Back to Work!

Tomorrow I go back to work - for anywhere between one day and three weeks. William gets to decide how much he likes that place and how quickly he wants to get me back out of there!

I've received a lot opinions on my return to work...and most people think I'm crazy to return at all. There's really no medical reason for me to not return to work, and there's no way to predict when WIlliam will come so what would be the point of staying home? The doctor has no reason to file a claim for me to stay on disability, so to continue to be at home (which if you hadn't gathered, wasn't my favorite thing...) I'd have to use up some of what little vacation I do have. And for how long? Maybe William will be born this week and it'd just be a couple days, or maybe he'll go all the way until the end of the month just to ruin all of my plans that I've made. And how silly would that have been to use 3 weeks of vacation then? Not to mention I don't HAVE 3 weeks of vacation...nor has it been approved...

Anyhow, just thought I'd touch on why I'm going back to work since it seems to be shocking to lots of people and I've answered that question lots this weekend. Maybe William will come tonight and this will all have been for nothing...

Can't say I'd complain if that were the case. But, until he decides to show his face, I'll be gettin ready to show my face back at my office. Happy Monday!

I'm a Dreamer

For the past 3 weeks if I could have created a picture of my mental state, I would have compared myself to road runner on Looney tunes. Anxiously racing across the map, trying to get to my destination as soon as possible. I wanted to get to the day that I would be off bed rest and off procardia more than anything.

Today if I could create a picture I may still be the road runner, except this time I would portray myself as having run at top speed only to realize I have approached a cliff and have to dig my heels in the ground just to refrain from falling over the edge.

I had a dream last night that was less than comforting. I was going back to work for the first time after having William, but day care wasn't ready for him yet and we didn't have anyone else who could watch him so my boss said I could bring him to work. I don't remember dreaming about my work day, but I remember when the clock struck 5:00 and I turned around to the back of my desk and grabbed the CAT CARRIER that I had left William in all day. I realized I had forgotten to feed him and change his diaper all day, and I had just left him alone in the cat carrier the entire time. After work we all went over to a coworker's house for an informal meeting. When we were there I had to have other moms who were there prepare a bottle for him and use the nose-plunger to clean out his nose because I didn't know what to do with him. It wasn't until someone else was cleaning out his nose that I realized he was Middle Eastern.

WHAT?!?!

So obviously I have some subconscious anxiety about the responsibility of taking care of a baby. I can assure you I won't ever put him in a cat carrier, forget to feed him or other basic necessities - but maybe my fear is beyond the basic necessities. I'm sure we'll figure it out like the other billions of parents in the world have, and I'm sure we'll be fine. But for now - envision me coming to a screeching halt at the edge of the cliff, wondering if I want to jump over and see what's on the other side, or wondering if I'd rather my doctor prescribe me a few more weeks of procardia...

Change of Rules

Today was our 36 week doctor appointment - and it went very well. We started out with another 20 minutes on the fetal monitor...I think they should just let me set it up myself I'm so accustomed to it now. When Dr Russell came in she was extremely pleased with how "happy" our baby is. Before she got in there we had just been talking about how we didn't know what the doctors/nurses looked at to determine if the baby was happy or not, but clearly William was doing something right. Maybe he does like this little home I've created for him! Dr Russell said "Actually can I take your baby to the next room and have him show my other patient's baby how to behave? Cause hers is just not doing anything right today" Poor mommy!

She checked and said that I may have made "slight" progress as far as dilation but nothing major, and now we're out of the woods (she must like that phrase) so she isn't worried anymore! Good job William - way to hang in there!

After the exam and the group B strep test we just went over questions that Austin and I had. I asked her when exactly we need to call and it's so interesting what the difference in one day makes. If we were still at 36 weeks, I would be told to call anytime I have more than 4 contractions in one hour. But once we hit 37 weeks all of a sudden they don't want to hear a peep until we've had 12 in an hour...contractions every 5 minutes for one hour that last one minute each. Pretty different from 4 in an hour! Of course I should also call if anything out of the ordinary happens, like water breaking or other symptoms I don't regularly experience.

I asked her if she still thinks he'll come early or if she thinks that since I haven't made more progress that he'll go a few more weeks. She said that if she were a betting woman, which she isn't, she'd guess he'd be here within 7 days of me ending the Procardia. I take my last dose Friday night...so her prediction is by the 5th. WHOA! For fun, I made her predict a single day and she said, very matter-of-fact and without hesitation, "Feb 2, and I'm on call that night so we'd be together the whole way through" What are the odds??? I have a special blog written out in my head about Feb 2...one for if he is born that day and one for if he isn't...so I'll reserve my thoughts on the topic until then, but really...what are the odds? I did tell Dr Russell that Feb 2 was the day my dad died so I'd prefer to have him any other day and her response was "Yeah, I can see that. Although, sometimes the universe has a way of aligning things in that way for a special reason. And we'll be ok no matter what right?"

Yes, Dr Russell, we will be ok. We'll be more than ok. Our lives will be enriched beyond comprehension for having William present...whether it is Feb 2 or not!

5 More Days

In 5 days I'll be FREE! Free from procardia and free from bed rest, that is. What will I do to celebrate??? Hopefully have a baby soon after...but during the time in between, who knows!

As for this week, I have a few things to finish that I was working on during my hiatus from work. I need to finish the baby announcements - I have all the pieces cut, and 1/2 are assembled, I just need to assemble the other half. I also was hoping to address all the envelopes before going back to work so that is one less thing for me to worry about after he's born. The envelopes I originally ordered are 1/8 of an inch too small (talk about frustrating) so I ordered some online yesterday that should be here this week sometime. And the last thing on my to do: to finish my mom's recipe binder. So I have plenty to do to keep this week rolling along and before I know it, it'll be Friday.

Yesterday we had a fun day of football-watching. I wanted the Colts and Vikings to win, but I thought the Jets and Saints would win...so, I was 1 for 2. I kind of enjoyed the supposed "curse" on the Saints keeping them from ever going to the super bowl, and for some reason I just don't like them. But - looks like the 2 most dominant teams of the regular season are going to face each other in the super bowl, and rarely is the match up that predictable (and possibly deserved) So I'm excited for the super bowl, and hoping I'm not in the delivery room while the game is being played! The only fun part would be that I think my mom, Alfredo, Brandon and Dana will be with the Scarpati's - so a lot of my family would be in one place, meaning they'd all be able to spread the news to each other. Wish I could be where they'll be though :(

The last bit of exciting news that I have is that my cousin Jesse is ON HIS WAY HOME from Afghanistan after 15 months. He left just before Austin got home from Iraq...which now feels like ages ago. I can't imagine having the strength my aunt Mandy and uncle Leon had during those 15 months to be away from their baby and trust God to keep him safe. But - their faithfulness and strength pulled through and he is on his way home to them. Praise God!!!

Well, I woke up 30 minutes too early today to start my day off with Regis and Kelly - which means there's nothing on TV to fill the silence while I work on recipes, so I'm trying to think of random things to write about to fill the next 20 minutes. However, I've run out of anything to say so I guess I better go find another form of entertainment. Maybe I'll go watch "The Happiest Baby on the Block" - I hear its invaluable!

5 more days until I have more exciting things to tell you about - so we'll all be free!

Good Food, Great Friends

Last night Kaila and Jodi came over and brought dinner for Austin and me. Kaila made baked spaghetti and rolls, which we all devoured pretty quickly. There was some leftover baked spaghetti, so Austin and I will enjoy that some night in the near future. Jodi brought kneophla soup (pronounced "ni-fla") which is apparently a classic North Dakota dish...one of those dishes that everyone thinks their mom makes the best you know? It is similar to chicken and dumplings - kneophlas are essentially dumplings, and the soup is typically thicker and creamier than chicken and dumplings. Plus, there's no chicken. So we're talking about chunks of flour-dough (kneophlas) in a creamy soup. DELICIOUS. I have been counting down the hours all day to when Austin gets home and it is dinner time.

I've been SO blessed to always have such wonderful friends. When I used to graduate from one grade to the next in elementary school I was always so heart broken and afraid that I wouldn't have any friends. Then when I went to junior high I was worried I would be alone, which was my fear as I went into high school and college as well. But it seems that at every stage of my life God has had people picked out perfectly to fill my needs and challenge me as a person. And I've been even luckier to maintain to many of the relationships despite the distance!

So this was just a quick blog to say thanks to Kaila and Jodi for the delicious food that is keeping William calm and happy - and also a quick thanks to all my friends that I've been so blessed with :)

And thanks mom for the pumpkin bread that appeared on my porch this afternoon...mmm, mmm good!

A blog of thanks!!!

Out of the Woods, On the Home Stretch

Those are the two cliche phrases my doctor decided to use yesterday to describe where we are in the pregnancy. She isn't terribly concerned about my slow increase in contractions because we're so close to 37 weeks, and she thinks the medicine will do it's job for 10 more days.

We started the appointment off with an ultrasound - so already it was a great appointment. The purpose of the ultrasound was to determine William's size (which my doctor used to be concerned about, given my size at birth and Austin's size at birth...but now she has no belief that he'll make it to 40 weeks anyway) The ultrasound technician wasn't able to get good measurements, though, because "Man he is just so far down there". I think from now on I should tell newbies, or people who haven't come across this realization in the past few weeks, "Hey, just FYI, apparently my baby is abnormally low". I just figure it might fend off the shock and amazement on their part. Plus, they all say it like its something I haven't heard before...like saying "hey a MAN...duh!"...yeah, that didn't get old in first grade. But - I didn't prewarn Missy, so she did have the opportunity to be shocked and in awe that I am walking around with a baby sitting where he's sitting. Hence why I'm not doing much walking :)

She did let us watch him play for a little bit. We got to see him yawn twice which was pretty cute - and I will say his lips do look more plump like mine rather than Austin's :) Then she turned on the 3D function and we saw him sticking his fingers, and at one point his entire hand, in his mouth. I have a rare talent of being able to fit my whole fist in my mouth (I have a pretty big mouth) so I almost said "Oh, that's a talent we both share William!" but I thought Missy might think I was a little weird. Apparently Austin almost blurted out a similar comment before he thought better of it too. So we watched him suck on his fingers, yawn, blink, and wiggle his little butt before she ended the ultrasound. He was moving a lot, and it was hard to get good images because of where his head is placed, but here's the best picture Austin got on the camera. Play "where's waldo" and see if you can find his eyes, nose, and his itty bitty fingers:

After the ultrasound we went in to see the doctor. She was happy to see on the fetal monitor that I only had 1 small contraction in 20 minutes and that his heart beat was "happy". She thinks he likes her :P She checked my cervix again, and was happy with those results as well - no progress since Friday. She said she'd like me to continue taking the medicine through next Saturday, which is the 30. Then she said it generally takes 1-2 days for all of the procardia to wear out of your system. And then...SHOWTIME. Just like she said last week, and the week before, she can not predict that he really will come soon after Feb 1...but her most educated opinion is still that it would be sometime that first week of February.

Two weeks ago I was mortified at the thought of him coming early...didn't think we were ready, wanted him to bake until the 21, etc. But now I've settled with the idea so if he decides to be stubborn NOW and wait until the 21, we may have minced words when he comes out. Or maybe a few days later, I'm sure at first I'd be a softy and pretend I wasn't mad at him :)

So like she said - we're on the home stretch!!!

Doc Update

I had my longest-ever doctor appointment today; loads of fun.

First, I haven't gained any weight in 2 weeks. Shame on me. Truly, I don't know how. Last weekend I think I ate about 5 cookies and lots of other calorie-rich foods. Then this week I FEEL like I've eaten as much as usual, yet I don't move around...so how could I not gain weight??? The nurse just said I should try to be on top of it. Noted.

Second, the person with the 11:00 appointment didn't show up until 11:15 (same time I showed up for my 11:30 appointment) so I wasn't shocked when the nurse let me know (after she took my vitals) that it'd be about 20 minutes before the doctor would come in. Those beds/tables sure aren't comfortable.

Third, the doc came in. She said "well hello almost delivered woman! How does it feel?" I said it was a mixed feeling and I think she was slightly concerned. Turns out we were having a miscommunication - I thought she meant how did I feel about almost delivering early, where she meant I'll be a mommy within 6 weeks so how does THAT feel. Once I assured her I'm good with that part, we proceeded. She asked me a series of questions and once she was done she looked at me and said, "Well, you answered about half of them right. Your prize: a cervical exam!" Turns out had I given a few more "right" answers the exam would have been avoided. Ah, shucks.

During the exam she determined that I am still 2cm and 80%, and William is still just sitting right there ready to make his exit. She asked me how Procardia and I were getting along, and I let her know that we aren't the best of friends. I sat on a fetal monitor for about 45 minutes to monitor his heart rate and to see if I was having contractions that I wasn't feeling, because I had told her that I usually had one contraction right around the time for my next dose of procardia. Turns out I had 2 contractions in that 45 minute period - I only noticed 1, but she said the 2 were fine. She let me know that if they get more uncomfortable or more frequent(still the rule of 4 in an hour) I can take a double dose of medicine, but if they are manageable and I don't like the side effects of the medication I'd do better to just deal with the discomfort. For now, that's the one I'll go with.

After the fetal monitor she took me in for a "quickie ultrasound". She pre-warned me that she is not as "skilled" as Missy and that Missy definitely has job security because she can't get good ultrasound information like Missy can, but she wanted to see how the fluid levels are. I did get a quick peak at my precious baby boy - but Dr Russell was right, she's better at being the OB than the ultrasound tech! At one point she had a picture of his profile and she said "look at that, his chin, lips, and nose are shaped just like yours!" I'm not sure if she says this to all moms to make them happy or if she really thinks so, but Missy had mentioned the lips before...so, we'll see soon I guess.

And probably sooner than we'd originally planned. Dr Russell said she hates trying to predict the future because babies do whatever they want, and they have been known to prove her wrong. However, based on my progress and his position, she did say that her "best hypothesis" would be that I would go into labor within a few days of ceasing the medication. To this I said, "well, Procardia and I get along well enough to stick together a couple more weeks". She reiterated that she can't guarantee that he'd be born that soon, but she doesn't think I'd hold up much more than maybe a week without the medicine.

I will see her again on Tuesday, where we will get our final ultrasound to determine William's size (performed by Missy this time) and then I'll see Dr Russell again the following Tuesday, January 26. At that point she is assuming she will be ready to take me off of the medicine and let William come on his terms. One week from Jan 26 is Feb 2. Just a note - take it as you will.

Based on this new realization that my doctor has a strong belief that I will be a mommy in the next 15 days, I think I better get to work on these birth announcements.