Today if I could create a picture I may still be the road runner, except this time I would portray myself as having run at top speed only to realize I have approached a cliff and have to dig my heels in the ground just to refrain from falling over the edge.
I had a dream last night that was less than comforting. I was going back to work for the first time after having William, but day care wasn't ready for him yet and we didn't have anyone else who could watch him so my boss said I could bring him to work. I don't remember dreaming about my work day, but I remember when the clock struck 5:00 and I turned around to the back of my desk and grabbed the CAT CARRIER that I had left William in all day. I realized I had forgotten to feed him and change his diaper all day, and I had just left him alone in the cat carrier the entire time. After work we all went over to a coworker's house for an informal meeting. When we were there I had to have other moms who were there prepare a bottle for him and use the nose-plunger to clean out his nose because I didn't know what to do with him. It wasn't until someone else was cleaning out his nose that I realized he was Middle Eastern.
WHAT?!?!
So obviously I have some subconscious anxiety about the responsibility of taking care of a baby. I can assure you I won't ever put him in a cat carrier, forget to feed him or other basic necessities - but maybe my fear is beyond the basic necessities. I'm sure we'll figure it out like the other billions of parents in the world have, and I'm sure we'll be fine. But for now - envision me coming to a screeching halt at the edge of the cliff, wondering if I want to jump over and see what's on the other side, or wondering if I'd rather my doctor prescribe me a few more weeks of procardia...
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