Back to Work!

Tomorrow I go back to work - for anywhere between one day and three weeks. William gets to decide how much he likes that place and how quickly he wants to get me back out of there!

I've received a lot opinions on my return to work...and most people think I'm crazy to return at all. There's really no medical reason for me to not return to work, and there's no way to predict when WIlliam will come so what would be the point of staying home? The doctor has no reason to file a claim for me to stay on disability, so to continue to be at home (which if you hadn't gathered, wasn't my favorite thing...) I'd have to use up some of what little vacation I do have. And for how long? Maybe William will be born this week and it'd just be a couple days, or maybe he'll go all the way until the end of the month just to ruin all of my plans that I've made. And how silly would that have been to use 3 weeks of vacation then? Not to mention I don't HAVE 3 weeks of vacation...nor has it been approved...

Anyhow, just thought I'd touch on why I'm going back to work since it seems to be shocking to lots of people and I've answered that question lots this weekend. Maybe William will come tonight and this will all have been for nothing...

Can't say I'd complain if that were the case. But, until he decides to show his face, I'll be gettin ready to show my face back at my office. Happy Monday!

I'm a Dreamer

For the past 3 weeks if I could have created a picture of my mental state, I would have compared myself to road runner on Looney tunes. Anxiously racing across the map, trying to get to my destination as soon as possible. I wanted to get to the day that I would be off bed rest and off procardia more than anything.

Today if I could create a picture I may still be the road runner, except this time I would portray myself as having run at top speed only to realize I have approached a cliff and have to dig my heels in the ground just to refrain from falling over the edge.

I had a dream last night that was less than comforting. I was going back to work for the first time after having William, but day care wasn't ready for him yet and we didn't have anyone else who could watch him so my boss said I could bring him to work. I don't remember dreaming about my work day, but I remember when the clock struck 5:00 and I turned around to the back of my desk and grabbed the CAT CARRIER that I had left William in all day. I realized I had forgotten to feed him and change his diaper all day, and I had just left him alone in the cat carrier the entire time. After work we all went over to a coworker's house for an informal meeting. When we were there I had to have other moms who were there prepare a bottle for him and use the nose-plunger to clean out his nose because I didn't know what to do with him. It wasn't until someone else was cleaning out his nose that I realized he was Middle Eastern.

WHAT?!?!

So obviously I have some subconscious anxiety about the responsibility of taking care of a baby. I can assure you I won't ever put him in a cat carrier, forget to feed him or other basic necessities - but maybe my fear is beyond the basic necessities. I'm sure we'll figure it out like the other billions of parents in the world have, and I'm sure we'll be fine. But for now - envision me coming to a screeching halt at the edge of the cliff, wondering if I want to jump over and see what's on the other side, or wondering if I'd rather my doctor prescribe me a few more weeks of procardia...

Change of Rules

Today was our 36 week doctor appointment - and it went very well. We started out with another 20 minutes on the fetal monitor...I think they should just let me set it up myself I'm so accustomed to it now. When Dr Russell came in she was extremely pleased with how "happy" our baby is. Before she got in there we had just been talking about how we didn't know what the doctors/nurses looked at to determine if the baby was happy or not, but clearly William was doing something right. Maybe he does like this little home I've created for him! Dr Russell said "Actually can I take your baby to the next room and have him show my other patient's baby how to behave? Cause hers is just not doing anything right today" Poor mommy!

She checked and said that I may have made "slight" progress as far as dilation but nothing major, and now we're out of the woods (she must like that phrase) so she isn't worried anymore! Good job William - way to hang in there!

After the exam and the group B strep test we just went over questions that Austin and I had. I asked her when exactly we need to call and it's so interesting what the difference in one day makes. If we were still at 36 weeks, I would be told to call anytime I have more than 4 contractions in one hour. But once we hit 37 weeks all of a sudden they don't want to hear a peep until we've had 12 in an hour...contractions every 5 minutes for one hour that last one minute each. Pretty different from 4 in an hour! Of course I should also call if anything out of the ordinary happens, like water breaking or other symptoms I don't regularly experience.

I asked her if she still thinks he'll come early or if she thinks that since I haven't made more progress that he'll go a few more weeks. She said that if she were a betting woman, which she isn't, she'd guess he'd be here within 7 days of me ending the Procardia. I take my last dose Friday night...so her prediction is by the 5th. WHOA! For fun, I made her predict a single day and she said, very matter-of-fact and without hesitation, "Feb 2, and I'm on call that night so we'd be together the whole way through" What are the odds??? I have a special blog written out in my head about Feb 2...one for if he is born that day and one for if he isn't...so I'll reserve my thoughts on the topic until then, but really...what are the odds? I did tell Dr Russell that Feb 2 was the day my dad died so I'd prefer to have him any other day and her response was "Yeah, I can see that. Although, sometimes the universe has a way of aligning things in that way for a special reason. And we'll be ok no matter what right?"

Yes, Dr Russell, we will be ok. We'll be more than ok. Our lives will be enriched beyond comprehension for having William present...whether it is Feb 2 or not!

5 More Days

In 5 days I'll be FREE! Free from procardia and free from bed rest, that is. What will I do to celebrate??? Hopefully have a baby soon after...but during the time in between, who knows!

As for this week, I have a few things to finish that I was working on during my hiatus from work. I need to finish the baby announcements - I have all the pieces cut, and 1/2 are assembled, I just need to assemble the other half. I also was hoping to address all the envelopes before going back to work so that is one less thing for me to worry about after he's born. The envelopes I originally ordered are 1/8 of an inch too small (talk about frustrating) so I ordered some online yesterday that should be here this week sometime. And the last thing on my to do: to finish my mom's recipe binder. So I have plenty to do to keep this week rolling along and before I know it, it'll be Friday.

Yesterday we had a fun day of football-watching. I wanted the Colts and Vikings to win, but I thought the Jets and Saints would win...so, I was 1 for 2. I kind of enjoyed the supposed "curse" on the Saints keeping them from ever going to the super bowl, and for some reason I just don't like them. But - looks like the 2 most dominant teams of the regular season are going to face each other in the super bowl, and rarely is the match up that predictable (and possibly deserved) So I'm excited for the super bowl, and hoping I'm not in the delivery room while the game is being played! The only fun part would be that I think my mom, Alfredo, Brandon and Dana will be with the Scarpati's - so a lot of my family would be in one place, meaning they'd all be able to spread the news to each other. Wish I could be where they'll be though :(

The last bit of exciting news that I have is that my cousin Jesse is ON HIS WAY HOME from Afghanistan after 15 months. He left just before Austin got home from Iraq...which now feels like ages ago. I can't imagine having the strength my aunt Mandy and uncle Leon had during those 15 months to be away from their baby and trust God to keep him safe. But - their faithfulness and strength pulled through and he is on his way home to them. Praise God!!!

Well, I woke up 30 minutes too early today to start my day off with Regis and Kelly - which means there's nothing on TV to fill the silence while I work on recipes, so I'm trying to think of random things to write about to fill the next 20 minutes. However, I've run out of anything to say so I guess I better go find another form of entertainment. Maybe I'll go watch "The Happiest Baby on the Block" - I hear its invaluable!

5 more days until I have more exciting things to tell you about - so we'll all be free!

Good Food, Great Friends

Last night Kaila and Jodi came over and brought dinner for Austin and me. Kaila made baked spaghetti and rolls, which we all devoured pretty quickly. There was some leftover baked spaghetti, so Austin and I will enjoy that some night in the near future. Jodi brought kneophla soup (pronounced "ni-fla") which is apparently a classic North Dakota dish...one of those dishes that everyone thinks their mom makes the best you know? It is similar to chicken and dumplings - kneophlas are essentially dumplings, and the soup is typically thicker and creamier than chicken and dumplings. Plus, there's no chicken. So we're talking about chunks of flour-dough (kneophlas) in a creamy soup. DELICIOUS. I have been counting down the hours all day to when Austin gets home and it is dinner time.

I've been SO blessed to always have such wonderful friends. When I used to graduate from one grade to the next in elementary school I was always so heart broken and afraid that I wouldn't have any friends. Then when I went to junior high I was worried I would be alone, which was my fear as I went into high school and college as well. But it seems that at every stage of my life God has had people picked out perfectly to fill my needs and challenge me as a person. And I've been even luckier to maintain to many of the relationships despite the distance!

So this was just a quick blog to say thanks to Kaila and Jodi for the delicious food that is keeping William calm and happy - and also a quick thanks to all my friends that I've been so blessed with :)

And thanks mom for the pumpkin bread that appeared on my porch this afternoon...mmm, mmm good!

A blog of thanks!!!

Out of the Woods, On the Home Stretch

Those are the two cliche phrases my doctor decided to use yesterday to describe where we are in the pregnancy. She isn't terribly concerned about my slow increase in contractions because we're so close to 37 weeks, and she thinks the medicine will do it's job for 10 more days.

We started the appointment off with an ultrasound - so already it was a great appointment. The purpose of the ultrasound was to determine William's size (which my doctor used to be concerned about, given my size at birth and Austin's size at birth...but now she has no belief that he'll make it to 40 weeks anyway) The ultrasound technician wasn't able to get good measurements, though, because "Man he is just so far down there". I think from now on I should tell newbies, or people who haven't come across this realization in the past few weeks, "Hey, just FYI, apparently my baby is abnormally low". I just figure it might fend off the shock and amazement on their part. Plus, they all say it like its something I haven't heard before...like saying "hey a MAN...duh!"...yeah, that didn't get old in first grade. But - I didn't prewarn Missy, so she did have the opportunity to be shocked and in awe that I am walking around with a baby sitting where he's sitting. Hence why I'm not doing much walking :)

She did let us watch him play for a little bit. We got to see him yawn twice which was pretty cute - and I will say his lips do look more plump like mine rather than Austin's :) Then she turned on the 3D function and we saw him sticking his fingers, and at one point his entire hand, in his mouth. I have a rare talent of being able to fit my whole fist in my mouth (I have a pretty big mouth) so I almost said "Oh, that's a talent we both share William!" but I thought Missy might think I was a little weird. Apparently Austin almost blurted out a similar comment before he thought better of it too. So we watched him suck on his fingers, yawn, blink, and wiggle his little butt before she ended the ultrasound. He was moving a lot, and it was hard to get good images because of where his head is placed, but here's the best picture Austin got on the camera. Play "where's waldo" and see if you can find his eyes, nose, and his itty bitty fingers:

After the ultrasound we went in to see the doctor. She was happy to see on the fetal monitor that I only had 1 small contraction in 20 minutes and that his heart beat was "happy". She thinks he likes her :P She checked my cervix again, and was happy with those results as well - no progress since Friday. She said she'd like me to continue taking the medicine through next Saturday, which is the 30. Then she said it generally takes 1-2 days for all of the procardia to wear out of your system. And then...SHOWTIME. Just like she said last week, and the week before, she can not predict that he really will come soon after Feb 1...but her most educated opinion is still that it would be sometime that first week of February.

Two weeks ago I was mortified at the thought of him coming early...didn't think we were ready, wanted him to bake until the 21, etc. But now I've settled with the idea so if he decides to be stubborn NOW and wait until the 21, we may have minced words when he comes out. Or maybe a few days later, I'm sure at first I'd be a softy and pretend I wasn't mad at him :)

So like she said - we're on the home stretch!!!

Doc Update

I had my longest-ever doctor appointment today; loads of fun.

First, I haven't gained any weight in 2 weeks. Shame on me. Truly, I don't know how. Last weekend I think I ate about 5 cookies and lots of other calorie-rich foods. Then this week I FEEL like I've eaten as much as usual, yet I don't move around...so how could I not gain weight??? The nurse just said I should try to be on top of it. Noted.

Second, the person with the 11:00 appointment didn't show up until 11:15 (same time I showed up for my 11:30 appointment) so I wasn't shocked when the nurse let me know (after she took my vitals) that it'd be about 20 minutes before the doctor would come in. Those beds/tables sure aren't comfortable.

Third, the doc came in. She said "well hello almost delivered woman! How does it feel?" I said it was a mixed feeling and I think she was slightly concerned. Turns out we were having a miscommunication - I thought she meant how did I feel about almost delivering early, where she meant I'll be a mommy within 6 weeks so how does THAT feel. Once I assured her I'm good with that part, we proceeded. She asked me a series of questions and once she was done she looked at me and said, "Well, you answered about half of them right. Your prize: a cervical exam!" Turns out had I given a few more "right" answers the exam would have been avoided. Ah, shucks.

During the exam she determined that I am still 2cm and 80%, and William is still just sitting right there ready to make his exit. She asked me how Procardia and I were getting along, and I let her know that we aren't the best of friends. I sat on a fetal monitor for about 45 minutes to monitor his heart rate and to see if I was having contractions that I wasn't feeling, because I had told her that I usually had one contraction right around the time for my next dose of procardia. Turns out I had 2 contractions in that 45 minute period - I only noticed 1, but she said the 2 were fine. She let me know that if they get more uncomfortable or more frequent(still the rule of 4 in an hour) I can take a double dose of medicine, but if they are manageable and I don't like the side effects of the medication I'd do better to just deal with the discomfort. For now, that's the one I'll go with.

After the fetal monitor she took me in for a "quickie ultrasound". She pre-warned me that she is not as "skilled" as Missy and that Missy definitely has job security because she can't get good ultrasound information like Missy can, but she wanted to see how the fluid levels are. I did get a quick peak at my precious baby boy - but Dr Russell was right, she's better at being the OB than the ultrasound tech! At one point she had a picture of his profile and she said "look at that, his chin, lips, and nose are shaped just like yours!" I'm not sure if she says this to all moms to make them happy or if she really thinks so, but Missy had mentioned the lips before...so, we'll see soon I guess.

And probably sooner than we'd originally planned. Dr Russell said she hates trying to predict the future because babies do whatever they want, and they have been known to prove her wrong. However, based on my progress and his position, she did say that her "best hypothesis" would be that I would go into labor within a few days of ceasing the medication. To this I said, "well, Procardia and I get along well enough to stick together a couple more weeks". She reiterated that she can't guarantee that he'd be born that soon, but she doesn't think I'd hold up much more than maybe a week without the medicine.

I will see her again on Tuesday, where we will get our final ultrasound to determine William's size (performed by Missy this time) and then I'll see Dr Russell again the following Tuesday, January 26. At that point she is assuming she will be ready to take me off of the medicine and let William come on his terms. One week from Jan 26 is Feb 2. Just a note - take it as you will.

Based on this new realization that my doctor has a strong belief that I will be a mommy in the next 15 days, I think I better get to work on these birth announcements.

P.S.

Sara, the more experience nurse, explained effacement to me after she did her exam. She did a much better job of explaining it and now I have an idea of what she means.

Maybe I would have learned these things had I taken a birthing class. Oops. Still sticking with my doctor's opinion that my body "will do what it will do, it doesn't need your brain" :)

Not a Restful Baby

Apparently William is about as restful as his mommy.

If this is TMI - I apologize. Feel free to stop reading at any point, but I promise to try not to make it too...eww...for my readers.

Wednesday throughout the day I kept thinking, and telling people, how I could tell this bed rest thing was working. I still had lower pelvic pain any time I walked or moved, but because I was moving as little as possible the pain wasn't as sharp or severe when I did have it. I took this as a blessing and a curse - because I guess secretly I was hoping bed rest would do nothing and I wouldn't have to stay on it, but I was also glad that it did seem to be working.

Then I started having lower back cramps, like menstrual cramps, a couple of times that day. I called the nurse, as the doctor had ordered, and the nurse asked me if I had been having contractions. I thought the word "contractions" was debatable because while I had been having what my doctor described as contractions, I just didn't feel like they could possibly be real because they weren't painful. Isn't labor supposed to be painful? I guess this is what you get for basing your entire knowledge on a subject on movies - all I envision is women screaming in pain, telling their husbands "YOU DID THIS TO ME" and pulling them by their necktie demanding an epidural immediately. I wasn't in any more pain than usual, so how could I be having contractions? So I told the nurse that I wasn't 100% sure if what I was experiencing was contractions, and asked her to describe the symptoms again. She did, and I let her know that yes I had in fact had contractions. I said I was certain they weren't more than one or two in an hour, but she wanted me to monitor them for an hour and monitor how long they lasted; if there were more than 4 in one hour I was to call back.

I monitored for 2 hours and there were 11. You may be wondering why I didn't immediately call when there were 6 in the first hour, but a couple of them I was still in disbelief about...thought those surely weren't contractions, I had just been imagining something, so I ignored them. But after they kept coming in the second hour Austin insisted I call the on-call doctor. It wasn't my doctor who was on call that night, so I had to catch her up on some of the conversations that Dr. Russell and I have had over the past week. She said she couldn't be sure of anything, but that something obviously made me think I needed to call so she would like me to go to the hospital. Yay.

Down to Sky Ridge we went. I felt pretty ridiculous the entire way there and as I was being admitted, again because I was in no pain. Women who enter the hospital in labor are supposed to be screaming, bent over in pain, pants wet from their water breaking...I was none of those, and I don't even LOOK like I'm ready to have a baby. I think the admissions clerk even thought I was crazy...or maybe I was just paranoid, it's hard to say. He got my name and luckily I didn't have any forms to fill out because my information was already on file from my LAST ER visit. What a drama queen I must have become. He asked me to wait in the waiting area and the nurse would be down to get me.

He didn't tell me it'd be in a wheelchair! Ok Ok I know hospitals have their procedures and steps they have to take, but a wheelchair? Really? I've never ridden in a wheelchair besides when my brothers and I would play in my dad's wheelchair...and let me tell you, I don't like the experience. First of all it is not a very fluid form of transportation. The turns seemed very rigid and I felt ridiculous. Here I am, in no pain, some may say I look 6 months pregnant, just smiling away and I'm being wheeled around? I just felt like it was a little over done. But - I didn't argue, I just did what I was told. I'm pretty good at that. sometimes :)

Once we got in the triage area and I got changed into my lovely garb the nurse attached me to the fetal monitor to check his heart rate and monitor my contractions. I had been on a fetal monitor last Friday at my doctor appointment for 20 minutes and only had one tiny contraction, but this time I had 4 in the first 45 minutes that I was attached to the monitor. Quite a change in just a few days. The nurse berated me with questions (like do you have any tattoos, what is your occupation, religious preference, have you had alcohol, smoked, or done drugs during this pregnancy, etc...lots of random questions, some seemed applicable some not so much) and once she was done with her interrogation she said she'd examine me.

Up until this point she was like any other nurse. From this point on, however, Austin and I both felt like she showed her immaturity in her career and didn't seem to have much experience. We could be wrong, what do we know really, but she just seemed to be a lot more frantic and unsure of things than the other nurses.

She did the exam and determine that I was 2 cm dilated, which is .5 more than last Friday, and 80% effaced. I didn't know what effaced was, so I asked her to explain it to me, but I was more confused after she finished her explanation than before. My doctor hadn't mentioned effacement last Friday, so I can't compare it to what it was before, but she did seem extremely shocked at how low William's head is already. Extremely shocked. Like she'd never seen it before in her life. Not the most comforting for a mom hoping to carry her baby for at least 2.5 more weeks. Then she gives me what I THINK was supposed to be a compliment, but I don't really know for sure. She said "well, you have a GREAT laboring cervix. That's just not what we want to see at 34 weeks" So I guess it'd be a compliment if we were having that conversation sometime after Feb 1, but for now its not?

She took probably 3 times as long during her exam as my doctor had during hers last week, and it was a LOT more uncomfortable. During that time another contraction started, and it continued for a lot longer than the others had. I'm not sure if the increased discomfort and the length were initiated by her cervical exam or not, but William seemed to enjoy this as much as I did - as his heart rate dropped during the contraction. The nurse was readjusting my bands around my stomach, I was very uncomfortable, and she was talking about shots and other things she was going to do - then suddenly she grabs a phone out of her pocket and says "I need a shot if T_____ for Wallis NOW. NOW" Hmm. ok, again, not the most comforting. 2 more nurses rush in, one gives me a shot, the other asks me about 10 times in 20 seconds if I've had any bleeding or spotting in the past couple of days, and they put an oxygen mask around my face. William's heart rate quickly came back to normal, and the head nurse stayed with me for a few minutes to make sure it was stable. She told me the shot would make me feel like I had "downed a few red bulls" and I may feel jittery. I asked her what the rush was about, and why I had to wear the oxygen mask (which I found I hated more than the wheelchair...I have a new appreciation for what my dad endured for 4 years...seeing as all I've done is ride in a wheelchair, take a couple shots, and wear an oxygen mask and I'm already a whiny baby) The nurse let me know about his heart rate and said the oxygen was to make sure that as much got through the placenta to him as possible. Apparently babies can get upset by cervical exams at times, and the pressure from the contraction probably just pissed him off?????

Anyhow, things were stable, the nurses went on a shift change (thankfully) and we got a new nurse, Sara, who took care of us for the next couple of hours. A male nurse came in at one point to take my blood - and let me tell you, he was not the best at it. He seemed to think he was a cool guy, and I wanted so badly to burst his bubble. Luckily for him, the oxygen mask made communication more difficult and I only talked when necessary. I stayed on the oxygen for the rest of the stay, the nurse came in every few minutes to look at the monitor and make sure the medicine had stopped the contractions, which it had, and she did another cervical exam. She, however, did it twice as FAST as my doctor had, which I was thankful for, and she determined that I was 2 cm and 80% - so, the same results as the first nurse. That's good I suppose - better than more progress, and I'm not sure if people go backwards so I took it as a good thing.

She was in communication throughout the evening with the on call doctor at my OB office and kept her updated on what was going on. The doctor said she wanted me to begin taking Procardia, a pill I have to take every 4 hours that is meant to relax muscles and keep contractions at bay. I had my first dose at the hospital and then she got my pharmacy number from me so the doctor could call in a prescription for me to pick up on my way home.

At about 8:00 the nurse came in with a turkey sandwich and a bag of chips. I hadn't eaten since noon, and I thought she was an angel sent from heaven. How did she know how starving I was??? Then she says "Your husband came and asked if you could eat. We're not supposed to give the food to people who aren't staying overnight, but I figure it's ok your baby is probably hungry too" How sweet is he?? Kudos Austin.

Shortly after I finished my sandwich the nurse returned to let me know that the doctor had called my prescription in, and that my pharmacy closed at 9:00 so we needed to hurry and get there in time so I could take my next dose at 11:00. Austin went to pull the car around while I changed and was discharged, and then I got my lovely wheelchair ride back out.

As we were exiting the triage area I heard a woman WAILING in labor. Now THAT is what I thought contractions were supposed to be like...although I think I'll take the unpainful ones over the agony she was in. All in due time I suppose. On our way out we passed by the cool-guy nurse, who seemed to be flirting with a nurse who was way too pretty for him. He took one look at me and said "Hey, wait one minute, where are you headed? Home? Oh please! Two hours ago it was "oh the oxygen mask, help me help me, emergency" and now you're going home? Lame!" Obviously he was trying to be funny...but I wanted to let him know that not only was he not funny, nor was he as cute and cool as he thought he was, but also that he should take his comedic efforts and direct them at being a better blood-drawer. That, however, is what he's paid for...and he sucked as much at that as he did at comedy.

Again, I decided to bite my tongue, flash him a fake smile and a little glare, and continue on my ride to the exit doors. Sara said "ignore him, he's a sarcastic ass" I just smiled. Once we were out of the exit doors I could walk again - and that made me happy :)

It's Friday now - I started writing this yesterday but never posted it. I have another appointment with the doctor today at 11:30 to find out what we will do from here. Because she wasn't the one who prescribed the procardia, I'm not sure if she'll want me to continue to take it for the next week or two, or if she'll want me to stop taking it today. She may decide she wants to give William steroids for his lungs (which I hope, and doubt, come in the form of a pill not a needle), she may decide she wants to call my bed rest "full bed rest", or she may decide to do an ultrasound to see if William is big enough to just let him come naturally whenever he's ready. Sunday we'll be 35 weeks and generally they like you to be 36 or 37, but the nurse said sometimes if babies are big enough doctors are comfortable at 35 - so it just depends on where we are and what her professional decision is. At this point the only real concern is his lung development - and that concern will fade over the next week, so maybe she'd decide to just let William dictate the show? As much as I don't want the worry of a premature baby, I also do NOT like this medicine that I am taking and I'd like to be done with it. But - I suppose waking up every 4 hours is good practice huh?

So I'll keep you posted. Hey - its Friday, I made it through one week of bed rest...things are good!

4 of 18

4 days down, 14 to go. That's almost 25% done. I'm only counting work days here...it sounds better, first of all, and second of all I would spend most of my weekends at home anyway. I may be more active - but I'd still be at home. So it's only 18 days that I have to overcome.

I've gotten lots of comments from people saying how great bed rest would be. I've heard comments like "you mean you have an excuse to stay in bed all day?", "do you know how many books you could read in that time?", "in 2 months you will be begging for a day in bed", and "I'd give anything for my doctor to force me to do nothing". My cousin referred to days like this as "relocation days" - moving from the bed to the couch. I assure you all that while it may sound wonderful, the glamour wears off after about 2 days. It is true that in 2 months I will probably be begging for A day in bed. not 18 though. Oh well, I'm done wallowing.

One thing I thought I might be able to accomplish while on this sabbatical from work was blogging. Then I realized that with not much going on in my days, my blogs would be pretty boring. This was what I envisioned a blog would consist of:

Woke up at 7, said bye to Austin. Reagan whined, I went back to sleep. Woke up again at 9, watched Regis and Kelly. Reagan whined, Layla went potty, I drank water. Got tired of TV and started scrapbooking. Reagan whined. I went potty. Layla went potty but really didn't need to and just wanted to play in-and-out. Reagan whined. I whined. Austin came home for lunch. Yippee half a day done. Reagan whined.

However, my day was slightly more exciting than that. I beat 8 levels on Super Mario, watched Regis and Kelly, the Price is Right, and 3 episodes of Desperate Housewives. During the tv episodes I made a really cute birthday card for Brian with my cricut and worked on designing William's birth announcement. The one element that I was able to predict above, though, was Reagan's whining. I think when I go back to work I might set up a tape recorder or something to see if he does that just when I'm here or if he is neurotic enough to make those noises regardless of who is listening.

Have I told you about my cricut yet? I don't think I have, so, here I go - it is WONDERFUL! I had never heard of it before I started working at Western Union, but one of my coworkers has one and a few other coworkers had cricut-envy. I tried it out one time...and it was so fun! It's a die-cut machine that, along with various cartridges, can cut literally almost anything your heart could desire. I told Austin about it awhile back, but the cheapest model was $200 and I don't go out and spend $200 on anything...well, except at Costco occasionally...so I figured I'd never buy one. Not like its a necessity, life goes on right? Austin found it on sale at JoAnn's before Christmas though and he bought it...I was so shocked on Christmas morning! It came with a font/basic shape cartridge so I was able to cut out letters/phrases/shapes...and I did for hours. I made a few pages for William's scrapbook - here's page 1. It is sideways...oops, iPhone...but you get the idea. The space in the middle will be for one of his first pictures

After I had a few days of fun with the cartridge it came with Austin found a Sesame Street cartridge on eBay for $30. Usually they're about $70 or $80 full price, so $30 was a good deal. I had some fun cutting out characters like cookie monster, oscar the grouch, and elmo and I got excited thinking about what I can do for birthday invitations for William, birthday cards, etc. THEN my boss gave me a $40 gift card to JoAnn's for Christmas, and on New Year's Day they had their cartridges on sale for $39.99...so...I got another one! This one will come in handy over the next year or so - it's called "new arrival" and it cuts out all sorts of things related to a new baby. There are some baby shower phrases, bassinets, strollers, rattles, bottles, pregnant moms, "bath time" - all sorts of baby type things. I used that to make William's birth announcement yesterday and I got it designed and have a sample ready to duplicate. I am going to have to send Austin to a craft store to get me some more cardstock in the right colors, then I can get to work cutting and assembling all the announcements - all that will be left is inserting a picture in the envelope and writing his birth details.

So - my day wasn't too bad. I did get bored and stir crazy and wanted to clean my house, but I didn't lay in bed crying out of boredom all day either. So that's a good start. And when else would I have had time to make all these birth announcements? Certainly not once he's born...so I guess sometimes there is a silver lining.

As for today - I've already accomplished the first few tasks...waking up, Regis and kelly, and I'm working on the Price is Right. After that I'm sure it'll be scrapbooking, quilting, or playing Wii. Just waiting on my mom's recipes and Kaila's recipes to arrive so that I can add a little spice to my day by organizing recipe binders...

Be very jealous.

I'm not a Restful Person

I used to have a picture frame that said "It's scary when you wake up one day and realize you've turned into your mother." Growing up I remember thinking it was always so odd that my mom couldn't ever sit still or relax - we generally watched TGIF as a family (remember those great shows? full house, family matters, etc...) but other than that I don't think she ever sat still. It baffled me - how could you not WANT rest? Well - years later, I'm not too far off from that. If there is a football game on I can generally sit and watch it...but I also do laundry in the process, cook dinner sometimes, or I think of other tasks that can be done during commercial breaks so that I don't miss the game. So am I really resting? Probably not. If there is a good movie on TV or if Austin puts in a good movie I can USUALLY sit to watch it...no guarantees I won't get up to change laundry, have laundry in front of me to fold, or fall asleep...but I try. I spend most of my free time either cleaning, cooking, running errands, or doing crafts - none of which are generally considered "rest".

So I'm sure you can imagine the extreme struggle I have been going through since Friday when my doctor told me I needed to "rest" for 3 weeks. let me back up and catch you up.

Last weekend I started experiencing some lower pelvic pain. At first it wasn't too bad, it came and went through the days and it was definitely manageable. Monday the pain started to get worse, and Tuesday it was pretty constant and nearly unbearable. I had researched "pelvic pain" on google to self-diagnose myself, like I know doctors love, and I read that it could be one of two things: SPD, which is when your body releases too much relaxin and your pelvic bone expands too quickly in preparation for labor, so it causes discomfort and sometimes can be so painful that people can't walk. The other possibility was a sign of preterm labor. I had my 33 week appointment that afternoon, so when the doctor came in I mentioned it. She said she'd like to "take a look" and see if anything was going on, just to be sure. The nurse had asked me at the beginning of the appointment if I had been having contractions, and I said yes but I assumed they were just braxton hicks contractions and they didn't even come once and hour, so nothing to worry about. After the doctor's exam she determined that I was having real contractions rather than braxton hicks, and she said I was "slightly dilated", which I later learned meant about 1 cm. She ran a test to see if I had protein build up which is a sign that my body would be beginning the stages of labor, and she was going to have the emergency lab tested that evening (my appointment ended after 5:00). She let me know that she would call me after the results came in and if they were positive we've need to go to the hospital that night to have labor reversed; if the results were negative she wanted me to take a few days off work and go back Friday for more testing. Luckily the results came back negative, so I let my boss know that I would at least need to take Wednesday and Thursday off work, and I'd let them know the results of my appointment Friday morning.

Wednesday and Thursday were boring enough. And I wouldn't even say I followed the term "rest" as well as the doctor probably would have liked! I sewed some on William's quilt, made a couple cards with my Cricut, made a few pages for William's scrapbook...I may have cleaned a LITTLE...and I was still pretty miserable just sitting here.

Then it was time for my follow up appointment Friday morning. I got there and they said we'd be running an NST. I don't know what the acronym stands for, but it is a fetal monitor to check his heartbeat, his movement, and my contractions. I had that for about 20 minutes and the doctor said the results were great - his heartbeat was steady and healthy, his movement was what they'd expect, and in the 20 minutes I had one small contraction and nothing else. The doctor then checked again to see if any more progress had been made or if my body had reversed the dilation on its own from my rest. She found that I was now about 1.5 cm dilated, and said that her main concern was not the dilation or even the contractions, but was William's position. In her words "his head is just RIGHT there". THAT is the root of my pelvic pain - she let me know his head was causing pressure on my pelvis and any movement, especially vertical movement, would be uncomfortable essentially until he is born. He isn't going to move farther up, so the pressure of the weight of his head that low is just going to be uncomfortable. Yay! The doctor said "sometimes little boys are ornery" and I said "funny, so is his dad" :)

She asked me what my company's policy is for maternity leave, bed rest, etc. When i let her know that if I were to go on bed rest I'd file for short term disability she was pleased that I had the option of not entirely losing my income, and said that was her recommendation. She did say that there is no true way for a doctor to predict preterm labor because "we lose our crystal balls when we graduate from medical school", but she said that from her experience and everything she's seen it is her professional opinion that without rest and with too much movement I would end up in preterm labor in the next couple of weeks. She said that if I make it to 37 weeks, which is Feb 1, I can return to work until he does come because at 37 weeks he will be considered full term and there won't be any concerns at that point. If I go into labor before 37 weeks and it is not too far along, she would prefer to attempt to reverse it using medication, and if it were too far along we would have our baby a few weeks early. 37 weeks is also convenient for my personal calendar, because it is after the birthdays and the anniversary of my dad's death like I mentioned before. I realize William does not care one bit for my personal calendar, and probably never will...but if he could just hang out for 3 weeks I'd be a happy mommy.

Today we are 34 weeks along - so he wouldn't be terribly premature, and it wouldn't be anything that hospitals and doctors aren't fully trained to handle. However, it is obviously still not ideal. So for the next 3 weeks I am to spend as much time laying down as possible. She said she isn't calling it "full bed rest" at this point, which means I am still able to get up and move around if necessary, but she'd like me to rest as little as possible.

As bored as I am - it isn't too hard to force myself to at least sit still because it's pretty painful to move around! The issue for me is between horizontal vs. sitting upright. I can do things sitting upright, but laying down is just miserable. So I'm trying to compromise with myself and at least recline slightly if possible. Austin is going to move some of my crafting supplies in the living room and create a temporary work-station for me so that if I want to do scrapbooking or quilting or something for a little bit I don't have to get up and walk to the office, and I can lean back slightly while working. Then I'll also be closer to the kitchen in case I need food or water, or if Layla needs to go outside.

So for the next 3 weeks if you have anything you need done...really, anything...feel free to ship it my way. The post office has flat rate boxes that you can ship up here for about $13 and you can shove as much in those boxes as you want! I can make cards, invitations, birth announcements (hey THERE'S an idea...), organize bills...I can do lots of things. I'm transferring Kaila's recipes from recipe cards to a recipe binder, so really...I'll do anything :)

Other than that I'll spend 3 weeks trying to learn what the true meaning of 'rest and relaxation' is. I'll let you know if I learn anything. For now, I'm going to try to keep myself from going upstairs to do some laundry. :)

Warm Fuzzy Feeling

Although I generally try not to blog about personal conflicts - this is more the happy resolution stage of an ongoing personal conflict, so that's ok right? I don't think the person this is about reads my blog anyway, so not like any harm would be done.

It's no secret that my oldest brother, Brandon, and I have dealt with strain in our relationship in the last...decade or so. Brandon went through some personal struggles that he couldn't face with me, and that I was probably too rigid to have compassion for. The combination of the two, mixed with other emotions and family dynamics I'm sure, lead to what was at one point truly a non-existent relationship. It was sad, as any loss of a sibling relationship would be, and it was also puzzling.

Growing up Brandon and I were much closer than Brian and I. I don't think I'd be going out on a limb by saying that Brian resented my existence for my first 15 years. If he didn't resent my existence, he definitely didn't enjoy it. I was the pesky little sister he never wanted to have around - the pesky little sister who also always wanted to be around. He picked on me, slammed my hand in doors trying to get away from me, beat me in the shin with a wooden baseball bat, tried to poke my eyes out when I was a defenseless infant...the love was not always abounding, I'll say that. But Brandon and I didn't have many issues. The biggest fights we ever had were over the telephone...which my dad resolved by getting me my own phone line. That may have actually just fueled Brandon's fire, as he felt I was spoiled and he should have been the one to get his own line...but that's neither here nor there; the phone line ended the dispute. (PAUSE: children these days don't even know what it is to fight over a phone cause they all have their own damn phones now. geez) Anyhow, that was the extent of the conflict between Brandon and me until he went to college.

I will admit that I, at times, have been told that I have "too high" of expectations of people and that I don't "allow" people to make mistakes. I don't really think I understand what this means - just to defend myself a bit. How can you have too high of expectations? Is it too much to ask that people make good choices? Be considerate of others? Essentially follow the "rules" of life? And how could I have the power to allow, or not allow, people to make mistakes? People will do what they want regardless of what I think right? Nevertheless, I've been told both of those things on more than one occasion and my guess would be that didn't help my relationship with Brandon while he was going through his hard times. Not to defend the choices he made or say that where we ended up was entirely my fault - I don't think I need to remind you that he spent my wedding day in jail - but I'm sure I could have been slightly more forgiving at times.

Despite all of that, though, Brandon and I have been attempting to rebuild what was once a valuable relationship for the past 2 years. It required more effort on his part at the beginning, as I was not anywhere near willing to trust him, and as time has gone on it has required more forgiveness and more effort on my end. We haven't both always put forth the effort needed, and we've still had our issues, but we are leaps and bounds ahead of where we were 2 years ago. And I wish I could have expressed to him yesterday how very touched I was when he told me what he's giving up to come see William in March.

Austin and I are touched anytime people want to come visit us - it really means the world to us. Whether they're in Colorado already and just want to stop by for a quick chat or they're coming in solely to see us - it doesn't matter, we're touched either way. That doesn't even compare to how special it is to us when people tell us they want to come up to meet William. There is a lot of scheduling involved, I get that, and it isn't always feasible all the time for everyone...so we don't hold it against anyone if they can't. But we sure love it when they can! So when Brandon originally told me that he and Dana would like to come up sometime in march to see William, that in itself warmed my heart.

Yesterday he exceeded my expectations though when he told me that he had passed up on Dallas Cowboy season tickets for this Sunday's game against the Eagles because they will be buying their tickets to Denver. To some people that'd be a no brainer - I'm pretty sure my mom, Alexis, Maizeanne, and plenty of other football-non-lovers would jump at the opportunity to pick a flight (to anywhere) over a football game. But Brandon LOVES the Cowboys. When I say LOVES - I mean past the extent that most people love any sports team. And the playoffs? I would have never guessed he would have passed up on a playoff game for anything...and he's picking my baby over the game? I apologize for being so cliche here...but my cup runneth over.

2 years ago I would have wondered if my future children would ever even know their uncle. And now he'll be one of the first to see William's precious face. I know we're nowhere near perfect, but I couldn't be more thankful for where we are.