Ahhhhh

I'm on my iPad. I have nothing to say beyond that. I'm on my iPad :)

But I will share a pic or 2. Remember the super cool taste of home package I sent Austin? Well he loved it, duh. He especially loves his blanket I made him and he sent me a picture of it. So here is his bed (I wonder if he'll make our bed when he gets home?) the star blanket is just sewn on the top of the flat sheet.


And here he is out on his mission :) needs a haircut!!


That's all. Back to my iPad :)


-Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Glory is mine!!! Almost...

I was walking to the kitchen at work to refill my water and I saw the most wonderful thing I've ever seen at work...a delivery boy pushing a cart of fedex packages.

Why so wonderful?

BECAUSE HE HAD MY IPAD!!!!

I squealed with excitement and told him he was my favorite person of the day. He said he collects a personal fee for packages delivered to such excited recipients and I said 'ok,, I'll pay!' I would have, too, but he just scanned the package and went along his way.

I scurried to my desk and set the package out of sight. I was in the middle of something that needs to be final by 4:00 so I had no time for distractions. I diligently worked like a busy little bee and at 2:40 I handed it in and quickly tore into my precious prized package.

But do you know what steve jobs has done in all his monopolistic wisdom? He has made his iPads inoperable until you sync it with iTunes. (in hopes for purchases made through iTunes of course) I have no problem with iTunes but I DO have a problem with having 2 more hours to stare at a blank screen until I can hurry home and plug it in.

But, the joy is only slightly tainted.


Please ignore my lovely hair, I gave myself an army PT test today. The results aren't important people, I HAVE AN IPAD!

Sure hope William was looking for an early bedtime :)


- manda

Timothy Thursday

Did you know I contemplated naming William Timothy instead? Bet you didn't :)

What has he been up to...EVERYTHING! We had a week full of Easter egg hunts, satisfying his sweet tooth, eating breakfast burritos - his favorite things :) I did manage to remove the easter egg that he had lodged in our sub woofer, but before I got it out it made me smile and cringe every time I heard it rattling. He loves to put things IN things, so it should be no surprise that the sub woofer is included in this :)

He has started following "commands" very well. I hate to call them commands as if I'm leading an army, but that's what they are right? Yesterday he brought his tennis shoes over to me (did you read that missjan???) so I pointed to his socks and said, "Can you bring me your socks?" He brought one, so I pointed to the other one and said, "Can you bring me the other sock?" He grabbed it, brought it over, then sat down in front of me just like he does every morning when I put his socks and shoes on. Only this time he did it on his own rather than me making him. I was impressed!

He gets excited when the refrigerator door is open because he wants to pull everything out, but I don't really want him to. I know you can't imagine why, with glass pickle jars and hot sauce and things of the sort. So I tried saying, "William do you know how to close the door?" Then he got REALLY excited and closed the door with such pride. AH HA! I have discovered a new trick (for now) If I know he's about to do something I don't want him to, I challenge him to do the opposite. I have gotten him to close the pantry, close the fridge, close cabinets (notice a trend?), put shoes away, put my glasses in my purse, and a few other miscellaneous things. He is so proud when he successfully does whatever I've asked and I clap for him.

Speaking of clapping, I think William has seen Wheel of Fortune well over 200 times in his life. (simple math here, take the number of weeks he's been alive, multiply times 5 and subtract just a few because occasionally we do miss it) Well, last night he chimed in and was clapping along with the contestants. Then when he noticed I wasn't clapping he looked at me like, "What's your problem mom? Come on!" So, we clapped along each and every time that wheel was spun last night :)

His vocabulary has slightly expanded this week too. I can't remember exactly which words I included last week, but here are what I think he discovered this week:
Layla (ay-ya)
Banana (nana)
Doggie (his little stuffed animal that he adores)
Papa

He's also FINALLY enjoying blowing kisses. It used to be pulling teeth to maybe possibly get one, but now he's doing it more. He won't do it if I ask, he just stares at me like I'm an idiot, but when HE wants to do boy does he do it! Over and over. Yesterday he stood under our family photo blowing kisses to it for about 30 seconds straight. I assume the kisses were for daddy and not mommy, but hey - you never know :) He still seems to think that anytime I'm texting on my phone its daddy. Really anytime I'm using my phone at all he tries to grab it and says "dada dada". We haven't been able to do webcam in awhile, but hopefully soon we will be able to again.

Oh - let's pause from Timothy news for a minute. I realize I reached out and asked for prayers 2 weeks ago for Austin's mission, then never updated you further. He ended up getting back to his FOB (forward operating base, for future reference) 2 days early and all went well. Praise God! So we were able to talk to daddy and update him throughout the Easter weekend. Holidays are harder for me, so I'm sure they are exponentially harder for him and I know he was glad to be somewhat included. I can report that I had zero meltdowns and WIlliam was absolutely on his BEST behavior. Not one fit. Not one tantrum. Did everything I asked, ate everything I made him, and was especially cuddly the entire week. It was as if he knew...or as if you were all praying and God was gracious (as He always is) So, thanks for your support and prayers. I was at peace all week and had the most wonderful little bear to help me through it.

So I guess it wasn't ENTIRELY a pause from William now was it? Seems the whole world revolves around him, just as it should :) Until next time...

What's it like?

"WOW! What's it like to be a military wife?"

I get this question a lot. I get it from strangers in the grocery store, people in the gym, people I've just met and friends I've known for years. I was asked this today, in fact, which prompts my late night out of the ordinary post. What's it like? That's a hard question. I don't know anything else, so I can't say what it's like in comparison. I don't know what a non military marriage is, so I don't think of it as anything weird or unusual. To me, it's just marriage.

But what I think it's like is the most incredibly difficult yet amazingly wonderful enhancement you could add to a marriage.

Sure, it's not easy knowing that there are times when I can't be #1. Aren't I supposed to be? Isn't that how marriage is supposed to work? There are nights when dinner gets cold on the stove, waiting until 2 am to eat it or nights when there is no dinner on the stove because cooking for 1 seems pointless. There are holidays missed, birthdays celebrated separately. Of his 6 birthdays that we've been together, I've only actually been able to see him for 2. He hasn't yet missed our anniversary, but I'm sure the day is coming. He's missed Easters, 4th of July's, family reunions - and each time I put on a smile, say hi to family and friends and I speak for us both. I wish everyone happy holidays and give everyone hugs and kisses from him. I tell everyone he says hello, and I thank them for the recent emails or packages or letters or just general support. Then when it's all over, when everyone goes back to their "normal" lives I'm still stuck in transit. I'm stuck waiting. Waiting for my life to no longer be on "pause"; to hit the play button again.

There are times when he's away at war, and there are times when he's away stateside. There are drawbacks to both and I'm still trying to figure out which one I prefer. Sure, it seems like an easy question - when he's stateside, he's safe. When he's at war he's not safe. Why is that a hard question? But when he spends 3 months in a different state, he builds his own separate life. He doens't need my support and care packages and cards and letters. He doesn't need me to sit online all night long just to keep him company. He is able to make friends, go out to eat, go see movies - he builds a new temporary life as opposed to just fighting a war. It adds a different dynamic, knowing that we both have our own lives. Aren't we supposed to be one? Isn't that what the vows said?

It's not easy.

But what the cliche quotes say is true.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
DIstance is to love as wind is to fire. It puts out the weak but blows up the strong.
I'm thankful for having someone that makes missing him so hard.

There are tons and tons of quotes, and the reason they are so over-used is because they are true. There is an element to a military marriage that no other marriage can have. In order to thrive we have to have a higher level of trust, communication, honesty, and commitment. Otherwise, the hard times would win over and our marriage would fail. That's why so many do. We are thrown into the fire often and the strength with which we fight is what determines how we come out of it.



There are the nights when I sit in bed staring out the window, waiting to see his truck round the corner after months apart. There are the anxious moments in the airport after a deployment, wishing I had picked different clothes or reapplied my makeup. And there are those long awaited hugs with my eyes squeezed shut just as tightly as my arms are squeezed around him. My heart beats a little faster than others when the national anthem is played and I stand a little prouder than most as the stars and stripes are raised.

So, what's it like to be married to a soldier? It's amazing. It's incredible. It's more than I ever could have hoped for.

Being a military wife is one of the greatest challenges in my life. And how did you feel when you overcame one your life's greatest challenges? That's how my marriage makes me feel (on the days which I don't feel defeated, of course)

Jinx

I made a HUGE mistake. I was talking on and on with someone this weekend about how long it had been since William was sick.

Oops.

Daycare called me around noon yesterday to tell me that he had a fever over 102 and needed to go home. So we spent most of the afternoon cuddling in the living room. He had bouts of playfulness when he wanted to bounce all his balls into the entry way, but mostly he just slept. He's still sleeping now but I hear him moving more so I'm sure he'll wake up soon. Last night before I went to bed I took his temp (love that temporal thermometer!) and it was 98.8 so hopefully the high fever is behind us.

We'll be home again today due to the 24 hour rule, but midway through the day I may see if I can find someone to watch him. I just love work you know!

So, that's why I was MIA yesterday. Friday and Monday I had no work so you know how the blogging goes then.

I don't think I can do a full William Wednesday from my phone, just too much to say, so we'll postpone for tomorrow and I'll leave you with some pics.






Loved egg hunting


So much he did it twice





- manda

Did you know shoes aren't just for looks?

I had no idea!

I don't wear tennis shoes much - really the only time I wear them is when I'm working out, walking Layla, or...well, those might be the only times. I LOVE wearing my high heels, then if they don't go my fall back is flip flops. Tennis shoes fall in dead last.

So 3 weeks ago when the trainer I've been working with at work asked how long I've had my shoes, I blushed a little in embarrassment as I said "about a year". She went on to say that it isn't just that they're old, but they're wrong for my feet and my knees. What? I don't wear shoes on my knees you weirdo. That's what I wanted to say, and maybe I would have if I weren't drooling so badly over her biceps at the moment. So, I just nodded and said "oh, ok" She told me that my feet pronate a lot and that my arches are getting no support, so my ankles are getting no support which then causes my knees to turn outwards. Next stop - my hips.

Whoa. I'm too young for hip problems. Please help!

She explained what kind of shoe I need and William and I went shoe shopping on Sunday. I wore them for the first time Monday on the treadmill and I could tell a difference immediately! Yesterday was spinning class, so its hard to notice shoes, but this morning I wore them on my way to work and as I was walking into the building I could REALLY tell that they force me to walk differently. My feet face straight forward and I don't roll from the outside-in as I step. During my workout Bekka kept commenting on how much more stable my ankles looked and how I was holding my knees over my toes better, but I wasn't particularly concentrating on that...it was the shoes!

I'm like Forrest Gump, I have magic shoes. And, just like Forrest, they aren't the cutest sneakers out there (I had my eye on this crazy pink/yellow/orange wild pair but couldn't find my size) but they work! And I guess, just this once, functionality can outrank the cute factor.

Now if only there was a magic pill that would let me and Bekka trade arms. And legs. And butts. Just for a day, I think it'd be fun.

William Wednesday

On Monday I debated changing up my blogging routine and moving William Wednesdays to Mommy Mondays. I am so excited on Mondays about the weekends that we have together, so I just want to write about them. It got me thinking and trying to remember where William Wednesday started, and whether or not I can change it.



Well, I can change it. But should I? As much as I'd love to write on Monday morning about our awesome weekends, it gives Wednesday and exciting purpose and, let's face it...Wednesdays are lacking. So...after debating with myself, I'm leaving it as is. And I know you're thankful that I shared my thought process with you.



The end.



Just kidding, I know you came for more than that. Mainly, for info on him and not on me. So, here goes.



Did we have another wonderfully fun blessedly happy week? Duh. It's William! Of course we had a wonderful week. He was exhausted all week, most likely from the INCHES he was growing, so bedtime was shortly after dinner which was immediately upon arriving home. So, we don't have many fun week-night stories from last week. But things changed on the weekend!



Thursday mornings I take him to Miss Kim's house and she takes him to school with her so that I can take a workout class at 7am. This means he has to wake up an hour earlier than usual though, so I figured he'd be pretty tired. At to that the fact that Thursday night we went to Paul and Janell's house for an Arbonne party (holy moly that stuff is expensive!) and he had a really long day. So, Saturday morning he caught up on some sleep and slept until 8:30! We ate a quick breakfast, my friend watched him while I worked out, then that afternoon we went to a birthday BBQ for a friend. There was another boy there slightly older than William and he kept trying to steal William's bouncy ball, but William was a pretty good sport. He'd just go grab another ball. I felt like quite the prepared mother having thought of toys :) He had a blast playing with the dogs and walking around on the patio outside. He loves being outside...too bad for him I think he has a grass allergy :( He doesn't seem to mind other than my constant nose-wiping!



Sunday we had lunch with some friends at Chili's then went to Sports Authority to get some tennis shoes. I also got a football to attempt to make a father's day present, but William really thought the football was for him. He even took it to his nap later! He has little bitty toy footballs but I guess full size is more fun. He was so cute with it!



Monday we had one of the best week-day's that we'd had in a long time. He woke up in an EXTREMELY happy and cuddly mood. He dragged his blanket with him as I pulled him out of bed and he laid his head on my shoulder while cuddling his blanket. Awake but not quite ready to be up. I loved it :) He had a great day at school and Miss Roland said he LOVED wearing the "dinosaur shoes". It is animal month, and this week's theme is dinosaurs. Cassie had made shoes out of old kleenex boxes and decorated them like dinosaurs, then let the kids walk around in them. They said he stomped around the room laughing and stomped over to show Miss Kim and Miss Jennifer. Monday night I made breakfast for dinner - he had eggs, sausage and french toast sticks. Just like his daddy, I think he'd eat eggs at every meal. He loved it! After dinner he was so happy and playful - and made QUITE the mess. He dumped out his block from his dump truck, his other dump truck, the bag of extra blocks, and emptied his easter eggs everywhere. He then crawled from toy to toy, knocking the blocks and eggs all over the place.



He is working SO hard on trying to talk. Some times you can see the effort in his face and he gets SO frustrated when I don't respond in the way he thinks I should. I can decipher the following:

more

milk

ball

mama

dada

doggie (i think)

please

thank you

mine (mine mine mine mine he loves this one)



There are 2 more that he REALLY wants me to understand, I'm just not quite there yet. I'll keep working on it. Clearly I am the one in the wrong, he is doing everything he can. I'll get it.



As for his diet, he has quite the sweet tooth. He'll eat almost anything which is good, but he just loves those sweets! He enjoys:

peas

carrots

noodles

hot dogs

bananas (a lot)

melon

rice

chicken if it is chopped very finely

waffles

sausage and egg burritos

green beans

mexican rice and beans

most things with cheese except generally not mac n cheese (a little heartache for me)

tortillas

cookies cookies cookies

CAKE CAKE CAKE



He's exploring his own personality and independence and its enjoyable for me to watch. So far I've kept my cool when he's tried to throw fits to get his way and I've used pretty good (pat myself on the back) parenting techniques in those times. He is such a sweet and happy boy, and his personality is growing by the minute. He is absolutely the joy of my life!!!

America the Beauitful Cookies

What happens when you combine exhaustion with 4 dozen cookies and Dancing with the Stars American Tribute?



Some crazy dreams.



Last night I baked some cookies for Austin and for my coworker. If you've never had cookies made out of boxed cake mix, you are missing one of the best cookie experiences ever. I sent some to Austin a few weeks ago and the Batallion Commander ate almost all of them, then told Austin to make sure I send more. My coworker also profitted from my baking a few weeks ago and he was itching for more. So, I figured it was time. I made 2 batches and each batch makes roughly 2 dozen.

While I baked I had Dancing with the Stars playing in the background. It was by default as I've never gotten into that show, but it follows Wheel of Fortune so unless I purposely change the channel sometimes I hear it in the background. It was their American tribute night so the couples were dressed (somewhat) in patriotic garb and dancing to American classics like God Bless America and America the Beautiful. No one wore an Army dress uniform which I took as a personal offense, but Hines Ward did wear a Navy uniform so I was sure to tune in for his dance. Navy whites? Um, let's just say I wouldn't miss them. Next to the Army greens (which are going away as I shed a tear) the navy whites are my favorite. Anyway, I just listened mostly other than running in the living room to watch his dance. I listened, I sang along, I baked...a regular tribute to ol' Rosie the Riveter I'd say.



After the cookies were all packaged up, dishes done, and dancing over, I went to bed. I was exhausted!



I woke up at 3:45 this morning in a panic because of the dream I was having, although I don't really think it was panic-worthy. A group of friends and I were in Vegas for a going-away bash for our friends who are moving to Australia. We were meeting at the Bellagio restaurant where we were very frustrated with our waiter's tardiness. He quickly brought out our cuisine...we had each ordered a 10 inch pizza style COOKIE CAKE. Each of us. I wonder from where the cookie idea came...



After we all devoured our cookies we quickly went up to our rooms to get ready for a night out on the town. I realized that there were 2 men following us, and they happened to be the 2 brothers from the Ocean's 11/12/13 movies...the ones with all the miscellaneous small roles...and they had already captured Austin and were holding him captive in Afghanistan. (my imagination wasn't flowing here, apparently) Steff reminded me that First Sergeant was up in the penthouse and told me I should go warn him about the men so that they couldn't capture the rest of us. Apparently she and I thought he could prevent that or something.



So, I got off the elevator a few floors early and thought I'd take the stairs to throw them off. Somehow they knew, and they too exited and took the stairs. So, up 40 stories we went! They were well behind me as I was FLYING up the stairs. It was a big wooden spiral staircase and I was simply pulling on the handrails to soar to the top, no need for my feet to ever actually hit the stairs. When I got to the top I entered the room and everyone from dinner was already there having a big party. I walked in and started singing America the Beautiful. Midway through my knock out performance I realized I was singing the Star Spangled Banner, and then I closed with God Bless America...but it was all one song, not 3 separate songs.



Then the 2 brothers from the movies captured First Sergeant and said they were coming back for us all with an evil laugh.



That's when I woke up.



really? yep. that really happened. Wish I had a moral to the story, but I think the moral is that you either shouldn't bake 4 dozen cookies when you're tired or you should be sure to seal the night off with a shot of tequila to knock you out. Maybe not doing that was my mistake.



Happy Tuesday :)

Laundry Schedule Switcheroo

I have long been a Saturday morning laundry doer. It seems like such a daunting task that it needs an entire morning devoted to just that. When Austin is home we have 4-5 loads between us (2 people working out daily has its downfalls) then there is William's laundry. So, I wake up early, throw a load in, and it usually stretches throughout my weekend. During football season I save all my folding for Sunday afternoons because I know I'll be sitting still for a few hours.

But.

The past few weeks I've done a few loads on Thursday and Friday nights, and by the time William wakes up on Saturday all the clothes are clean. IT'S AN AMAZING FEELING!

My weekends feel so much more relaxed and I feel like I get more accomplished AND have more play time. My weekdays are already shot - from 5 am to 8pm its work, work, work. So why not just give up the whole day to gain some me-time on the weekends? So far, it has served me well. So much so that I've devoted my entire Monday blog just to sharing my new wisdom with you.

So, my life gets one step closer to complete regimentation. (did I make that word up? it sounds pretty cool if I did. maybe Webster and I should talk. or maybe he had already thought of it, I'm too lazy to look and see)
Sunday night - vacuum and mop
Monday night - counters, dishes, and clean up my room from the weekend
Tuesday night - litter box, all the trash, the usual dishes and lunch making and The Biggest Loser
Wednesday night - vacuum and mop, get ready for early morning and American Idol
Thursday night - laundry and possibly American Idol results
Friday night - finish laundry and/or play and/or monkey biz and/or fun
Saturday night - the only night of the week with no assignments.

This doesn't include when I squeeze in the bathrooms or changing the sheets or any other chores not worthy of a weekly assignment. And this schedule goes out the window the week before the house cleaners come :) The floors get attention twice, sometimes more, every week because between 3 shedding pets and a toddler who likes to feed said pets, the floors need some lovin.

Hmm, this regimentation makes my life sound a bit sad actually. And Austin wonders why I said I haven't had time for William's scrapbook in almost 2 months. Just for fun, I may skip the counters tonight and replace them with pasting pictures on paper. Ah, the rebel screams for freedom.

Out of My League

You know how some people say they are dating someone who is out of their league? Or they married up? Well, I have a friend who is way out of my league - and today is her birthday!!!

I first met Kristine when she was surely stealing away my best friend. Well, that's what I thought she was doing. We were in our first year of high school and Amanda wanted me to meet her cool new friend Kristine. They already had nick names for each other - I was doomed!

But from the first moment she spoke I knew she wasn't out to steal anyone's friend. She just was so full of love for life and for people that she wanted to make friends with everyone she could.

We had lots of classes together in high school and I was reminded every time how much of an impact you can have on other people's lives just by having a positive attitude. Kristine never spoke down to people (although she certainly could have - she's better than anyone at everything. She just doesn't know it) she always had a smile on her face - truly, always. And her heart had SO much love and concern for the people in her life.

She is the only person, of all my family and friends, who has NEVER missed a February 2nd or a fathers day. She has NEVER failed to call, email or text to just let me know she was thinking of me and praying for me. We may not talk between the two dates at all, but her support is as faithful as the sun. She amazes me with how much she does for others and she is such an example of love.

In college we had weekly wing dates (i never question why I gained 40 pounds in college) we'd meet at wings n more for wings, curly fries, and LOTS of ranch dressing. By far my most anticipated night of the week and I always left there feeling so refreshed and happy. If I were in Houston today I'd take her for wings - sure wish I could.

Kristine is to her friends as Christ was to his disciples; a leader while also being a servant. She gives and gives and never expects one thing in return. I can say I'm a better friend and a better person for having her in my life, even if distance makes it just 2 days a year.

I love you dearly Kris, happy birthday!


- manda

Prayers for a Week

I am going to be frighteningly transparent for the next few minutes. Maybe translucent, but its still a vulnerable place to be. Bear with me as I'm nervous, and when I'm nervous I'm wordy.

I recently saw a website of 14 things not to say to an army wife. It was shocking how I had heard all 14 countless times. It reminded me of high school when I had horrible acne and I used to tell my friends they should know their audience before talking; when talking to someone with a face full of bumps you probably should refrain from complaining about one. Not that I didn't care for my friends, but their complaints were "oh my gosh this is so hideous". Hmm, really? Because I have about 100 times more than you do so what does that make me? That's how the army wife comments make me feel.

I'll condense the website's wordiness and just share the 14 phrases with you:

1. Aren't you afraid that he'll be killed?

2. I don't know how you manage. I don't think I could do it.

3. At least he's not in Iraq. (why people think Iraq is worse, I don't know)

4. Do you think he'll be home for ___(insert holiday)?

5. What are you doing to keep yourself busy while he's gone?

6. How much longer does he have until he can get out?

7. This deployment shouldn't be so bad, now that you're used to it.

8. My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks. I totally know what you're going through.

9. Wow, you must miss him.

10. Where is he exactly? Where is that?

11. Well, he signed up for it so it's his own fault.

12. Don't you miss sex? I don't think I could do that!

13. Well, in my opinion...(insert political or moral or spiritual opinions about the war)

14. Oh, that's horrible I'm so sorry.

Where I'm going to focus for today is a combination of #7, #11, and my own foolish pride.

A lot of people think that because we've done this before I'm an expert. While I do have experience, I have no expertise. Big difference. I focused so much on getting through his last deployment that I never quite paid attention to how. I don't know if that ever changes. A lot of other people think that because I chose to marry him, I wanted this life. I chose him. I love him. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. If missing him sometimes is what it required, I was willing to make that sacrifice because he was worth it. That's not what I wanted. I didn't ask for it or want it just because I signed up for it. I know it must be hard for some people to understand the difference as they are fairly closely linked, and that's ok. I don't expect everyone to understand. Just know.

Take the two of those controversial issues and add to them my desire to not need help, not need support, not need prayer, and not need your concern(basically my pride) and what you get is my inability to express when something is wrong. If I'm having a bad day I tell everyone I talk to I'm fine, and I think I do a pretty good job of lying, and then when I talk to Austin I tell it all to him. Who understands better than the person on the other end? He doesn't make me explain or expand on things if I don't want to, he doesn't get confused on logistics and ask questions, he doesn't expect me to need him to swoop him and "fix" my life. He just listens, responds when I need him to and keeps his mouth shut when I need him to. And the best part - he knows exactly which one I need without me saying so. If I'm at my wits end with my job or William or loneliness - I just save it all for him. I'm sure he feels very lucky for it :) I'm not saying that anyone is wrong or bad if they need to stop me to ask for clarification or details, or if they don't get the logistics of what I try to say. I am not saying I don't appreciate the love and support that I am so richly blessed with. I'm just saying that in my hour of need, Austin knows best what I need as I'm sure many of your spouses do too.

The problem is, roughly 24 hours from now he will be out of pocket for roughly a week.(gotta be vague here) 8 days is the longest we've ever gone without talking - we did it a couple of times when he was in Iraq and I almost had no hair by the end of each week. I know plenty of people go far longer than that, and my hat goes off to them. I'm certain I'd be bald. The difference now, which I'm banking on being a lifesaver, is that when he was in Iraq I never knew when he "should" be back so I never knew if something had gone awry. This time they have to schedule things more so he's able to tell me "I won't be able to talk until___" and insert a day. Then I can rest a little easier until that day, telling myself things are going according to plan. So, I have a day. I know I don't need to worry until that day.

Of course I'm worried about him. His loss of access means he's moving around, and moving around is where the danger is. So yes, I worry. But I told him I'm also worried about me. I've only had 3 real meltdown-days since he left, but what if I have one next week? His response was "You have SO much more support this time than last time. You have everyone in Houston, all your family in Illinois, your brothers, plus all of your friends in Colorado. If you have a meltdown or need help or need someone to spend the night at the house, I really want you to call someone." Hmm. He doesn't ask a whole lot of me while he's gone, but he's asking me to find someone to call if I need something. I want to honor him, but I don't want to do this. The only answer here is for me not to need anyone during that week.

Generally God does not give us what we pray for, rather he gives us what we need. So in my prayer for not needing anyone, his answer could very well be that he just gives me who I need. I hope He is listening right now as I stress that I'd much more prefer my option. In any case, please pray for us during this week. Please pray for Austin's safety. I pray every day that God keep him safe - in body, mind and spirit as the last 2 are just as important. Please pray for him as he will miss William TERRIBLY during this time. He relies on my email updates and my pictures to help him feel a part of William's life, and for a week he won't have that. Please pray that he will find other ways to comfort himself and allow him to focus on the tasks at hand. And please pray that when that day I mentioned earlier comes, he IMs me and says he made it back safely.

For me? Just pray for no meltdowns. I know that you would gladly support me at any hour of the day (assuming that the people reading this aren't blog stalkers, though I do know of a few of you out there) and I know that you almost hope that one day I'll call on you in my hour of need. Maybe I will. But please just pray I don't need you this week. I'd much rather call and gripe about my lack of iPad, my red velvet cupcake I left at my friend's house, my messy bedroom, or the latest Idol news.

So please pray with me.

Spring

Let's talk about spring for a minute shall we?

When I was in college I gained a great appreciation for spring and loved finding any reason to drive to Houston. Why? Because the bluebonnets between Houston and college station are just beautiful. I love wild flowers! Plus, spring was just warm enough for sandals but still cool enough to not sweat moments after walking outside. Glory spring days.

My first spring in Colorado I discovered tulips growing in the ground. Tulips are one of my favorite flowers and I had only ever seen them in a vase. But they grow here and, once planted, they spread like wild flowers.

However.

In the springs here since my first the tulips have all been killed prematurely by late spring frosts. Did you know that Denver has the longest snow season in the lower 48 states? You can include hawaii in there too so really 49 states. It can snow in september and historically some of the biggest snow storms have come in April.

April.

This is quite annoying. I love the snow and I LOVE how the mountains look when they are blanketed. I love white christmas's and I love curling up under lots of blankets with hot cocoa. I love it.

But it should be a rule that once baseball season starts the snow is gone. It should be sandal weather. It should be shorts weather. It should be tulip weather.

I should not be shivering as I pause from sprinting into work just long enough to take this picture. And this was juuuuuust as the snow started, I am not sure how it will look at lunch time.



Could someone please pass this info along to the powers that be?

Thanks.

- manda

William's Webcam, and other stuff

On Sunday William and I had the priviledge of talking to daddy through webcam on my phone. Austin and i had been chatting while William napped, then when he woke up Austin turned on the webcam so that he and William could see each other. I know I'm just a side note in this equation, and that's fine :)

It took William about 5 minutes to realize it was Austin - it usually takes him a little bit. So for the first 5 minutes I just let him play while Austin talked to him. Then when he made the connection his whole face lit up, he stood up from his toy, stole the phone out of my hands and ran from the front of our house all the way into the kitchen. He was screaming and kissing the phone the whole time. Austin was cracking up, I can only imagine the view he saw was hilarious - bouncing from William's forehead to the ceiling. William did let me take the phone a few times so he could sit in my lap and we could actually see daddy, but then he'd steal it again and run away with it. He was so excited.

I think it is a little confusing for him, though, because the day after webcam is always a little bit rough. He was cranky and somewhat inconsolable Monday night. He's back to his happy self now, but I think he just gets a little confused. Monday night he kept calling my phone daddy and kept reaching towards Austin's pictures as he cried, so I think he just misses him and doesn't understand what's going on. It breaks my heart, but at the same time I love that he is able to see him too.

We had a fun weekend all around. On Saturday we went to the park so William could play. It's been a couple of month's since the weekendweather has cooperated, so it was fun to see how much bigger he was on the equipment than last time. He had fun going down the slide, climbing the stairs, and especially swinging. He loves swinging! Other than a couple of errands we had to run and our trip to the park, we didn't do anything but stay at home and play which was a blast. He made the biggest mess with his toys that he's ever made, and he loved it. I tried to ignore the mess until bedtime, and I think I did pretty good :)

This morning I was handing William his sippy cup and he babbled something. When he was done taking a few sips he handed it back then babbled some more. This took place 2 or 3 times before I realized that his babbling was always the same, and sounded like "ban to"...was he saying "thank you"??? Hmmmmmm guess we'll find out soon if he keeps saying ban to at appropriate times!!! How fun to learn a whole new language :)

He has also mastered 'uh oh'. He says it anytime he drops something accidentally, but also sometimes when he drops things on purpose. One day he was playing in the pantry and accidentally dropped something which made other things scatter. He just said "uh oh" and started picking up. But then Monday night, when we were having our rough night, he THREW his sippy cup on the floor (after I had told him to either drink it or put it down) and then as he saw my face getting mad he grinned REALLY big and said "uh oh" in such an innocent little "mommy don't be mad" voice. I couldn't help it, I cracked a smile. And now I know EXACTYLY how and why my brother Brian NEVER got in trouble. Ever. Not once.

I'm sure I'm missing lots about his week, but the webcam really took the cake. Doesn't mean our week wasn't a blast though!!!

Ehh

Ok so pictures need a little work...I'll get it figured out. Here is the final product...



- manda

Getting ready

In great anticipation for my iPad (which at this point seems like a mirage in the desert) I began searching for a blogging app. Yup, I'm stepping up in the techno world and am currently blogging from my phone. And posting photos is so easy! I'll never have a boring blog again...or at least not many. Can't get any more efficient, but I doubt I'll do it much. Too much to say, too small a keyboard.

But with my iPad.........

So many things in my world will be enhanced with my iPad. If only it would come!!! I'm having a lover's quarrel with apple right now as they have chosen to spend 70% of their production efforts on 3G models. What, just because I think 2 data plans is a waste of money my iPad is less important? How rude.

If only I didn't love their products. Darn apple!!!

So, until then I'm not thinking I'll do much in the way of mobile blogging. But I have hopes that someday my prince will come. Err, iPad. :)

In the meantime, wanna see the cakes I sent to my real prince?






- manda

Take that you Evil Deployment Mail Monster

I'm not really sure where to point the blame for my bad day Monday...so, evil deployment mail monster gets it. But guess what? After my day of sulking and whining and being in a bad mood, on Tuesday I decided to take the bad mood and turn it into something good.

So, I created the best care package I've ever sent. Well, I will send it tomorrow...but I planned it out and have been working on it all week! Austin told me he needed sheets, and that he's homesick. So, along with sheets I decided to create a package themed "A Taste of Home".

1. I bought sheets and I sewed one of William's blankets on it. William LOVES his swaddle blankets and we have 7 right now. As a product plug here, Alexis sent us an Aden+Anais Swaddle blanket when William was 2 months old. At the time we were struggling squeezing him into his little bitty baby blankets, and these swaddle blankets are the perfect size. Plus they are made of Muslin which is a really thin fabric, great for summer time. We were able to swaddle him without over heating him. He loved being swaddled as a baby, he found great comfort in it. Now he finds great comfort in the blankets. So, we bought a 4 pack to add to Alexis's gift, then when one of them ripped and another got stained we bought another 4 pack. Shortly after, Target started carrying them and we bought some as a gift for someone we know who is pregnant. LOVE THESE BLANKETS. But, I digress. The point here is that we associate these blankets with our cuddle bear and they smell like him. So I folded one in half and sewed it to the flat sheet in Austin's set, making a little pocket for laundry or stuff the sheet or just because...who knows what it will be used for. But my hope is that sleeping with William's blanket makes him feel a little closer to home.

2. Next, I slept in one of his PT shirts and sprayed my perfume on it. The next morning I stuffed it in a ziploc bag to retain my smell, so he can feel a little closer to me at night too. I did this once during his last deployment and he said he loved opening the bag, smelling me, and closing it up to save the scent. So, I hope he likes it again this time.

3. I counted how many days it is until he comes home for R&R, subtracted a few for shipping time, and came up with a round number of 120. Then I came up with 30 of my favorite memories, 30 things I love, 30 Bible verses, and 30 motivating quotes. I wrote them all on little slips of paper, folded them up and put them in a cute little can. I told him to read one every day (or when he gets the chance as some days he won't sleep in his own room) and as he sees the jar slowly becoming more empty, he can know he's that much closer to seeing us.

4. I found out you can bake cakes in mason jars, seal them while they're hot, let them cool and they last unrefrigerated for up to a year. HOW PERFECT. My lack of eggs last night postponed my baking, but tonight I will bake his cakes-in-jars, send them with a jar of grocery store frosting and some forks, and let him decide if he'll share or not. I bought the smaller mason jars so that it's more like a serving of cake rather than it being a big piece, so I'll send him about 6. I guess I'll have to eat what's left, cause the rest won't fit in his box!!!

Along with some pictures of William and some of his artwork from school, I hope that this package is really a taste of home for him, and I have loved making it. Definitely made me happier about the mail situation than focusing on the 3 packages that are MIA.

But theeeeennnn.....I found out he got a package today!!! It was the second one I sent, which as fate would have it is the least important one, but it gives me hope that the others will make it there too. SO...take that you evil deployment mail monster. You thought you had me, but I win again.

William Wednesday on Timothy Thursday

A continuous theme in William's world...learning and growing all the time! I wanted to write all about it yesterday, but my head wasn't in it as I was thinking about my aunt mandy's surgery all day. She had a FULL day in the OR, and made it out after 11 hours. Praise Jesus! So, now that my brain isn't so focused on that (still slightly) I can focus on the fun of William's week :)

I haven't been able to blog about it yet, but I took a vacation day from work on Friday. Lots of people asked me if I was going to keep William home all day and play, to which I said "Are you NUTS?" Ok, I didn't say that but I should have. I needed a haircut, needed a clean house, wanted to work out, and Austin told me to go get a massage so who am I to not follow orders? So after my fun day to myself I picked William up and we went to monkey bizness. Usually Fridays are insanely packed, but it wasn't bad which was nice. He chased balls all over the place, threw them down then chased them as they rolled. He wasn't as interested in the climbing toys as he usually is, he was just REALLY interested in throwing those balls!

Saturday our FRG had an outing for the families. We had an ice skating rink all to ourselves and a room for eating pizza and cake. I wasn't really sure what to think of taking William to an ice rink, but it turned out great. He walked on the ice holding my hands, pulling me on my skates. He'd get bold and think he didn't need me anymore, take a few steps, then fall on his butt. He didn't like the cold ice on his hands, but he learned how to pull his jacket sleeves over his hands! I skated holding him some, but man does that take some muscle strength and coordination! He had a lot of fun though and loved watching people skate by. The weather Saturday was BEAUTIFUL so I was hoping Sunday we'd be able to go to the park and play. Apparently a freak 3 inches of snow fall was more in the cards...so, Sunday we ran some errands and played inside.

William is just so silly. I told Austin yesterday that some days I feel like ' man I have nothing to tell Austin today' but then I think for just 2 minutes and remember all the small silly stories. So, here are a few:

He loves to get his bouncy balls out of his toy bucket, walk to the edge of the kitchen where the floor goes from carpet to tile, and throw it down on the kitchen floor and watch it bounce. Once it's done, he walks to his toy bucket and gets the other bouncy ball. Once both are in the kitchen he tries to pick up both at the same time, walk back to the living room and do it all again.

Last night at 11:00 William woke up and he sounded like he wanted to play! He yelled "Dada! Mama!" then mumbled gibberish before going back to sleep.

We have been practicing hunting for Easter eggs and he LOVES it. He loves to put things in his basket so when he sees an egg he runs over, grabs it and runs to his basket.

Monday he was at Paul and Janell's house. Their daughter brooklyn had 3 baby wipes and had stolen one of them from William. She was playing with them so he snuck over very carefully, grabbed it then RAN over to me and wanted me to pick him up.

When Brooklyn was sitting on my lap and he realized it, he tried to climb into her lap!

The note on his daily report at school on Monday said that he sat cross-legged in a bucket for 5 minutes reading a book. I thought "I wish I knew what he looked like when he was reading" Well, last night he read his bath book for about 5 minutes. It's only 4 pages, but he kept flipping those pages and boy was he talking! In his mind, those pages have a LOT more to say than "RED" "PINK" "ORANGE"...yeah, its just a one-word-per-page kind of book, but he doesn't know that :)

Tuesday night during his bath I was telling him what colors were on the pages then asking him to point to the color. "Can you point to red?" He only did it for 2 colors, red and orange, but I was quite impressed!

William is SUCH a good eater. You wouldn't know it by how skinny he is, but that boy can put away some food. And he'll eat almost anything! Janell said she loved having a baby around who ate whatever she laid in front of him...literally, he will. Last night I may have spoiled his dinner by giving him 1/2 a cupcake on the ride home...a coworker brought in gourmet cupcakes and I saved 1/2 for William. I thought I'd have the will-power to wait to give it to him until after dinner, but I caved. It was so delicious, and he LOVES cupcakes. He gets so ecstatic when he sees one. He sure loved it, but he only had a few raviolis at dinner...oops :) Here he is, thoroughly enjoying both!!!

After Much Deliberation

Austin and I had a patio put in our backyard in 2008. I looooove our patio. Layla loves our patio. Austin loves our patio, and now William loves our patio. But I have been actively shopping for, yet never purchasing, furniture for our patio since we had it put in. And I haven't ever pulled the trigger.

I've looked at the beginning of the season, I've looked at the end of the season, I've looked online during the winter months...it truly has been an active search.

But in my head, I should be able to get a beautiful, comfortable patio set for $200. It doesn't make sense to me why sets should cost upwards of $1,000. So I have this internal struggle. I look at the cheaper sets, but then I don't like them because they look cheap and aren't made well. So then I tell myself "just get a nice set" and I think I will...then I go look at them, fall in love, and can't swallow the price tag.

So, 3 years and no furniture to show for it.

That is all over now. I have sealed the deal and patio furniture will soon be delivered to my house. Want a sneak peak???

Sorry, the best pic I could find online was a little thumbnail. It's a 5 piece "casual chat set" with super sized and super comfy chairs that rock and a round table. We debated back and forth on getting a large sized table with 6 chairs, but I was just in love with these chairs I couldn't pass them up. I'll be sure to post a picture of it when its on my patio, sun shining, blue bell sitting in an ice tub and William playing on the patio. I can hardly wait!

Frustrated

In 13 years without my dad I've learned that grief is a tricky little monster. One day you think you're fine, and then the next day for no apparent reason at all everything hits you like a ton of bricks. No matter what you do, no matter how hard you try to ignore it or move past it or slap it in the face it's just there...like a devil shaking his sword and laughing in your face. Deployment is a lot like that. And the days that you think will be the worst, the days you prepare for and dread...they're never as bad as they should be. But after you've had a wonderful weekend and a relaxing day for yourself you can wake up and instantly know that its going to be one of those days. Why? Why does it work that way? I mean I expect that mother's day, father's day, my birthday, his birthday will be hard. I know that and I'm ready for it. But April 4...why? And how can I already know its a bad day when I've only been half-awake for 5 minutes? But I did. I woke up and I already knew "this is going to be an i-wish-i-was-back-in-bed kind of day." And there's nothing I could do to stop it. Every song on the radio made me sad. Songs that have no symbolism or connection in my life. Songs that probably aren't even truly sad songs. Then I get mad. I'm mad at myself for being so stupid, mad at the radio for deliberately playing this horrible songs, mad at the musicians for even making music like this, and mad at the army for putting me in this position - a position where anything can make me sad. I'm mad because I can't get my sprinkler on and now I have to ask someone to help me. I don't want to ask someone to help me. I want to do it by myself. Why can't I do it by myself? Why does it work every year for Austin, and the one year he's not here I follow his instructions and it doesn't work? And, I'm most mad because Austin told me that he had given me the wrong address. The military addresses overseas are so complicated and its like they're written in another language or something. He had given me one wrong digit in his zip code, and unlike America one wrong digit is the difference between Kuwait and Afghanistan. Pretty big error for one digit, I think. So, I've already mailed him 3 packages. Everything in the address depicts Afghanistan but that one stupid number, and according to my less than helpful postal friend this morning, that is the ONLY thing the delivery people will look at. Really? That's the ONLY thing they'll look at? Do these people get trained?! So, the fate of my packages will fall into 1 of 3 categories, and solely relies on a delivery person who apparently only looks at one number. 1. The package will be returned to me, and may take 3-4 months. 2. The package will be dispersed among soldiers in Kuwait, as sometimes delivery people think "oh it was for a soldier, I'll give it to random soldiers." even though its not right. Again, are they trained? 3. The delivery person will think to look at the other components of the address and forward it on. We won't know the fate of the packages until they either do or don't show up at either of our door steps (or tent steps, as the case may be). So 6 months from now I could get a package, or a year from now I could count it all as lost. Not knowing is a pretty unsettling thing. I mean, even an email from a random soldier saying "thanks for the goodies" would be better than always wondering if Austin will get the oh-so-cute collage I made him from William's art gala. I was feeling especially loving and crafty and I made miniature copies of all of his art and pictures from the Gala, then made a little collage so Austin could feel like he had kind of been there. But now GI Joe will feel as if he was at William's art gala. Or, maybe he won't. We may never know. Not fun. I'm mad that I went to 2 post offices and 4 fax machines just to get a copy of a form to the Denver distribution center, only to hear "I doubt we'll be able to find the package". I had JUST mailed him a package on Saturday full of fun stuff for Easter, so I had high hopes that it could be recalled before ever leaving the country. I still think it should be possible, I just don't think they care. So I'm mad. I'm mad at pretty much every person I've encountered today. But mad is really just an emotion to cover sad sometimes, and all I really am is sad. Sad because it feels like it's been a year since I saw Austin and it hasn't even been 2 months. And if he were here, none of the above mentioned issues would even exist. So, today deployment wins. I'm conceding. I've spent all day trying to fight it and all its done has gotten me more and more mad at myself for not being able to turn it around. So, today I lose. That's ok though. Tomorrow is a new day. And tomorrow I can tell you about the wonderful weekend I had.