Pray for Our Enemies

Last night Austin showed more self-control and restraint than I think I could have had in his situation. He was responsible for being on "suicide watch" for a pedophile. It's safe to call him a convicted pedophile, I think, given that he is pleading guilty today in court. Without going too much into detail, partially because it will just make you sick and partially because it is technically confidential, I will explain the situation.

When Austin got back from Iraq one of the first "jobs" he had was to receive text messages 4 times per day from a soldier who was required to "check in" with an NCO in their unit. Austin wasn't given much more information than that, so we made light of the situation because it was not only a little annoying, but it also seemed to be a pointless requirement. His text messages said "checking in" and Austin never replied. That doesn't require a person to be in a specific location or to be away from whatever activity for which he was in trouble, so we couldn't ever figure out what purpose it was serving. After a few months, the job got handed off to another NCO and we thought we were through with this kid. (kid being 32 years old)

A couple months later we found out that he was, in fact, on trial for sexual abuse against a child.

His own child.

He had performed heinous acts against his own daughter while his wife video taped each scene. The recordings were later found on his computer, which made the case a pretty simple one to prosecute I would think. His wife has already been tried in civilian courts and is serving her time in jail right now. I'm not sure what her sentence was, or where she is in jail. The daughter, who's age I do not know, is in foster care now and is ruined for life. The soldier hadn't been tried yet because I believe the military proceedings take longer, and his charges were more severe than the mother's so there was a longer period of negotiations between the lawyers. Earlier this week Austin told me that he thought the case was going to be finished soon, as he had received a plea deal from the prosecution that his attorney felt he should take. The DEAL was 40 years in prison with no opportunity for parole.

I can't even begin to imagine the severity or the longevity of abuse that calls for a DEAL of that magnitude. And every time I begin to wonder, I quickly stop myself because I don't want to know.

I think about the baby inside of me. My baby is 14 weeks old right now. 14 weeks and I would give my life if it would better that child. How do you go through what I'm going through and get to a point where you would be willing to kill the life inside of your child? I just can't fathom it.

As the anger grows inside of me I take two issues with this; two issues that I have more with God than with this person. I know there are sickos like this everywhere (one of the million reasons I never watch the news...ever.) I choose to not surround myself with the knowledge because it makes me sick, and it brings up these unanswerable questions.
#1 Why are dirtbags like this soldier and his wife given the blessing and miracle of a child? There are plenty of people who would make excellent parents who, for whatever reason, aren't able to have children. Why would God create a situation like that? The willing yet unable parents would be able to provide a GOOD life for that daughter, whereas this soldier and his wife destroyed her. Why did they even have the opportunity?
#2 When there are men out there like him, fathers out there like him, why do they get to live and my dad had to die? Wouldn't the world be a better place, wouldn't my life be better and wouldn't that child's life have been better if this man had suffered through 4 years of leukemia rather than my dad? Where's the fairness or justice in that?

These aren't new questions or struggles that I am facing; I've dealt with these issues numerous times over the last 11 years as I've seen friends' fathers mistreat, or even abuse, them. But it never fails to just slap me in the face and boil up anger inside of me when a new situation brings the old questions back.

I know the Bible tells us to pray for our enemies. I've never met this soldier, but I would count him an enemy. And although I know what the Bible says, I'm not sure I'm ready to pray for him. I would love to inflict pain on him, I would love for him to go to prison and be tortured by the other prisoners, but PRAY for him? I don't know. I've thought about it all day - is that good enough? That's all I can muster up at this point.

Maybe the Bible calls us to pray for our enemies as much for ourselves for them. Obviously the anger and frustration that is building inside of me is having no effect on the man causing the anger; he doesn't even know I exist. Not that he would care if he did. And obviously the anger is affecting me, otherwise I wouldn't be ranting about it in my blog. So maybe, if I am able to muster up the ability to pray for him, God will also bless me by releasing the anger? Just a thought...and maybe one that will make me able to do so.

In any case, I will be praying that he went through with his plea and he is on his way to Leavenworth, KS until 2049.