William's Great Escape

My ears were burning so bad; I could feel my neighbors staring at me thinking "She has just won the worst mom in the universe award". No, my neighbors weren't looking. At least I don't think they were. But in my head I imagined that all eyes were on me. I needed to run a few things upstairs into William's room and he was occupied in the living room with his bouncy ball. So, I thought I could dart upstairs really fast, do my business, and make it back down before he'd even notice. When I got to the top of the stairs he saw me and started laughing. We have a lofted living room so you can see up into the upstairs hallway, so he knew I had snuck out. He started running (toddling) toward the entryway where the stairs are, I thought to follow me upstairs. I kept calling his name saying "Are you coming to get mommy william?" as I went into his room. He would laugh every time I asked, and I could hear him climbing the stairs so I thought he was on his way. Then I couldn't hear climbing anymore. I couldn't hear anything. And as parents always say, its bad when you can't hear anything. I ran to the stairs to see if he was ok and he wasn't on the stairs. That's when I noticed the sunlight beaming inside. How is sunlight beaming inside? THE FRONT DOOR!!! How in the world is the front door open? I ran down the stairs to see William one foot in, one foot out, clinging to the door frame and laughing hysterically. In this 1-second-feels-like-an-hour moment I thought "don't startle him or make him think we're playing, he'll fall out of the door instead of in and he'll crack his head open on the concrete and i'll have to rush to the emergency room and austin is asleep and would hate to wake up to this news and I really can't handle this right now please oh please do not startle him just calmly walk over and snatch him up and bring him inside and then you can breathe and think in complete sentences again" yes, literally, I thought all of that. Luckily I did not startle him and he did not crack his head open or any of the other things that flooded my mind. He just thought we were playing. But, my one sock on one sock off baby wearing a onesie and no pants sure had no business being outside in the 40 degree weather with 30 mph winds. That is the part my neighbors must have scoffed at. I pictured them all been standing in the middle of the street thinking "look at that precious baby way too cute for his own good trying to climb out the front door. and his horrible mother is nowhere to be found. he probably is trying to escape!" If I lived on Wisteria Lane, maybe that would have transpired. Lucky for me I live near a bunch of homebodies and I don't think anyone can see my front porch from their windows. Thank goodness. But how did he get outside??? I was befuddled. Until I saw a little orange tail twitching around the corner. REAGAN. I must not have closed the door all the way, Reagan used his evil powers to get out, helped Nancy escape to safety and then left the door wide open for William. That darn cat, making me look like a bad parent. In all my worry and anger the best punishment I could come up with was to shut the front door and leave him outside. Surely he'll hate it and see the error in his ways. 10 minutes later when I couldn't handle him being outside I realized that I was more punished than he was. Damn cat.

WOO HOO Wednesday

If someone told me I could have a baby only as a cuddly infant or only as a new toddler, it wouldn't be a hard choice. I'd pick this stage hands down. Of course that's not to say I didn't LOVE the infant cuddly wuddly baby bear stage...I'd definitely miss that, but this age is such a blast. I'm thinking back on the past week and realizing I have WAY too much to say for one blog post. I'm going to have to pick and choose, and that is the sign of a great week for William!

William was extra playful this week, especially after good dinners. I've found he definitely has more energy and is more playful after he's eaten a good, full meal. Some nights he just doesn't want big meals, or he just doesn't want to eat what I'm serving, but on the nights when he eats everything he is SO silly and playful. One night after dinner he was running around the kitchen trying to get me to chase him. You know how sometimes kids will say "don't you dare tickle me" or something to that effect, but they REALLY want you to? It's like he was saying that. He'd run to the back door and slam his hands against the glass, look at me and inch his way over until his ribs were within my reach. I'd reach out and tickle him and he'd nearly fall over with laughter. Over and over and over. Last night I was sitting in Austin's recliner and William ran over to me. I reached my arms out for a hug and he wrapped his arms around my neck. I thought he wanted to cuddle so I swooped him up into my lap but he hopped back down just as quickly - guess it wasn't cuddle time. For the next 10 minutes or so he'd run towards me and then as soon as I'd reach my arms out he'd turn the opposite direction, run away and laugh. He was teasing me with his almost-hugs and I was cracking up. After he was done with that game he walked into the downstairs bathroom. I called his name for him to come out so he did...DRAGGING THE PLUNGER! He dragged it all over the living room. Not sure what was so fun about it!

This weekend William was even a character when we were running errands. We went to Target - please, please quit judging me - and we were in the Easter aisle. William was reaching for a ball so I grabbed it and put it on the handle of the cart. He slapped it away and it bounced on the ground. He started laughing, so I picked it up and did it again and he laughed even harder. He continued to knock it down and I'd bounce it and pick it up, giving it back to him. One time he slapped it so hard it slammed onto a shelf so I determined that at that point I had turned into the bad mom at the store and we left the Easter section. Not before he had picked out 3 eggs for Austin's easter basket, though. He picked 2 starburst and 1 m&m, but I swapped that one for skittles. No chocolate!

Sunday we went to a dog park. I wasn't sure what to expect for William but he had a blast. It was uneven ground so he had to concentrate hard on his walking, but he had a lot of fun trudging through it. He also loved all the dogs, big and small. No fear...which is good and bad, I think. He liked playing in the dirt too - his clothes were covered by the time we left. Layla even got a little hop in her step playing with the other dogs, but she also liked to walk by William and keep an eye out. She'd wander off then come back, as if to say "you still doin ok buddy? ok good"

There are so many other stories I could tell...like how he loved eating his peas last night, how he lines bottles or cups or rolls of toilet paper up and wraps his arms around it all, picks it up and laughs...or about playing with his dump truck or bouncy ball...really, there are LOTS of stories to share just not enough time. We had a great week and he is getting more and more comfortable and confident in his surroundings. My little baby is definitely a toddler, and I LOVE it!!!

here are some pics to finish it off...

I am Blessed

When I mention the few people I'm going to write about today, I know there are a slew of other people who at various points could easily be included in this list. And for that I'm even MORE blessed. But on Friday I was just overflowing and its thanks to these people. We can be in the middle of a storm in our lives but there are rays of sunshine beaming through to remind us that not all is bad. I am so blessed to have the friends and family that I do, and I am so humbled by that. Last week Alexis told me about a song that reminded her of Austin and me. Being the uneducated person that I am when it comes to pop culture (or pop anything) I didn't know what she was talking about, so she emailed me a youtube video. It was the most beautiful song I've heard in awhile, and I was so incredibly touched that it would make her think of my marriage. The song is called "marry me" and the lyrics (omitting a few lines that don't apply lol) are: Together will never be long enough for me To feel like I've had long enough with you Forget the world now, we won't let them see That there's one thing left to do Now that the weight has lifted Love has surely shifted my way Marry Me Today and Every Day... Marry me Together could never be close enough for me To feel like I am close enough to you You wear white and I'll wear out the words "I love you" and "you're beautiful" Now that the wait is over And love has finally showed her my way Marry me Today and Every day Marry me...say you will Promise me, you'll always be Happy by my side I promise to sing to you When all the music dies And marry me...today and every day... marry me I know Alexis remembers being annoyed by how I listened to "Lucky Ones" on repeat...all the time...after Austin told me that it reminded him of me. Well Alexis, be glad you're not at work with me at the coffee shop now because I've listened to "Marry Me" about 20 times since you sent it to me :) I am so touched that my marriage would come to mind and it means the world to me, honestly. Like I said in a previous post, it'd be easy for Austin and I to let the passion and fire in our relationship die while we live separate lives this year so I am strengthened immensely to know that someone else sees that in us. The high of my day on Friday continued when the people at the front desk called me and said, "Amanda you have something very beautiful to pick up down here". I assumed Austin had sent me flowers but I was so surprised when I got down there to find that my mom and step dad had. What a wonderful surprise! Friday wasn't a holiday, I hadn't been having an especially rough day...it was just a day, and the note just said "Have a great weekend". What a great way to start it!!! I was walking inside with my flowers on Friday when I went to check the mail and had another surprise waiting for me. Brittany had ordered me a necklace with a daisy charm on it. Brittany doesn't know this, or I don't think she does, but I've always thought of daisies as the happy flowers. How could you see a daisy and not smile? They are so bright and cheery and just seem light hearted and happy to me. That's my take on them, anyway, so it was symbolic to me that she'd send me a daisy. I wore it on Saturday and every time I looked in the mirror I smiled. Then later in the evening I was so surprised when my phone rang and it was my coworker Paul's wife, Janell. She was calling to invite me over to their family dinner on Saturday to celebrate their daughter's blessing. They are Mormon so I was not a part of the baby's blessing, but I was the only non-family member they invited to their dinner. I was so touched that they thought of inviting William and me to be a part of their family celebration. I already had plans so I had to decline, but it was such a great surprise. I am so humbled by the blessings in my life. I don't know what I've ever done to deserve such great people and such great treatment - I honestly felt like a little princess on Friday, and I didn't mind it :) I can't imagine how hard this would all be if I wasn't surrounded by so much love and support. So to everyone in this email, and to everyone who has done plenty that just didn't happen to fall ON friday...thank you so much. Really, I could go on and on. You make this a million times easier than it could be, and even though I may not say it to you I thank God for you every day.

William Wednesday!!!

I've gone back and forth this morning trying to determine if it is or is not Wednesday. Working on weekends really messes up days, so then you think you're ahead then you try to remind yourself that you're thinking ahead so you end up thinking a day behind...it's just a mess. Solution: don't work weekends.

But, I looked at the calendar 3 times and it is in fact Wednesday. So - it's William time, and I'm so excited :)

To remember what went on during the week I have to look through pictures and emails that we sent to Austin to try and keep track of it all. My mind is all over the place! Friday William got sick at school, I'm sure I sound like a broken record here. Saturday he was recovering from his stomach bug - he never threw up but he slept a lot. When he was awake though he was lots of fun. He cuddled with me a lot in the morning, laid in bed with me watching Bob the Builder (he actually watched for about 20 minutes. it's a record!) and he played with Nancy. I was getting dressed to go run errands while he was playing with Nancy, but then all of a sudden he decided it wasn't errand time - it was nap time. He immediately flopped over and fell asleep.

After he woke up we went to Target - the usual, of course - and to Best Buy. At Best Buy I needed to get a disc drive for Austin's computer and while I was there I figured I should see the new iPad. Give me more anticipation for when mine arrives :) While we were there William went CRAZY about the balloons. He loves balloons! I let him play with one for a little bit but it turned out to be a mistake cause boy was he mad at me when we walked away.

After we got home he deserved a balloon, though, because he helped me with laundry! It's amazing to me the little things that babies absorb without us even realizing it. He knew that the clothes in the basket go IN the washer, and the clothes in the dryer come OUT and get put into the other basket. He knew exactly what to do! I kept telling him how good he was doing and thanking him for the help and it made him so proud. Made me pretty proud too :) My little laundry doer.

Saturday evening we went to Steve and Stef's house to watch UFC. William did NOT want to go to sleep. He was having so much fun walking around, feed Steve carrots, feeding the dog anything she'd eat, climbing on my lap...he gets more and more comfortable at our friends' houses every time he goes. His eyes were getting sleepier and sleepier but he was determined to run around and play, so I finally took him upstairs and laid on the bed with him - he was asleep in literally 2 seconds. Pretty precious :)

I had to work Sunday morning but after I got home we had fun playing on the patio. He learned to roll a ball! He has a bouncy ball a little bigger than a softball that supposedly bounces 45 feet (I don't think I'll ever know for sure) It's his favorite ball for now so he carried it out onto the patio. He sat down, so I sat across from him and he rolled it. The first time he pretty much had to roll his body with the ball, but he got better with practice. I haven't gotten him to roll any of his other balls, just that one. But he's done it a few times since he first learned so as with everything I'm sure practice makes perfect.

Monday when I picked him up from daycare I got there a little earlier than usual and there were 6 parents/grandparents there at the time so the room was busy. He was at the far end of the room playing with one of the teachers when I walked in. I just watched him and waited for him to notice me. When he did his face lit up, he jumped out of his chair and ran (toddled) over to me saying "ahhhh ahhhh ahhh" with his arms raised in the air. IT was precious and all the other adults in the room were laughing at him. Once he reached him and I picked him up he looked around and smiled at his audience - that little turkey knew they were watching him all along. He's such a performer when he wants to be!!!

This morning Austin called us on yahoo face-chat. We were on my phone so Austin could hear us, but he was in a room full of people working so he had to turn the microphone on his computer off. He just watched me get William get ready, watched William run around chasing Nancy and trying to get the cat food, and waved to him before we left. William kept grabbing the phone and flipping it backwards, trying to figure out how daddy was in there. He got SO excited every time Austin moved or waved or anything, and at one point he kept looking back and forth from Austin's picture on the wall to him on the phone...as if his brain was thinking "wait now there are TWO daddies but I still can't touch either one???" He was a little confused, but he did enjoy it a lot and he was in such a happy mood. I think he is noticing that daddy is gone because he cries while reaching for his picture sometimes, and he's a lot more clingy with me this week than he has been in the recent past so I think the timing of the webcam was perfect. Hopefully soon Austin can either get internet in his own room or he can be alone in the office so that he can talk - I'm sure William would love to hear his voice. For security purposes he can't let me hear anything that my be discussed in the office, and I get that. But I know how much William loves daddy's voice! Whenever I open his Hallmark recordable book and he hears daddy's voice he stops dead in his track, runs over and starts playing with the book trying to figure it out.

It's been a VERY long week for me, but Friday will be one month since Austin left the states, last Friday was one month since we said goodbye - and month marks are always nice. One month down, 8 to go. I know William can tell a difference, but I think he's being quite the trooper and he's definitely helping his mommy keep her sanity (though not her sleep) He's so wonderful :)

Don't Make Assumptions

Please excuse me while I jump on a soap box for just a minute...

Ok, I'm ready.

Last week I was talking with two of my coworkers when it came up that one of their wedding anniversaries was coming up. It was going to be her 22nd wedding anniversary. I asked if they were going to go out for dinner or anything to which she said, "No, you quit doing that stuff after you have kids. You don't know that yet but you will soon." I said, "I have a kid and so far we haven't quit doing stuff like that" and she said, "you haven't been married long enough, you just don't know. give it time" I told her I didn't believe that and she let me know that we haven't been through enough yet to know.

I started to open my mouth and say more than I needed to but I decided it would fall on deaf ears. But the fact is that it doesn't matter how long or short your marriage has been. That has nothing to do with it. I've seen marriages so full of love after 10, even 20, years, and I've seen marriages that are dead in the water after just one or two. The length doesn't dictate the passion, the two are not dependent on each other.

And don't presume to know what we have or have not been through in our marriage. It hasn't been long, and we still have a lot to learn. I know that. But we've been through plenty that could have put out the fire, so to speak. We just haven't allowed it to happen.

In what we are going through right now there is plenty of room for resentment, anger, bitterness and hate to grow. It would be very easy for me to be angry that I am having to be responsible for William by myself. It would be easy for my to blame Austin when I don't get sleep or when I have to miss work again and again or when I have to find babysitters so that I can work on weekends. It's his job to be the second parent. It's his place to help me when my plate is too full. I shouldn't be bouncing our child from person to person; he should be here. It'd be really easy to throw all of that in his face or hold it inside and let it fester. But I have to remember the reason we are doing what we are doing. I have to remind myself that there's a purpose, and that it's no easier for him than it is for me.

I'm sure it would be easy for him to allow those same feelings to grow too. I'm sure on his end I could appear to be selfish as I write all the time about how tired I am and how stressed I am, forgetting sometimes that he is more tired and more stressed. I'm sure he could fuel bitterness as well as I get to spend every minute with our son and I probably take some of it for granted.

There are lots of military marriages that never make it. 50% to be exact. Half! Most of those marriages never saw their 10th wedding anniversary, so how can someone assume that young marriages don't see turmoil and distress? It's not a matter of what we have or haven't seen. It's a matter of what we focus on.

Two months before my dad passed away my parents celebrated their 20th wedding anniversary and I will never forget the day that he brought the pictures in my room to show me. He had tears in his eyes as he held a picture of my mom and him, saying "Isn't she beautiful?!" He was just as in love with her then as he ever had been - and that was after 20 years of many ups and downs. Two of my best friends just celebrated their 12th wedding anniversary this past fall and they are just as in love as two teenage kids on their way to their high school prom. And two years ago I watched our friend Marty get teary eyed as he talked about how Jan has completed his life - and that was after 26 years!

So don't tell me that its because I'm just young and dumb and don't know any better. At some point along the way I think couples lose sight of why they ever got married to begin with, and I'm sure its easy to do. The point is to make sure you remind yourself over and over. I want to always be excited to have an evening alone with my husband. I want to get butterflies in my stomach when he brings flowers home. I want my children to say "ewww gross" as he kisses me across the dinner table. I want to remember, be it 5 or 50 years from now, all the reasons I fell in love with him to begin with. And I'm sorry for those people who lost sight of it too long ago to find it again.

Austin's Temporary Life

It was made clear to me this week that not everyone has an accurate picture of what life is like for our soldiers overseas. When I talk about the conversation I had with someone on Monday, please know that I understand her lack of knowledge is due to no fault of her own. If you are not surrounded by military family members like I somehow seem to be, you don't have friends in the military, and you only hear what the news tells you - how could you know the truth?

So, when Austin sent me pictures today of his temporary home I thought I'd share a little bit.

Someone asked me on Monday what Austin does on weekends. When I responded that he does the same thing as every other day she asked, "So they don't get weekend vacations?" I had to pick my jaw up off the floor - I was stunned. People really think that our military get weekend vacations when they are at war?! Further, when I tried explaining that they are at WAR and can't really just leave on a whim this person said, "Well don't they have officers clubs where they can relax and have some beer?" NO! There are no CLUBS! If there are, my husband is not aware that's for sure. What a horrible job we have done of educating our country on the full realm of sacrifice being made by these men and women.

Besides the 2 weeks of free vacation that the military offers to service members serving 9 months or more, they do not get vacations. They do not get holidays off or weekends off and other than special occasions (like the super bowl, duh) they can not have beer or alcohol. Not that alcohol is an inalienable right by any stretch of the word, but it is just another luxury that we have here at home - take it or leave it. They don't get to pick what they eat for breakfast, lunch or dinner. They don't get to relax in a nice, hot bath after a long, stressful day. Sometimes they can't even find good toothpaste!

These are just a few of the sacrifices they make to serve where they're serving. Right or wrong, winning or losing, we are at war and these people have offered to give up the luxuries that we enjoy so that others don't have to. My cousin, my brother and my husband have all given up everything so that I can still have the privilege of refilling my tub with more hot water after the first tub-full went cold; so that I have the privilege of leaving work and leaving the work and stress there while I go and enjoy the wonderful surroundings I call home. I have obviously done a poor job of making sure people know the extent of the sacrifice that is being made for them. Shame on me.

So to Austin, Brian and Jesse - and all of the service members out there - I say thanks. From the bottom of my heart. I couldn't do it in a million years, and thanks to you I don't have to.

And I thought I'd share what Austin's life looks like for the next 9 - nope, scratch that, 8 months...

This is his bed...its made, which I think is impressive :)

The closet needs some work. Maybe I can ship him some container store stuff...

And here he is. Look how handsome ;)

What I do When I'm Busy

We are behind on our provision, its not pretty. We have LOTS to do at work today. I'm very busy.



Want to know what I've done?

I've narrowed down our welcome-home vacation spot for December. We had decided we'd go to a Sandals all-inclusive resort, and I picked Sandals Royal Caribbean in Jamaica.

I want a swim up suite where my balcony walks into a pool.

I want the option to play at all the resorts possible.

I want to go back to Dunns River Falls

I want to go on a catamaran sunset ride.

And I want a damn personal butler to do all of the things that I will have had to do by myself for the previous 9 months. Mostly I just want someone to deliver margaritas to me in the pool.

I don't think this is too much to ask. I think its perfectly reasonable. So I hope Austin is ok with lush beaches, unlimited food and drinks, a person at our beck and call, and a week(ish) at a luxurious resort with no one but yours truly.



I have it all planned out perfectly. Austin will get home right on schedule, because that happens so frequently you know, his reintegration will run until right after our anniversary, we will go to Texas for a couple of days for Christmas then we will find some willing soul in Houston to watch William for a week while we dart off to paradise. This is all dependent on the army, my work, a wonderful grandparent to lend their time...really I see no holes in my plan.

And so it will be.



Doesn't this sound like a productive day?