Some would say I am less emotional than the average girl. Some (ahem: my mom) may say I'm void of emotion at times. I generally look at things from the most logical, least emotional position - which isn't good or bad, it just is. Maybe it's good and bad. I could stand to have a little bit more emotion, but it definitely has its benefits too.
- i don't make emotional decisions.
- my judgment is rarely clouded
- I have avoided a lot of heartache
- I don't suffer from PMS
The last one is key. My brother once told me 'I wish you had been MORE crazy with PMS so I would have known what to expect. Girls go nuts!' Yeah...they can...just not usually me. The emotions in my family seem to have been more concentrated on one of the siblings... So, while being less emotional definitely has drawbacks it isn't such a bad thing.
However, it also means an influx of hormones in an effort to get pregnant would catch me 100% off guard and blow my mind.
Last Sunday night I was 2 days into a 5 day treatment. Austin (Lord, please help him forgive me for sharing this on the www) let out a teeny tiny bit of flatulence as we were going to sleep. Honestly, it's probably not the first time. I just don't pay a heck of a lot of attention to it so I don't remember. But Sunday - I did.
I sobbed. I didn't just cry a little. I didn't just get a tad upset. I sobbed. Soaked my pillow, could hardly breathe, body in convulsions - that kind of sobbing.
FOR AN HOUR.
I cried for an hour?!?! I even tried rationalizing and talking myself down, 'Amanda - this is ridiculous - why are you crying? Get ahold of yourself this is crazy!' My inner monologue went on and on but the tears just kept flowing. The more angry I got the more I cried. Eventually Austin fell asleep and Layla became unaffected by my whimpers and went to sleep too. I had no choice but to truly cry myself to sleep.
I cried myself to sleep over a fart.
I cried myself to sleep over a fart.
I don't think I'll ever forgive myself.
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