old.  I can celebrate the fact that awareness has reached such a level that organizations like the NFL want to partner in the fight.  I can celebrate that TODAY 350 more lives are being saved than the day my dad was diagnosed.  There is so much to celebrate despite the cloudy skies cancer leaves.

More than my new inspiration in celebration, though, I realized I have been overlooking my biggest reason to fight back: William.

I don't want William to know what it's like to see his parents struggle, lose their hair, and fight for their lives.  I don't want William to wonder for 4 years if his parents will see him graduate high school.  I don't want William to fear losing the people who have worked so hard to guard and protect him in this life.  I don't want William to struggle, lose his hair, and fight for his life.  I don't want to ever wonder if he will graduate high school.  I don't want to lay awake at night in fear of cancer for him.  I want to do anything I can to fight this disease so that he never has to know its magnitude.  I want him to think of cancer the way I thought of polio: a devastating disease for generations past that is now just a word in history books.

My "relay story" is much more diverse than I had originally thought.  I relay to celebrate the success of the American Cancer Society and lifesaving research.  I relay to remember my dad.  And I relay to fight back for William, his friends, their children and their children, so that they can learn about cancer in history books instead of hospital rooms. 

It all started because of a loss I will never understand, but I am now motivated to fight back rather than feel defeated.  I feel like this step towards hope is a step in my grief journey which I never knew I'd be able to take.  My relay story doesn't end at the Luminaria ceremony like I thought it did; my relay story goes beyond the closing ceremony and into a fight to end cancer.

Oct 8, 2012

Just a Little Late

I had very good intentions in my blogging endeavors last week but apparently the Internal Revenue Service is not flexible on due dates and clients aren't either.  So, bear with me.  We're still on Relay here...

The Relay Summit was a mixture of small group sessions, designed around teaching the volunteers how to build a bigger and better relay in their community, and "General Sessions" designed around fueling our love for Relay through volunteer stories, survivor stories, and gut-wrenching stories of losses.  It was in the General Sessions when our hearts were pulled and tugged and inspired to want to employ the lessons learned in the small group sessions. 

We heard first hand from survivors, caregivers, current cancer fighters, and volunteers who opened their hearts for 900 people to see the stories of their losses.  Some of the most moving stories were from people who had been involved with the American Cancer Society for decades before their first personal close-up with cancer itself.  These people felt, just like I did when my Aunt Mandy was diagnosed with breast cancer, like they had paid their dues to the "cancer gods" and had a free pass.  But the inspiring part of their stories was the treatments.  There was a survivor who told us about his diagnosis with lung cancer after never having smoked a day in his life, and how he was put into a genetic study which then resulted in him taking one pill a day for the last 13 months.  He has been cancer free for 11 months.  A pill a day!  And after hearing from a speaker who travels the country speaking at conventions like this about his mother's short battle with incurable cancer in 1991, we heard from a survivor who faced that same cancer a decade later and was cured.

Lymphoma.  A blood cancer.  A blood cancer just like Leukemia.

I listened to these people speak and I was overcome with so many emotions that I had anticipated going into the weekend.  But the one that came by surprise was anger.  I was angry.  I had the urge to go up to my room and punch the wall in my hotel room, thinking the pain in my hand may replace the anger and pain in my heart. 

Why couldn't my dad be the second half of the Lymphoma story?  Why couldn't he get cancer 10 years later and then go speak about how the American Cancer Society directly funded research that saved him?  He would have been a great speaker at an event like that.  Why not him?

I was not prepared for the weekend to take me through the entire gammit of grief emotions.  I wasn't prepared for anger.  I was prepared to miss him and to think of him and to be energized to try to fight back in his name.  But I wasn't prepared to remember the painful parts and be filled with the unanswerable questions that leave a defeated and exhausted pit inside.  I didn't want to be reminded of the days I saw my dad sleeping in his bed all day (unaware, at the time, of the physical and emotional struggles he was enduring). I didn't want to be reminded of our constant fear. I wanted the romanticised story of the love for a great person lost, fueling my desire to fund the cure.  That's it.  I wanted the rest to fade in the background.

But, again, these Relay people know what they're doing.  They had the conference planned out and mapped out to start at one place, travel along a specific path, and take us to the end.  I just had no idea where we were going.


Oct 2, 2012

Right Where I Should Be

When Austin and I decided to get involved with the Relay in Seaside we really had no idea what we were agreeing to.  2 weeks before the Relay Austin told me, "I meant I wanted to be involved, I didn't know we were DOING the thing..."  And its true, we had no idea what the involvement would be or what our committment would mean.  We realized after the event that if we wanted to be involved again in 2013 it would take a great deal of planning and coordination on our part, and we weren't 100% sure if we wanted to take that leap.  We knew we'd want to have a team again, but run the show?  Not so sure.

Which is exactly where most first time Relayers find themselves, and precisely why the American Cancer Society staff rope people in by sending them to the 2 day Relay Summit.  When I mentioned to Lindsey I wasn't sure what we'd be able to do for 2013 she said, "Well, go to summit, see what you think and then when you get back we can talk".

Sucker.

I was hooked from the first session Friday morning.  The speakers, statistics, and Relay Family were so motivating and inspiring and really got me excited to be a part of such a great organization.  And then in my first break-out session (we had 5 "general sessions" with all 900 of us then we had 5 break-out sessions of maybe 40 people) I realized I was right where I needed to be.  Why?  Because lesson 1 of Session 1 was:

Remember, as the event chair your job is to delegate; to be the boss.  You aren't the do-er of the committee, you're the boss of the do-ers.

We did a personality evaluation (similar to the one I did a few months ago at work which depicted me as a controlling, bossy know-all lovely person) and this time was no different.  Two words in my description were bossy and controlling.  The upside this time, though, was that it suggested people with my personality be "event chairs or accounting chairs".  So apparently I've found exactly what I've been looking for the past few years.

I found a way to be able to boss people around and be recognized/rewarded for doing so.  Count me IN!  I get to assign jobs, plan meetings, oversee that committee members have the tools and resources necessary to tie it all together, and walk around with a clipboard making sure things are running as they should be.  I was made for this.

So, Seaside Relay for Life 2013: here we come.  It's going to be bigger and better than before and I am here to personally dictate that it happens that way.  Get ready!!!

**and please don't tell my committee members how bossy I am yet.  I'd like them to be fully invested before they find out**

Oct 1, 2012

Get Ready

I flew to LA on Thursday night for a Relay for Life conference and I have so many different topics to write about.  I'm going to start with my flight on Thursday, but I'll probably be touching on the weekend most of this week.  Maybe a full week of blogging is back in the palm of my hands - time (and tax clients) will only tell.

Thursday after work I went home and Austin and William drove me to the airport in San Jose to fly down to LA.  The flight was similar to the annual flights to Dallas I took as a kid: quick ascent, time for a beverage and peanuts, trash pickup immediately following our first sip of our drinks, descent.  Short and sweet.  I was thrilled to find out that for a clear waste of $5 I could purchase in-flight wifi and watch last week's season premier of Private Practice on my iPad.  Only problem: once I had paid the $5 the internet wouldn't work.  It kept saying I was connected but it wouldn't actually connect.  I was going to just give up and read my new book when the person next to me asked, "So you watch tv shows on your iPad? how does that work?"  I joked "well, right now it doesn't..." then explained how it SHOULD work.  This casual conversation on tv shows took the general airplane transition to discuss where we're flying from, where we're each headed, etc.

I explained our involvement in Relay for Life and the upcoming conference.  I told him how we'd just fallen into it shortly after moving to Seaside in May and realized I was telling an awful lot of information to a stranger.  But he seemed like one of those people who just pulls information out of you by nature and is genuinely and sincerely interested. (in a non-creepy, non-threatening way)  It was only a few minutes until I realized why he seemed that way.

After I explained Relay he mentioned he was headed to a conference too so I asked about his.  He said he'd be meeting with dignitaries and leaders from Brazil in New York for the weekend before heading to Brazil next month.  I said "you mentioned you're a teacher - why Brazil?"  He said, "I was a teacher.  MY wife and I quit our jobs to be full time missionaries and are called to a mission in Brazil.  We're moving there later this month".  Whoa.  He had also shared he has a son William's age and just found out his wife is pregnant again, and they're moving to BRAZIL.  I thought I had taken a leap of faith with this Relay thing, but hearing him talk about his fear and excitement for his mission was inspiring.

We talked about church, church families, liturgy styles, and our personal journeys in our faiths.  I have NEVER divulged personal information like this to a stranger on a plane, but it felt so normal-  it was odd.  And moving.  It wasn't like I was sitting by a stranger on a plane; it truly felt like we were strategically and very intentionally placed on the same plane to meet and share our stories. 

And as we left and he prayed for both of our conferences, I told him that the disabled wifi was the best $5 I'd ever thrown away.