A Favorite Night

Last night I had one of my favorite nights in California. A few months ago - or I guess now its been almost 8 - I wrote about how hard it was to leave my friends in Colorado and how I knew one day I'd be leaving California and it'd be the people who I'd miss the most. I wrote it well and was trying my best to be hopeful, but in all honesty I had little faith that I'd meet people who would grow to be great friends.

Little did I know, God had a group of people picked out and He'd have me meet them right away.

On my first full weekday in this state I interviewed for my job, and at my interview I had lunch with Allison and Stacy. Both seemed nice and I thought they'd be fun coworkers. Then on my first day at the job a fellow Texan (Casey)came barreling into my cubicle, excited to meet someone from her native land :) I met Jessica at the end of my first week Andi really lucked out with my desk placement - I sit right across from her.

At the time it didn't seem like friendships were budding fast enough for my impatience, and I remember crying to Austin one night that I just needed to get used to having no friends for awhile. I've been beyond blessed with my friendship throughout my life, I just thought maybe luck had run out.

But sitting here today, thinking about how much fun we've had and how close we've gotten in 7 months I realize I've been proved wrong again!

Last night we went out to dinner for a Christmas gift exchange. Casey suggested a 'favorite things' exchange and if you've never done one I highly recommend it. Our spending limit was $5 and the instructions were to pick one of your favorite things for $5 and buy 4. It's amazing how much your personality can show through with such a low budget.

Casey made a homemade mix CD of all of her favorite Christmas songs and gave everyone the movie Wedding Crashers (because we kind of behaved like the crashers at Jessica's wedding). Allison gave us all $4 lotto tickets and candy. Stacy gave us 2 different kinds of Bert's bees. Jessica made homemade snow globes and got us 3 scotchie candies from her favorite candy shop. I...well, I gave everyone a mini bottle of patron. What can I say? It's my favorite.

Our first restaurant choice was closed for a private party, and our second was closed for ...we aren't sure why. But our third choice ended up perfect and we had such a great time exchanging pieces of our personality over a non-traditional Japanese dinner.

I miss my friends in Colorado, and I miss my friends back home, but I am so thankful for the friends God had lined up before I even got here.

My Christmas spirit has been rekindled, and its not too late!

For Real Excited

Christmas...yeah.
Vacation...yeah.
The aggies playing in the cotton bowl...yeah.
An aggie winning the heisman...heck yeah.

But really - right now my heart is racing at the realization that there is a glimmer of hope for an all Texas super bowl!  (if you care about football to the degree I care about the kardashians, you should close your browser now and check back tomorrow for a more riveting post.  did I even spell that name right?)

I didn't get to spend much time watching football this weekend (the travesty!) so I didn't know the cowboys won until today.  This makes me doubley happy.  1 - I always like when the cowboys win (unless they're playing the Texans) and 2 - I'd love for the giants to not be in the playoffs.

It's a long shot.  The giants have a way of squeezing in and winning when it matters, and Tony Romo has a way of doing the opposite.  But they're tied for first in their division right now, so the standings show it's either team's spot to lose.

And even if the cowboys get into the playoffs, it's a long shot to hope they'd win 3 games to make it to the super bowl.  Beat the packers?  Or the 49ers?  Or any other teams who beat up on them this year?  The chances aren't high. 

But then again, it's a game and any team can upset any team at any point in time.  So, until my dream is crumbled by Eli Manning, Tony Romo or any other NFC hot shot, I'm going to keep my head in the clouds and keep hoping to see the boys in blue facing...the boys in blue!

Go Texans :)

778/1845

Our ratio is getting better!  Austin and I have spent 58% of our marriage together, thanks in large part to 2012!  And guess what?  WE'RE STILL MARRIED!

A few years ago on our anniversary I remember tallying the days and realizing we had spent 51% of our marriage apart.  It was heavy on my heart.  How long can a marriage sustain that?  There are plus sides - absence makes the heart grow fonder, anticipation is a strong remedy for heartache, and...the floor gets a break from dirty socks every now and then.  But, after our very difficult Afghanistan deployment we spent almost the entire fifth year of marriage together.  Ups and downs, transitions and all - it was a wonderfully blessed year.

Austin proposed to me in April 2006 and, on the day he proposed, this is what I had mapped out for our life:
Move to Denver May 2006 - check
Wedding December 2006 (delayed one year for familial reasons, but in the end - check)
Get pregnant in 2007 (delayed 2 years, but in 2011 - check)
Get pregnant with #2 in 2009 (delayed until further notice)
ETS (army code for quit the army) June 2011 (delayed until 2015 at the soonest, most likely 2021)
Get pregnant with #3 in 2011 (um...still on #1 here...)

Clearly, things have not gone according to my plan.  In fact, things started deviating from my plan the moment the plan was set in motion and it has been a work in progress ever since.

Life is not as I would have pictured it.  Truthfully, it's nothing like I had imagined a short 5 years ago.  But I can say in all honesty that I'm thankful it has taken the turns it has.  There are days when I think back to that brilliant plan of mine and think life would be better that way.  But then I think of all the pieces of our life together which we wouldn't have, and I realize that what we have is a direct result of where we've been...and we've been down a path I never would have paved on my own.  But I'm thankful.

There have been parts of our first full year together (let's refer to year #5 that way) that have been harder than the other 4 years.  There have been times when I've stared blankly at the wall wondering how on earth this is harder than the other things we've endured.  But it has also been a year of so much growth.  We've grown individually.  We've grown as parents.  We've grown spiritually.  We've grown a lot.

And we've grown together.

I am so proud of our marriage: what we've been through, what we've endured, where we've come.  I'm so thankful that I have Austin as my partner in this life, and I look forward to seeing more items kicked off my "to-do" list only to be replaced by blessings beyond our comprehension.

A day late but as heartfelt as ever - happy 5th anniversary to my amazing husband

(oh, and if the army has their way you can count on year 6 as having a ratio of roughly 75%.  gotta keep life exciting)

This morning

William woke up in a great mood. We were having a great morning and at one point he went and grabbed his blankies and climbed in my lap. For a second I looked at my watch and thought, 'I'm going to be late' but then I kissed his head and told myself 'one day ill be really glad I didn't blow any opportunities to cuddle with my sweet bear.'

I had no idea I'd be treasuring that time so soon.

My heart is broken for those parents who will never be able to do that again. My entire body aches for them, and at the same time I am overcome with thankfulness for my baby boy who is still with me.

Lord, please be with the families in Connecticut. Please bless them with your peace. Lord please wrap your loving arms around our broken world.

William Wednesday

William's funniest moments of the week:

1. Saturday Casey text me to see if I'd want to meet her at the wharf for lunch.  Austin had plans (which I can't even remember what they were...) so I said William and I would love to!  I then went and asked William, "Do you want to go with mommy and see Ms Casey and puppy rooney at the wharf for lunch?"

William:  Ms Casey would LOOOOOOVE that!

Casey's interpretation of his comment: My presence is a priviledge!

We were cracking up.

2. He told me, while playing with one of his hot wheels trucks, "This is the best truck I've seen in the whole world"

William's smartest moments of the week:

1. On the toy aisle of target I pointed out the Molly train from Thomas (we don't know the trains by the movies, he doesn't really watch them anymore, but I just see their names on the packages).  William pointed right at the name and said, "M O L L Y - molly".

2. William wanted to play with his train tracks before school today and I didn't want to get them all down so I said, "William how old are you?"  "I'm 2"  "ok, you can have 2 train tracks"  Without missing a single beat he says "I'm almost 3!!! I need 3!"

William's sweetest moments of the week:

1. Last night when we were reading him books before bed he was laying perfectly in between the two of us.  After books were done he turned to Austin and said, "Dada, can I cuddle right by you?" as he curled up into a ball right next to him.

2. Before I left his school one morning he said, "Mommy I just need to give you onnnnnne more hug.  onnnnnne more mommy".

Fun week!!!

When You've Reached Adulthood

Sometimes I like to joke about the moment when you know you're an adult.  For instance:
1. You know you're an adult when you pull an all nighter to do laundry
2. You know you're an adult when you contemplate not taking vacation because of the work that will be waiting for you when you get back
3. You know you're an adult (or maybe this is more about being a parent?) when your beer shelf in your fridge has been empty for weeks.

and so on.

I've found a new one.  You know you're an adult when you understand the meaning of the "stress of Christmas".  I've heard about it forever - everyone has.  December is so stressful, it's such a hard time of year, there's so much to do, yadda yadda.  That's never been me though.  I generally have the majority of my presents purchased by Thanksgiving, the rest are already thought out just not acquired quite yet.  I don't have a crazy hectic social agenda filled with work parties and gift exchanges and the like.  It's always been smooth sailing.

Not this year!  The hussle and bussle and stress and craze - it's all my life has been about.  And I've found that Christmas stress is a self fulfilling prophesy.  I am stressed because I do not know what to buy for Christmas gifts this year, so I'm constantly thinking about how stressed I am.  But my time is spent thinking "oh man I am so lost on gifts this year what's going on?" so more time is wasted without thinking of gifts which results in more stress over it.

And then the next day I  say "oh man, i'm one day closer to Christmas without one more present bought..."  I have been spending so much time THINKING about the reasons I'm stressed (holiday party, gift exchange, another holiday party, wreath making party, another party, gotta pack, gotta get clothes cleaned TO pack..." that my mind is just reeling and I'm standing still doing nothing.

I gotta say - it takes all the fun away.  I usually LOVE Christmas shopping.  I love buying gifts any time of year, and the more the better.  I LOVE Christmas parties and decorations and advent wreaths and calendars and Christmas music...I love it.  But the stress truly casts a dark shadow over all of the joy and just leaves...well...stress!

How do I un-do the hussle and bussle and anxiety and stress before its too late?  I don't want to wake up on December 25 and breath a sigh of relief thinking, "ah, finally, the stress is over".  I want to wake up and think, "AHHHH IT'S HERE!"

How do I reverse it?  I'm holding out hope there's still time...

William Wednesday

They say every cloud has silver lining...but sometimes it's just really hard to see.  Not today-  it was glaringly obvious, which made up for William's rough start!

While I was getting ready for work Austin woke William up, got him dressed, and was in the process of herding him downstairs.  I heard him say, "Once you get your socks on we can go have peanut butter jelly".  William loved the idea and said "I need a bus dada!" because he likes to pick a shape from my cookie cutters and have a fun shaped sandwich.  Only problem - I knew we were out of bread and Austin didn't.  I went and warned him, but the idea had already been put in William's head.  I dont' think William will ever be described as apathetic about anything because he cares about EVERYTHING...and everything has to go just as he's anticipated.  So once he had it in his head that he'd go downstairs and get a peanut butter jelly bus, finding out eggo waffles would be replacing the bread was unacceptable.

I listened to him cry about it and proclaim he doesn't WANT a waffle while laying on the floor and I quickly finished getting ready to go relieve Austin before he exploded.  Who said parenting isn't a game of tag-team?  Austin had already made the waffle sandwich and cut it into a bus, and it was in the vice grips of William's hands...but the screaming and crying was not stopping and Austin was about to lose it.  He had to leave so before he walked out he said, "William, that's all we have.  eat it or don't."

William and I battled about it for a minute until I just took it away entirely and put it in his school bag.  Then he must have realized - oh wait, i DO want a bus waffle.  Waffles really aren't that bad and possibly a step up from bread even.  And he WAILED.  I started packing the car and something clicked for him to realize he needed to shape up, or maybe he got tired of crying I don't know.  Don't really care I was just glad for the instant change back into his sweet self. 

The ride to school was good; he asked me to sing jingle bells, silent night, and rudolph over and over, and when we pulled onto the army base I said "would you like to go park by dada's truck at his outside work until he is done, then go to school together?"  We don't usually get there early enough but somehow this out-of-the-ordinary morning meltdown ended with us leaving early.  So I thought it'd be a fun idea.  His response:

Yes.  I have to say sorry to dada for throwing a fit.

THE CHILD HAS BEEN LEARNING PEOPLE!  It's not just numbers and letters and fun games that he learns, but he's been learning his manners and when he's out of line.  I was amazed.  Pretty sure Austin appreciated an unprompted apology too.

Oh - and he SCARFED that waffle down.

How Do You Teach It?

Sometimes when a blog topic comes to mind I don't think it's going to end up a tear jerker and it does.  Other times I think it will be a sob-fest and it's not.  We'll have to see where the keyboard takes me on this one, but I'd probably recommend making sure the kleenex are nearby - you just never know where it might lead.

A few months ago when we went to Aunt Joy's house she gave me a picture of my dad from the early 80's.  We aren't entirely sure when it was taken, but my mom thinks it was when Brandon was a baby.  I took a picture of the picture on my phone to post to facebook, and that phone is now William's.  Yes - my 2 year old has a "phone".  Don't judge.  (and don't try calling either because it has no call capacity)  A few weeks ago he was flipping through the pictures as he loves to do and he got to the picture of my dad.  He looked at me and said, "But mommy who's that?"

I guess I thought he should have been born with that knowledge.  How could he not know?  Obviously I can't fault him - that'd just be ridiculous - but in my head it was almost like I was looking at him saying, "why are you asking me this? you know who that is".  But he didn't.

I just smiled and said "That's mommy's daddy.  That's your grandpa!"  The answer seemed to be sufficient for him and he moved on to the next picture, which then made my heart sink.  He doesn't get it - and he probably never really will.  That's not my fault or his fault or anyone's fault really, it is just the way it is.

I can tell him who is in the picture.  I can tell him who he was named after.  I can tell him how wonderful of a man his grandpa was.  But how do I really teach it to him?  How do I make him understand at the level that I understand?  It breaks my heart to say it, but I don't think I can.  I don't think words and stories bring a person to life in the way they are meant to.  He'll grow up knowing what his grandpa looked like, what his name was, the day he died, and that legend has it he was a wonderful, wonderful man.  But will he know?  In the way I want him to know?

Will he know about a man who poured his heart into being a father?  A man who's kids had the envy of their classrooms because their dad was one of the very, very few who showed up for lunch and events and left notes in lunch boxes and made every kid in class feel special.  A man who got kicked out of hockey rinks and football fields because he was that passionate about his kids. (or maybe that passionate about sports - thin line there).  A man who gave invoice slips to customers with a puppy dog stamped on the corner which said "I love you" because his daugther told him not to throw them away. (after she stamped on them without permission...)  A man who took his kids on individual dates at least once a year to nurture a deep, personal relationship.

Will he know about a man who was filled with Christ's love?  A man who spent years teaching the preschool Sunday School class because he loved teaching the children.  A man who didn't see the preschool class as a babysitting job but as a true opportunity to teach the children about Jesus.  A man who was more concerned with his friends' faith during his illness than his own health.  A man who devoted years of his life to serving.  A man who did his best to be an example for his kids, others' kids, and men in the church.

I'm sitting here, aching inside to put into words the person I want William to know and I can't even do that.  If I can't express it here, where I express things the best, how can I make him know?  How do you teach that kind of thing?  I'm 28 and just recently, through my time with Joy, have I started to feel like I know a piece of my grandpa in the way that his family knew him.  And it's such a small piece!  But I want William to know now.  I want his entire body to feel warmth and love everytime he flips to that picture on his phone, just like mine does.  I want him to glow at the sight.

This just doesn't get easier does it?  14 years and still a sucker punch to the stomach.

But then this morning I think someone had my injured heart in mind when William was flipping through his pictures and said, "Look mommy, that's my grandpa".  He still kept scrolling.  He didn't pause and stare with delight like he does when he sees Oh Gosh, but he noticed.  It's a start, and maybe someday he will know.

I want him to know.  I need him to know.

Budding genius

William wrote a song today. Pretty sure it's gonna catch. Goes a little something like this...

Yome yome yome your feet
Yome yome yome your feet
Yome yome yome your feet

I don't like raisins
I don't like raisins
I don't like raisins
I don't like raisins

In the mooooooooorning

Repeat as necessary.

I can hear Justin Bieber now!

Back by Popular Demand

I got a LOT of response for the lack of William Wednesday, and I do apologize it's been so sparse lately.  The third year of life (or at least in William's case) isn't nearly as jam-packed full of new things and "firsts" and "oh my gosh he learned ..." - so sometimes I feel like all I'm doing is being one of those obnoxiously annoying bragging moms.  I just go on and on about how fantastic and brilliant and funny and sweet and brilliant he is.  But, apprently everyone likes to hear how fantastic and briliant and funny and sweet and...brilliant...he is.  So - don't say I didn't warn you - let the bragging begin.

With a couple of very painful exceptions, William has had a very happy and successful few weeks.  I'll start with the bad: his opinions and desires have gotten stronger (did you think it was possible?) and his will to win a battle has grown exponentially.  Candace and Herb were in town for Thanksgiving and the day before Thanksgiving he fought with me for over an hour about taking a nap, then for an hour about dinner!  He didn't want to take a nap, and he wanted to eat dinner at his little yellow table in the living room.  Period.  And he was pretty damn sure he was going to win the fights.  I won't lie, there were brief moments in there when I heard a voice in my head say, "Is he going to win?".  But, he did not and he's lucky he gave up on dinner when he did because that little yellow table was about 2 minutes away from mass destruction by dada.  If this was a window into the dreaded 3's....Lord help us.

As the dinner fight was winding down, and I realized I had exerted every ounce of energy in my body into winning the war, I looked at him and said, "William, one day I will be sitting in Cici's chair.  You will be sitting in my chair.  And I promise you, I am going to laugh my tush off." The thought alone was enough to give me the energy to finish the night.

Aside from our brief meetings of the minds, he's been an exceptionally good and happy boy lately.  Maybe he's making up for the horror moments with times of elation, I don't know - but I won't argue!  His teachers have commented that he's been in an even better mood than normal and genuinely excited by everything.  And they are really starting to catch on to his intelligence.

A few weeks ago we got his semi-annual performance evaluation, which is done in May and November.  He was "proficient" (the top mark) in about 95% of the categories and "master" in the other 5%.  And the teachers were sure to note how amazed they were by his speech, vocabulary, and complexity of his sentences.  And do you know what my little math brain child can do?  He can count to 20. 

Cici said he's the future president.  Pop said he's a budding engineer.  I think he's just a genius!

But, he's not entirely out of baby-hood...mommy can still hold on a LITTLE bit...
Despite the fact that he speaks in amazingly complex sentences and has a vocabulary that rivals some middle schoolers (sad, but true) he still has some baby words that I cherish.  (big thanks to casey for helping me keep them in line!)

wemdade.  his favorite drink.  also known as lemonade
NM's.  his favorite candy.  the candy that melts in your mouth, not your hand.
chlocate.  the substance inside NM's.

Besides his cute little words and the moments when he runs into my arms for security when he's scared, hurt, shy, or sad he's really not resembling a baby or toddler at all anymore.  But don't be fooled by the lack of writing - just because he doesn't have milestone after milestone for me to gloat about, he makes my days busier and more full as time goes.  He's the greatest thing on this earth.

I Guess It's Time

One of the highlights of moving to California for me was the close proximity to Disneyland.  But, having never been, we weren't sure (still aren't!) what the best age would be to take William.  This summer they opened a new Cars exhibit which I know he'd go crazy for, so it's just been a matter of finding the time and making the plans - we've just had lots of other things to plan ahead of this!

This weekend during the aggie game, though, William somewhat pushed the item toward the top of the agenda.

During the Aggie game on Saturday the announcers were making all sorts of rookie comments.  Our move to the SEC means we have some TV commentators who are unfamiliar with aTm and seeing/learning/saying things for the first time.  In some ways it's fun - a fresh look on timeless traditions, focusing on traditions that have long gone unnoticed - it's fun.  But Saturday the announcer showed his inexperience when he made a comment about "aggieville".

"Where did these announcers come from?!" I asked, "It's not aggieville it's aggieLAND".

Then William chimes in, "Aggieland mommy?  What about Disneyland?"

Darned school - educating him on things I'm not ready for him to know!

Guess we better go!

New Year's Resolutions

Surely I have shared my thoughts/feelings on new year's eve celebrations and resolutions - yes?  In short, I have somewhat of a cynical view and take on it.  I think it is somewhat silly to celebrate the "new year" in such a fashion yet not greet each new day the same way.  Thinking about it, it's kind of contradicting that I see it this way seeing as I find birthdays and anniversaries to be of the utmost importance - but, it is what it is.  I also think new year's resolutions are a bit off the mark. 

For instance, in 2013 I'd like to get back to blogging more.  But we still have 35 days in 2012.  So why should I waste 35 great days just for the sake of setting a 2013 goal?  No day should be wasted, and so I have decided to set a "November 26th Resolution": I will get back to blogging more.

I've hit what is known in the biz as writer's block.  What do I know about the biz?  Absolutely nothing.  But I imagine this is how they feel when they use that phrase.  I miss writing, and I think of writing, but I'm at a loss as to about what I should write.  I got to a point where my posts were all so meaningful that it's hard to go back to the light hearted, arguably meaningless posts.  I had a one year old seeing the world for the first time, I had a husband in Afghanistan, I had an unexpected sometimes-exciting, sometimes-dreaded move to California...I had a lot of deep stuff to share!  However, since we've been settled here I've felt a void where my heart-tugs used to be.  My life seems to have been in a much needed lull, a slower pace for a bit, yet it left me with few subjects to channel my writing toward.  But after introducing my blog to a new friend (and lifelong lost friend I've decided) I revisited some of my old posts and realized they weren't all long...they weren't all heart felt...they weren't all happy or sad or even funny...sometimes they were dumb and meaningless, but I enjoyed writing them and they filled the gaps in between the meaningful days.

So I will get back to writing.  Not in the new year though - I'll get back to it today.

Manda is back.

Any requests?

Love Train

One of my coworkers, Jessica, got married in September. I think I probably started working there right as she was finalizing her guest list, so as the day was approaching I never wondered if I'd be invited - we hardly knew each other! But about a month before the wedding she asked me if we'd like to go and asked for my address to send an invite. I was so excited! She said she had already sent invitations but would really like us to go. I think I've been clear about how much I love weddings, and about how much I missed having friends, so it meant a lot to be invited.

The wedding was beautiful. The central coast of California sure offers some of the most beautiful scenery! It was Austin's first time to meet my coworkers(besides Casey) so I was hoping they'd like each other - never know how that's going to go. But once the dance started I remembered how social Austin can be in new settings and realized I had nothing to worry about! Austin and Casey had a mutual unspoken agreement to start trends during the dance and they did not fail. Here we were, the couple who literally barely made the cut to be invited, starting the train at the reception. And people latched on! I was anxious that people would see a train of 'who's that guy with the unrecognizable girl behind him?' And just laugh...but no! Almost the entire crowd joined in and we had the most successful wedding reception train I've been a part of!

Wedding crashers turned train crafters. Nice work!

And if that wasn't enough, Jess came to work recently and told us that she got her wedding video back and who's in the center of it? Austin with his grocery store shopping dance and the love train. We're carved in their lives forever :)

I was slapped in the face

The morning after the election I woke up, felt a little raw, and wrote what I thought was a very nice blog post.  It was truly how I felt.  But then I went to a firm-wide volunteer day at the charity where I had been assigned and I may as well have blisters all over my tongue from how much I was biting it.

I was assigned to work at a local food kitchen for the homeless.  In junior high our youth group served thanksgiving dinner to homeless people and I remembered liking the experience a lot, so I thought this would be very similar.  I was either very unaware or my opinions have just drastically changed in 15 years, but I did not enjoy the experience nearly as much as I did back then.

I'll start out with the high point of my day: I was randomly picked by the volunteer coordinator to organize their clothing donation closet.  I walked into a room with clothes all over the floor, hangers all over the place, trash bags thrown around - it was a mess.  But there were nice cubbies with size labels on them, a clothing rack , and a tall rack for coats/sweaters.  So I was assigned to organize a closet?  "I MUST have been sent to the right place!" I thought.

My heart was full of compassion and love for the people who would be the recipients of these hand me down clothes.  I wanted them to be folded nicely, hung in a nice orderly manner, and I really took pride in trying to make their "shopping" experience a good one.  I enjoyed the few people who came in while I worked, talked some, and really was enjoying myself.

After that we had the task of preparing lunch, where I was unluckily assigned to dice 30 onions.  That is a LOOOOOOOOOOT of onions.  I overheard one of the employees telling the chef "we have some frozen onions in the freezer" and she said "no i want fresh today".  While I wished she would have opted for frozen, I didn't blame her - use the fresh when you've got free hands to chop them!  Even though my eyes hated me and my hands got blisters from the knife, I did like the idea that thanks to our firm donating our time the lunch served would be just a little more flavorful with some nice, fresh sauteed onions.

Then we served lunch.

And as lunch went on my heart turned.  I heard hoots and hollers about Obama.  I heard people talking about running our of their welfare money as I stared at freshly inked tatoos.  I saw people in designer jeans, babies in high end baby gear, and people demanding certain particulars in their lunch.  They were all offered 2 cupcakes (not sure why the dessert is served first...), one peanut butter and jelly sandwich, one meat sandwich, one bowl of bean and beef chili, cheese, roll, hand made salad, fresh chopped fruit, and hawaiin punch.  They were eating pretty well, in my opinion, and better than I eat many days.  And to hear "I don't want peanut butter, give me two meat sandwiches" just rubbed me the wrong way.  Lunch is served for one hour, and that one hour felt like it lasted longer than the other 5 combined.  I'm good at organizing.  I'm good at chopping veggies.  I'm good at cleaning tables and counters.

Apparently I'm not good at this sort of empathetic care.  I walked out thinking, "I'm way too republican to be doing this" and wondering "is God trying to change my heart or light a fire in it?" because I was certain it had to be one or the other.  I like to consider myself a loving person, and I feel like I can be compassionate about a lot of life circumstances.  But I found a place where my heart struggles to pour out its love.  I found a place where all I see is the stereotype and failed to find the possibility that maybe even just one person truly needed what they were given.

I'm still trying to churn over the experience.  I don't know what I was supposed to learn from it, but I'm kind of thinking I missed the boat.  I went in open minded with an open heart and I left very much the opposite.  I guess that's better than not giving it a chance at all right?  I went into it truly thinking I was going to serve the less fortunate.  I walked away feeling like I'm a fool for paying the system that pays them.  These people genuinely seemed to be just fine with their lives, some even seemed to enjoy it.  If it wasn't costing our country so much for them to sustain it, I'd have no problems.  And so I struggle.  I see a need and a reason and I want to pour out my love, but I see so much abuse and evil that it's so, so hard.  I'm really trying.



"Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me"

I'm really, really trying. 

I found it! Sort of...

Well, after I got some (less than desired, might I add, thanks for nothing people) feedback on my shopping quandries I decided to bite the bullet and go to Nordstrom's.  I received a lot of emails supporting Alexis's vote for Nordstrom, and the best advice I got was from Kristine that she's found a few nice pieces are better than a lot of junky pieces.  So - ok, fine.  I decided I'd give the expensive stuff a try.

Let me tell you, if someone were to write a tv show based on me in the dressing room of Nordstrom, it'd win an emmy for sure.  It was less than comical to me, but I'm guessing to any onlooker it would have been highly amusing.

First of all, most price tags had my jaw on the floor.  I had picked up a teal cardigan and when I saw the tag said $50 I said-  OUT LOUD - "you want $50 for this sheet of fabric with some sleeves???"  But, then I tried it on.  It was like I had just climbed into a bed at the Ritz Carlton. (or so i imagine)  It was so soft!  Most comfortable top I have ever put on and then I said "wow, you ONLY want $50?  I'll take it!"

Second, I was pulling things on an giving myself the curious eye in the mirror, trying to determine if things even matched, if I was wearing them right...you'd think I had just come from the 1800's and was curious where the balloon skirts had gone.

And so my shopping commenced.  I learned a few more things about my shortcomings in the shopping world:
I can not build an outfit (on my own) to save my life.
I wear solid colors not because I'm boring, but because I know how to match solid colors.  Stripes and patterns scare me.
I am more comfortable in a world where shoes are just black and white, but I really want someone to come show me how to rock out some bright, bold shoes.
Expensive pants really do make curvy butts look better.

I went into the day telling myself I was allowed to spend $500.  I left after spending $300 and that was begrudgingly.  Baby steps I suppose.  But thanks to their half-yearly sale and an awesome salesperson, I got a few real steals!  $40 used to be my magic price - anything above that is too expensive, and half of my items still fell in that happy range.  I was quite pleased.

All in all, I am a fan of Nordstrom clothes on a sale day. The shoes, however.........

no, can't do it.  Back to DSW I go.

America Won

So as not to confuse, let me start by saying yesterday's election did not go the way I would have liked.  However, America won yesterday.

12 years ago I had one of the best teachers in my school-years.  She taught World History and American History and I was fortunate enough to have her two years in a row.  She was passionate about her subjects and students and genuinely cared that her students learned.  She was crass and sarcastic, at times intimidating, but I loved her.  (never crossed her either!)  One of the lessons she loved to teach was that a president could win an election by electoral college while not carrying the popular vote.  To date, it hadn't happened but she was so eager to see the day.  And we did! - one year later.  I think she instilled in me a bipartisan interest in election day.  Based on her background one would think she would vote democratic; based on some of her comments one would think she would vote republican.  But come election day, she was passionate about the fact that democrats and republicans alike could exercise their right to vote.  The problem was, in the recent years, far too few had been choosing to do so.

Yesterday we saw that change.  Four years ago we saw an emergence of a new voting class and yesterday we saw that energized even more.  Obama and Romney both were able to reach voters who had not before been reached and were able to grab the interest of more Americans than other candidates.  We are in struggling times, and there were so many issues with wide variances on the table.  A lot is at stake right now.  But maybe it is at these times, when times aren't good, that we can truly grow.  In a plush economy, when presidents are riding the economic policies of presidents past and boasting success in their own favor, it is easy for people to sit back and care very little.  But when everything is on the line, we have seen people stand up and face the fight rather than retreat and run away.

This makes me proud.

I have my own concerns and worries for the next four years, but I can appreciate that had the election gone the other way there would still be nearly half of America sitting in my shoes.  Legitimate concerns.  Legitimate worries.  All coming from two very, very different sides of the playing field.  We can argue all day, and in my very opinionated brain I am confident I would win, but that's not the point.  The prevailing fact is that our country is very divided, yet we are still united.  So I pray that as people sit happily and comfortably with the results, they do so humbly.  There is no need to boast or brag.  I pray that they are able to truly understand that we are a country built on different beliefs and views and that the other side is valid.  I pray that they can pause and realize that they, too, would be licking their wounds today had the election not turned out in their favor and they would appreciate some grace and humility on the other side.

As for the people who happen to sit in the camp with me, I pray that we can lick our wounds lovingly and kindly.  I pray that we can accept that we live in a country where just over half of our neighbors wanted and chose the candidate who won.  Regardless of your views of him, he is not a villain who stole votes - he was chosen.  I pray that we can accept that for the next four years, as long as we freely choose to live here, Barack Obama is our Commander in Chief.  Love him or hate him, he is our president and we are fortunate enough to live in a country which operates in such a manner that the majority was heard.

There were a lot of disappointing aspects to the elections last night (can I say I'm glad - for the first time in 6 months - that I don't live in Colorado????) but personally, I looked inward at the most disappointing fact of all.  Yesterday I prayed without ceasing for the two men who were fighting for the right to run our country.  It occurred to me, as I started to see the writing on the wall, that I hadn't prayed for Barack Obama as much in four years as I did in one day.  That's on me. This is my country and my home, and I will pray endlessly that she will be blessed and prosperous.  As for Obama - while I do not agree with him on the majority of the issues, he is my leader and I will pray for the next four years in ways I failed to in the previous.  

William Wednesday

I know nothing about the memory of an elephant, but I believe the phrase should really be "A toddler never forgets".

Remember a few months ago when William and I had this exchange:
"Mommy I want cow ice cream" (referring to the magnet on our fridge that resembles a blue bell bucket with the cows on it)
"I do too baby but we can't buy that here.  They only have cow ice cream in Texas"
"I want to go to Texas"
...no reply.

Yesterday William called YayaPapa to tell them that he kept his pants clean and dry all day at school, which of course made them very proud.  After that topic had passed Yaya asked William if he had fun with Alexis.  William said "Alexis went back her house.  She come back again".  Yaya said, "do you want Alexis to come back and visit again?"  "YEAH!  And you guys come back visit again too".  I could hear them both melting on the other end of the call.  They both agreed to come back, then Yaya said "William, do you want to come to yaya's house for Christmas?"  Sometimes I have to help guide him in phone conversations so I repeated her question, slightly rewording it.  I said, "William, do you want to go to Texas for Christmas?"  He said "YEAH!  And have cow ice cream!"

So, Yaya has to deliver on that one!  She also told him Oh Gosh will be there and he let out the most excited "YAAAAAAY" I've ever heard.

He has really been missing oh gosh more lately.  I don't know what happened but he has been referring to him a lot, asking for him a lot, and Sunday he wanted to call him.  I can't even express the blessing it was for William (and me!) to have Brian in Colorado with us last year.  Too bad the Army can't coordinate Brian and Austin's duty stations forever!  Worth a shot maybe.

This weekend Alexis, Casey (my Texan coworker), William and I went to the Salinas Valley Food & Wine Festival while Austin was at a field training.  William behaved better than expected for 3 hours in a stroller.  His reward: spiderman face painting.  He LOVES to be transformed into spiderman.  Alexis made some comment referring to the cartoon and I said, "oh, he's never actually SEEN spiderman.  He doesn't even know it's a show.  He just knows of the paraphernalia. Either way, it's money well spent when I see that smile on his face as he looks at the mirror and sees Spiderman staring back at him.

He is budding into quite the leader I've been told.  His teacher let me know last week that for the past couple of weeks his behavior has been a little off.  I talked to her yesterday about it and explained that my best guess is that he is reacting to the departure of Ms Rebecca, his teacher.  He's never done well with teacher changes, and his behavior at home hadn't changed.  He also has asked me a few times recently when Ms Rebecca will be back, so the timing fits.  She appreciated the insight then she said that he really impacts how the other kids behave and when he's his usual self the other kids follow right along with whatever he's doing.  If he helps clean, they help clean.  And she said he is so funny and keeps everyone laughing all day.

My child, the change-averse, slightly moody leader.  I feel like a broken record...

I can't think of anythign else notable from the week.  I know Sunday morning Austin and I could not catch our breath we were laughing so hard, but I can't quite rememebr why.  Just being his usual funny self I suppose!

Help Please

Ok.  I need help.

Who out there has found the mirage in the desert that is the goldmine for clothing shopping?  Anyone?  I need help!

I have fallen into the very common, boring-workplace wardrobe and I need help out.  The problem is, I don't know where to turn!  So let me tell you my problems and hopefully SOMEONE SOMEWHERE can help me.  Please!

1. All of my clothes are solid colors, a vast majority of which are black and white.
2. All of my clothes can easily be mistaken for each other
3. I'd say 95% of my clothes are for work, and can be added to jeans to pretend I sort of know what the "weekender" look is.
4. I love dresses and flowy skirts but apparently I am behind the times because I am having trouble finding any lately.
5. The weather here makes dressing difficult.  it is fall, yet some days it feels like summer and the next day it feels like winter.
6.  Who am I kidding I don't dress for seasons, I dress in black and white (see #1)
7. I do not know how to build outfits.  There, I admitted it.  I do not know how to see a patterned shirt at the store and think "oh this blue and yellow peacock looking shirt would look fabulous with those green pants". 
8. I have an aversion to expensive clothes.  Expensive = anything over...$40 let's say.  (I do cave in on blue jeans, but that's it)
9. My shoe collection needs some updating and I'm good at shoes but it's pretty pointless to revamp the shoes with the same old clothes. (tempting, but pointless)
10. I have become the mom who goes shopping for myself and comes home with $100 worth of stuff for William and nothing for me.

PLEASE HELP!

Alexis was here this weekend and she inspired me - but then she left!  How rude, right?  She came in with her newly updated Las Vegas-worthy wardrobe (read: Las Vegas= cute, not skank) and didn't seem to be having night sweats over the amount of money spent on the wardrobe additions.  I asked her where to shop and she said "Um, I like anthropologie, white house/black market, nordstroms...I don't know, I have trouble too".  Once at the mall she noticed the newly opened H&M so we thought we'd give the highly acclaimed store a try.  I tried on everything she suggested.  She built what appeared to be cute outfits for both of us but in the end none of the clothes looked good on either of us and we both left empty handed and perplexed.

Her comment was "I guess expensive stores fit curves better?"

My thought was "oh great, my wardrobe will never be updated".

I've tried Kohl's.  I've tried Target.  I'm sick of my staple stores (Ann Taylor, LOFT, etc) because ... well... please re-read my above list.  But anytime I've ever entered the stores Alexis named I have exited promptly upon reading a price tag.

Is there anywhere in this world that can accommodate a curvy figure in a cute, trendy way without taking an entire paycheck????

Anywhere?

A starbucks gift card goes to the person who helps my dilemma the most.  Ready. Set. GAME ON.

**or if you, like me, find yourself in this trap of clothing please commiserate with me**

William Wednesday!

Ooops Ooops Ooops.  I'm a slacker, I apologize.  I did write a second blog last week, but then apparently never posted it until I logged in today.  So - I'm a bad bad blogger person.  My sincerest apologies.

Onto William!

My little baby is not a baby, that's all there is to it.  He's a big boy and he'll tell you all about it!

He has recently learned how to use his fingers to indicate numbers.  1, 2, 3, 4 and so on.  And he LOVES to do it.  Rather than getting 4 books every night sometimes he only wants 2 or 3 or 1, but I think the only reason he's changing the pattern is so he can show me on his hands how many he wants.  "Not 4 mommy, only 3" as he lifts his fingers up.  I realize that this is something we all learned at some point in life, probably right around where he is, but magically it's more captivating when it's William.  I know!  Who knew.

He also has more complicated sentence patterns, more drawn out conversations and more detailed thoughts than before.  For instance...in his bedroom he has 4 piggy banks.  One of the banks is a small silver pig that was Austin's when he was a baby.  We've told William this before, so a few nights ago I asked him "which bank do you want to put your money in today?  your little silver one?"  "No, how about....my BIG one!  that bank was maybe yours a baby mommy"  It took me a minute to follow where he was going, then I said, "oh this was mine when I was a baby?"  To which he replied yes.  Then he said, "The dinosaur bank maybe was mine a baby"  So then when I asked where the fourth bank came from his response was, "um...maybeeeeeee...OH GOSH!"  His brain is always working! 

He's pretty interested in all of the pumpkins this year.  Pumpkins everywhere!  We have 5 on our front porch and he talks about them every day.  He also loves the pumpkin stickers we got for his potty chart.

Speaking of...I'm trying to ween him off the potty chart.  Any suggestions?  I keep trying to "forget" to make a new one, but he never forgets.  Then I feel guilty because I know he loves his stickers!  But really, I don't get stickers on my tax returns why does he get stickers for the potty still?  He's mastered the skill.

Well, almost.  There are still accidents but ironically now at home he rarely has accidents and at school he's back to 1-2/day.  This potty training business must be incredibly stressful!

Lately the only cartoon/TV show he's interested in is Mickey Mouse clubhouse.  Austin and I never thought we'd beg to watch Cars again but I'm just about there.  Please no more mickey!  But, it'll change soon enough I'm sure.  In the meantime it's working to our favor.  In one of the episodes Mickey refers to exercising which is called Mousekersizing.  Naturally.  So we suggested that we'd all go to our gym and mousekersize together that day and William LOVED it.  He got in his best gym clothes, grabbed some cars, and up the road we went.  I guess I would have been more excited right along with him if mousekersizing for me meant I got to sit in a colorful room, eat snacks and watch mickey on my iPad.  Hopefully he eventually learns exercise REALLY means calorie burning, not calorie consuming.  But for now it's a nice way for Austin and I to be able to exercise without trying to juggle who goes at what time, etc.  We just have to be sure one of us is on a treadmill the entire time so we can see William :)  Easily done.

That's about all I got on the week.  Pretty sporadic, I know. But I've been working a lot so I haven't had much time with him, and I'm rushing out of the office so my brain is fried.  I'll make another hopeful promise of becoming a better blogger again soon.  Bear (bare?) with me :)

Alas

**just logged in to blog william wednesday and saw this in my drafts...oops!**

In the Relay world it is emphasized that people share their relay stories.  It isn't always sad; sometimes they are uplifting stories or motivating stories or just stories of people who were looking for an outlet for their charitable bone in their body.  It is emphasized that we share our stories so that we can remind each other of all of the different faces of the American Cancer Society and its mission.  The amazing thing for me is that after all of the stories, sessions, and lessons I learned my "relay story" transformed that weekend.

Obviously, I got involved in Relay for Life as a way to honor and remember my dad.  I don't need any special events or activities to help me remember him, but I just enjoyed the opportunity to actively be involved in something devoted to his memory.  I knew there were different elements to each Relay event and I knew there was a big emphasis on honoring Survivors, but personally my Relay mission was to memorialize my dad.

But then I grew to understand the importance of the other elements of relay too.  The motto is "Celebrate.  Remember.  Fight Back."  The whole time I was celebrating my dad, remembering my dad, and fighting back for my dad.  But I realized I can celebrate a lot more than just him.  I can celebrate the success of the cancer research over the last few decades.  I can celebrate the lives saved.  I can celebrate the 18 year old girl who told us about her parent's struggle with her stomach cancer when she was 1 year old.  I can celebrate the fact that awareness has reached such a level that organizations like the NFL want to partner in the fight.  I can celebrate that TODAY 350 more lives are being saved than the day my dad was diagnosed.  There is so much to celebrate despite the cloudy skies cancer leaves.

More than my new inspiration in celebration, though, I realized I have been overlooking my biggest reason to fight back: William.

I don't want William to know what it's like to see his parents struggle, lose their hair, and fight for their lives.  I don't want William to wonder for 4 years if his parents will see him graduate high school.  I don't want William to fear losing the people who have worked so hard to guard and protect him in this life.  I don't want William to struggle, lose his hair, and fight for his life.  I don't want to ever wonder if he will graduate high school.  I don't want to lay awake at night in fear of cancer for him.  I want to do anything I can to fight this disease so that he never has to know its magnitude.  I want him to think of cancer the way I thought of polio: a devastating disease for generations past that is now just a word in history books.

My "relay story" is much more diverse than I had originally thought.  I relay to celebrate the success of the American Cancer Society and lifesaving research.  I relay to remember my dad.  And I relay to fight back for William, his friends, their children and their children, so that they can learn about cancer in history books instead of hospital rooms. 

It all started because of a loss I will never understand, but I am now motivated to fight back rather than feel defeated.  I feel like this step towards hope is a step in my grief journey which I never knew I'd be able to take.  My relay story doesn't end at the Luminaria ceremony like I thought it did; my relay story goes beyond the closing ceremony and into a fight to end cancer.

Just a Little Late

I had very good intentions in my blogging endeavors last week but apparently the Internal Revenue Service is not flexible on due dates and clients aren't either.  So, bear with me.  We're still on Relay here...

The Relay Summit was a mixture of small group sessions, designed around teaching the volunteers how to build a bigger and better relay in their community, and "General Sessions" designed around fueling our love for Relay through volunteer stories, survivor stories, and gut-wrenching stories of losses.  It was in the General Sessions when our hearts were pulled and tugged and inspired to want to employ the lessons learned in the small group sessions. 

We heard first hand from survivors, caregivers, current cancer fighters, and volunteers who opened their hearts for 900 people to see the stories of their losses.  Some of the most moving stories were from people who had been involved with the American Cancer Society for decades before their first personal close-up with cancer itself.  These people felt, just like I did when my Aunt Mandy was diagnosed with breast cancer, like they had paid their dues to the "cancer gods" and had a free pass.  But the inspiring part of their stories was the treatments.  There was a survivor who told us about his diagnosis with lung cancer after never having smoked a day in his life, and how he was put into a genetic study which then resulted in him taking one pill a day for the last 13 months.  He has been cancer free for 11 months.  A pill a day!  And after hearing from a speaker who travels the country speaking at conventions like this about his mother's short battle with incurable cancer in 1991, we heard from a survivor who faced that same cancer a decade later and was cured.

Lymphoma.  A blood cancer.  A blood cancer just like Leukemia.

I listened to these people speak and I was overcome with so many emotions that I had anticipated going into the weekend.  But the one that came by surprise was anger.  I was angry.  I had the urge to go up to my room and punch the wall in my hotel room, thinking the pain in my hand may replace the anger and pain in my heart. 

Why couldn't my dad be the second half of the Lymphoma story?  Why couldn't he get cancer 10 years later and then go speak about how the American Cancer Society directly funded research that saved him?  He would have been a great speaker at an event like that.  Why not him?

I was not prepared for the weekend to take me through the entire gammit of grief emotions.  I wasn't prepared for anger.  I was prepared to miss him and to think of him and to be energized to try to fight back in his name.  But I wasn't prepared to remember the painful parts and be filled with the unanswerable questions that leave a defeated and exhausted pit inside.  I didn't want to be reminded of the days I saw my dad sleeping in his bed all day (unaware, at the time, of the physical and emotional struggles he was enduring). I didn't want to be reminded of our constant fear. I wanted the romanticised story of the love for a great person lost, fueling my desire to fund the cure.  That's it.  I wanted the rest to fade in the background.

But, again, these Relay people know what they're doing.  They had the conference planned out and mapped out to start at one place, travel along a specific path, and take us to the end.  I just had no idea where we were going.

Right Where I Should Be

When Austin and I decided to get involved with the Relay in Seaside we really had no idea what we were agreeing to.  2 weeks before the Relay Austin told me, "I meant I wanted to be involved, I didn't know we were DOING the thing..."  And its true, we had no idea what the involvement would be or what our committment would mean.  We realized after the event that if we wanted to be involved again in 2013 it would take a great deal of planning and coordination on our part, and we weren't 100% sure if we wanted to take that leap.  We knew we'd want to have a team again, but run the show?  Not so sure.

Which is exactly where most first time Relayers find themselves, and precisely why the American Cancer Society staff rope people in by sending them to the 2 day Relay Summit.  When I mentioned to Lindsey I wasn't sure what we'd be able to do for 2013 she said, "Well, go to summit, see what you think and then when you get back we can talk".

Sucker.

I was hooked from the first session Friday morning.  The speakers, statistics, and Relay Family were so motivating and inspiring and really got me excited to be a part of such a great organization.  And then in my first break-out session (we had 5 "general sessions" with all 900 of us then we had 5 break-out sessions of maybe 40 people) I realized I was right where I needed to be.  Why?  Because lesson 1 of Session 1 was:

Remember, as the event chair your job is to delegate; to be the boss.  You aren't the do-er of the committee, you're the boss of the do-ers.

We did a personality evaluation (similar to the one I did a few months ago at work which depicted me as a controlling, bossy know-all lovely person) and this time was no different.  Two words in my description were bossy and controlling.  The upside this time, though, was that it suggested people with my personality be "event chairs or accounting chairs".  So apparently I've found exactly what I've been looking for the past few years.

I found a way to be able to boss people around and be recognized/rewarded for doing so.  Count me IN!  I get to assign jobs, plan meetings, oversee that committee members have the tools and resources necessary to tie it all together, and walk around with a clipboard making sure things are running as they should be.  I was made for this.

So, Seaside Relay for Life 2013: here we come.  It's going to be bigger and better than before and I am here to personally dictate that it happens that way.  Get ready!!!

**and please don't tell my committee members how bossy I am yet.  I'd like them to be fully invested before they find out**

Get Ready

I flew to LA on Thursday night for a Relay for Life conference and I have so many different topics to write about.  I'm going to start with my flight on Thursday, but I'll probably be touching on the weekend most of this week.  Maybe a full week of blogging is back in the palm of my hands - time (and tax clients) will only tell.

Thursday after work I went home and Austin and William drove me to the airport in San Jose to fly down to LA.  The flight was similar to the annual flights to Dallas I took as a kid: quick ascent, time for a beverage and peanuts, trash pickup immediately following our first sip of our drinks, descent.  Short and sweet.  I was thrilled to find out that for a clear waste of $5 I could purchase in-flight wifi and watch last week's season premier of Private Practice on my iPad.  Only problem: once I had paid the $5 the internet wouldn't work.  It kept saying I was connected but it wouldn't actually connect.  I was going to just give up and read my new book when the person next to me asked, "So you watch tv shows on your iPad? how does that work?"  I joked "well, right now it doesn't..." then explained how it SHOULD work.  This casual conversation on tv shows took the general airplane transition to discuss where we're flying from, where we're each headed, etc.

I explained our involvement in Relay for Life and the upcoming conference.  I told him how we'd just fallen into it shortly after moving to Seaside in May and realized I was telling an awful lot of information to a stranger.  But he seemed like one of those people who just pulls information out of you by nature and is genuinely and sincerely interested. (in a non-creepy, non-threatening way)  It was only a few minutes until I realized why he seemed that way.

After I explained Relay he mentioned he was headed to a conference too so I asked about his.  He said he'd be meeting with dignitaries and leaders from Brazil in New York for the weekend before heading to Brazil next month.  I said "you mentioned you're a teacher - why Brazil?"  He said, "I was a teacher.  MY wife and I quit our jobs to be full time missionaries and are called to a mission in Brazil.  We're moving there later this month".  Whoa.  He had also shared he has a son William's age and just found out his wife is pregnant again, and they're moving to BRAZIL.  I thought I had taken a leap of faith with this Relay thing, but hearing him talk about his fear and excitement for his mission was inspiring.

We talked about church, church families, liturgy styles, and our personal journeys in our faiths.  I have NEVER divulged personal information like this to a stranger on a plane, but it felt so normal-  it was odd.  And moving.  It wasn't like I was sitting by a stranger on a plane; it truly felt like we were strategically and very intentionally placed on the same plane to meet and share our stories. 

And as we left and he prayed for both of our conferences, I told him that the disabled wifi was the best $5 I'd ever thrown away.

William Wednesday

I wish I could have video cameras on at all times just so that I don't ever miss the funny things William says/does.  For instance...

Yesterday on the way home William started whining about the buckle of his car seat being in his neck.  He got this phrase a few weeks ago when somehow the straps were tightened all the way and I couldn't buckle it at all because the buckle was literally in his neck.  I said "oh no, the buckle is in your neck!" and ever since he seems to think his buckle is in his neck and  therefore needs to be undone.  Wish I could take that back - but that's not the funny part.  So he was complaining about it and I said
"William, the buckle is not in your neck it is on your chest right where it should be.  I can't undo it because then I'd get in trouble from the police officer for not keeping you safe.  It's my job to keep you safe"'

He had no reply but I knew the wheels were turning.  About 10 minutes later he broke the silence:
Mommy, I need to see the police officer.
Why William?
My bottom doesn't feel better, you maybe get in trouble.

WHAT?!?!  I have no idea what was wrong with his bottom but apparently the authorities needed to be notified.

He also must be tired of me telling him that his clothing choices don't match because this morning when I was picking out his clothes he said "mommy your shirt doesn't match your dress".  Annnnd now I'm self concious all day!  Thanks sweet boy.

He just comes up with these random ideas all the time and they keep me laughing.  I need to find a way to remember them all. 

Did I share the night he grabbed our hands at dinner and told us we were eating as a family and it was time to pray?  Talk about melt a mama's heart! 

He and Nancy have gotten even closer the past couple of weeks, if that was even possible.  She started sleeping in bed with him which he loves.  One night last week I climbed into his bed after he was settled and he said "Watch out for Nancy mommy".  I must have bumped her a little and she made a little squeak and he patted her head saying, "It's ok Nancy, I'm sorry Nancy".  Now that he better understands how to be gentle with her and how to understand her cues she loves him more than before.  Having pets is a big cleaning-hassle but I wouldn't trade it for anything when I see how much he loves her!

Over the weekend we counted all of the money in William's piggie banks (he has 4...) and he had $150.  We set $20 aside and the rest is for his college fund.  We told him he could buy whatever he wanted with his $20.  We offered to go to Ross (you know, every 2 year old's favorite store, right? or is it just mine?)Target, the book store, the blue man store (best buy, i.e. the place you buy movies) and he said "no mommy, the BIIIIIG toy store".  Well, I don't know of a BIIIIG one but I know of one at the mall where Uncle Brandon bought him a motorcycle and, sure enough, that's where he wanted to go.  He had fun playing with different toys and going back and forth on which to buy.  In the end it was a $7 car that caught his attention and he proudly gave his $20 to the cashier and took his car.  I almost felt like a cheap parent by only offering $20 to him out of the entire $150, and I was a little self concious that we don't let him have enough...but he was just as happy with that $7 car as he would have been with anything else.  He loves it!  So, I'll let his college fund flourish while $7 is still enough to please him.  Cause not too far down the road I hear, "mommy I maybe need an iPad".  Yikes.

We've spent the last 2 Sunday afternoons at a neighbor's house watching football while William and their son play.  It is interesting to watch them learn how to interact with each other.  William, who has been surrounded by kids his entire life and is very accustomed to having toys taken from him, had to learn what it was like to be around a kid who doesn't understand yet that he can't take EVERY toy away.  He's so used to kids who know the particualr rules his school has set, he isn't used to any other form of interaction.  And their son hasn't spent much time with other kids at all so he has had to learn about sharing and interactive play and so forth.  It was a struggle on both sides but at the end of our time there this week they had a BLAST tearing apart the train tracks together.  It was the first stretch of 10 mintues when they played together, one common goal, without fighting over toys.  (with just a LITTLE parental help along the way)

And - last but not least - I think I'd say he's about 90% potty trained!  Most nights he keeps his pull up dry, I'd say maybe 2 nights a week it's wet.  Most days his only accidents are dirty which I am proud of but also hate the most (duh!).  But he's almost there 100% and it was definitely a pretty painless process.

I guess that's about all.  No more "new words of the week" or specific details of development.  Now it's the sentences and conversations he comes up with that provide my amazement and those are a lot harder to document! I'm trying though.  He's just an amazing little boy all around.  I'll take very little credit for that, but with the little credit I do give myself I'll feel free to boast endlessly.  He's the best!

William's room

Sigh...

Here we go.

From 2000-2007 I moved 6 times. And in all of the moves it took very little time to set up, nest, decorate, and sit back happily calling my new abode 'home'.

But then I lived in a home for 5 years (a brief stint in Houston aside) and in 2010 the house became more of a home than I ever could have imagined. Walking away from the best kitchen I've ever seen in a 'starter' home, walking away from my Aggie office which I meticulously painted, walking away from the bathroom Austin transformed from disgusting to almost like able (he did a great job it was just so tiny!!) - all of that was easy. Sure, I miss those things but they are just parts of our house. It was the little blue room in the front which broke my heart.

In my 100% biased opinion, William had the best nursery ever. Why? Because love was poured into it from the moment I found out I was pregnant. It had been our catch-all room and the only room in our house which we hadn't touched. It housed boxes and odds and ends and the door was opened MAYBE 10 times in 3 years. But the day we found out we were pregnant we started clearing it out. We bought furniture before our first OB appointment! We bought his first boy clothes when I was 12 weeks and the ultrasound technician thought she saw a Peter (yup! She used that word! I couldn't believe it!) we spent an entire weekend painting stripes perfectly around the room after we confirmed it was a boy. I fed my container store addiction as I mapped out and redesigned his closet. I was 6 months pregnant sitting in his room mentally going through a day with an infant to determine what would need to be in the closet, the flow of the room, etc. I poured every ounce of love in my heart into that room.

And then on February 4, 2010 we brought our greatest blessing home and instantly took him to his room to read his bible and sing him songs. We had no idea what we were even supposed to do at that point, but whatever it was it was in his room.

I loved everything about his little room: the paint, the theme, the wall decal, family pictures, closet - I loved it all and took such pride in keeping it organized and clean. His room was the best-kept in the house!

Needless to say, leaving it was hard for me. But I thought that once we got here and I could create a new, big boy room my heart would be full again. I didn't realize I was going to have unattainable expectations.

I have stalled on sharing much of our house on here because it took a long time to feel like home and I have found I'm really not good (some may say bad) at decorating. I want to be able to share pictures of our beautiful decorated, meticulously organized home - but that's not what we have. It's just what I want. And as for william's room, I apparently wanted to transplant his room from Colorado. But - I can't, and when I realized people don't know we had moved him to a big boy bed I decided it was time to put on my big girl panties and get over this childish complex.

So here's his room! I snapped fast pictures this morning while he was asleep, lights still off, so I couldn't back out of my mental notion to get over myself. So, I apologize for the poor quality, messy floor, messy bed, etc. After all, a 2 year old boy lives here!

First: his bed. We bought this bed from a friend of Brian's last fall and it stayed there until we moved. So anytime we slept at Brian's William got this bed and loved it! It was painted white and had lots of little stains/chips/dirty spots from decades of use, so we painted it since we can't paint his walls. I should have gotten a closer picture of the footboard - the spindles and knobs are blue, the rest is red. And his favorite books are rotated on the shelve above for bed time stories.



I still have a small curtain to hem for this little window, and we changed his name that used to hang long ways. The letters were all connected with ribbon and I cut them apart to go above his closet.



I like this roman shade type of curtain (there's probably a better name for it) but Austin rarely ties it up so it just looks like a long curtain :)



And he loves when his artwork is displayed so we framed this caterpillar that he made at Goddard.



His books are constantly being moved and when I ask him to put them away they end up in stacks instead of standing up. I have a bad, bad habit of going behind people and redoing things my way (folding sheets, folding clothes, loading the dish washer) so I'm trying my best to allow William to do things HIS way and let him figure out what he prefers. (as long as he doesn't prefer them on the floor!)

He LOVES his room. Loves. So regardless of how bland and disappointing it is to me, that's what matters. He loves it, white walls and all.


- manda

Miscues

There is a lot of controversy surrounding the 'replacement' officials in the NFL right now. For any non-football fans, the NFL referees are on a lockout due to contract negotiations and the league has pulled officials in from who even knows where to fill in for the time being. In some cases it's ok, but it's a hot topic on sports center and other sports related media - they have had some disastrous miscues.

I guess miscues during football time are expected.

Last week I shared this conversation in Facebook:

Me: Austin, when you come upstairs can you bring me the bag that's on top of the laundry dresser?

Austin: sure where is it?

Hmm, clearly listening to me during Monday night football is not going to be very successful. (I really should have known better)

So today when I opened the dryer to pull out our sheets and noticed they were still damp, i shouldn't have been surprised. But I was! How are the sheets still wet?

Then I remembered this conversation:

Me: hey austin can you put the sheets that are in the washer into the dryer?

Austin: sure.

Apparently turning ON the dryer needed to be a second request. One thing at a time when football is on please.

Stay tuned to see how the rest of the season turns out. Either I'll learn to wait until after the games are over, or I'll have lots more fun little miscues for your entertainment!

- manda

Genealogy

Besides being MIA due to the 9/15 tax deadline (or 9/17 thanks or no thanks to the extra weekend) I have also been busy working with Aunt Joy on the Blair family genealogy.  What a project!  Joy has a large "blue print" of the family that was done in 1964 that she's made notes on over the years.  I'm not sure who made it back then or how they made it, but it is on a piece of paper about 16X22 inches and has information from my great, great grandparents on down through parts of my generation.  Then Joy penciled in what she could beyond that, but ran out of room and probably ran out of energy over the years! 

She's now wanting to create an updated one and fill in all the holes, plus document little stories and facts about the family members that would be fun to share.  We haven't nailed down our plan for how to present it all, but our hope is to give a copy to all of the family units from her father down - which is a lot!  Joy was oneof 6 kids, and they all had kids who have kids...you get the idea.  It's a lot.  But it's fun!

I went up and spent a few hours with her on Saturday going through what she has on the blue paper plus other odds and ends that she's kept in her "Blair tree" folder.  I created an account on ancestry.com and we sat in the library at her retirement home entering half of the family in the website.  I finished the rest at home that night and then when I went to print it I realize it's horrible!  I don't like the format it prints in or how it looks, and I don't know how to make it any better.  I looked for other options and I found one called iFamily made for Macs that I think is pretty nice.  Rather than a website it's software you can download.  I have a trial version now and I've entered Joy, her siblings and below and I think the printout is much easier to follow.  It is a data base system so it has a lot of different views, different data entry screens for notes on each family member, pictures, etc - it is much more thorough than the free version of ancestry.com.  But now I get to re-enter everyone!  It's much faster in this program though so I should have it all done pretty soon.  I'm hoping to print it off soon and mail it to Joy so she can see where our holes are (birthdays, children, etc) and we can contact the people we need so that we can get it all entered.  Then we have to figure out how we want to document the stories, history, biographies, etc.  I'm SO excited to be doing this!

My great grandparents left Canada I believe just before the depression, but I'm not 100% sure on that timeline yet, and moved to Texas with their 6 children.  At some point during their time in Texas they got divorced and the kids were asked, each one separately, which parent they'd prefer to live with.  In the end my great grandfather took one of the kids back to Canada and the other 5 remained in Texas.  That was the base of my knowledge before I started spending more time talking to Joy, and I'm finding the history to be rich and fascinating.

It's fun to learn about my family's history, and it's even more fun to hear the stories straight from Joy.  To see her face as she recants a story of her and her siblings 80 years ago is incredible.  Her MEMORY is incredible, and the way the stories still touch her.  She also talked a lot about my grandfather who I never met.  He passed away suddenly when my dad was 17 so I've never known much about him other than his name, how he died, and that Mimi still loved him as much the day she died as the day he did.  Joy told me about how beautiful their marriage was and how incredible it was to witness a love like that.   So many of the traits she mentioned - having a wild, mischievous streak, having a heart the size of Texas and a love that filled a room, knowing every person in a room, a deep booming voice, and being the most supportive and loving husband she'd ever seen - sounded like she was talking about my dad.  The apple doesn't fall far, and it's fun for me to know those things which I had never heard.  I love the country song, "I wanna love like Johnny and June" and apparently that's how my grandparents were.  It warms my heart to think of it.

She told me so many little stories here and there that I've written down to share with our family, but I can't help but feel like I really struck gold in being able to hear it from her.  The stories won't come to life when I re-tell them as they did when she spoke.  Or maybe I'm wrong, but I do feel like I got the better end of all of this.

If anyone knows of a good way to wrap all of this up into a pretty bow I'd love to hear it.  I have different thoughts and ideas on how to do it but I can't seem to nail exactly what I think I want in my head.  And after we finish the Blair family Joy wants me to help on the MacLaren side (my great grandmother who stayed in Texas with her 5 kids)  THEN maybe I could do the Loving family?  Mimi's family.  What an idea.  I could be a genealogy pro.  And to think...history was always my least favorite subject.  I guess it makes a difference when it's my own!

Do we have friends???

It is a possibility!

Remember when I took lasagna to our neighbors who had just had a baby? Or maybe I never told you. In any case, their daughter was born on my birthday (yay) and I took them a dinner they could heat up on a night when cooking seemed outlandish. They were appreciative and, noticing my aTm shirt, said 'oh, another SEC fan. We'll have to get together for some football this fall'

Fast forward almost 2 months and we spent Saturday watching the aggies play the gators. Well, we saw that for one half, then saw the gators play against posers. In any case. We had a nice time! There were a few families from the street congregated in the driveway across the street watching the game on a TV they had brought outside. Yup - September 8 and we comfortably sat outside for an afternoon of football. Even needed a blanket when the sun went down! Bliss.

Sunday after the texans game we went back over for the rest of the afternoon. We couldn't watch our game there because they were all watching the Jacksonville game, but we joined in once the texans sealed our victory.

There Are 2 families with kids William's age, one girl and one boy, and the family with the newborn. Then we met new neighbors Sunday who just moved in and have a 1 year old I believe.

I'm so excited! Now time for me to forcefully insert myself in their lives like I've successfully done with so many of my friends.

How do you think I've been blessed with such great friends? I really just give them no choice. Works like a charm!


- manda